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Ideal wedding from guest's perspective (Mod warning in 1st post)

El_Duderino 09

Hi all, I know someone who's having a bit of an alternative, low key wedding and I heard lots of positive feedback from guests. The event will be an outdoor ceremony in a hotel garden, followed by a garden party. It will start at about midday and the food will be afternoon tea style rather than traditional meat and potatoes. Small band for a few hours and some finger food in the evening time. The main celebration will be done by about 6-7pm and Guests are free to leave whenever they like so they don't have to stay the night. Anyone who stays can go to the residents bar and I think there's a trad band organised to play some more music in the night.

lts a small tight knit wedding party so I've spoken to a good few guests and The main thing that stood out is people saying that nobody really enjoys the big all day/2day wedding with the BBQ next day. They were very positive about the low cost and informal sound of this wedding. And guests can leave early so they don't have to stay all night and pay for a hotel and be hungover the next day.

This got me wondering if people just say that they like small weddings to save the bride and grooms blushes (theyre not wealthy and couldn't spend 20K on a wedding even if they wanted to).

What would be the ideal wedding from your perspective as a guest?

Location, time of day, number of guests, food, entertainment, type of ceremony. Basically I'm asking what's important to you as the guest at a wedding and what do you like/dislike about the weddings you've been to recently?

Cheers

Mod note: This will be my last warning. This thread has gone wildly off-topic and has some quite unnecessary aggression and rudeness. Please remember that this thread is about the ideal wedding from your (as a guest) perspective. It's not a space to criticise the preferences of others, or to attack other posts. If the thread doesn't get back on topic ASAP, I'll have no choice but to close it (and I hate closing threads when I don't have to, because you're all adults!)

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Ifonlyicould

kunst nugget wrote:

I never felt like I was being treated like a four year old because of a seating planâ€¦ is it a self esteem issue or something?

Where does self esteem apply to a seating plan at a wedding ?

Boggy Turf

Blut2 wrote: »

600-1000e is the price of a memorable romantic weekend away somewhere in Europe for a couple. For a lot of people financially its a choice of a romantic weekend in Paris with your other-half vs one night in Cavan in a 2* hotel, eating carvery quality food.

I actually took advantage of that once. My cousin got engaged so I quietly found out when the wedding date was and immediately booked a trip to Vienna and Budapest. I did get them a small gift and told them I was gutted to miss the 250+ wedding.

freshpopcorn

Boggy Turf wrote: »

I love it. So turn a day you dread into an absolute nightmare?

I just find some people can go over board with spending when attending a wedding. I've seen people staying the night when they could have easily traveled home and then complain about the cost of accommodation/food and drink.
If one person didn't drink or if couples took it in turns to drive they could easily return home. You can also bring some nice food from home to eat if your peckish on the day. You don't have to be handing over more money to the hotel if it's such an issue for you.

GingerLily

messy tessy wrote: »

This was the post about the €400 / €500 gift!

I'm not even going out with anyone but I'll consider the whole wedding thing if that is the going rate! :P

Thanks

You'll have loads of money* but also lots of people begrudging you!!

messy tessy

GingerLily wrote: »

Thanks

You'll have loads of money* but also lots of people begrudging you!!

Feck em, I'll be minted!

In answer to the OP the relaxed garden party sounds really really lovely!

baby and crumble

I think all this thread is doing is showing

- be mindful of the timing of the day
- food is important

Everything else will have someone moaning about it.

Weddings are such personal things in an odd way. I guarantee that a lot of folks in here would think my wedding is ott but frankly I don't care. I'm doing this for my and my fiancée. It's what we want, and I think it's pretty close to what the majority of our friends will enjoy. We're very mindful of our guests but I also know you can't please everyone. Someone will complain about it being a city centre hotel because of parking. Someone else will complain that it's starting too late. Someone else will complain that it's silly to have a theme/ motif running through the day.

So long as you're true to yourselves as a couple you cant go too far wrong I reckon.

