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How much cash to give as a wedding gift?

bigbrotherfan

I'm attending a wedding soon with my plus 1. I don't know the wedding couple very well but was thinking of giving cash rather than a present they might not want.

How much would a couple attending a wedding be expected to give as a cash gift? I have an amount in my head which I have given before but would like to know what others think. Obviously, the amount would be higher or lower, depending on how well you know the couple.

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SarahMollie

Regarding afters, unless an afters was extremely convenient, I probably wouldn't go. Obviously its nice of your friend to invite you but really if your presence was essential to her day, you'd have a full invite. As such, I don't think you should feel like you have to put yourself out unduly.

For example, a girl in work is inviting a bunch of us to hers in a few months, but she's putting on a minibus from Dublin to her venue and back as she knows right well that we'd otherwise be like "Thanks but no!". I appreciate that she's making an effort to have us there, but I won't be buying a new outfit or doing any of the other stuff I might do for a full wedding.

Regarding gifts, there will be about 6 of us going and we'll likely club together and either give cash or a voucher, probably €300 between us.

Walter H Price

Emma1980 wrote: »

Could do but then it's not going to be as enjoyable sitting there drinking lemonade!

Haven't seen them in many years but nice to be invited!

€50-€100 is definitely fair enough so

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Any wedding I've been at I've being able to enjoy it without alcohol. If I knew my enjoyment of the event would cost €100 I really have to ask myself why am I going to this!

I think that's a really negative outlook , like why would you bother doing anything then , going to a gig in the point or Croker costs far more the €200 for two people , when you add in tickets , dinner , transport etc , going to an Ireland game , a Friday night out in Dublin , an overnight in hotel all cost more ... if its something you'l enjoy what harm like , similar to Emma1980 i just love being invited to weddings and going for the catch up and the craic i don't drink much or have to drink to enjoy enjoy the night, but id certainly be enjoying the one or two i would have.

Gal44

How much would ye recommend giving as a single person (going alone) going to a family wedding

lawred2

SarahMollie wrote: »

Regarding afters, unless an afters was extremely convenient, I probably wouldn't go. Obviously its nice of your friend to invite you but really if your presence was essential to her day, you'd have a full invite. As such, I don't think you should feel like you have to put yourself out unduly.

For example, a girl in work is inviting a bunch of us to hers in a few months, but she's putting on a minibus from Dublin to her venue and back as she knows right well that we'd otherwise be like "Thanks but no!". I appreciate that she's making an effort to have us there, but I won't be buying a new outfit or doing any of the other stuff I might do for a full wedding.

Regarding gifts, there will be about 6 of us going and we'll likely club together and either give cash or a voucher, probably €300 between us.

I'd never ever accept an invitation to an afters.

It's an attempt to finagle an extra few bob at no cost to the B&G out of some folk who were deemed not worthy of a full invitation..

freshpopcorn

Emma1980 wrote: »

Oh i completely agree and i've not decided if i am going to go to be honest!

I don't go out to often tbh so wouldn't want to sit there on the soft drinks

Sorry if I sounded rude in my post.
Afters used be a bigger thing years ago mainly because the people invited were generally only a couple of minutes out the road and were close by. Now couples choose a hotel far away from home and it's sort of different. I'd give them a small gift if I liked them but I wasn't attending.
There was a couple in my local town who got married nearly four hours away and to the best of my knowledge they invited 200 to the church meal and another 150 to the afters. It didn't go down too well.(sorry for being off topic)

eviltwin

What's the story with a gift if you've been invited to a wedding but won't be going? It's a foreign do and clashes with something I have on so I can't take the four days they want off.....no late comers allowed so I can't arrive late. Is a bottle of decent champagne ok or will it look cheap?

