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Were you ever surprised when somebody came out as gay?

freshpopcorn

I'm just basing this on people I know. I was never really surprised when somebody came out at gay. I always found it was obvious from about the age of 12.Some people came out when they were in their teens and others came out later but it was never really a surprise. I might have just known a good few people who were stereotypical gay(6 out of 35 people from my primary school class). My older brother came out when he was 29 but I always had a fair idea but he was expecting me to be shocked/surprised at the fact.
Has anybody here had the same experiences?

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cantdecide

I worked directly alongside a guy for about a year. Soon after he finished up, someone who was friendly with him outside work mentioned that he was gay. I had absolutely no idea. I was truly stunned.

ohnonotgmail

Glenster wrote: »

It doesn't say you're straight.

it says you're a real MACHO MAN.

You mean macho man like this?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AO43p2Wqc08

AnneFrank

Rory Mcilroy

Beanntraigheach

Gay Byrne

bodice ripper

Beanntraigheach wrote:

Gay Byrne

To be fair, he's been pretty in your face about being Gay for a while now...

dd972

valoren wrote: »

Alec Guinness.

He was bi-sexual I believe.

He went to a British public school, it's practically de rigeur!

JupiterKid

Former Wales rugby team and Lions captain Gareth Thomas. Two guys who were forwards in my school's rugby team - they're an item now!

JupiterKid

Captain Slow IRL wrote: »

2 guys from school, they didn't come across as gay at all. Also, a female colleague. To paraphrase Doug Stanhope, "if you can tell someones sexuality without them disclosing it, they're probably assholes" which I think is fitting in my experiences!

So in that case camp gay men and butch lesbians are assholes then?

Lovely...:rolleyes:

Lady is a tramp

I was surprised yesterday when I was told that my lesbian relationship with a close female friend of mine was "common knowledge" in our mutual circle of friends, and that everyone was talking about it. All of the time, for months now.

Weird to know everyone is coming to terms with you being gay, when you're actually not gay, and said lesbian relationship does not exist! I was told in a, "Look you know I'll love you anyways but just tell me if it's true" sort of a way.

Some people have little to be occupying their minds!

Samaris

There is an element of if you can tell something about someone just from looking at them because they are constantly broadcasting it, it might well make them annoying, be they religious, gay, vegan or whatever.

It seems a little unfair to put gay in there when the other two are (more or less) choices, but many don't feel the need to make it a central part of their character - like, say, Varadkar. It's a part of them, but they have other things they want to be getting on with.

Being "butch" or "camp" are more choices and they will annoy some, rightly or wrongly. The pitch of a male voice (especially English or American) speaking in the traditional "camp" way grates on my ears a bit. Just the pure pitch it's at. Actually, quite a few female voices grate the same way. I would certainly never say anything about it to the person (or intentionally hurt a friend like that) and I'll get used to it and stop noticing it over time. Unless there's a startled shriek, whereupon my ears go flat.

Edit: Wouldn't necessarily notice a butch lesbian as being "obviously" lesbian.

seamus

Samaris wrote: »

It seems a little unfair to put gay in there when the other two are (more or less) choices, but many don't feel the need to make it a central part of their character - like, say, Varadkar. It's a part of them, but they have other things they want to be getting on with.

Still though, there are plenty of people with little else to be doing than analysing other people's lives and then start rumours. "She's never really had a steady boyfriend. And she spends all her time hanging out with that other girl from college; you know, the one who plays sports...".

I'd agree on many other things - like if you know what religion someone is, then it's probably been shoved in your face. But sexuality is often gossip.

seachto7

cantdecide wrote: »

I worked directly alongside a guy for about a year. Soon after he finished up, someone who was friendly with him outside work mentioned that he was gay. I had absolutely no idea. I was truly stunned.

Stunned? Why?

seamus

seachto7 wrote: »

Stunned? Why?

Because the popular narrative has been that gay people cannot help but talk constantly about their gayness, wear tight clothing, and talk in high-pitched voices with lisps.

Not to mention how handsy they are because they're so oversexed they cannot help but try to suck every cock in the room.

So when someone is gay but doesn't do all of the above, people are stunned. How can he be gay when he's not a flamboyant, relentless, cock-gobbler?

sbsquarepants

seamus wrote: »

So when someone is gay but doesn't do all of the above, people are stunned. How can he be gay when he's not a flamboyant, relentless, cock-gobbler?

Seen on reddit the other day -

How can you tell if your room mate is gay?
His cock tastes like shít:D

Leo Varadkar surprised me I have to say.

ThinkProgress

Samaris wrote: »

Being "butch" or "camp" are more choices and they will annoy some, rightly or wrongly.

How do you figure that they are choices...??

