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Child Item

i cant help staring at womens breasts

LegacyUser

going anon for this and as the title says i cant help staring at women's breasts if there is any bit of flesh showing (low top) or if they are more obvious than usual. I am really conscious of this but i cant seem to help myself. this is really awquard for me as i work in an office with women and a lot of customers are women.
I know my issue may seem perverted but it is really embarrassing for me as i feel that if i am talking to a woman she can see me looking at her breasts and then in some cases they may cover there breasts with their arms or shoulders. Whenever i am talking to a woman and looking at them in the eye i feel as if my eyes always drop to their breasts. to avoid this sometimes i will not look at the woman's face which must look weird and leaves it difficult for me.
if it is relevant in case anyone was wondering if i am married so its not as if i never see breasts at any time and i never seem to have this problem with my wife.
has anyone any suggestions or a similar problem?

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Tiddlypeeps

Are you actually staring or do you find that your eyes just briefly wander and you're just hyper self conscious of it when it happens? Are you generally uncomfortable making eye contact with people?

LegacyUser

Nothing wrong with a perfectly normal and healthy interest in the opposite sex.

LegacyUser

cant say wrote: »

has anyone any suggestions or a similar problem?

I have no suggestions, but I did want to say that I think what you are experiencing is not unusual or abnormal. I do the same and I can't help looking at women's bottoms either.

Dial Hard

RBM219 wrote:

Nothing wrong with a perfectly normal and healthy interest in the opposite sex.

I can only speak for myself but it's *incredibly* frustrating and annoying when men do this. If you were in conversation with a man you'd make eye contact. Extend the same courtesy to women.

I'm not stupid or naive enough not to realise that plenty of straight men will have a quick glance. I've no issue with that. But a glance is all it should be. Literally a flick of the eyes. But kindly do not address my boobs when talking to me. My eyes are not on my nipples.

eviltwin

If it's obvious to the extent the woman covers her breasts then it's a problem. You risk making someone uncomfortable enough to put in a complaint and then where will you be. No one wants to work with or employ a creep.

OP it's really not that difficult to keep your attention on a woman's face. I presume you can control yourself not to stare at young girls right? So why can't you do it for adults? Stop making excuses.

pa990

RBM219 wrote: »

Nothing wrong with a perfectly normal and healthy interest in the opposite sex.

Lads Utd wrote: »

Congrats op, you are a normal healthy man.

Nothing to suggest that the OP is male.

screamer

Just say in your head.... look at her face, look at her face, look at her face and do it. I suspect you just have a bad habit of boob watching, so change it. Also, you don’t want the women in the office to brand you as the creep, so coach yourself and change your behaviour.

Pawwed Rig

pa990 wrote: »

Nothing to suggest that the OP is male.

Read the Op again. He mentions his wife and doesn't mention looking in a mirror.

Church on Tuesday

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Read the Op again. He mentions his wife and doesn't mention looking in a mirror.

I sincerely hope the OP does not do this in the company of his wife for his own sake.

wiggle16

Mod note:

Please have advice for the OP when you post, or don't post.

Thanks

Kidchameleon

Very healthy OP, women are used to it. Just dont stare. If you find your eyes have wodered, correct it!

zapper55

Women are not used to it. In a work environment in particular you think you are being treated equally then this creep keeps staring at your chest, I don't think you'll even understand how unnerving and undermining can be.

I don't wear low cut tops. It doesnt make a difference. Even if a woman does it shouldnt matter.

To the op, maybe it's a weird nervous tick. There's a guy in work that does it a lot to women and he has gained a reputation as a slimy creep. Do you want that? Only you can control your behaviour.

Neyite

It's not healthy, or natural to stare at a woman's breasts. Glance or whatever is tolerable but staring is just...no.

I worked with a bloke who stared at breasts, arses and legs of every woman in the office. He was intensely disliked by all his female colleagues and the male ones didn't much like him either.

Ignore the men on here who tell you women are fine with it in the workplace. We are not.

Focus on eye contact, or if that feels uncomfortable and you want to drop your gaze, focus on her lips while she's talking.