Walter H Price

Gal44 wrote: »

How much would ye recommend giving as a single person (going alone) going to a family wedding

Half what a couple would so about €100 is totally fine ... the €200 -€300 figures mentioned earlier are mostly gifts as couples don't think anyone would be expecting someone to pony up €300 on their own as a gift.

freshpopcorn

Walter H Price wrote: »

I think that's a really negative outlook , like why would you bother doing anything then , going to a gig in the point or Croker costs far more the €200 for two people , when you add in tickets , dinner , transport etc , going to an Ireland game , a Friday night out in Dublin , an overnight in hotel all cost more ... if its something you'l enjoy what harm like , similar to Emma1980 i just love being invited to weddings and going for the catch up and the craic i don't drink much or have to drink to enjoy enjoy the night, but id certainly be enjoying the one or two i would have.

In my experience events that you have to drink at to enjoy yourself aren't really worth going to!

Walter H Price

freshpopcorn wrote: »

In my experience events that you have to drink at to enjoy yourself aren't really worth going to!

But who's saying you have to drink to enjoy it ? i rarely drink at all wouldn't tend to go clubs or that but i would enjoy the occasional social drink, very enjoyable at a wedding or that , but realistically if you have 2 drinks now you cant drive that's hardly drinking to excess, enough to get drunk or to "get through" a night.

I wouldn't necesserily go with the mindset of oh ill have to have a few to get through this , itd be very much i might have 1 or 2 if i fancy it but id like the option , if you have the car you have no option.

[Deleted User]

As a recently married woman, give what you're comfortable giving.
Might not mean much, but we've had guests who gave nothing and me and my husband are absolutely okay with that.

We rather they attended and had a good time to something WE decided to invite them to
Rather than declining because they couldn't afford the gift and missing out on a moment while we wanted to have them there.

Sono

Robineen wrote: »

€150 is loads for a couple.

Wouldn't say it's loads, more like just enough.

€200 for a couple from ourselves always.

Robineen

Sono wrote: »

Wouldn't say it's loads, more like just enough.

€200 for a couple from ourselves always.

€150 is a good chunk of money even if the invitees are on good salaries, considering it's far from the only expense on the day. In the UK, gifts are generally smaller for weddings, no matter what kind of wedding thrown by the couple or the finances of the guests. I can't get my head around the idea of a gift of €150 being thought of as "just enough".

baby and crumble

lawred2 wrote: »

I'd never ever accept an invitation to an afters.

It's an attempt to finagle an extra few bob at no cost to the B&G out of some folk who were deemed not worthy of a full invitation..

I don't think that's fair, there are lots of people I'd like to invite to have a bop with at my wedding but I wouldn't know well enough to invite them to the whole thing, so I think an afters invite is grand. Likewise if I get an afters invite for someone I kinda know but not well enough to get an invite to the whole thing I'd still pop along, and maybe buy them a drink or bring along a card or get them a small gift from amazon, something quirky to be delivered at a later stage. I don't expect gifts from anyone coming to my afters!

SarahMollie

lawred2 wrote: »

I'd never ever accept an invitation to an afters.

It's an attempt to finagle an extra few bob at no cost to the B&G out of some folk who were deemed not worthy of a full invitation..

I'm generally not a big fan of afters invites myself but I think that for co-workers its grand, especially if there is a group going.

We'd probably have clubbed together and gotten her a gift for her wedding anyhow, even if we weren't invited to the wedding at all, because she's our friend and we tend acknowledge various celebrations in our office anyway.

readytosnap

lawred2 wrote: »

I'd never ever accept an invitation to an afters.

It's an attempt to finagle an extra few bob at no cost to the B&G out of some folk who were deemed not worthy of a full invitation..

Not always the case I am sure, relating to my previous example the venue could only cater to 180 people, so That is how many got invited (well to be correct more were invited but with lots not able to make it (travel, money, whatever) they managed to get it down to the 180)
the evening part had capacity for more (not all seated at tables) that is why people were invited to the evening part.

ash23

This type of thread utterly depresses me as often when single and on a low income I've only been able to give 50 as a gift and as a couple both on low incomes 100.

I'd hate to think of the bride or groom opening the card and thinking it was stingy. And I've actually lost a friend (not very close) over turning down a wedding invite because I genuinely couldn't afford to go. She just couldn't wrap her head around it and seemed to think I was exaggerating.

I often wonder do people realise how tight money can be for some families and the pressure they are under.