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freshpopcorn

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Well if money was an issue and the people were special to your their are ways around than spending a load money on the day.
You don't need to bring sandwiches(bring food you enjoy for your snack) or keep them in your handbag.Theirs a lot of alternatives to Alcohol apart from water.
Lots of people buy dress in second hand shops or pre loved shops, borrow dresses of somebody or even wear a dress that they wore before. Nobody cares.

ligerdub

Timespan: Single day event only. When did multi-day become a thing?! - I suspect it's something conjured up by a wedding planner, and it grew legs from there. I don't think anyone thinks "I can't wait for the bbq tomorrow".

Location: I understand this has a serious impact on price but there should be some consideration and common sense. I was at a friends wedding a few years back where the majority of his friends and family were based in Dublin. He was marrying an American girl, and all her family and friends had to make quite a big trip, especially considering she was originally from the west coast of the states! Instead of having the wedding in Dublin they had it in the back arse of nowhere several hours drive away. I got the impression that most of the people who took the trip over would have preferred a bit less of a trek, especially having made such a big one already. Good wedding though mind you. Foreign weddings can also go on the naughty step!

Entertainment: A good wedding band makes a big difference, but any DJ is better than a bad band IMO. Keep the volume down lads.

Start: 2pm service at the earliest, ideally start reasonably on time. As a guest, also show up well on time!!

Service: I'm not religious myself, and don't go to mass or whatever, but I put that aside for weddings. So long as it's not expected of guests to buy into the religious aspect then I think it's respectful to attend the service and it's a privilege to be there. 30 mins to 45 mins max.

Finish: Depends on the age of those getting married. If they are reasonably young then expect it to be a heavy session going well into the early hours. Most people are getting married later now though so that feels a little off to me. I was at a wedding recently that didn't clear out until 5am. Long ass day that was! There's a tendency now that couples bring their young kids to weddings now, and they end up BOTH having to leave with their child early, so they miss most of the rest of the evening. I feel 2am is about enough for most weddings. If you haven't had enough to drink and dance to by that time then it's your own fault. It also leaves it open for the poor folks who overdo the sauce and it's made to be their fault for ruining the day etc if something bad happens.

Ambience: It should be a day to be enjoyed, and ultimately it's mainly for those getting married and their family. Having said that there should be a sense of openness and consideration to those there as guests.

Dress: Full on formal is a bit too stuffy, but it should at least be reasonably formal i.e. suit/collared shirt/shoes.

Gift: There should be a wedding list, but ideally without the pressure of how much to spend. Weddings are expensive and people shouldn't be put off being there if it means they can't have a holiday that year or struggle to pay for something important and the like.

Speeches: Embrace them I say, and however long they want or need to be so be it. Keep the toasts to a minimum though, they lose their resonance after about two! I was at a wedding recently and there must have been about 8 toasts!

Food and drink: There are some people who will have dietary requirements. Ideally have something for people to tuck into when they arrive at the reception. Drink too, especially for those who might be driving, there should be enough choice for people who aren't drinking.

Dinner: Common sense staging here. Don't have it too late but once it starts don't space it out over hours and hours. I was at a wedding where the starter to coffee took about 4 hours. It makes the table bit a bit of a drag. Ultimately it's best to mix it up with the various guests who are there. Going to somebody's wedding where the bulk of your day is spent with the same 10 people but who aren't the B&G isn't ideal.

Boggy Turf

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Well if money was an issue and the people were special to your their are ways around than spending a load money on the day.
You don't need to bring sandwiches(bring food you enjoy for your snack) or keep them in your handbag.Theirs a lot of alternatives to Alcohol apart from water.
Lots of people buy dress in second hand shops or pre loved shops, borrow dresses of somebody or even wear a dress that they wore before. Nobody cares.

Yeah and maybe you can volunteer to wash/dry the carvery food dishes and earn a few quid...it's still very difficult to justify the cost of a day most people do not enjoy if they are being honest.

freshpopcorn

Boggy Turf wrote: »

Yeah and maybe you can volunteer to wash/dry the carvery food dishes and earn a few quid...it's still very difficult to justify the cost of a day most people do not enjoy if they are being honest.