LegacyUser

A quick flick of the eyes is one thing and something I, as a woman, generally don't have a problem with. Intense staring/constant looking gets real old, real fast - especially in a work environment.

Also, the cut of a woman's top/dress has nothing to do with it. Men will stare at most women's breasts no matter how exposed or covered the breasts are.

Rologyro

Sometimes when a woman has a low cut top on I end up glancing at her chest - and I’m a straight woman!!!

Usually though it’s only when there’s a very noticeable amount on show, I don’t know why.

Edit - I know there’s a sexuality spectrum but I know I’m firmly at the end of that spectrum, in the hetero section, and I never notice women’s bums.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Is this something recent or has it always been an issue?

It does sound like you're worrying about it to the point you're making it worse, like you're talking to a woman and all that's going through your head is "I'm going to look at her breasts, oh no, I'm going to look" and it's turning into a self fulfilling thing.

So to a certain extent chilling out about it might help, that said if it's actual staring or if you're very clearly trying and repeatedly failing not to let your eyes drop to a woman's chest it's not appropriate or acceptable, especially in the workplace. It's clear that you were aware of this starting the thread but bears repeating given the response.

Say you were talking to a woman with a low cut top and her massive, muscly, aggressive looking boyfriend was standing beside her watching you, where would your eyes be? Say your mam or auntie was wearing a low cut top? Could you help yourself?

If worse comes to worst then talking to the air a couple of inches above or to the side of someone's head is better than trying to look them in the eye and repeatedly looking at their chest instead.

ManOfMystery

There's no magic solution here other than willpower on your part.

When you're talking to a female, you just have to try hard to maintain eye contact. Focus on the conversation at hand, stand at an angle or beside them rather than directly opposite if it helps, think how they might feel if you were constantly staring at their chest and objectifying them.

As a healthy heterosexual male I enjoy the female form as much as anyone else but I'm always conscious, I'm not talking to an object, I'm talking to another person with thoughts and feelings and emotions - and even if there's a huge amount of breast on show and my natural inclination might be to look at it, it's not right to stare.

You could also pretend that the cleavage is a male builder's arse crack, that might help focus things quickly.

.......

Do you have poor self control generally or suffer from tics or other compulsive behaviours?

If you do it might be worth having a chat with your GP about it.

Its fine to look at a womans breasts in the same way you might notice her shoes or her earrings, but not to stare at them. If women you speak to are actively covering their breasts then you are making them feel uncomfortable.

Try to focus your stare elsewhere. When I was in school I had great difficulty with a particular teacher in school who would stare intently into your eyes to the point of making you very uncomfortable. The gaze would be held until you looked down. It was like that "loser blinks first" game. I began to practice staring back at a point just between their eyebrows so I wasnt making full eye contact but it looked as though I was. It just took practice. After a while I could seem to hold eye contact with anyone in any situation because in fact I was never making full eye contact.

Comments asking why a woman is wearing a low cut top are totally inappropriate here. Women can wear whatever they like and even if they are in work (or anywhere else!) in a bikini should be treated respectfully. Our clothing does not dictate a different standard of treatment and if you think it does you need to have a good long hard look at yourself. Youre right on the doorstep of suggesting women can prevent themselves from sexual assault by covering up - which is nonsense as we all know.

facehugger99

cantlogin1920 wrote: »

Men will stare at most women's breasts no matter how exposed or covered the breasts are.

Good to know.

Men eh?

B0jangles

Like others have said, a glance is harmless but staring is really irritating, (and really really obvious). The fact that you are asking how to fix this behaviour makes it clear that this is not something YOU are comfortable doing either and you're obviously very self-conscious about it.

I hate making sustained eye-contact with people so I focus on another part of their face like the space between, or just above their eyes. It's not perfect but it's a hell of a lot better than looking at random body parts or away around the room

Daisy78

RBM219 wrote: »

Nothing wrong with a perfectly normal and healthy interest in the opposite sex.