I would always advise giving what you can afford. Be that a token handmade sentimental gift or 1000 euro, a gift is a gift. And anyone who would turn their nose up at the offering of a gift should be ashamed of themselves.

laserlad2010

I'm going to go against the grain and say that being expected, socially or otherwise, to contribute any sort of cash gift to a wedding is nonsense.

€300?! for two people to attend a wedding?! Are yis mad? It seems like a case of the Emperor has no clothes! Have you ever stopped to consider that perhaps the couple wouldn't need a helping hand to start their life together if they didn't drop 20k on one days celebrations?

If you want to, give that amount. If you don't - more power to you. You took time off work, spent money getting there and getting through the day, any B&G who expects more is crazy.

Organise a wedding according to your own budget, stop hoping people will chip in to help pay for it.

sillysmiles

ash23 wrote: »

This type of thread utterly depresses me as often when single and on a low income I've only been able to give 50 as a gift and as a couple both on low incomes 100.

I'm married just over a year, and I'd much rather that the people we wanted there were able to come and have fun than worry about a present.

Sephiroth_dude

kingtut wrote: »

€200 - €300 per couple. No need to be stingy

That's utter madness giving that kinda money.

Electric Sheep

SarahMollie wrote: »

Seriously, have you actually booked outside of the hotel where the wedding was being held because it wasn't good enough? I've heard of people opting for cheaper accommodation options but never the other way around. Surely at a wedding you want to stay up for the party and then just have somewhere to lay your head after. We always stay at the venue because we want to be close to the action - not really our business where that is! Sure, some places are not those that I would choose when booking a weekend away myself, but still.

Eh, no. I always book separate accommodation so I don't get dragged into the dreaded sing song in the residents bar.

To the OP, E150 is more than enough for a couple you don't know well, and who probably invited you to make up numbers/get more gifts.

Sono

Robineen wrote: »

€150 is a good chunk of money even if the invitees are on good salaries, considering it's far from the only expense on the day. In the UK, gifts are generally smaller for weddings, no matter what kind of wedding thrown by the couple or the finances of the guests. I can't get my head around the idea of a gift of €150 being thought of as "just enough".

We cover our meal, if that is €75 a head or €100 then we are covered. Friend recently got married and I knew it was a pricey meal as I looked it up and we gave €250.

I just wouldn't want someone thinking I cost them money for their big day. Covering your seat at a dinner table is hardly that big of an ask I think, and like others have said if you can't afford to go then don't. No one forces people to attend.

sillysmiles

laserlad2010 wrote: »

to contribute any sort of cash gift to a wedding is nonsense.

I think it depends on your perspective, I don't see giving a gift as contribution to the cost of the wedding day, I see it a a gift for the couple to enjoy. Either on their honeymoon, or to put towards something later.

Robineen

Sono wrote: »

We cover our meal, if that is €75 a head or €100 then we are covered. Friend recently got married and I knew it was a pricey meal as I looked it up and we gave €250.

I just wouldn't want someone thinking I cost them money for their big day. Covering your seat at a dinner table is hardly that big of an ask I think, and like others have said if you can't afford to go then don't. No one forces people to attend.

I don't understand that. Generally if you throw a party, the guests will cost you money, even if they bring a gift. You are their guest. Also, plenty are people have to go to weddings they are invited to in reality. "Hey best friend, I can't afford to go to your wedding so I'm not going!" said nobody ever.

freshpopcorn

If theirs a wedding of a close friend or family member and money is tight generally they'll know this and wouldn't expect am expensive present off you in the first place.
I do think you should give a card and you offer to help them do something. One thing I don't like tough is people re gifting rubbish that they've gotten just to get rid of it onto someone else.

Toots

Mod Note:

Ok, despite my earlier request, this thread has gone completely down a rabbit hole (as all gift related threads end up doing) Since gift threads usually end up complete train wrecks and go downhill very fast, I'm going to lock this one as it just seems to be going around in circles anyway.

As I said earlier in the thread, there is a sticky thread with a poll to help give users a guide to what the 'average' gift is. Link to that thread is here: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057696548

Please read the first post in that thread before replying to it.

Thanks.