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Seduction

baby and crumble

Hey ladies,

Ok, so I was having a chat with my gf the other night, and the whole idea of seduction came up. I firmly believe I am rubbish at seduction. Flirting I can do- :cool:- but since I think of "seduction" as being sort of slick and charming and sexy, I am rubbish at it. My gf, on the other hand, tell me that by being silly and funny and nice, I seduce her that way.

Now, this has me confused. Surely 'seduction' in the kind of thing that's all candles and smooth etc? Maybe seduction is different to different people, and maybe I'm weird for thinking seduction even happens in an established relationship... what do you think? Do you like the idea of seduction, or does it conjure up ideas of coercion? I'm even torn about that, it's all very confusing in my brain tonight!!

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Das Kitty

Ha ha, not confusing at all!

Yeah, my other half is rubbish at it. He comes off all cheesy when he tries. I'm a wanton flirt though so it sort of comes naturally at this stage. I can deliver a cheeky line with with a straight face, whereas he looks a bit sheepish when he tries. No conviction!

I do like it when all the fluff and window-dressing is all stripped away though and he speaks plainly about what he wants, or says something heartfelt but not mushy... Yeah, I can actually see why he finds it so hard to understand now!

doctorwhogirl

I am CRAP at both seduction and flirting and I seem to attract and am attracted to boys who are also crap at it!
With my ex, my seduction was so subtle we went a good 2 months without him realising my wicked intentions!

It's not a good combination.

Needless to say my single status at the moment is somewhat linked to the above!

Must say, I'm a sucker for the awkward come-ons! I always find boys more attractive when they're a tad sheepish/awkward about the whole seduction process!

Stheno

oooh I love those nights when I come home and plan on having sexual magic in the bedroom

It's fun

He never ever realises, but he does the same to me

I equally love those unexpected occurences where we are both just after a bitta lovin and the sheer niceness of it.

Myself and the OH flirt and tease a fair bit, it's fun

Merkin

To me seduction is also linked to anticipation. There is nothing hotter than the exchange of some ever increasingly naughty texts or emails to my other half during the day with the promise of some sweet loving as soon as he gets home

Whispered

I'm soooooooooo bad, as is my OH. We're more likely to be found in kinks laughing than being all schmoozy with each other. Would like a bit of schmooze every now and again.

As for suggestive text messages, disaster! Way too easy to be misunderstood.

The Corinthian

I tried starting up a discussion on this topic on tGC, but there doesn't seem to much interest in it.

There seems to be a lot of confusion in what seduction actually is. Personally, I would not consider being romantic or flirting to be seduction - they can be employed as part of seduction, but it's not the same thing.

Neither would I feel that seduction is something that occurs when the final outcome is pretty much guaranteed - a romantic evening for a couple in a healthy relationship or two people who meet and from the onset want to hop on each other are already a done deal, as it were, so there's really not much seduction required.

To be seduction, I think an element of chase or challenge - where the final outcome is not guaranteed or even unlikely - is probably required.

In this regard, I do think that the sexual revolution kind of hobbled our need, and thus capacity, for seduction. Thoughts?

ElleEm

Stheno wrote: »

oooh I love those nights when I come home and plan on having sexual magic in the bedroom

It's fun

He never ever realises, but he does the same to me

I equally love those unexpected occurences where we are both just after a bitta lovin and the sheer niceness of it.

Myself and the OH flirt and tease a fair bit, it's fun

This is the way myself and my boyfriend are.

It's exciting to seduce him off gaurd, like dressing up in sexy undies and pouncing on him when he walks in the door. Or he'll come over and do lovely things to me when I'm in the middle of cooking or whatever!

It's probably the only way we are spontaneous, but it keeps it fresh and exciting for us!

[Deleted User]

The Corinthian wrote: »

I tried starting up a discussion on this topic on tGC, but there doesn't seem to much interest in it.

There seems to be a lot of confusion in what seduction actually is. Personally, I would not consider being romantic or flirting to be seduction - they can be employed as part of seduction, but it's not the same thing.

Neither would I feel that seduction is something that occurs when the final outcome is pretty much guaranteed - a romantic evening for a couple in a healthy relationship or two people who meet and from the onset want to hop on each other are already a done deal, as it were, so there's really not much seduction required.

To be seduction, I think an element of chase or challenge - where the final outcome is not guaranteed or even unlikely - is probably required.

In this regard, I do think that the sexual revolution kind of hobbled our need, and thus capacity, for seduction. Thoughts?

xp

The sort of seduction you describe dose happen, how do you explain something like seeing a very attractive woman in a relationship with a man who is not good looking or wealthy, sometimes he is even smaller than her, yet the said woman is very happy in the relationship, at the beginning of that relationship something must have happened to convince a very beautifully woman to get involved with the said man.