You have obviously never been on the receiving end of this. I have and it is really not pleasant, particularly when it’s a colleague. You might think women don’t notice a quick glance but they do.

Big Bag of Chips

There is one man in our office who constantly glances at women's breasts when talking to them. He doesn't stare, but he doesn't need to. The women aren't "used to it". They're used to it in the sense that they know exactly what's going to happen as soon as he walks in. But make no mistake every woman thinks he's a creep and even the men can't believe how he constantly does it. It doesn't matter what the woman is wearing. She could have a heavy winter woolen jumper on and he will still continue to glance in the general direction.

I don't know what to advise you OP other than now that you know you do it, don't do it.

It gets very tedious for women, and none of them will ever see you as anything more than the creep fella who keeps looking at their breasts.

Ursus Horribilis

Kidchameleon wrote: »

Very healthy OP, women are used to it. Just dont stare. If you find your eyes have wandered, correct it!

I'd get a card if I typed what crossed my mind when I read this comment :mad::mad: How dare you make crass generalisations like this. You've got to be a man, right? NO woman wants to be stared at like this and NO IT IS NOT HEALTHY. There is a time and place for appreciating female breasts and it's not what the OP has described.

OP, I don't know what to say to you that hasn't been said already. Now that you're aware of it, try to look elsewhere. Perhaps you're realising from this thread that it is something that creeps women out and won't do you any favours.

Church on Tuesday

Look, I'm not entirely sure that the OP is being serious here, it seems to me like a bit of a piss take, but for the love of God man DON'T stare at women's breasts.

You will come off as a creep right away and that is not a good look.

You could also be done for sexual harassment, be mindful of that.

You have to act and behave like a gentleman in these situations in real life. Always make eye contact with whomever you are engaging with and simply leave it at that.

Kidchameleon

It is perfectly natural to look at a womans breasts. Just do not stare. Many scientists (including Darwin), beleive that humans evolved breasts as a sign of sexual maturity. They are located on the chest area as a result of homosapiams walking upright. Apes rear ends swell up as a signal but humans had to adapt. Many many women do not have a problem with it. The vert existence of attire designed to focus attention on cleavage is proof of this. Take a look at an average gang of women on a night out in Dublin, boobs everywhere

<Snip>

Ice Storm

Nobody is saying it's not natural to have a look.

But the title of the thread is "I can't stop staring at women's breasts".

Which is perceived as creepy and makes women uncomfortable.

B0jangles

Yeah OP, so when they catch you staring just explain to them that it's natural for all the great apes to behave in a similar manner and that it's really their own fault for wearing such stimulating clothes.

Or... maybe we as humans set and expect slightly different behavioural standards than chimpanzees and baboons do?

Like I said you obviously feel this is a problem, your colleagues are obviously very aware of this problem. If you don't want to be That Guy in the office you need to work on fixing your gaze on somewhere on your female colleague's faces - if you can manage somewhere close to the eyeline you'll be fine.

Big Bag of Chips

Kidchameleon, please don't post on this thread again.

Your broad generalisations and "women are used to it" comments are not constructive, and are downright insulting.

suicide_circus

totally natural and normal for cleavage to catch your eye, thats its entire purpose, women do it too! you just have to control yourself basically, the rest of us have mastered it (most of the time) and so must you.

wiggle16

Kidchameleon wrote: »

It is perfectly natural to look at a womans breasts. Just do not stare. Many scientists (including Darwin), beleive that humans evolved breasts as a sign of sexual maturity. They are located on the chest area as a result of homosapiams walking upright. Apes rear ends swell up as a signal but humans had to adapt. Many many women do not have a problem with it. The vert existence of attire designed to focus attention on cleavage is proof of this. Take a look at an average gang of women on a night out in Dublin, boobs everywhere

<Snip>

As an aside, no, this is not true. Breast fetishism is culture bound. It has nothing to do with evolution. Many cultures (East Africa for instance) do not fetishize breasts in the we do in the West and they are not seen as sexual attributes. It's a hangover from the Victorian era when any bit of flesh was risque. The arguments that "it's only natural" are pretty uninformed.