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Child Item

Stories friends swear are true

redmgar

Hi,

Do you have any hacks / cheats that your someone you know claims deffo happened to a friends brothers cousin but sound very dubious?

Such as if you over pay by cheque a speeding ticket, they cant cash it but your fine gets cancelled.

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Micky 32

A woman told me today that if you're irish you'll either have an aunt Mary or an uncle John or both, she's adamant it's true. I have an aunt Mary alright.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Yeah, I’ve a “friend” who’s always telling those type of “tales”. Been going on for over twenty years at this stage.

There was the one about the guy who finds out he’s about to ride a member of the travelling community when she tells him to “horse it into me, boss!”.

Or the one about the “closet goblin” where a guy takes acid and basically kidnaps a child with special needs and locks him into a wardrobe.

Or the one about the guy who “shíts the bed” in his girlfriend’s house and blames it on the dog, which gets put down as it was old and crapping inside is a sign they aren’t going to last long.

Or the one about the guy pulling a “strange”, hot, girl, who, during sex, stuffs a face cloth up his arse telling him he’ll “cum like a horse”. She whips it out as he’s about to blow his “muck” but instead of the frontal “joy” he ends up shítting all over the place. He then runs to the bathroom to clean up and when he returns the hot girl is rolling around and making “poo angels” on the bed.

All juvenile, fictitious, nonsense and all told with a straight face and a “swear to god”.

True story though - I once randomly wet the bed as a teenager and was so mortified, I blamed it on the cat.

Kitty wasn’t put down but was banished from the house for a few weeks.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

mfceiling wrote: »

Bono having dinner and the person asks his dining companion to take a photo of them and Bono together.

The person who they asked to take a pic just happened to be Bruce Springsteen.

It wouldn’t surprise me if that did happen once though. I could totally see it happening.

Your Face

Everyone is descended from nobility.

Ipso

Your Face wrote: »

Everyone is descended from nobility.

There's a very good chance all Irish people are.

Achasanai

Have heard from a few different people that story about a guy who scores on a night out and goes back to the girl's house. The two are smitten with each other and the next morning, the girl tells him that she has to go to work, but as he's not in work himself until a bit later, she suggests that he stays to get breakfast and let himself out when he's done.

So, he has breakfast, shower, takes a dump but the dump is enormous and won't budge no matter how many times he tries to flush. He's panicking as he has to be in work soon so he has the bright idea of fishing out the turd and putting it in a plastic bag, which he will deposit somewhere after he's left the house. He does this, puts the bag on the kitchen table, and let's himself out only to realise he's forgotten the bag and has no way back in to the house.

Amazing how many times this has happened to people.

Phileas Frog

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

There was the one about the guy who finds out he’s about to ride a member of the travelling community when she tells him to “horse it into me, boss!”.

It's lob it into me, boss!

Hector Savage

nthclare wrote: »

Everyone I know from Cork City who's over 44 knows someone or themselves seen Nirvana in Sir Henry s even though I heard that there was only twenty odd people there...

What are the odds of that

More than 20 surely ?
~half full (750 venue) when they took the stage...

https://www.irishexaminer.com/lifestyle/artsfilmtv/artsvibe/cork-91--when-nirvana-came-to-town-264185.html

Phileas Frog

mikemac2 wrote: »

Friend of a friend was on Bus Eireann and the tourist Yanks were impressed they built Bunratty Castle so close to Shannon airport

Insert Windsor castle and Heathrow for the English version

Again, correction... It's why did they build the castle so close to the highway. The N18 is 50 yards away

cml387

The Gay Byrne story about neighbours of his in Howth who invited the Byrnes to a party. They duly arrived on the day and a good time was had by all.

Shortly afterwards the party givers were given a bill by the Byrne's for appearance money.

17togo

OneArt wrote:

Friend from secondary school said that in primary school, one girl vehemently believed in fairies even at the age of 11. Fair enough, but what made it weird that the the parents actively encouraged it. The girl would write letters to the fairies and the parents would write responses. She apparently even brought the letters in as proof.

Funnily enough there's a company now that sells these overpriced little 'fairy' doors. And the instructions are exactly what that girl was doing. Hhhmm....maybe she was setting the foundation for her very lucrative future business! Genius.

Redneck Reject

Phileas Frog wrote: »

The man in the white van driving around estates offering sweets to the children.

Heh yeah,I have an elderly neighbor who says every time she sees a white van drive down our road, "They are looking for little children or dogs to steal, heaven help us!"