The Corinthian

mariaalice wrote: »

The sort of seduction you describe dose happen, how do you explain something like seeing a very attractive woman in a relationship with a man who is not good looking or wealthy, sometimes he is even smaller than her, yet the said woman is very happy in the relationship, at the beginning of that relationship something must have happened to convince a very beautifully woman to get involved with the said man.

Not suggesting at all that it does not happen, only that it's become much more rare, to the point that a lot of people don't seem to know what the word even denotes.

Augmerson

What I like to do is to put the pasta into a sieve and then place the sieve into a big saucepan of boiling water. I usually add salt and a little olive oil into the water as it is heating up. Immerse the sieve into the water and let your pasta boil away and then at the end the pasta doesn't stick to the saucepan.

rainbow kirby

Augmerson wrote: »

What I like to do is to put the pasta into a sieve and then place the sieve into a big saucepan of boiling water. I usually add salt and a little olive oil into the water as it is heating up. Immerse the sieve into the water and let your pasta boil away and then at the end the pasta doesn't stick to the saucepan.

I believe you've completely and utterly missed the point of this thread.

The Corinthian

Augmerson wrote: »

What I like to do is to put the pasta into a sieve and then place the sieve into a big saucepan of boiling water. I usually add salt and a little olive oil into the water as it is heating up. Immerse the sieve into the water and let your pasta boil away and then at the end the pasta doesn't stick to the saucepan.

If pasta is sticking to your saucepan it's likely due to one or more of the following reasons:

It's not in enough water. Pasta is generally cooked in big saucepans, certainly much bigger than is common in Irish kitchens, because it needs a lot of space - otherwise it can end up clumping together or sticking to the pot.
It's overcooked. Pasta should be cooked al dente - with a bit of a bite to it. Once it becomes overcooked or stracotto, it begins to easily stick to the side of the pot, clump together or generally disintegrate.
It's a cheap brand. What brand of pasta you use matters. I wouldn't touch Roma (which is actually Dutch) with a bargepole. Barilla is fine, but I'd recommend De Cecco for best results.
You didn't bother stirring. Pretty self explanatory.

rainbow kirby wrote: »

I believe you've completely and utterly missed the point of this thread.

I don't know... I got a little turned on... way to a man's heart, 'n all that...

Augmerson

The Corinthian wrote: »

If pasta is sticking to your saucepan it's likely due to one or more of the following reasons:
It's not in enough water. Pasta is generally cooked in big saucepans, certainly much bigger than is common in Irish kitchens, because it needs a lot of space - otherwise it can end up clumping together or sticking to the pot.

It's overcooked. Pasta should be cooked al dente - with a bit of a bite to it. Once it becomes overcooked or stracotto, it begins to easily stick to the side of the pot, clump together or generally disintegrate.

It's a cheap brand. What brand of pasta you use matters. I wouldn't touch Roma (which is actually Dutch) with a bargepole. Barilla is fine, but I'd recommend De Cecco for best results.

You didn't bother stirring. Pretty self explanatory.

I don't know... I got a little turned on... way to a man's heart, 'n all that...

Thanks for your advice, can't wait to try this tonight!

Giselle

Its very possible that on an evening out I may have caught the eye of a man determined to overcome my general reluctance to win my heart (what little there is of it).

If it has happened, I've probably mistaken him for a drunken pest intent on getting some before the night is over and sneaked away before I got called lesbian/frigid/stuckup/a tease/etc.

Although I don't drink, the intent of gentlemen in social situations can be easily confused at times. Who knows what I've missed....:p

Seriously, the only serious and successful seduction I've seen was a male friend with his long time female friend. He mounted (no pun intended) a campaign of wooing to make her see him in another light. Flowers, surprise dinners, small treats, compliments and small adventures. It worked, both enjoyed the chase, and the crossover from friends to more was made.

An escapee from the friendzone is a rare thing though.

Morag

Even if you are in a long term relationship and living together that does not guarantee sex on any given day or more then perfunctory sex (esp in a ltr). In those circumstances seduction may get you what you want that evening or work towards pushing the bounds with your partner to get them to try something they may not have considered before.
So I would not say there is no aspect of challenge in an established relationship.

ash23

I don't think I'm good at seduction but then again, neither is my SO and he still manages to seduce me. It can be a variety of things, him doing something thoughtful or saying something lovely. But in a genuine way, not in a "I am trying to get laid" way. And then other times, I know he is after something

He gets very touchy feely and keeps looking at me a certain, testosterone-fuelled way.

