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Sex party, have you ever been?

flc37ie6ojwkh8

I was going to go to one on February but I can't. Do you guys have some experience in this? I feel really tempted to try.

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JohnnyFlash

demanufactured wrote: »

Balding middle aged lads, who drive an 07 lexus who think they are the dogs bollix... Probably work as a sales rep, belly hanging out over the belt and slacks... Stink of stale fags and lynx Africa..... Yup.... That's them..

That aimed at me amigo?? Nothing wrong with a game of golf, plenty of world class courses in this country, and very affordable to play compared to the rest of the world. Certainly a more healthy pursuit than sitting inside pretending to be a dragon slayer on the xbox before watching porn while beating the cock off yourself like it owed you money....

demanufactured

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

That aimed at me amigo?? Nothing wrong with a game of golf, plenty of world class courses in this country, and very affordable to play compared to the rest of the world. Certainly a more healthy pursuit than sitting inside pretending to be a dragon slayer on the xbox before watching porn while beating the cock off yourself like it owed you money....

Nice comeback hombre... But does not describe me.

anewme

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Don’t know what your travels around the world have to do with anything to be honest, pal. Let me assure you that I know how to chat to the more dangerous sex. Buy them a drink, tell a few jokes, be yourself, flirt a little, don’t be too meek. Women hate those lads who think they really understand women and what they want. They don’t. There’s loads of chicks who are just looking for a good girthy flute with a bit of staying power of a Saturday night, and not some long winded aul discussion about sexual politics and equal rights :pac:

The women would be laughing at the likes of you. Like a bad caricature a gropey perve and ogler to be avoided at all costs. With the conversation skills and intellect of a bluebottle.

Talking about gashes and minges and flutes and sucking me knob at 50 odd

It’s hilarious .

You could just not keep a straight face.

Every office has one!

Bambi985

I assume the folks still replying to this moron still haven't clocked that "johnnyFlash" and "pintmanpaddylosty" are the same guy? exact same posting style with the durrrty verbose and jerking each other off for about half the thread now. sounds like quite the "hero" indeed

Brendan Bendar

Emory Fast Marshmallow wrote: »

I was going to go to one on February but I can't. Do you guys have some experience in this? I feel really tempted to try.

It’s like a ham & cheese party

BalcombeSt4

Why can't we organize a sex party here on AH's & we can PM anyone who wants to go the location? ??

I can go for a good 7 & a half minutes if there is any virgins out there ? And I can bring Benzo's if anyone wants.

demanufactured

Hector Diaz wrote: »

<snip: quoting posts from PI is a distinct no-no...>

Haaaa

aidoh

Will someone please go to this and give us minute-to-minute updates?

It has the potential to be like the 'safe in the shed' thread all over again.

Yeah. Like a weird, gross version of that.

[Deleted User]

Specialun wrote: »

think johnnyflash might be my new favourite poster...reminds me of the caravan club episode of the inbetweeners

There is an energy and comedy to his posts that is reminiscent of AVB.

_Kaiser_

Deleted User wrote: »

There is an energy and comedy to his posts that is reminiscent of AVB.

Oh dear god, don't go there... you'll summon him like Candyman

This thread is at least entertaining - not just the exploits of the 2 lads (which as I said before are actually fairly plausible) but the outraged, almost personally-offended, responses to the idea from some posters.

That other lad though wasn't funny to begin with and even less so the more the shtick is repeated.

JohnnyFlash

[Deleted User] wrote: »

There is an energy and comedy to his posts that is reminiscent of AVB.

Dya mind me asking what the fūck an AVB ais? Sounds like a disease or something.
Anyhow I’m not off riding prossies. Don’t see much wrong with Pintman doing t though. Might be keepin the marriage together. Right shower of moralising types heee. You’d swear they never got a dose of the horn after a rattle of porter and fancied a go on a new fanny.

gerrybbadd

This thread made my weekend!

