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How come Tinder is so difficult?

BabyE

Anyone have success off it, why do standards seem to be through the roof nowadays. You got to have the good facial looks, the immaculate hair, amazing body, height, charisma and all the trappings of high status and wealth and then maybe, just maybe you might snag yourself a ticket using the rebound card.
What is it? Are we seeing a breathing out of the average male? Is a men only as good as his worse attribute to a women? So you might have a ripped well maintained body but by god if you are below 6 foot or that face isn't as symmetrical as it ought to be then you may as well sign out of the dating game.

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Triceratops Ballet

That's not untrue but that's not the experiment he's running. He's running 2 average guys against each other, one only marginally more attractive than the other, and it still doesn't fix the fact that the two might not be seen by the same people, so there's no control group.

Anecdotally, in my group of friends, no two of us have ever found the same blokes attractive, at a time when we were all on tinder, our swipes couldn't have been more different. In fact one of them lives with a guy she met on it and despite the fact that he's 6'4 and built, I wouldn't swipe yes for him, and being tall myself, I'm usually all about guys that height

The Talking Bread

Kal El wrote: »

I dont think hes wrong using psychology, I think its not being applied correctly. As for experiments, I dont see a problem with that at all. No harm trying something out

Thats not the point! The fact is the more he delves into flawed experiments and generic analysis of women's mindsets, the more he is losing confidence. It isn't healthy. If you don't hold some sort of self regard and confidence, you have very little hope of attracting anyone.
There is no such thing as false hope. Hope is hope regardless. And its better to be optimistic than pessimistic in these scenarios, It is hard for the guy, I can see that but if he reverts to human psychology, wishy wasyhy stuff like women have a 6th sense and tinder experiments, there isnt a hope he will overcome this pessimism.
Its more advice than anything else.

Kal El

BabyE wrote: »

From Reddit:

Startling, everyone would expect the underwear model to clean up, but the fact that there wasn't a large gap between the ugly and average guy is chilling.

The ugly guy has the highest batting figure :pac:
If you did the same test with three ladies, do you think it would be the same?

BabyE

Myself and Nick Bateman go into a club, I wonder whose coming out with the girls :rolleyes: Subjectivity indeed. How can anyone tout this rubbish?

A girl might debate over whether she finds Zac Efron or Rob Kearney(I don't see it with him but who am I?) hotter, at that level subjectivity comes into it.

BabyE

From Reddit:

I did a little experiment all day, since I'm home for the holiday and there's nothing to do. Also I have no life.
I made three fake tinder profiles. One was with a perfectly average looking guy, one an underwear model, and one ugly looking guy
Each of them had the exact same tagline "I don't message first, so send me a cheesy pick up line." and they had one photo each. Each set the same age limits, 18-25, and each had a 20 mile radius. I swiped everyone right and did so until I ran out of possible profiles for each guy.
The results for the underwear model were just as anyone would have suspected. Within the 10 hour timeframe that I did my experiment, this profile got 345 matches and 94 of those sent a message first (only 3 of which actually called me out because they knew who the model was)
(EDIT: to give you some perspective, I've had a personal tinder profile for 10 months now and I have around 250. 345 in 10 hours is ridiculous)
What shocked me the most how small the difference was between the average and ugly profiles. The average guy got 9 matches and 2 first messages and the ugly guy got 3 matches and 2 messages (one from a bot).
I don't really have a conclusion to my experiment other than strive to look like an underwear model >_> (I wish). I guess you're either in the top 10% or you're invisible. It was a little depressing, yet unsurprising. Online dating is pretty hard if you're just average. I encourage all of the guys out there to start hitting the gym and groom yourself damn well if you want to have a shot at some crazy ridiculous results.

Startling, everyone would expect the underwear model to clean up, but the fact that there wasn't a large gap between the ugly and average guy is chilling.

