Ideal wedding from guest's perspective (Mod warning in 1st post)

freshpopcorn wrote: »

All the Christenings in my area people seem to go all out.(Full mass)
If your any bit religious and both parties are Catholic. I can't see them leaving out the mass.

If the couple want a full Mass, they should go for it. I'm just saying that literally all that is required for a ceremony are the vows and the register-signing. Anything else is elective.

Boggy Turf wrote: »

Most people do not love a wedding be it over 1 or 2 days. Good weddings are few and far between. Most people pretend to enjoy weddings.

YES to this. Costs a bomb, sitting around having to talk to people you have nothing in common with and all the rest of it.

Wouldn't you just love if they fecked off somewhere, and you could bring your OH out for a nice meal somewhere instead.

OK I am a Bah Humbug. But at this stage of my life I could write the script for weddings, none of which I enjoyed immensely. Just got on with it because that is expected.

I have declined every wedding in the last few years unless family. I love my family we have great craic together. But after that NO. sorry.....

But I will be called some names for this post I reckon. Still it is reality.

There is a lot of false happiness on behalf of guests, when they wish they were a million miles away from the schedule of starvation, waiting, boredom, loud music and all the rest of it.

As you can gather, I dislike formula weddings. I really do. Think Stepford Wives.

Ann_Landers wrote: »

If the couple want a full Mass, they should go for it. I'm just saying that literally all that is required for a ceremony are the vows and the register-signing. Anything else is elective.

I think a lot see the mass as a nice tradition. They're also getting theirs money worth out of the priest/flowers/etc. You only do it once!

eviltwin

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

YES to this. Costs a bomb, sitting around having to talk to people you have nothing in common with and all the rest of it.

Wouldn't you just love if they fecked off somewhere, and you could bring your OH out for a nice meal somewhere instead.

OK I am a Bah Humbug. But at this stage of my life I could write the script for weddings, none of which I enjoyed immensely. Just got on with it because that is expected.

I have declined every wedding in the last few years unless family. I love my family we have great craic together. But after that NO. sorry.....

But I will be called some names for this post I reckon. Still it is reality.

There is a lot of false happiness on behalf of guests, when they wish they were a million miles away from the schedule of starvation, waiting, boredom, loud music and all the rest of it.

As you can gather, I dislike formula weddings. I really do. Think Stepford Wives.

Fwiw I would agree with all of this.

Scraggs

Dislike any wedding that has limited accommodation at the venue or if the venue is expensive and there are no cheaper alternatives near by. Also if the venue has limited accommodation and the closest accommodation is in the next town meaning you're shelling out for taxis. I've 2 weddings this summer where accommodation alone is €500 before I've even gotten a gift, organised outift etc. And not to mention it's a 4 & 5 hour drive away! (Neither of these couples are from the places they are having wedding in, I wouldn't mind if they were!) I attended 13 weddings last year and if I ever get married I will try make sure there is as little expense on the guests as possible.

Another thing someone touched on was the seating arrangements, I hate when the tables are not assigned it always ends up messy and people are left out. One wedding I was at the brides sister and aunt were outside smoking and missed the dinner call so ended up seated with a random group of work and college friends and were absolutely fuming and it was very uncomfortable for the rest of us.

I actually do love weddings though even if the above sounds a bit begrudging.

Best wedding I was at their was at their was no seating plan. The top few tables were reserved for close family and everybody else could sit where they want. They had no hassle of doing a seating plan and nobody got landed with people they didn't like.

I think we need someone with cojones to put up a poll.

Do you like weddings?

If yes, what do you like about them?

If no, what do you dislike about them.

Could be great crac.

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

You sound delightful.

Not everyone is religious. Some are mixed religions/no religion.

You have to have a bit of give and take.

Please don't ask me to marry you. You sound controlling nox. But you are no doubt gorgeous and tolerant and a lovely person. I know you are.

Way off topic but no idea what I said to make me sound controlling. It couldn't be further from the truth. I'll leave it at that as I don't want to derail the thread.

Bobby Massive Drill wrote: »

Way off topic but no idea what I said to make me sound controlling. It couldn't be further from the truth. I'll leave it at that as I don't want to derail the thread.

This is a quote from an earlier post of yours.

You sound quite compromising, not....

my wedding will involve a full mass absolutely no compromise would be acceptable.

I'm guessing you will be marrying someone other than yourself, who might have a different view?

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Best wedding I was at their was at their was no seating plan. The top few tables were reserved for close family and everybody else could sit where they want. They had no hassle of doing a seating plan and nobody got landed with people they didn't like.

