Pollypistol wrote: » I'm really struggling...just when i think that im doing ok, bang something triggers the pain inside. My sister who is 3 years younger than me has cut me out of her & her childrens lives. Growing up we were never that close & we have very different personalities & our parents seperated. Then a few years later our dad died from cancer. My sister has choosen to cut me out of her life without explanation. Because our mother didnt agree with what she done to me she has cut my mother out too. We have made efforts to reconcile but she just ignores our efforts. Its 3 years on & im still struggling to come to terms with everything. I pine for a relationship with my sister & nieces. Even though my sister emotionally abused me with her horrible mind games & horrible things she has said to other family members & people we know about me i have told her that im willing to forgive her. I go to see a therapist because of the trauma of this situation, i practice self care to the best of my ability. I just find that life can be so cruel & for me it always seems to be no matter how much you try & live your life in peace & harmony there is always a cross to bear & this cross is weighing me down. Im just wondering is anyone else going through a simular situation & if so how do you cope with the sadness?
Neyite wrote: » Em, OP - you had two other threads on this. The first one was that you and your mother thought your sister was greedy and grasping and transferred all her money secretly to you therefore cutting your sister out of any inheritance. In the second you described how you and she were not close, have no relationship with her and you had it out with her and said you told her a "few home truths." From reading all those threads, it sounds like your sister did try to have a relationship with you but you feel it should be more intense and in each other's pockets more and that's more than she is personally comfortable with. I'd guess that she's given up trying to have a relationship with you because she sees that any relationship will be on your terms and she won't get anything out of it except a bit of drama and stress. Even now, when you want a relationship with her and you desperately miss her you are still not listening to what she's told you about how she feels and taken it on board. I've a sibling I'm not close to. I find them bossy and interfering, and very pass-remarkable. They are also keen to gossip so telling them something in confidence means that they will go directly to other family members like our mother and dissect it. I find them self absorbed and selfish and two faced. I went through some very difficult personal issues and I never even got a text at the time, whereas when it's their crisis, I'm expected to drop everything and spend hours on the phone making them feel better. They lament to family that we aren't close, but every time I've tried, I've gotten my fingers burned. So any relationship I have with them is therefore very superficial, and it was never my choice to have it that way. I spent my life wanting to be close to them, but I see now that comes with a price I'm unwilling to pay.
Pollypistol wrote: » OP yes i have two other threads on this i also have a milion other stories that i could tell you about my sister and our situation. The money situation was purley my mothers choice for my mother to do with her hard earned money whatever she chooses, i felt uncomfortable abov it at the time but my mother has made her decision based on how badly my sister has treated our whole family. It is hard for me to accept that my sister only cares about her own feelings and she doesnt want to make any effort to reconsile with me, my mother or have a relationship with my children. We are not monsters! Love & forgiveness should over ride anything else. Oh & about the "home truths" that you say my sister gave me, that is not the case. Anything i tried to talk to her about and try to solve she has her own twisted version of events that where not even true or making sense. She is hurt from her past, we all are but as adults & parents to our own children you would think that there would be a way of reconsiling our differences. Btw it sounds to me that you have read my posts, related them to your own story & turned on me to vent your own anger. As i have said we all have our pain, no body to me is a bad person but i struggle to understand why family members dont try to reconcile. My sister has frooze me out of her life for years so you misread my story there too, she never made the effort. Its heartbreaking on so many levels for the whole family.
meeeeh wrote: » Op I didn't see your previous threads but from reding your pists in this thread you actually don't like your sister. So why are you so intent on a relationship that will be confrontational anyway? So live your life in peace away from a person who you claim causes you so much grief you need therapy.
Will I Am Not wrote: » That’s a cop out. If she doesn’t want anything to do with you then that’s her decision. If she sees you as a toxic presence in her life, she has every right to cut you out of it.
Pollypistol wrote: » I think your response is very harsh & cruel towards someone who is emotionally struggling. Don't you know about the importance of mental health & people needing to talk & get support. Your words are neither comforting or supportive and i will not be taking them on board my journey of growth & healing.
Pollypistol wrote: » Will I Am Not wrote: » That’s a cop out. If she doesn’t want anything to do with you then that’s her decision. If she sees you as a toxic presence in her life, she has every right to cut you out of it. I think your response is very harsh & cruel towards someone who is emotionally struggling. Don't you know about the importance of mental health & people needing to talk & get support. Your words are neither comforting or supportive and i will not be taking them on board my journey of growth & healing.