Well people who spend lots of money on clothes, accommodation, food, etc when attending weddings seem to do nothing buy complain!

meeeeh

Boggy Turf wrote: »

Yeah and maybe you can volunteer to wash/dry the carvery food dishes and earn a few quid...it's still very difficult to justify the cost of a day most people do not enjoy if they are being honest.

Then just don't go. If you really have complain and moan about sacrificing a day or two for people that mean something to you (I'm not taking about a wedding if distant cousin you didn't see for 20 years) then do them a favor and don't go. There is nothing worse than hypocrites who smile and compliment the wedding to the couple and then whinge about it for the rest of the year.

Boggy Turf

meeeeh wrote: »

Then just don't go. If you really have complain and moan about sacrificing a day or two for people that mean something to you (I'm not taking about a wedding if distant cousin you didn't see for 20 years) then do them a favor and don't go. There is nothing worse than hypocrites who smile and compliment the wedding to the couple and then whinge about it for the rest of the year.

Oooh I must have struck a nerve. I dont moan or complain about weddings I attend before, during or after but I do my level best to avoid weddings I know I will not like. At least I am being honest. So many people pretend to like weddings and only go out of obligation.

I am never a hypocrite but I hope you feel good about the personal attack. Why would you even care what I like or dislike?

El_Duderino 09

baby and crumble wrote:

I think all this thread is doing is showing

- be mindful of the timing of the day - food is important

That's almost exactly what I've gathered from the thread too. Mindful of cost to guests has come up too. Cost in time and money

LirW

A good Wedding is one where people don't give a hoot what others wear, putting pressure on people to buy a new outfit every time (I go to a wedding soon with a 14€ Jumpsuit).
The whole pressure at weddings for all parties are such a turn-off.

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SozBbz

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Yeah I have to agree with this. I'm a BM for a wedding this year and its going to use up at least 4 if not 5 days of my AL, between the hen and the wedding itself.

The bride (who I love dearly, but frankly I think has lost her mind over this wedding) basically told us bridesmaids that we were to plan a 2 day hen, thankfully she only wanted Ireland.

We're then to stay at the venue the night before (optional apparently, although not really) and then then night of the wedding also and then theres a day two "casual celebration" which we'll probably have to stay for as well. So thats us all paying for 3 nights at quite a fancy venue.

I'm going along with this because obviously it means a lot to her and she's looking after us in other ways, but I do think its madness. Its my 2nd time being bridesmaid (other time was very low key for a family member) but after this I do hope I can hang up my bridesmaids shoes.

Neyite

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Yes on the leave thing. Many couples lose sight of the fact that while it's one of the most important days of their lives, for guests... well, it's just a nice day out and probably one of a few that they have every year.

Taking time off work is tricky. Seasonal workload, family commitments and all those things all take precedence over other people's weddings. My priorities in life is MY family. They come first. If I'm faced with either going on holiday with my partner and child or spending that money on us going to a 2 day hen & stag plus extra days off around the wedding, I'll go for the holiday every single time. The only exception would be if it was a sibling getting married, and even then, I'm not going to wipe out my savings to go to a siblings destination wedding when I have much better family uses for the money. The rest of my leave, about half goes on covering sick days from creche and the rest are days here and there where we take a long weekend to do something nice as a family.

pwurple

100% on the leave. Please, please, stick to a weekend.

Whoever scoffed at a "secondhand dress". The amount of hours people put into making fabric, designing and making the clothes, the supply chain of getting it to you, and you wear it ONCE? That's really outrageously disposable.

On destination weddings, I went to a wedding before in Turkey. The bride was American, the groom was Azerbaijani and they wanted a venue part way between rather than make everyone from one side travel. Talk about inconveniencing everyone! Grouchiest set of guests I've ever seen. (Ended up being one of the shortest marriages ever incidentally... they were separated within 8 months)

mcgiggles

pwurple wrote:

100% on the leave. Please, please, stick to a weekend.

