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Child Item

Ever met someone with Aspergers?

noubliezjamais

Aspergers no longer exists but is now considered part of the Autistic Spectrum. One common trait is exhibiting high intelligence (smart conversations) but at the same time having no "social skills".

No social skills doesn't mean being anxious but most commonly has to do with inappropriate discussions with others. They sometimes come off as ass*oles to people (Dr. House).

I know a lad from Africa back in my school who fit all of these. He was diagnosed by a child psychiatry Very polite and quiet. Seemed normal...until you got to know him. Always had a fascination with three topics castration, death and 9/11. Everyone who knew him thought he's weird and an attention seeker.

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mayo londoner

I sit right beside a fella in work with Aspergers, and boy is he hard work. As suggested above he's fanatical about certain subjects, 'his fiancee, son, topic of work', can predict what he's going to talk about every day and always manages to revert every conversation back to himself, often talks over my boss in meetings which really irks him and can't see him lasting TBH. Really struggles socially and invades personal space constantly, also has horrendous hygiene and is non stop eating (gets pizzas delivered to office most days, 4 x bars Snickers a day, 2 x ham and cheese rolls, 3 cans coke and packet crisps)

He's a nice guy overall, not an ounce of harm in it but just bloody hard to work with day in day out

Dravokivich

Worked with a guy who has aspergers and a someone I hang out with every now and then has it. I feel both haven't been properly supported by their parents, regarding social outlets. It can be a very trying thing for someone with it, and both guys, their families had a tendency to keep'em constricted on curfews, or who they're with or where. No sense of them having the opportunity to expand socially. These guys will be reliant on the support of friends as well as family.

Wibbs

devlinio wrote: »

Oh. I get it now. I'm sure most people don't like there routines disrupted anyhow?

TBH I like a bit of routine disruption myself.

Wheres Me Jumper?

yes my wife's brother in law has Asbergers.
Very high functioning. Chemical engineer.
Works for one of the largest oil companies in the world.

Bob Gray

Giveaway wrote: »

And if more stringent routines were adopted by everybody else we would be more productive and the world a better place

Yeah, I suppose. Personally I operate a more of a consistentancy breeds complacency attitude.
However though, there is certain routines that I’ll let my son indulge in, I see him every day trying to adapt to a neurotypical world, so I’d be a prick to try and bring him on when that’s him being himself. And thankfully as he’s gotten that bit older, the routines are one of the only things that he’ll freak out over.

shivermetimber

How do you get assessed as an adult?

cnocbui

Your Face wrote: »

Sounds like an excuse for unacceptable behaviour but what do I know, I don't even have a Twitter account.

My son has Aspergers - you were spot on about the 'what would you know' bit.

farmerwifelet

shivermetimber wrote: »

How do you get assessed as an adult?

Go to your gp first and they refer you to the local mental health team it is a neurological disorder and needs a multidisciplinary team to correctly diagnose. I am trying to decide whether to get an official diagnosis for myself. I have one child diagnosed and one waiting for assessment. Speech and language therapist is pretty positive I'm on the spectrum (it makes a lot of sense).

shivermetimber

farmerwifelet wrote: »

Go to your gp first and they refer you to the local mental health team it is a neurological disorder and needs a multidisciplinary team to correctly diagnose. I am trying to decide whether to get an official diagnosis for myself. I have one child diagnosed and one waiting for assessment. Speech and language therapist is pretty positive I'm on the spectrum (it makes a lot of sense).

Thanks, unsure as to how the outcome could help but l may well do. I always had a different understanding of autism/asbergers but after some research I seem to identify with quite a few of the signs (but not so much with some) so maybe I sit slightly on the spectrum. Would go a ways to explain some traits I was always confused about / tackling with.

eviltwin

My two kids have AS. Both are as different as chalk and cheese. My son is very sociable but struggles with boundaries, he's very gullible, sensitive to emotions and physical triggers and above average academically is some areas and behind in others.

My daughter is very socially anxious, has OCD, is very smart but struggles with everyday tasks especially those involving interactions with people.

It's hard work and I'm worried about what the future holds for them.

cnocbui

You have almost described the situation I am, and have been, in. I'll send you a PM.

[Deleted User]

eviltwin wrote: »

My two kids have AS. Both are as different as chalk and cheese. My son is very sociable but struggles with boundaries, he's very gullible, sensitive to emotions and physical triggers and above average academically is some areas and behind in others.