Kal El

dottie_lottie wrote: »

That's a flawed approach to an experiment. Firstly the rankings of 5/10 and 6.8/10 are arbitrary and totally subjective not all women find the same things attractive and attractiveness is not definitively measurable. Secondly you've no way to ensure that the same women view both profiles.

So basically all ur doing tonight is catfishing a bunch of women, and pretending its an experiment. Is it any wonder women are reluctant to respond to messages

I think thats the general problem in the public right now, is thinking its one shoe fits all. For me a stoneage view on life. Its akin to back in the day asking does she have road frontage :pac:

Kal El

The Talking Bread wrote: »

the fact is you can't seem to see past this and you have a negative prejudice against women it seems so it makes for very unattractive traits. If you lived your dating life by basic psychology and experiments the chances are you are going to be unsuccessful.

Now that is basic psychology also.

I dont think hes wrong using psychology, I think its not being applied correctly. As for experiments, I dont see a problem with that at all. No harm trying something out

Triceratops Ballet

BabyE wrote:

WTF it is simple human psychology. I'm going to start a Tinder experiment later, normally when people run these experiments they do so by using subjects that vary widely, i.e a male model vs some neckbeard. I will run an average 5/10 guy vs a 6.8/10 rugby jock, not exactly handsome but has all the trappings of desirability. I guarantee the rugby jock will obliterate the 5/10. The disparity shouldn't be too great but knowing how the dating game works.

That's a flawed approach to an experiment. Firstly the rankings of 5/10 and 6.8/10 are arbitrary and totally subjective not all women find the same things attractive and attractiveness is not definitively measurable. Secondly you've no way to ensure that the same women view both profiles.

So basically all ur doing tonight is catfishing a bunch of women, and pretending its an experiment. Is it any wonder women are reluctant to respond to messages

The Talking Bread

BabyE wrote: »

WTF it is simple human psychology. I'm going to start a Tinder experiment later, normally when people run these experiments they do so by using subjects that vary widely, i.e a male model vs some neckbeard. I will run an average 5/10 guy(good style, works out) vs a 6.8/10 rugby jock, not exactly handsome but has all the trappings of desirability. I guarantee the rugby jock will obliterate the 5/10. The disparity shouldn't be too great but knowing how the dating game works.

the fact is you can't seem to see past this and you have a negative prejudice against women it seems so it makes for very unattractive traits. If you lived your dating life by basic psychology and experiments the chances are you are going to be unsuccessful.

Now that is basic psychology also.

Kal El

BabyE wrote: »

WTF it is simple human psychology. I'm going to start a Tinder experiment later, normally when people run these experiments they do so by using subjects that vary widely, i.e a male model vs some neckbeard. I will run an average 5/10 guy(good style, works out) vs a 6.8/10 rugby jock, not exactly handsome but has all the trappings of desirability. I guarantee the rugby jock will obliterate the 5/10. The disparity shouldn't be too great but knowing how the dating game works.

I cant agree with you on this. Im 5 10 and my brother is 6 ft. We both get way more attention than our friends who fit the example you give. Granted we all play rugby but purely height wise we would beat them.

Kal El

The Talking Bread wrote: »

You seem to have a very negative approach to the mind of a woman and you claim to be very unsuccessful with women. There may just be a connection there.

Ouch :pac: I dont disagree with you on womens mind frame though. Thats far to generic view on people

BabyE

WTF it is simple human psychology. I'm going to start a Tinder experiment later, normally when people run these experiments they do so by using subjects that vary widely, i.e a male model vs some neckbeard. I will run an average 5/10 guy(good style, works out) vs a 6.8/10 rugby jock, not exactly handsome but has all the trappings of desirability. I guarantee the rugby jock will obliterate the 5/10. The disparity shouldn't be too great but knowing how the dating game works.

The Talking Bread

BabyE wrote: »

The difference is a guy wouldn't want to be with a girl that had been with a lot of guys, but for a girl that would be a sign of his desirability and would render him more attractive.
"'A key that can open many locks is called a master key, but a lock that can be opened by many keys is a ****ty lock.'”