Definitely agree here! Our groups of friends are going through the wedding phase and the amount of days I have had to take off work the last 3 years for weddings is ridiculous! Don't get me wrong I love weddings but it is annoying having to use a rake of your hols for them! We wanted a NYE wedding this year but falls on a Sunday so we said feck it we'll have it the Saturday, then we can relax and enjoy NYE and if anyone wants to come out with us on that second night at least they are off the Monday too!

kunst nugget

I've never stayed at a midweek wedding. I just didn't drink and left around 12, gone home and went into work the next day. My time off can be precious enough so I'd rather use as much of it as I can with my wife and kids.

smeal

We had a wedding last month in Belfast which required an overnight stay, we have one in August in Donegal which requires 2 nights overnight stay and a wedding this NYE in Newcastle UK which requires flights and at least 2 nights in a b&b/hotel. Its unfair to blame the bride/groom on us having to fork out for overnight accommodation/travel expenses as the couples are from different counties/countries but the financial burden for us this year is huge. A week abroad wouldn't cost a fraction.

I am totally against midweek Weddings. A Friday at a push for me but only for a very close friend or relative. I understand mid-week weddings are cheaper for couples but annual leave is too valuable for me and I wouldn't expect people to sacrifice it for my own wedding.

I'm in two minds about abroad weddings. I'm not against them entirely so long as they are kept to extreme close family and friends circle where all can enjoy a holiday together also. What gets me is abroad weddings where 100+ invitations are sent out and people (especially with kids) are put under pressure to go when they'd much rather enjoy their own holiday.

GingerLily

We're having a 2 day wedding, Saturday & BBQ on Sunday. Only about 20/30 people or so will be staying the Sunday night and they're already really close friends and family so we're hoping they don't mind too much. I'm definitely very conscious that it's a big ask but no guest has to take annual leave if they don't want to and we're not pressuring anyone to stay (well apart from the bridal party

)

meeeeh

I think there is only so much adapting and apologising you can do. We are having foregin wedding and half of the guests will have to go through some hassle to get there. We don't want gifts and we are having a free bar. It's not summons I don't mind if people decline however I would be annoyed if my friends who live half an hour away from the venue declined to attend. And no none of them are under significant financial pressure. The wedding is in off season on a Saturday of a bank holiday. There will be a second day something or other for people who traveled and are not flying back on Sunday.

I don't feel guilty one bit about the arrangements. Frankly I don't give a damn about the wedding but it means something to oh and his family. And I just hope those who can't afford to go have the courtesy to decline instead of badmouthing us behind our back.

baby and crumble

pwurple wrote: »

On destination weddings, I went to a wedding before in Turkey. The bride was American, the groom was Azerbaijani and they wanted a venue part way between rather than make everyone from one side travel. Talk about inconveniencing everyone! Grouchiest set of guests I've ever seen. (Ended up being one of the shortest marriages ever incidentally... they were separated within 8 months)

So instead both sides had to.

meeeeh

baby and crumble wrote: »

So instead both sides had to.

It actually depends where you have to travel. We were thinking of it because there are either two flights or a flight and bit of a drive are needed for people traveling. Location in between would make it a lot easier for some and harder for others. But I don't want to organize a wedding in a third country and go through hassle that it brings.

pwurple

baby and crumble wrote: »

So instead both sides had to.

I know, seems batty right? But I'm sure travel visa's came into it, so some location that everyone could get to was part of the decision. It's tricky enough to get into the US from a lot of places, and probably likewise for the former soviet block. Turkey has some agreement with both.

But yeah, definitely adding another layer of organisation there.

GingerLily

pwurple wrote: »

I know, seems batty right? But I'm sure travel visa's came into it, so some location that everyone could get to was part of the decision. It's tricky enough to get into the US from a lot of places, and probably likewise for the former soviet block. Turkey has some agreement with both.

But yeah, definitely adding another layer of organisation there.

I can see why the couple chose it so!

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