My daughter is very socially anxious, has OCD, is very smart but struggles with everyday tasks especially those involving interactions with people.

It's hard work and I'm worried about what the future holds for them.

Your son sounds like me when I was a child. Even as a young adult I carried some of those struggles with me. Took a lot of work to become more boundaried and be able to effectively manage my emotions.

ayux4rj6zql2ph

Sort of in this boat myself. Was always strong at certain subjects, mostly maths, i was good at remembering times,dates,places,phone numbers,car registration numbers etc. Had and still do have a passion for buses. Never had any friends, still don't was always branded weird because of how i carried on. Couldn't for the life of me make friends and maintain friendships. Was constantly bullied over it all as well. got kicked out of mainstream secondary school though due to inability to handle the excessive workload.

lainey_d_123

Jimbob1977 wrote: »

My son is Level One on the autism spectrum (high functioning). He would have been classed as Aspergers on the old scale.

He is very literal and has a fascination with certain topics. If you met him for a few minutes, you wouldn't notice anything. After a while, you would notice the poor social skills and the fixation on topics. He has no issues with bullying and he is very happy at school. However, his group of friends would be small. The fear is that he would be a 'loner' in later life.

He also has dyspraxia, which means that his gross and fine motor skills are poor. He doesn't like sports or physical exertion.

I reckon there are thousands of people in Ireland that are undiagnosed with Aspergers. Back then, people might have been classed as 'a bit odd' or loners. Their IQs tend to be extremely high.

Certain professions like IT, maths and accountancy would lend themselves to Aspergers employees. Logical, unemotive and no real need for major human interaction.

It's crazy how many neurotypical people interpret 'taking things literally' as 'being stupid'. I can't always tell when someone is messing, especially when I don't consider their sense of humour very good (I often think, why would you joke about that? It's not even funny), and loads of people have assumed I'm thick because of it.

lainey_d_123

jam_mac_jam wrote: »

I think it’s very sad how cruel we are to people who are in any way different from ourselves. Yes I have met people on the spectrum I am not sure if they had Asperger’s or the usual autism I am not fully confident I know the difference. Also, when I think back to “strange” people I knew when I was younger or as a child I can see that they were on the spectrum and the bullying and cruelness endured by people who are different is heart-breaking especially as children or teenagers.

As a socially awkward person myself who is quite shy my heart goes out to people treated badly for something that they cannot control, especially children.

I always have a soft spot for the "weird" kid.

This. People always ask me why I'm so negative and pessimistic. Jesus, I've endured an entire lifetime of being mocked, criticised and ostracised for being myself. It's cost me jobs, it's cost me friendships and even relationships, all because so many people just cannot comprehend someone who processes things differently. Life with Aspergers is like trying to ski up a really steep hill. That's the only way to describe it. The smallest things are like a battle. And God help you if you're a conventionally attractive autistic woman. At least people seem to understand men being on the spectrum. A woman is just written off as being a bitch, snotty, etc.

lainey_d_123

Bob Gray wrote: »

If his routines are disrupted it can sometimes lead to meltdowns or sometimes I'll just see the frustration on his face as he's trying to suppress a meltdown.
Stringent routines are a common trait with autism/aspergers.

And people interpret it as you being awkward or difficult or (if female) a drama queen if plans suddenly change and you can't deal with it. I've learned to adapt to change with minimal notice, but minimal is the key word - I need SOME notice, even if it's a few minutes, for the new 'plan' to sink in. Throwing me in the deep end without notice is absolutely sure to cause a meltdown.

I don't know if all Aspies do this, but the only way I can cope with life is to visualise what I'm going to do. So I plan it all out in my head, visualise it happening, and make sure I'm comfortable with the idea. If I'm going to the airport, I'll visualise walking to the bus stop, waiting for the bus, boarding, paying, and so on. It's like a kind of 'dress rehearsal' in my head, where I can prepare for different scenarios and try to imagine in advance what might go wrong, so I can plan for that too. For example, if the bus is delayed, I might need to get a taxi. Where would I get it? How much money would I need? What would I say to the driver?