My sister had no seating plan for her wedding, it was grand. I don't know people are so resistant to the idea of no seating plan.

Ann_Landers wrote: »

My sister had no seating plan for her wedding, it was grand. I don't know people are so resistant to the idea of no seating plan.

It just wrong because a few people far out seat close to the top and some old aunt gets ratty because she's not near the front.

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

YES to this. Costs a bomb, sitting around having to talk to people you have nothing in common with and all the rest of it.

Wouldn't you just love if they fecked off somewhere, and you could bring your OH out for a nice meal somewhere instead.

OK I am a Bah Humbug. But at this stage of my life I could write the script for weddings, none of which I enjoyed immensely. Just got on with it because that is expected.

I have declined every wedding in the last few years unless family. I love my family we have great craic together. But after that NO. sorry.....

But I will be called some names for this post I reckon. Still it is reality.

There is a lot of false happiness on behalf of guests, when they wish they were a million miles away from the schedule of starvation, waiting, boredom, loud music and all the rest of it.

As you can gather, I dislike formula weddings. I really do. Think Stepford Wives.

I agree too.

What bothers me most about weddings is people who don't have any real faith, haven't stepped foot in a church since their confirmation and have absolutely no interest in religion, getting married in a church.

Some because they pictured walking up the aisle of a church just like in the movies.

Many because their parents/grandparents/in laws to be, want them to and they are too weak to stand up for themselves and just say no.

Hate this whole attitude that if you don't at least have some sort of blessing you aren't really married.

My favourite weddings are the ones I'm not invited to.

Bah humbug

Ann_Landers wrote: »

My sister had no seating plan for her wedding, it was grand. I don't know people are so resistant to the idea of no seating plan.

I would be the one who ended up sitting with the sainted Aunties. That's because I am kind of shy and wouldn't just rock up to a table. My OH is great at that, but it can be an isshooo for me.

Doesn't matter anyway, weddings are a pain in the proverbial. False laughs, betting on the speeches to while away the hour, sore feet, boredom.

Ah well. I suppose it is just me being a Bah Humbug. But each to their own.

I know you will tell me to decline. I do now. Always, with a nice cheque enclosed. Family weddings I enjoy.

Scraggs

Ann_Landers wrote: »

My sister had no seating plan for her wedding, it was grand. I don't know people are so resistant to the idea of no seating plan.

Perhaps it's just because it hasn't worked out well at the weddings I've been at. It really depends on the venue/staff as well and how they're equipped at managing table numbers etc. My experience has been that it goes from civilised to mildly chaotic with people rushing to "bags" a spot :-)

Re the open seating. Get with the Ryanair program. Pay for seats up top, forget about middle seats, and rant on the internet after.

I've never heard of a wedding with open seating, sounds like a recipe for disaster!

Bobby Massive Drill wrote: »

I've never heard of a wedding with open seating, sounds like a recipe for disaster!

Why so?

Ann_Landers wrote: »

Why so?

When you have 200 people+ at an event organisation is the name of the game. You also want to ensure people are sitting with people they know, there will be groups you want at certain tables etc and there will always be people that have to be kept far apart (family members who don't get on etc). It's also hassle for the hotel.

The table plan is such a fundamental part of wedding planning it just stood out as something I hadn't heard of (the not having one). I don't think many would disagree with me either.

pwurple

Bobby Massive Drill wrote: »

Yes of course.

Maybe people don't want a shorter ceremony, I don't really know why some are falling over themselves to shorten and cut corners on one of the most important things in their lives. Surely its worth an hour or so.

Well, we weren't cutting corners. We just didn't add a bunch of unnecessary parts. We could have added a section for communal confession too, had six local choirs going as well as a full mass... and could have easily done it in a few languages to boot. But that's not us at all. We like simple, honest, personal and straightforward, so that's exactly what we did.

Other people like more of a big occasion. That's their way. The "most important thing in your lives" bit in your post is quite telling there... I never subscribed to that myself. Yes, it's a celebration, but there is no way I ever thought our wedding was the most important day in my life.

And getting back to the opening premise: as a guest, I prefer the marriage ceremony to be just that. But then, I would.

Bobby Massive Drill wrote: »

I don't think many would disagree with me either.

Probably not but I'd suggest that's partly down to a lack of imagination. People's responses to the notion are so disportionate, I find. People are terrified to mess with the wedding day formula. I've actually been to two weddings with no seating plan and there where no issues. They were much less stuffy dinners too which I preferred. A more relaxed vibe.

Also, any guests that have to be "kept apart" would not be asked to my wedding if they can't cop the fuck on and act like adults.