Muppet Man

“Donkey punching” yer missus...

Ah stop will ya....

Muppet Man

Everyone in limerick Of that age seems to have been at that famous Munster v NZ match. Wish I was one of them TBF.

trashcan

The Princess Bride wrote: »

An acquaintance told me of her friend who was in the local shopping centre
And she looked into her buggy and saw that her daughter was gone.
And she screamed and the security guard came running.
And he closed down the shopping centre so all of the exit doors were shut.
And they searched for the child.
And they went into the bathrooms.

...and found the child, who'd been changed into boy clothing and had had her hair cut short to make her look like a boy.
And this happened in the town next to us and oddly enough, never made it onto the news or into the papers.

Yep, have heard that one.

idnkph

Lots of lads over the years saying they brought a friend out shooting and asked a farmer for permission. The farmer agrees and tells them they can have permission on the condition that in the first field at the end of the lane there is an old bull that is if no use anymore so if he kills the bull he can shoot the land.
The friend of course was in the car/jeep and didn't hear of this condition.
So when they get out with the guns and into the field he says to the friend "watch this" points the gun at the bull and shoots it dead ( thinking he will frighten the friend) but the friend says that's deadly and starts randomly shooting all the cows in the field.
The amount of lads I heard this from is unreal and they all swear to god.

Ipso

I seem to remember a bit of a voodoo scare in the late 80's early 90's, with secondary school teachers being involved.

freshpopcorn

When somebody says they know somebody who went for a Chinese.
They noticed something hard in it and they spar it out.
It was a micro chip.
The local vet was able to say it was from a missing dog.

FFred

Woke Hogan wrote: »

You really need to calm down with those inverted commas.

Leave him ‘alone’ . Inverted commas are the ‘etiquette’ in the ‘etiquette’ (poop) thread where he normally ‘posts’ . :pac:

‘Lol’

cml387

On the subject of restaurants, there is the friend of a friend who was in a restaurant and observed a well dressed man enjoying his meal, then surreptitiously removing from a matchbox a dead fly, which he placed in the remains of his meal. Calling over the waiter....

...free meal.

FFred

Just after 9/11 a mysterious ‘foreigner’ returning a favour to someone, warns that person not to be on Grafton Street at a certain date and time as there is a terror attack imminent.

heldel00

The groom asks everyone to stand up at the wedding reception and check under their chairs only to find a pic of the bride having it off with best man blah blah blah.....

completedit

FFred wrote: »

Just after 9/11 a mysterious ‘foreigner’ returning a favour to someone, warns that person not to be on Grafton Street at a certain date and time as there is a terror attack imminent.

Hahahaha cringe. Just in the aftermath of the graphic awe inspiring visuals of 9/11, the thoughts of Grafton St, next scene of a terrorist attack seems so quaint. Ofc we weren’t oblivious to terrorism on this island before and the nature of terrorist attacks in Europe in recent years show an attack like this possible but just find it funny the self-importance and Irish centric nature of this one.

FFred

heldel00 wrote: »

The groom asks everyone to stand up at the wedding reception and check under their chairs only to find a pic of the bride having it off with best man blah blah blah.....

Is that the same wedding where the presents money went missing and the wedding video later revealed the culprit robbing the money out of the best mans pocket or something ..... I heard that about 10 times over the last 20 years.

Leg End Reject

freshpopcorn wrote: »

When somebody says they know somebody who went for a Chinese.
They noticed something hard in it and they spar it out.
It was a micro chip.
The local vet was able to say it was from a missing dog.

Or the inspector finding rats in the freezer.

Peatys

Leg End Reject wrote: »

Or the inspector finding rats in the freezer.

After a chinese, woman gets mouth ulcer, goes to doc. Doc asks her is she works as a prostitute.. as her ulcer contains multiple sperm samples.

FFred

Peatys wrote: »

After a chinese, woman gets mouth ulcer, goes to doc. Doc asks her is she works as a prostitute.. as her ulcer contains multiple sperm samples.

Can confirm I heard this tale as early as 1983 ish and the Chinese restaurant was in Cabra in Dublin ...

odyssey06

And in 1983 they didnt have DNA testing...

Mam of 4

Peatys wrote: »

Yet more taxi men who collect yanks and are asked to do a detour through the Pheonix Park to try to get a pic of a leprechaun

Michael D Higgins ?

Peatys

Mam of 4 wrote: »

Michael D Higgins ?