nav[aria-label="Primary Navigation"] { padding: 0; & ul { list-style: none; width: 100%; display: flex; flex-direction: row; justify-content: start; align-items: start; gap: 30px; padding: 0; & li { margin: 0; } & ul li { list-style: none; } } }

Child Item

Do you judge single people?

Potential-Monke

Was having a conversation with a mate of mine the other night. I'm 33, 34 in a month, he's just turned 36. He keeps asking (usually during inebriated states) if he'll ever find the one and settle down and have a family. I never want kids, so he's asking the wrong person. He thinks that he is constantly judged for being single, worrying that people think there's something wrong with him, etc, etc. Me, couldn't care less. While i miss the companionship of having a missus, i never want kids so my options are limited, and i'm ok with that. And i usually give no fcuks what people think of me. I know who i am, what i like, etc.

I brought up the fact that I have no issue with going to the cinema by myself (Limitless, so i go quite often). He said he could never do it, that people would be staring at him as the single loser at the cinema by themselves. I told him i went to see The Secret Life of Pets by myself, the last day it was in the cinema. I was the only person by myself and there were 5 others families there with their kids. My mate said he'd have to walk out for fear of someone judging him. Made me wonder if people actually do judge singletons.

So, AH, do ye judge us lucky folk?

Find more posts tagged with

Quick Links

Comments

myshirt

Humans need to be loved, fed, and understood.

You're fooling yourself believing it is natural and healthy remaining single. You need companionship.

This Fat Girl Runs

I'm 40, childless, celibate and single and the only thing that bothers me about other people judging me is being told I need a ride. Like that's all I'm good for. Not, you need a partner but a ride. Bugs the heck out of me especially when they keep going on and on about it (yes, I know someone who does. Annoying as feck!)

Other than that, I go to the cinema alone all the time and out to restaurants and gigs etc. I prefer it actually. I can do my own thing on my own time and not have to cater to anyone's whims and whinges (speaking from experience having had an ex like that). If I ever did meet someone who would/could be a partner, it would have to be someone who appreciates time spent apart as well as together.

PARlance

notsoyoungwan wrote: »

I'm a 37 year old woman and happily single. I get my *ahem* needs met through dating and short term flings, but I am most definitely not looking for a long term partner/husband, and I don't intend to have children at all.

There are some people who just cannot fathom this, and who assume I'm just "putting on a brave face" and saying don't want a partner when in fact I'm secretly just dying to "settle down". I've found them to be patronising and condescending, saying things like "you're great to keep going on your own", "you're right to enjoy your life now and don't worry, you'll definitely meet someone" or the spectacularly irritating "oh you just haven't met the right one yet".

I'm not quite sure are those people just very insular and small-minded, and thus unable to comprehend that others don't make the same life-choices as them or do they genuinely pity me.

Still plenty of time

for those people to realise you're happy the way you are.

[Deleted User]

Anyone ever see the clip from first dates Ireland where the very pretty female date admits to having never had a relationship, the amazed reaction of her male date says it all. Its not judgement exactly but society seems to have an unconscious exception of certain patterns of behaviour.

Your Face

Everyone gets judged no matter what.

notsoyoungwan

I'm a 37 year old woman and happily single. I get my *ahem* needs met through dating and short term flings, but I am most definitely not looking for a long term partner/husband, and I don't intend to have children at all.

There are some people who just cannot fathom this, and who assume I'm just "putting on a brave face" and saying don't want a partner when in fact I'm secretly just dying to "settle down". I've found them to be patronising and condescending, saying things like "you're great to keep going on your own", "you're right to enjoy your life now and don't worry, you'll definitely meet someone" or the spectacularly irritating "oh you just haven't met the right one yet".

I'm not quite sure are those people just very insular and small-minded, and thus unable to comprehend that others don't make the same life-choices as them or do they genuinely pity me.

JennyZ

I think people often do judge people for being single, regardless of age. But I never let it bother me in the slightest. People can be single in their 20's -60's for a whole host of reasons! I've no time for anyone who is anyway judgemental in this regard.

meeeeh

Charles Babbage wrote: »

It is simple maths, assume you have a 10% chance of meeting "the one" in a given year, and you start at 20, then 10 years later two thirds of people are sorted, but 20 years after that there are still 5% left. Some people are hard to sort, some just haven't had the dice roll for them.