If someone suddenly drops a last minute change of plan, my world crumbles. I remember once when I was teaching, I was told 30 seconds before the class started that I would be teaching a different level, with a different number of students, with a different topic. I don't think anyone would LIKE this, but for me it was totally devastating, because of the level of mental preparation I need to do to build myself up for things. And for some reason, people are unwilling to believe that an outwardly normal looking young woman would be autistic, so then you get labelled as a drama queen and hysterical. It's draining.

hgfj

My son was diagnosed when he was seven. He's 22 now. Smart, obsessed with history which he studies in uni. Very gentle, kind, loves animals, wouldn't hurt a fly. But he has no friends. Zero. And like someone else posted earlier my main fear is how will he cope later on in life. He has no social skills whatsoever. Very polite but also very shy. He rarely leaves the house except to take long walks in the rain. I think one of the reasons he likes those walks is because the streets are empty when it rains. My fear is that after I'm gone he might be taken advantage of by more savvy individuals. When I die the house will have to be sold and shared with his brothers. He will have some money but nowhere to live. I worry about it all the time. Also I'm fairly sure i'm on the spectrum myself. After he was diagnosed I watched a documentary about people with aspergers and found I identified with practically everyone on the show. It was a bit of a shock at first. I don't know how I come across socially but I find socialising extremely difficult.

ayux4rj6zql2ph

Has employment ever proved problematical for people here? such as constantly getting fired, unable to get work, can't settle in one job for too long etc?

lainey_d_123

Avalynn Purring Tablespoon wrote: »

Has employment ever proved problematical for people here? such as constantly getting fired, unable to get work, can't settle in one job for too long etc?

Yes. This is very common with Aspergers. It's mainly related to the social difficulties and demands of most jobs. I once worked in a stockbroking firm and it was like being on another planet. The two facedness, backstabbing, talking in riddles...I know neurotypical people would find it annoying but I simply couldn't deal with it at all.

Mam of 4

hgfj wrote: »

My son was diagnosed when he was seven. He's 22 now. Smart, obsessed with history which he studies in uni. Very gentle, kind, loves animals, wouldn't hurt a fly. But he has no friends. Zero. And like someone else posted earlier my main fear is how will he cope later on in life. He has no social skills whatsoever. Very polite but also very shy. He rarely leaves the house except to take long walks in the rain. I think one of the reasons he likes those walks is because the streets are empty when it rains. My fear is that after I'm gone he might be taken advantage of by more savvy individuals. When I die the house will have to be sold and shared with his brothers. He will have some money but nowhere to live. I worry about it all the time. Also I'm fairly sure i'm on the spectrum myself. After he was diagnosed I watched a documentary about people with aspergers and found I identified with practically everyone on the show. It was a bit of a shock at first. I don't know how I come across socially but I find socialising extremely difficult.

I have the same fear somewhat for one of my sons . Like your son , beautiful , intelligent , loving , compassionate , but zero friends . His two siblings have said he can live with either of them when the time comes , and he'd be ok with that too , but there's always a "what if " niggling away in my mind .

hgfj

"Has employment ever proved problematical for people here? such as constantly getting fired, unable to get work, can't settle in one job for too long etc?"

I don't know how true it is but I remember reading somewhere that people with aspergers often find it hard enough to get through an initial job interview in the first place.

cnocbui

Avalynn Purring Tablespoon wrote: »

Has employment ever proved problematical for people here? such as constantly getting fired, unable to get work, can't settle in one job for too long etc?

There was a BBC program on Aspies and someone on it said that in the UK, Aspies have the highest rate of unemployment of all disabilities, at 90% Terrifying, if like me, you you have a child with it, possibly two.

[Deleted User]

I was reading that the lady from the Chase has aspergers and was on benefits when she went to interview for it, which ties in with the employment discussion here

http://a4.org.au/node/1849

ayux4rj6zql2ph

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

Yes. This is very common with Aspergers. It's mainly related to the social difficulties and demands of most jobs. I once worked in a stockbroking firm and it was like being on another planet. The two facedness, backstabbing, talking in riddles...I know neurotypical people would find it annoying but I simply couldn't deal with it at all.

cnocbui wrote: »

There was a BBC program on Aspies and someone on it said that in the UK, Aspies have the highest rate of unemployment of all disabilities, at 90% Terrifying, if like me, you you have a child with it, possibly two.