A dose of the horn no less!:D

demanufactured

Thread of the year... And it's only February.

Roger Hassenforder

demanufactured wrote: »

Balding middle aged lads, who drive an 07 lexus who think they are the dogs bollix... Probably work as a sales rep, belly hanging out over the belt and slacks... Stink of stale fags and lynx Africa..... Yup.... That's them..

*sighs. Goes upstairs and throws his Lynx Africa in bin.

demanufactured

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

*sighs. Goes upstairs and throws his Lynx Africa in bin.

cazzer22

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

Myself and the lads regularly have them when we head off on our "golf trips" to Portugal. Great to get away from the wife for a week of drink and sex. The birds over there are gagging for it.

One of the other lads organises the parties. Normally absolute stunners of eastern European extraction. The stuff they'll do! You wouldn't believe it. All in their twenties as well. Expensive ladies but worth it!

15 of us heading over in May. Can't wait.

You sound delightful!

Franz Von Peppercorn

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Dya mind me asking what the fūck an AVB ais? Sounds like a disease or something.
Anyhow I’m not off riding prossies. Don’t see much wrong with Pintman doing t though. Might be keepin the marriage together. Right shower of moralising types heee. You’d swear they never got a dose of the horn after a rattle of porter and fancied a go on a new fanny.

Translating...

You’d swear these peopw never got sexually aroused after drinking copious amounts of alcohol that they tried to initiate coitus with a female stranger.

demanufactured

cazzer22 wrote: »

You sound delightful!

Fiction.

Roger Hassenforder

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Dya mind me asking what the fūck an AVB ais? Sounds like a disease or something.
Anyhow I’m not off riding prossies. Don’t see much wrong with Pintman doing t though. Might be keepin the marriage together. Right shower of moralising types heee. You’d swear they never got a dose of the horn after a rattle of porter and fancied a go on a new fanny.

Anghus Von Bismark.
A classy guy. Youre classy too. But Anghus had class

Have you blog?
You could impart pearls of wisdom such as "giving a burd a pearl necklace on her birthday" or "surprise her with breakfast in bed, Boston Pancakes Johnny Flash style".
Or "20 right good porter fueled rattles Ive given burds on my travels, where the burds had to be rebored after me"

[Deleted User]

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

Myself and the lads regularly have them when we head off on our "golf trips" to Portugal. Great to get away from the wife for a week of drink and sex. The birds over there are gagging for it.

One of the other lads organises the parties. Normally absolute stunners of eastern European extraction. The stuff they'll do! You wouldn't believe it. All in their twenties as well. Expensive ladies but worth it!

15 of us heading over in May. Can't wait.

Sweetie, if they're being paid then pretending to be gagging for it is part of the job. It's not that you're so irresistible that they can't wait to be subjected to your grunting and the ensuing disappointment.

Though really, this thread makes me smile. My young nephews come up with better fiction.

Specialun

johnnyflash

do ya use tinder and plenty of fish.

i defo think you should set up a blog

Roger Hassenforder

Candie wrote: »

Sweetie, if they're being paid then pretending to be gagging for it is part of the job. It's not that you're so irresistible that they can't wait to be subjected to your grunting and the ensuing disappointment.

Though really, this thread makes me smile. My young nephews come up with better fiction.

I reckon these burds would be after such a right good seeing to, they would forego being paid.

There isnt a prozzie in the world that could pass up on 23 seconds of a chubby* balding* sweating grunting Johnny Flash pounding away like a kango, hammering the lucky victim lady into hitherto inexperienced levels of orgasmic ecstasy. They might as well retire there and then, everything will pale in comparison to this one night, their apogee of carnal pleasure.

[Deleted User]

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

I reckon these burds would be after such a right good seeing to, they would forego being paid.

There isnt a prozzie in the world that could pass up on 23 seconds of a chubby* balding* sweating grunting Johnny Flash pounding away like a kango, hammering the lucky victim lady into hitherto inexperienced levels of orgasmic ecstasy. They might as well retire there and then, everything will pale in comparison to this one night, their apogee of carnal pleasure.