Bobby Massive Drill wrote: »

When you have 200 people+ at an event organisation is the name of the game. You also want to ensure people are sitting with people they know, there will be groups you want at certain tables etc and there will always be people that have to be kept far apart (family members who don't get on etc). It's also hassle for the hotel.

The table plan is such a fundamental part of wedding planning it just stood out as something I hadn't heard of (the not having one). I don't think many would disagree with me either.

I've being to lots of weddings without them and they was no issues! I actually pray to go their isn't one when going to one.

scarepanda

I was the poster that asked about the seating plan.

We're not having one. I don't see the point of them tbh. Extra stress on the lead up to the wedding that I won't need. Iv also never been at a wedding where the whole idea of getting the guests to get to know each other has worked, you might get acquainted with some people, but everyone always ends up sitting with who they already know afterwards anyways. I also don't see the point in telling grown adults where to sit for a meal and telling them that they should interact with X,y and z.

But our wedding will be smallish, closest uncles, aunts and cousins asked to the full day (just because your a blood relation does not give you an automatic pass) and closest friends. Family will know each other, friends will know each other (the benefits of being together so long!!) and there's no politics with anyone being invited. The rest of the uncles and aunts will be invited to the evening.

On the day we will have a cheesy sign up instead of a seating plan explaining that there will be no seating arrangement, although most people will know this in advance and we will reserve a couple of tables for family if they so wish to sit up front. But again, the wedding will be quite small so even people at the back of the room will still be quite near.

El_Duderino 09

Bobby Massive Drill wrote: »

I've been to a lot of weddings, 95% were catholic and every singe one had a full mass.

That's a very limited range of experience. It's not surprising that you'd stick to what you know. There are other ways to do things though.

meeeeh

No seating plan is grand for small weddings but completely impractical for bigger weddings. Or you can enjoy watching you guests trying to play musical chairs moving around to accommodate people who came alone and the couples that might need to split because there is only one seat available at couple of tables.

I've been to some wedding without seating plan. They were in restaurants and tables were pushed together so that was fine. But for bigger weddings with round tables you are just causing unnecessary stress or hassle for guests.

julyjane

A friend of mine said her hotel insisted on a seating plan. I definitely prefer to know where I'm sitting (and who I'm sitting with) before I go in instead of looking around for somewhere to sit and people to sit with. Then afraid if you go to the bar your seat will be taken.

One of the best weddings I went to had no speeches whatsoever and no first dance. The couples own words were "we don't want any of that BS". They had a really good band and because there was no first dance they started with a few big floor fillers (not the obligatory waltzes) and it really took off. They had a slow set later on and the bride and groom had their first dance without the whole place watching them. Perfect!

Flibble

Literally the only thing I care about is the veggie option. I will go along good natured-ly with every other party of it, but I do feel anxious alllll day worrying about the veg option. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it's true. I can't usually relax until after dinner.

I absolutely hate coming across as fussy or causing a scene, so at dinner I will normally quietly ask the server what the veg option is. Then one of two things will happen:

1) It will be a non-cheese based dish, in which case happy days and nobody will hear me request it or bat an eyelid at me, and I actually get fed and can drink a few drinks that night and have good craic with my table.

2) it will be a cheese based dish in which I have to ask if they can whip me up something else, causing the server to go back and forth. Sometimes they can, and sometimes I just end up with a plate of veg. Someone at my table will hear my requests and a big long conversation will happen where they ask me the usual questions, while I repeatedly & politely tell them I don't want to talk about it. As soon as it becomes known that I'm a veggie, half the table ignore me until after food, and half the table are forced by proxy and by one annoying guest to enter a conversation about bacon.

I've gone hungry at several weddings and can't really drink for the night then, as I'll get sick with nothing in me.

So please, please, just make sure you have a decent veg option. Best to err on the side of caution and have a vegan, with no cheese, option. That includes the famous risotto!!! If it's made with parmesan, it's not even vegetarian due to the rennet, let alone vegan.

meeeeh wrote: »

No seating plan is grand for small weddings but completely impractical for bigger weddings. Or you can enjoy watching you guests trying to play musical chairs moving around to accommodate people who came alone and the couples that might need to split because there is only one seat available at couple of tables.

I've been to some wedding without seating plan. They were in restaurants and tables were pushed together so that was fine. But for bigger weddings with round tables you are just causing unnecessary stress or hassle for guests.

My sister's had the big, round tables. Seriously, no issues. It was so relaxed, no hours of sitting as the speeches were before dinner. It didn't really matter if someone took your seat as the crowd was much more fluid than an assigned seating affair. It was great. People really knock this without trying it.