Last worked driving coaches during the touring season (April to October 2018 inclusive) haven't worked since, it's not for the want of trying either. The next touring season begins next month, haven't received a call up for it yet but i'm hoping and praying. I've gotten an addiction of doing up my cars and bikes, i've literally spent a few grand on doing it all. I have a picture in my head of how i want them to look and won't be happy until that happens.

Never had an issue with the coach driving, my tour guide interacted with the passengers thankfully. But historically i have a shockingly bad employment record.

Thespoofer

Probably.

Lavender26

Im a special education teacher, was friends with an Asperger woman for over 10 years and also have a sibling who was diagnosed with Asperger's as an adult.
Theres allot of myths around the disorder for instance not everyone on the spectrum is highly intelligent, it can effect anyone no matter the intellectual ability.
Im in two minds as to whether Asperger's and Autism are the same disorder, ive definitely seen a big difference between the two, theres cross overs in terms of OCD behaviors, difficulty managing emotions and daily tasks, pickiness when it comes to food and special interests but in my experience people with Asperger's tend be allot less empathetic when it comes to other people and much more self focused compared to Autism.
There does seem to be a bias in that girls are less diagnosed, having worked with special needs adults and children there have always been more boys and men in my classes and the Autistic units ive worked in.
Getting a diagnosis at any age is a rigmarole but especially for adults and even more so for women, besides the high cost psychologists can be biased, dismissive and wrong diagnosis is common.

lainey_d_123

Lavender26 wrote: »

Im a special education teacher, was friends with an Asperger woman for over 10 years and also have a sibling who was diagnosed with Asperger's as an adult.
Theres allot of myths around the disorder for instance not everyone on the spectrum is highly intelligent, it can effect anyone no matter the intellectual ability.
Im in two minds as to whether Asperger's and Autism are the same disorder, ive definitely seen a big difference between the two, theres cross overs in terms of OCD behaviors, difficulty managing emotions and daily tasks, pickiness when it comes to food and special interests but in my experience people with Asperger's tend be allot less empathetic when it comes to other people and much more self focused compared to Autism.
There does seem to be a bias in that girls are less diagnosed, having worked with special needs adults and children there have always been more boys and men in my classes and the Autistic units ive worked in.
Getting a diagnosis at any age is a rigmarole but especially for adults and even more so for women, besides the high cost psychologists can be biased, dismissive and wrong diagnosis is common.

There's actually a theory that people with Aspergers are MORE empathetic, to the fact it becomes overwhelming. I would certainly identify with that. I would go to the end of the earth for people I care about and have a very hard time dealing with the fact that most people don't care about me as much as I care about them. I was worrying all day when one friend had knee surgery, mentioned it to my family, was checking my phone for news. I was in hospital a couple of weeks ago and he never even bothered to ask how I was. I also feel great pain when I see horrible things happen to other people on the news or on TV. So I don't buy this 'Aspies are self centred and have no empathy' thing at all.

Lavender26

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

There's actually a theory that people with Aspergers are MORE empathetic, to the fact it becomes overwhelming. I would certainly identify with that. I would go to the end of the earth for people I care about and have a very hard time dealing with the fact that most people don't care about me as much as I care about them. I was worrying all day when one friend had knee surgery, mentioned it to my family, was checking my phone for news. I was in hospital a couple of weeks ago and he never even bothered to ask how I was. I also feel great pain when I see horrible things happen to other people on the news or on TV. So I don't buy this 'Aspies are self centred and have no empathy' thing at all.

Im speaking in general terms, not everyone with Asperger's is the same or experiences the same traits but generally speaking from my own experience - which is not by any means an expert evaluation of the entire Asperger community - there tends to be a lack of empathy where others are concerned but that said, neurotypicals can be equally lacking in empathy and can be very self involved.

HappyAsLarE

Why does everything have to be a diagnosis these days?

Back in my day you had kids that were just a bit mental, a bit stupid, geeky smart, or in between.

Lavender26

HappyAsLarE wrote: »

Why does everything have to be a diagnosis these days?

Back in my day you had kids that were just a bit mental, a bit stupid, geeky smart, or in between.

Diagnosis is important so that people can get the help and support they need, maybe the 'mental' or 'stupid' kid had an illness or disability making them vulnerable and victim to bullying, harassment, unemployment and depression. Labeling kids 'mental' or 'stupid' is hardly a better alternative.