I'd love him to run into his wife, moonlighting as a paid companion called Natalia Wankov for extra cash while she thinks he's out strolling the links.

It'd be like the sleazy version of the Pina Colada Song.

professore

The moral majority types are the ones that will say "I don't normally do this" a few times a month, unlike our friend Paddy. You wouldn't believe the women that come on to you in the pub, the ones you would least expect... Or the married guys banging other women, male feminist types are the worst.

JohnnyFlash

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

I reckon these burds would be after such a right good seeing to, they would forego being paid.

There isnt a prozzie in the world that could pass up on 23 seconds of a chubby* balding* sweating grunting Johnny Flash pounding away like a kango, hammering the lucky victim lady into hitherto inexperienced levels of orgasmic ecstasy. They might as well retire there and then, everything will pale in comparison to this one night, their apogee of carnal pleasure.

No offence mate, but you come across as a dude who hasn’t had the pleasure of a good ride in a long time. Might be playing it up in your head at this stage. Performance anxiety we all get. Suggest you stop putting women up on a pedestal, be yourself, and stop trying to be a knight in shining armour. You can have that advice for nout.

ThinkProgress

Candie wrote: »

Sweetie, if they're being paid then pretending to be gagging for it is part of the job. It's not that you're so irresistible that they can't wait to be subjected to your grunting and the ensuing disappointment.

Though really, this thread makes me smile. My young nephews come up with better fiction.

Most are nymphomaniacs... so I'd say they are probably gagging for it. (but not necessarily for the person - just what's in their trousers)

Galwayguy35

This is the best thread I've seen here in years.

Roger Hassenforder

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

No offence mate, but you come across as a dude who hasn’t had the pleasure of a good ride in a long time. Might be playing it up in your head at this stage. Performance anxiety we all get. Suggest you stop putting women up on a pedestal, be yourself, and stop trying to be a knight in shining armour. You can have that advice for nout.

Ill take that nugget to the bank.
Pure gold.

Theres apparently treatment for any performance anxiety you have. We dont all get it, despite what theyre telling you.

Youre right though, i havent had a daycent ride in 3 or 4 days. Met some auld doll the other day. Her husband was off at the races with their kids.

Tidy enough little thing. God she was gagging though. No stamina however, id say she hadnt gone more than 30 seconds in years. Went real slow for the first 15 mins, gradually speeding up the tempo. By the time I'd finished the foreplay, and actually put in the tip, she was roaring like the hoor among the nettles. By the time the whole lot was in, the Gardai were outside.
Man, she destroyed the place before she blacked out from exhaustion. Id say her poor schmuck of a husband wont even touch the sides for months.

_Kaiser_

professore wrote: »

The moral majority types are the ones that will say "I don't normally do this" a few times a month, unlike our friend Paddy. You wouldn't believe the women that come on to you in the pub, the ones you would least expect... Or the married guys banging other women, male feminist types are the worst.

I just find it hilarious how personally some are talking the antics (or idea of the antics if you prefer) of the 2 boys. Here I thought we'd moved on from the narrow definition of sex in this country.

Also, as I'm sure any of the ladies here would attest to, the internet dating world is full of guys like Paddy and Johnny - and equally there's plenty of attached/married women - all looking for a good time.

There's any number of reasons why too but it's usually something lacking at home. It's easy to say "well just leave then!" but maybe not so much if you have a couple of kids, a mortgage and a tight budget. Ideally of course you'd work on the problem with your partner, but what if they don't want to? What if the current state of affairs suits their needs just fine?

My point is that relationships and sex aren't something you can throw a one-for-all answer at, and unless you know the full details of what's going on, then maybe don't be so quick to throw stones.

gerrybbadd

Paddy & Johnny - keep the stories coming lads. Absolutely epic reading