And some people just don't want to get 'sorted'.

Charles Babbage

It is simple maths, assume you have a 10% chance of meeting "the one" in a given year, and you start at 20, then 10 years later two thirds of people are sorted, but 20 years after that there are still 5% left. Some people are hard to sort, some just haven't had the dice roll for them.

[Deleted User]

meeeeh wrote: »

I think it's normal enough reaction. Some people feel less miserable when they think someone is worse of than them. So you get X thinking I am single and childless but at least I am not married to complete twat and have to tolerate couple of obnoxious kids like Y. And Y thinks "well my husband/wife is an ass but at least I have two little darlings and won't die alone and be eaten by rats before someone misses me like X.

Only normal if you're miserable to begin with, the rest of us just get on with life and don't deal in either/or comparisons to validate our situations or choices.

meeeeh

Candie wrote: »

As usual with AH, it's all about the extremes.

The alternative to ecstatic male singledom is a life of housebound enslavement, emotional misery, mental and/or physical abuse, presumably followed by a divorce that leaves you homeless, destitute and broken, never to see the children that have been deliberately alienated from you again.

No middle ground there at all.

I think it's normal enough reaction. Some people feel less miserable when they think someone is worse of than them. So you get X thinking I am single and childless but at least I am not married to complete twat and have to tolerate couple of obnoxious kids like Y. And Y thinks "well my husband/wife is an ass but at least I have two little darlings and won't die alone and be eaten by rats before someone misses me like X.

IamtheWalrus

I'm 35 and single. I think it's partly to do with my inability to form relationships. But then again, I never date people much to test that theory. I think the longer I'm single, the more I get used to it and don't let it bother me. The only reason I'd hurry the thing along is society's view that I should be coupled by now. I sometimes think, maybe I should listen to society incase I regret it. Hardly a reason to get into a relationship.

xzanti

Tangatagamadda Chaddabinga Bonga Bungo wrote: »

I'm far more likely to judge/feel pity for someone who is trapped in a miserable loveless marriage that they can't really get out of, while having a few kids, in a house mortgaged up to the hilt in a job that they hate.

This.

[Deleted User]

As usual with AH, it's all about the extremes.

The alternative to ecstatic male singledom is a life of housebound enslavement, emotional misery, mental and/or physical abuse, presumably followed by a divorce that leaves you homeless, destitute and broken, never to see the children that have been deliberately alienated from you again.

No middle ground there at all.

RayM

Tilikum wrote: »

I was in the exact same boat as you Ray up until 3 yrs ago. Now I'm married at 39 ðŸ˜©

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pUEV4rnu5V8

Yourself isit

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

I think that people do. Maybe not exactly judge. But once you reach the age when most people are coupled, the social life does dry up: couples would far rather socialise with other couples, and at some level the same-gender-as-you-partner does worry about you trying to steal his/her partner.

Also, once you're past mid 30s, a higher proportion of people who are still single are like that because they have some health or psychological issues which mean they have difficulty forming a relationship. Unkind people may call them crazy or suchlike. So by association some will wonder if any single person they meet falls into this category, or is just recently-dumped (and thus damaged goods).

I'm saying this from the perspective of someone who was single until 40 (apart from a couple of brief 3-month datings along the way). In my 20s I was more conscious of it. But by my 30s, if no friends wanted to so someplace I wanted to go, then I very happily went alone (and sometimes I didn't even bother checking with the friends, I just went anyways).

I think the "Single people are psychological" judgementalism tells us more about you, and to a certain extent Ireland - particularly country Ireland
- than single people. Very odd.

I'm not single btw, but Ireland is still very Catholic in its relationship status. The assumption here is that there no pool of available dates past 35 could only be true in a society where people couple by that age and don't divorce or seperate. So it's hook up by 35 or be damned to be a singleton.