I'd imagine I'm similar. Sometimes I seduce him unintentionally by just being me and other times I make the effort.

I don't think I'd like a schmaltzy "seduction" technique. It wouldn't do anything for me at all.

The Corinthian

Sharrow wrote: »

Even if you are in a long term relationship and living together that does not guarantee sex on any given day or more then perfunctory sex (esp in a ltr). In those circumstances seduction may get you what you want that evening or work towards pushing the bounds with your partner to get them to try something they may not have considered before.
So I would not say there is no aspect of challenge in an established relationship.

I totally agree, which is why I discounted as seduction such evenings with a couple in a "healthy relationship". Still, you must admit that there is a difference between seduction and reinvigorating a relationship, unless the relationship has all but collapsed and essentially has to start again from scratch.

ash23 wrote: »

I don't think I'd like a schmaltzy "seduction" technique. It wouldn't do anything for me at all.

If they're using a schmaltzy technique, then they're probably not very good at it. Or they think you're American.

Catari Jaguar

Seduction, to me, is about control and confidence. When I'm feeling dominant and sexy I know I'm seductive. I can tease. I like the thrill of the chase. When my partner is being seductive I feel all virginal and nervous - putty in his hands.

In general, if a man comes across as nervous, giddy, awkward, insecure, apologetic they just appear weak to me, and it's not sexy. When they're bold, sexually confident in speech & manner, or eye you up and down, raise an eyebrow (all in a non sleazy way) I find that ridiculously masculine & sexy.

seenitall

The same way I like someone of independant spirit and a lot going on "between the ears", I like them to not be too confident when it comes to flirting and seduction; I want to feel special, I want to feel like they have never done it before!

So I prefer being the one doing the seducing, always have (although long-term celibate now, but I have my memories...). It's just the dynamic I'm more comfortable with and one that always got me more turned on.

shopaholic01

mariaalice wrote: »

xp

The sort of seduction you describe dose happen, how do you explain something like seeing a very attractive woman in a relationship with a man who is not good looking or wealthy, sometimes he is even smaller than her, yet the said woman is very happy in the relationship, at the beginning of that relationship something must have happened to convince a very beautifully woman to get involved with the said man.

Or maybe she isn't shallow?

I don't think we really have control over who we are attracted to. You may see someone you consider to be physically attractive, may discover they are wealthy etc., but once a conversation starts there's no spark.

Likewise, you might start a random conversation with someone you wouldn't notice in a crowd, and for no logical reason find youself attracted to them.

Ickle Magoo

I'm not the biggest fan of being seduced, in the true sense of having no interest in/knowledge of and someone making it their mission to get me interested. I'm pretty wary/cynical so tend to spot them a mile off and there is seriously precious little I find less attractive than someone who thinks they have all the moves and patter...it doesn't help that in most cases, nothing could be further from the truth. I do like seducing tho - go figure.

If you are already in a relationship then I think it's less about seduction and more about just using & abusing the knowledge you already have of their likes/top turn ons/general weaknesses/moods/etc. At least, I'd find it a bit odd that my long-term partner was making an effort to seduce me - or perhaps that's just because I don't need much persuasion and my wanting to have sex with them often should be a given by virtue of my still being in a relationship with them.

[Deleted User]

This is seduction for me,

Its the start of a relationship you like the person you start to spend time in his house and as you do this you start to notice he has made sure your brand of shampoo is in the bathroom, your favourite breakfast cereal is in the kitchen, the brand of wine you like is in the fridge, and all this not because he asked you what you favourite brands are, he has made a mental note of what you like when he was in my house and then made sure they are in his house when you are staying.

You get a sneezing fit he has a clean hankie in his pocket, you need a pen he has one in his jacket, you unexpected get your period one night and the sheets are a bit messy... the next day while your are in the shower the bed is changed and remade, all of the above is done in a quiet unassuming way...you say you like a piece of music form Madam butterfly and the next day he gets two tickets to a performance of madam butterfly ans so on... anything I needed or wanted was always there sometimes even before i knew I wanted it.

Catari Jaguar

mariaalice wrote: »

This is seduction for me,

Its the start of a relationship you like the person you start to spend time in his house and as you do this you start to notice he has made sure your brand of shampoo is in the bathroom, your favourite breakfast cereal is in the kitchen, the brand of wine you like is in the fridge, and all this not because he asked you what you favourite brands are, he has made a mental note of what you like when he was in my house and then made sure they are in his house when you are staying.

