(This post might be a bit rambling and unfocused, so sorry if it is! It’s also meant entirely for opening dialogue on a contentious issue, and it’s not in any way saying that the ethos of this forum is wrong or should change.)
I've been thinking a lot about feminism recently. I think that most of us here understand that feminism refers to equal rights in all areas for men and women. But the
name is misleading to many. We're all familiar with the stereotype of the man-hating women who dresses misandry up as "feminism". That has irrevocably damaged the image of a feminist, IMO.
My husband, for instance, unequivocally believes in equal rights for men and woman, and he can't fathom how anyone wouldn't. But when I asked him if he would describe himself as a "feminist", he hesitated for a long time, before saying "I wouldn't like to use that label".
Feminism has an image problem, and I think we all unintentionally contribute to that by using terms like "mansplaining" and "whataboutery". Oftentimes, men who are genuinely well-intentioned attempt to join in on conversations about feminism and they're run off with accusations of whataboutery. (Of course, there are times that people try to derail a conversation or deny that what's being discussed is an issue, but I'm not referring to them in this thread.)
Imagine you and your friend both dislike your jobs, for reasons that are very different. You meet for coffee and she starts complaining about her job – say, her boss is horrible. You can't relate to her specific examples, but you have loads of your own specific ones, so you say "I've never had a horrible boss, but my job is tough because...". She interrupts, saying "You don't get it at all; stop making it about you". You'd be pretty affronted, and pissed off, I'd imagine. I know I would, anyway! I think this speaks to why discussions around rights and equality are so tense and difficult online. Women want to talk about their issues, men want to talk about their issues, and neither side thinks the other understands.
How can we encourage an empathetic, reciprocal conversation?
To go back to my opening point, I really think one of the barriers is the word “feminism”. It implies that it’s only about women. We might know that it’s not, but not everyone knows that. What if we reframe it as “equalism”?
One argument against such a term is that it fails to focus on the specific problems that women disproportionately experience. But “feminism” fails to focus on the specific problems that men disproportionately experience. And I think that that’s part of why men get so pissed off with discussions around feminism. We all have issues that need resolving. Sexual harassment, domestic abuse, pay gaps, suicide, mental health, physical vulnerabilities. It’s not an “Us or them” discussion; it’s an “Us and them” discussion.
I should add here that I’m interested in hearing feedback on this from both men and women. How would you feel about calling yourself something like an “equalist” rather than a “feminist”, and having discussions where you can acknowledge and empathise with the problems experienced by the other gender, while both acknowledging that it doesn’t change the problems you experience? Where you work together to try to find solutions, rather than fighting about which issues are more important?
My final musing is that it’s easy for trolls and misogynists to use terms like “feminazi”, but wouldn’t it sound ridiculous to use a term like “equalnazi”?
MOD WARNING POST 50 " ...stick on topic, be civil to one another, respect that others may have differing opinions to you....ANY breaches of this will result in cards / bans."