Tilikum

RayM wrote: »

I'm 35 and have been single for... well, quite a while (which is very surprising, considering my incredible good looks and amazing personality). It has never occurred to me that anyone would judge me negatively for it.

I was in the exact same boat as you Ray up until 3 yrs ago. Now I'm married at 39 ðŸ˜©

Mrs OBumble

I think that people do. Maybe not exactly judge. But once you reach the age when most people are coupled, the social life does dry up: couples would far rather socialise with other couples, and at some level the same-gender-as-you-partner does worry about you trying to steal his/her partner.

Also, once you're past mid 30s, a higher proportion of people who are still single are like that because they have some health or psychological issues which mean they have difficulty forming a relationship. Unkind people may call them crazy or suchlike. So by association some will wonder if any single person they meet falls into this category, or is just recently-dumped (and thus damaged goods).

I'm saying this from the perspective of someone who was single until 40 (apart from a couple of brief 3-month datings along the way). In my 20s I was more conscious of it. But by my 30s, if no friends wanted to so someplace I wanted to go, then I very happily went alone (and sometimes I didn't even bother checking with the friends, I just went anyways).

jamesbere

Robsweezie wrote: »

What Susie says of Sally, says more of Susie than off Sally

Ah that susie one is a thundering c***

Robsweezie

What Susie says of Sally, says more of Susie than off Sally

learn_more

Yes, I do. Single people are usually too good for everyone else ( like myself ) and thus have a harder time meeting an equal. It's a cross to bear but since I'm in the top 10% catch wise it follows that I'm great to be with which means I enjoy my own company more so than lesser people would. It's not so bad really. Preferable actually I'd say.

jamesbere

Keven duffy wrote: »

I bet you would

Yeah I would, but if you want to bet on it I'll give you good odds

Galwayguy35

Dr Crayfish wrote: »

Galwayguy42! I was just thinking of my married close friends from growing up. All but 1 couple are separated now with the intention of getting divorced, even those with kids involved. The one who's still in a relationship is a very submissive type of bloke who you can barely argue with as he ends up agreeing with you. Anyway his bird is a total nightmare controlling lunatic who I've seen punch him a few times when she's angry.
So I guess I should be thankful for my life of relative peace!

Yep some people rush into the oul ball and chain scenario and regret it afterwards.

Nearly ended up the same myself about 10 years ago but bailed before the big day, I've no doubt herself still hates my guts for dumping her at the last minute but it's better than ending up like the 3 lads I mentioned in the previous post.

Keven duffy

jamesbere wrote: »

I've been single for 8 years now. I'm quite happy and settled in my single life. Now don't get me wrong if the right woman came along I'd be delighted.

I bet you would

Keven duffy

It true so true

jamesbere

I've been single for 8 years now. I'm quite happy and settled in my single life. Now don't get me wrong if the right woman came along I'd be delighted.

Keven duffy

Yea

s4uv3

"Judge" single people?
Dafuq is that about? I couldn't give a monkeys if someone has never had a shift or if they're married to three golden retrievers.
I'm happy in my own situation, and that's the only relationship I analyse enough to "judge"

paleoperson

Potential-Monke wrote: »

I brought up the fact that I have no issue with going to the cinema by myself (Limitless, so i go quite often). He said he could never do it, that people would be staring at him as the single loser at the cinema by themselves. I told him i went to see The Secret Life of Pets by myself, the last day it was in the cinema. I was the only person by myself and there were 5 others families there with their kids. My mate said he'd have to walk out for fear of someone judging him. Made me wonder if people actually do judge singletons. ?

I'd be more worried about having the mentality of a 11 year old girl.

suicide_circus

Relationships basically work thusly;

Person A assumes the role of the child. Needs constant reassurance and maintenance. Uses the youth and vitality of the other person in much the same way as a steam train uses coal. Uses food, sex, conversation as weapons. Becomes a master of manipulation, misdirection and control while maintaining a gargantuan martyr and victim complex.

Person B assumes the role as the slave. Frequently to be heard using the phrase "yes dear". Their dreams so trampled upon that they have forgotten how to dream. Is dimly aware of their misery but enables Person A's behaviour at every opportunity as without it their only purpose in life would vanish.