Don't want to rain on your parade, but to me that's just stalkerish and a little assuming. I would just be like *back away, not today..* Maybe I'm just cynical?

[Deleted User]

Catari Jaguar wrote: »

Don't want to rain on your parade, but to me that's just stalkers and a little assuming. I would just be like *back away, not today..* Maybe I'm just cynical?

Well I am married to him now I know what you mean though no he would not be the type to be a stalker fare from just a very observant person...you would have to know my husband to understand

Ilyana

To me, seduction happens through body language. You might be talking to someone - be it someone you've met in a bar etc. - and there is a subtle change in their stance towards you, how they look at you. They might lightly touch your arm or start to look at you more intently. I respond to that pretty well; it's the feeling that they are fully engaged in your presence. The conversation may not have changed, but you're suddenly aware that this person is attracted to you. It's pretty powerful.

Whereas seduction with a partner tends to be more vocal. You can tell your partner you want to have sex with them, but it's not really something you'd say to someone you've just met - unless you're very bold or very drunk! It's also a faster process with a partner. A boyfriend could give me one look that tells me he wants to have sex, and we'd be upstairs within minutes.

I think I can be seductive when I want to be. Seducing isn't difficult, it's figuring out whether the person is open to seduction that's more difficult!

ash23

But seduction is such a personal thing and varies so much.

Like on Valentines day, I see some of the girls here in work getting massive bouquets delivered and they are weak at the knees. Personally, I balk at the idea. I'd be mortified at that level of attention.

I'm a more practical person and I can be seduced by practicality. I like a bit of romance, but in private. PDA's make me cringe and mortify me.

But I see friends and family who love nothing better than a PDA and the more people who know about it, the better.

So I suppose, seduction is about reading the other person and knowing what it is that turns them on. And off.

beks101

Catari Jaguar wrote: »

Don't want to rain on your parade, but to me that's just stalkerish and a little assuming. I would just be like *back away, not today..* Maybe I'm just cynical?

Yeah, same for me.

Maybe I'm totally messed up, but for me seduction isn't about being nice & sweet to me & buttering me up - as cute and all as that is, it doesn't usually make me want to jump into bed with someone.

What does is someone's expressed desire for me; bold, suggestive, confident body language that makes no bones about what he wants to do to me. Strong eye contact, suggestive smiles, raised eyebrows, blatantly checking me out, whispering in my ear, innuendo, tangible lust. Someone who makes me equally curious & excited about what would happen if we got naked together.

cloud_dancer

Seduction is different things to different people. It doesn't have to be all smooth talking, flowers and candles and it's not only for new relationships. You can be in a long term relationship, not really in the mood for playtime that night and your partner comes along and seduces you in his own special way. He could rub your shoulders, brush your hair, take you up onto his lap, kiss you and tell you how beautiful you are to him. It could be corny, cheesy cute but whatever he does works for both of you

The Corinthian

Catari Jaguar wrote: »

Don't want to rain on your parade, but to me that's just stalkerish and a little assuming. I would just be like *back away, not today..* Maybe I'm just cynical?

I think you, as with others, are just presuming a rather ham-fisted approach to seduction - what ash23 earlier on referred to as a "schmaltzy technique". In reality, a seduction should not be obvious or give the impression of stalking; the seductee may realize that they are being pursued, but never in a way that would turn them off or put them on the defensive - that would simply defeat the purpose.

For example; girl meets and likes boy. Boy, on first meeting, is not interested in the girl - not his type. The girl though, learns what the boy likes or is interested in, or what may turn him on. She maintains contact with him, and either adopts some of these traits or exaggerates her interest in others, so that she demonstrates that despite the initial impression, they're really on a very similar wavelength.

The boy subconsciously begins to reassess his initial position; she may not be superficially his type, but they have much in common and he enjoys being with her. Physically she didn't turn him on at first, but he sees now that she dresses in a way that does, and her little flirtations communicate a promise of something sexual that does do it for him.

Before long, his assessment of her has changed and he now actively considers a relationship with her. He may even be somewhat aware of her role in his changing his mind, not to mention her own interest in him, but not to a level that would turn him off.

And that is a seduction.

cloud_dancer

mariaalice wrote: »

Well I am married to him now I know what you mean though no he would not be the type to be a stalker fare from just a very observant person...you would have to know my husband to understand

I understand completely. My ex was the same and seduced me in that way. He wasn't my normal type and it was this kind of stuff that swung it for me

It just means they are a very thoughtful person and go out of their way to make you feel comfortable. I really liked being treated in that way

Wouldn't find it stalkerish unless someone was spying on me to find out what sort of stuff I like