Will I Am Not wrote: » There’s nothing cruel about it. It’s reality. If you only want people to be on your side and agree with everything you say then public message boards are not the place for it.
Pollypistol wrote: » Again you dont seem to get it, if someone is struggling emotionally you don't kick them while they are down. Im not looking for people to be on my side im just trying to come to terms with my family situation. Im very much in touch with reality, life has thrown me plenty of curved balls.
Will I Am Not wrote: » I’m not kicking anybody. You’re unable to accept advice that doesn’t fit your narrative and perceive it as an attack when it’s not intended to be.
Pollypistol wrote: » Its not that i dont like my sister, i love my sister & always will no matter what & i have told her this. There is a strong bond for me there because we are sisters so it is not as easy as you say. She is a very damaged person and i dont think she has done the work on herself that is needed to heal. I do go to counselling and have been for years but yesterday my emotions where triggered when i visited my cousin. I will be with my counsellor next Monday. It just hits you hard some days.
Telly wrote: » Leave her alone. I cut my brother off for 10 months cause I just couldn’t handle his sh1t anymore. It was draining. Only reason we’re back talking is cause of our nieces wedding. Maybe you’re hard work and she can’t be arsed with you anymore. It’s not like you’re going to admit it here.
Pollypistol wrote: » OP yes i have two other threads on this i also have a milion other stories that i could tell you about my sister and our situation. The money situation was purley my mothers choice for my mother to do with her hard earned money whatever she chooses, i felt uncomfortable abov it at the time but my mother has made her decision based on how badly my sister has treated our whole family. It is hard for me to accept that my sister only cares about her own feelings and she doesnt want to make any effort to reconsile with me, my mother or have a relationship with my children. We are not monsters! Love & forgiveness should over ride anything else. Oh & about the "home truths" that you say my sister gave me, that is not the case. Anything i tried to talk to her about and try to solve she has her own twisted version of events that where not even true or making sense. She is hurt from her past, we all are but as adults & parents to our own children you would think that there would be a way of reconsiling our differences.
wrote: Btw it sounds to me that you have read my posts, related them to your own story & turned on me to vent your own anger.
wrote: As i have said we all have our pain, no body to me is a bad person but i struggle to understand why family members dont try to reconcile. My sister has frooze me out of her life for years so you misread my story there too, she never made the effort. Its heartbreaking on so many levels for the whole family.
Neyite wrote: » You don't believe her, so I'm not being funny here, but why should she have a relationship with someone who does not believe her version of events that are clearly hurtful. You are basically calling her a liar then expecting her to have some sort of bond with you in spite of that. I'm not a bit angry at my situation, you are far off the mark there. I was disappointed in my teens about it but I understood decades ago that I and my sibling would not be close. I wish them well in life but we will not be close. I offered an example to you and you missed my point by a mile. I gave you my (very clear) reasons for keeping my distance from my sibling - no doubt that if you spoke to my sibling, they would claim to be baffled over it as you appear to be with yours. I was pointing out that there usually IS lots of reasons that someone has distanced themselves from a family member. You need to maybe explore that with your counsellor. We all have the right to surround ourselves with people we like, and phase out people we don't. Your sister has chose to live her life away from your and your mother and only she really has the answers to that - you'll not get those answers on the internet from a bunch of strangers who know neither of you. And sometimes there are no answers that are acceptable and you just have to accept that and move on. All the best.
Pollypistol wrote: » I have left her alone. Its not always the other persons fault maybe you cut your brother off because you couldnt control him or he wasnt willing to take your crap or maybe he was happy that you cut him off because you were just "hard work" do any off us really know whats going on for the other person...
....... wrote: » Why do you want a relationship with her? Particularly given your past threads, you and your mother have colluded to cut her out of your mothers estate behind her back and you have talked about how difficult she is.
....... wrote: » Yes, colluded. You gave a lot of detail in your thread about discussions you had with your mother about the best way to hide cash from your sister and for your mother to remove it from her own account over time and make small deposits into you and then your childrens accounts. Your mother didnt do this on her own, you talked with her and assisted her. In fact you discussed how your sister would be the type to go to extreme lengths to get to the bottom of this so you would need to be very careful that she didnt know. You used the expression that you would "Play dumb" in the future if she asked you about your mothers money. These actions are not the actions you make towards someone you love. You said you hadnt got on with her since you were both teenagers and you are in your late 30s now. So why the sudden desire to have a relationship with someone who you havent been bothered with in over 20 years?