You seem to have a very negative approach to the mind of a woman and you claim to be very unsuccessful with women. There may just be a connection there.

BabyE

The Talking Bread wrote: »

Why wouldn't you make a judgement over someone for doing it. If you heard your sister was out meeting strangers she never met in person and going down merely have sex, would it not turn your head.

I think most people would judge a woman for doing it and Id equally judge a lad if thats the sexual lifestyle they go by!

The difference is a guy wouldn't want to be with a girl that had been with a lot of guys, but for a girl that would be a sign of his desirability and would render him more attractive.
"'A key that can open many locks is called a master key, but a lock that can be opened by many keys is a ****ty lock.'”

Kal El

The Talking Bread wrote: »

Why wouldn't you make a judgement over someone for doing it. If you heard your sister was out meeting strangers she never met in person and going down merely have sex, would it not turn your head.

I think most people would judge a woman for doing it and Id equally judge a lad if thats the sexual lifestyle they go by!

Honestly if I heard my sister was doing it I dont think Id be surprised. I dont think about it because its not my business. I dont judge women for doing it at all, I think its 2016 we shouldnt be judging women for doing something sexual these days, I think its outrageous to. In equal parts I wouldnt judge a guy for doing it.
Random question, how do you feel about a guy going out and buying a girl drinks all night with the intention of sleeping with her ?
Or a girl sleeping with a guy who bought her drinks all night ?

Kal El

Cornelius Crow wrote: »

I do know how to use it, and thats what i do

Well my only advice to you is the 100/100/100 method

You seem to just unlucky

Kal El

BabyE wrote: »

I'd say you'd be surprised bro. I bet you guys are better looking than girl equivalents. If you guys are picking up chicks that easy you guys are probably part of the problem(no hate) so I'd say you guys are getting with girls who are a few points below you on the looks scale.

Nah buddy, some guy showed my how to tinder. Good first photo, only like girls you find very attractive. Like a hundred, like another hundred etc etc. People give up to easy imo. Like never message "hey". Like yeah none of us were gargoyles but top 20% maybe 3/4 of us. But we all had high levels of success.
My one regret I didnt have it back in 2011 in Sydney when I was young enough for it :pac:;)

The Talking Bread

Kal El wrote: »

Its really quiet common place tbh. I have travelled and lived with a group of over 50 guys and everyone of us did it. We ranged on level of attractiveness.
Why would you judge someone over it though serious question

Why wouldn't you make a judgement over someone for doing it. If you heard your sister was out meeting strangers she never met in person and going down merely have sex, would it not turn your head.

I think most people would judge a woman for doing it and Id equally judge a lad if thats the sexual lifestyle they go by!

Conor Bourke

Kal El wrote: »

I wouldnt say you dont know how to use it then. I would recommend the same thing I tell guys to do, only match the people youre proper attracted to and dont waste time on maybes (granted you might miss a few guys you like) but in general it works better

I do know how to use it, and thats what i do

BabyE

Kal El wrote: »

Its really quiet common place tbh. I have travelled and lived with a group of over 50 guys and everyone of us did it. We ranged on level of attractiveness.
Why would you judge someone over it though serious question

I'd say you'd be surprised bro. I bet you guys are better looking than girl equivalents. If you guys are picking up chicks that easy you guys are probably part of the problem(no hate) so I'd say you guys are getting with girls who are a few points below you on the looks scale.

Kal El

The Talking Bread wrote: »

It isn't done that often. It really isn't. And I never said I wasn't aware of it but yeah, it is very hard not to judge someone who uses tinder to "rent a ride" frequently!

Its really quiet common place tbh. I have travelled and lived with a group of over 50 guys and everyone of us did it. We ranged on level of attractiveness.
Why would you judge someone over it though

serious question

Kal El

The Talking Bread wrote: »

I guess sex is sex for different people! It seems to be like ordering a pizza for you!