I would say it's more likely just their natural personality coming out. (excuse the pun)

It's one thing to find, say, a very camp gay person irritating to be around. (which in many cases, I personally would/have tbh)

It's another thing entirely to say that they are "choosing" to behave that way! It's a bit of an unfair assumption imo... in most cases, I would say it's just natural to them!

diomed

Liberace

LadyMacBeth_

Most people assume that I'm gay because I'm married to a woman, sometimes I clarify that I'm bi-sexual but most of the time I just couldn't be bothered because I find that a lot of people don't understand bi-sexuality. My relatives all assume that I'm gay since I met my OH, even though I had boyfriends and a long term relationship. My colleagues do too. My friends know that I'm bi though. I just thought of it as I read through this thread because sometimes you hear of a woman who left her husband for another woman, for example, and then it's assumed that she was always a closet gay, could always just be bisexual you know. My cousin was going out with a girl for years, living with her, and they broke up. Now she's married to a man and has two kids with him, my relatives just assume that she's straight now, and everyone brushes her previous female relationship under the carpet like it was some sort of phase.

BlinkingLights

I guess they just see you in a monogamous relationship with a person of the same sex and think - gay. Monogamous relationship with opposite sex - straight.

I find people don't seem to quite understand bi, and I would include a lot of people in the gay community in that too.

The worst aspect is it turns political and you get bi people being pretty much accused of almost political disloyalty like as of they're simultaneously members of FF and FG.

Lots of education and mind opening needed as there are a LOT of bi people out there and I strongly suspect many are living their lives as straight or gay simply because they find if easier to wear that label.

Sleepy

Rarely tbh. Have been more surprised that some people I knew ended up in straight relationships as I had always expected them to come out of the closet.

Richard Hillman

It was a general shock at the time when Stephen Gately came out. Coming out was still quite a taboo back then.

Hector Savage

I was a bit surprised when my cousin came out - again it wasn't that he was overly matcho or anything, it was the opposite it seemed TOO obvious (I know that might make zero sense - but there ya go, one of my many quirks)
Actually when my mam told me , she was with her friend, I had made some "homophobic" comment, and she took me aside and said "You know that XXXXX is gay" - I immediately felt bad and thought XXXXX was my ma's friends son and
apologized for the earlier remark.

Samaris

ThinkProgress wrote: »

How do you figure that they are choices...??

I would say it's more likely just their natural personality coming out. (excuse the pun)

It's one thing to find, say, a very camp gay person irritating to be around. (which in many cases, I personally would/have tbh)

It's another thing entirely to say that they are "choosing" to behave that way! It's a bit of an unfair assumption imo... in most cases, I would say it's just natural to them!

Er, I figure they are choices because I know people who consciously chose to speak in the polari-inspired cant, which remains mostly now as the accent. It's not something that one is born with, unlike being gay. Camp culture was a specific culture around caberet and shows, and adopted in Britain as a similar thing but also to codeword anything related to homosexuality (British version was known as "polari"). Many others don't choose to, which also rather supports the "choice" rather than "nature" idea there. There is no logical biological reason why gay men would have a totally different accent and pitch to anyone else which is...because they naturally don't have anything of the sort.

I have, btw, no issue with people doing as they like about it, nor do I avoid camp people. I just find certain notes make my ears ring and certain women and many English (in particular) camp men hit those notes regularly!

Edit: Actually, I see where you're coming from. I don't know that there are that many other aspects of "camp" left. There's the stereotype of moving the hands a lot, but that's not really that noticeable nowadays. A lot of people gesticulate a lot when talking. Clothing that accentuates or indicates either being "camp" or "butch" is generally a stylistic choice (which is probably because it appeals to the individual, so we can really take that as either "choice" or "natural"

Both.) But I was primarily talking about the accent.

dd972

I have to say that Varadkar was a bit of a surprise, there used to be rumours about Gordon Brown in the U.K, who didn't marry until his late 40's/early 50's just because he wasn't married and had no apparent other half, in fact he was just a dour, bookish, politico low on charisma, harldly the sort of chap you'd take to Copper's as your wingman.

I just assumed Leo Varadkar was the same.

BlinkingLights

Richard Hillman wrote: »

It was a general shock at the time when Stephen Gately came out. Coming out was still quite a taboo back then.

I don't remember being shocked at all actually.

eaglach

The actor Colton Haynes (from TV show Arrow). Just comes across as your regular Hollywood actor.

latest?cb=20160722182116

wakka12

Captain Slow IRL wrote: »

2 guys from school, they didn't come across as gay at all. Also, a female colleague. To paraphrase Doug Stanhope, "if you can tell someones sexuality without them disclosing it, they're probably assholes" which I think is fitting in my experiences!

Thats kind of silly. Im guessing its referring to annoying camp lads? I know some camp lads who are some of the nicest guys Ive met. A lot of them dont seem to really have much control over their campness

wakka12

Im not really shocked by anyone coming out anymore tbh. Im in college and the amount of people I know personally who come out in the last 5 or so years is the only shocking thing! Ive met so many girly girls and manly men and everythng in between who identify as gay/lesbian/bi that I no longer speculate on anyones sexuality really unless they disclose it