Not really, I never message my pizza guy for a couple of hours :pac: explaining what book Im reading

The Talking Bread

Kal El wrote: »

Im still surprised when people are shocked about it.

Just because you prefer it doesnt make it universal. Im not trying to tell you to do it, Im merely pointing out how often it is done. That fact that you compare it to prostitution is a stone age view and very judgemental.
I wasnt making a claim its merely how tinder works, Im actually surprised you werent aware about it

It isn't done that often. It really isn't. And I never said I wasn't aware of it but yeah, it is very hard not to judge someone who uses tinder to "rent a ride" frequently!

Kal El

BabyE wrote: »

Legit, people are still under this illusion about girls that they don't have a primal sexual desire like men. Girls love sex, especially sex with good looking, extroverted, high demand man.

I dont know about the bold part, defo doesnt apply to me :pac:
But I think people have a stone age view about girls in some parts

BabyE

Deleted User wrote: »

I feel though that by even saying this on the internet we are adding slightly to the toxicity of the culture .. like it is kind of arbitrary what height is considered short. 100 years ago I would've been average height. It would be great to be able to contemplate the theory of all this with my body *just happening to be* 4 inches taller!

I reckon the theory is fairly iron clad, a girl will like a guy in spite of their height if they can compensate, and tbh I think this is something I've basically heard girls say aloud. and it is not very stigmatised or taboo. 'He's not tall, but he's handsome'. There is always a caveat.

Kal El

BabyE wrote: »

Yes it happens on a primal level, deep down, it's not like they are doing this actively, rather it is the results of millions of years of evolution. But c'mon tell me how it's 'all about personality', and 'confidence' and 'being interesting' while every good looking guy I know has girls on tap.

This isnt right at all

Kal El

blacklilly wrote: »

I totally agree but it happens more regularly than you'd think. Not my thing at all

Im still surprised when people are shocked about it.

The Talking Bread wrote: »

I a well aware such happens. But the casual admission (claim) that he does it frequently doesn't seem to resonate with me as normal behaviour! I would prefer to meet someone and go on a date and then see where it goes as sleeping with a woman who would agree to engage in sex with a stranger online w/out meeting them is just f'in ridiculous. Its just free prostitution!

Just because you prefer it doesnt make it universal. Im not trying to tell you to do it, Im merely pointing out how often it is done. That fact that you compare it to prostitution is a stone age view and very judgemental.
I wasnt making a claim its merely how tinder works, Im actually surprised you werent aware about it

The Talking Bread

Kal El wrote: »

Yes this happens quiet a lot not just with me but countless others. This is my point about tinder, I wasnt the only one using it for just one reason.
Why is it sad, if I dont want to go out drinking hoping to pick up women, whats wrong with sitting in reading a book and messaging a girl and ask her over , I probably know her as well as id know a girl I met out drinking

I guess sex is sex for different people! It seems to be like ordering a pizza for you!

[Deleted User]

BabyE wrote: »

Legit, short is an absolute death sentence unless you happen to have a top tier face.

I feel though that by even saying this on the internet we are adding slightly to the toxicity of the culture .. like it is kind of arbitrary what height is considered short. 100 years ago I would've been average height. It would be great to be able to contemplate the theory of all this with my body *just happening to be* 4 inches taller!

BabyE

Kal El wrote: »

Yes this happens quiet a lot not just with me but countless others. This is my point about tinder, I wasnt the only one using it for just one reason.
Why is it sad, if I dont want to go out drinking hoping to pick up women, whats wrong with sitting in reading a book and messaging a girl and ask her over , I probably know her as well as id know a girl I met out drinking

Legit, people are still under this illusion about girls that they don't have a primal sexual desire like men. Girls love sex, especially sex with good looking, extroverted, high demand men.