Being at a Deathbed ?

fryup · 07-03-2016 12:31am #1

Its something i'll be experiencing soon...so whats it like seeing a loved one as they near the end??

distressing? heartbreaking? comforting?

m5ex9oqjawdg2i · 07-03-2016 12:32am

I imagine it's different for everybody.

mahamageehad · 07-03-2016 12:33am

Depends on if they're dying from something contagious or not I guess!

Seriously though, it would depend on the person dying and your relationship to them. I hope they have a peaceful death.

uck51js9zml2yt · 07-03-2016 12:39am

Also depends where it is.
Was at a death in a hospital where a high dose of morphine was given to ease pain/ speed things up... Wasn't nice.

John_Rambo · 07-03-2016 12:43am

fryup, afterhours isn't the place for this, and we're all going to be in this place at some stage or another. I'm going to report your post and see if it can be moved to a more suitable place.

I hope your upcoming experience isn't to traumatic.

steddyeddy · 07-03-2016 12:44am

Kimora Loud Murk wrote: »

Also depends where it is.
Was at a death in a hospital where a high dose of morphine was given to ease pain/ speed things up... Wasn't nice.

Do they still do that?

steddyeddy · 07-03-2016 12:45am

John_Rambo wrote: »

fryup, afterhours isn't the place for this, and we're all going to be in this place at some stage or another. I'm going to report your post and see if it can be moved to a more suitable place.

I hope your upcoming experience isn't to traumatic.

That's ridiculous. I'm sure whatever forum the chap feels comfortable is the most appropriate.

uck51js9zml2yt · 07-03-2016 12:46am

steddyeddy wrote: »

Do they still do that?

I think it really depends on the circumstances.

07-03-2016 12:47am

Comforting and distressing.

david75 · 07-03-2016 12:47am

Held my grandas hand as he died at 93. In a cold sterile hospital ward with 5 other men in it. Took two things from it. Family are pointless if you're gonna have that many kids and they leave you in a home for years and no way do I want to reach 93.

It is a strange thing but as has been said its different for everyone.

steddyeddy · 07-03-2016 12:49am

My auntie died recently surrounded by friends and family. It was beautiful tbh. I'd like to die in the arms of someone I love.

fryup · 07-03-2016 12:49am

John_Rambo wrote: »

fryup, afterhours isn't the place for this, and we're all going to be in this place at some stage or another. I'm going to report your post and see if it can be moved to a more suitable place.

I hope your upcoming experience isn't to traumatic.

AH has the most users, all the other forums are too quiet

(anyway i don't care if someone acts the dick)

david75 · 07-03-2016 12:50am

steddyeddy wrote: »

Do they still do that?

It's the MO for people dying seriously painful deaths like cancers etc.

Weirdly hush hush and ironic given how backward we are on the whole issue at the other end, meaning birth and all the complications around it. It's not assisted death officially but it sort of is.

Tefral · 07-03-2016 12:51am

ive done this twice and both times i felt the same. An extreme sadness but also serenity. If your at their deathbed you were probably there for any suffering they went through and at some point its nice to be there for them when they are not in pain.

I can think of nothing nicer than being surrounded by my loved ones as i die and thats what i was thinking.

Its an intensely personal experience, only you will know how you feel at the time comes. Everyone is different

aaronjumper · 07-03-2016 12:52am

fryup wrote: »

Its something i'll be experiencing soon...so whats it like seeing a loved one as they near the end??

distressing? heartbreaking? comforting?

It's the two in bold in my experience unfortunately. My sympathies to you.

John_Rambo · 07-03-2016 12:54am

steddyeddy wrote: »

That's ridiculous. I'm sure whatever forum the chap feels comfortable is the most appropriate.

Fair enough, and fryup, read your most recent post... point taken. I'm probably being oversensitive. Recent experience comes in to it.

Tilikum · 07-03-2016 12:54am

It's weird this thread was started on Mother's Day. Because I can remember my mother's death bed (14 yrs ago) like it was 20min ago and it's certainly not a story for after hours

steddyeddy · 07-03-2016 12:58am

Bit of a sad one for me but a girlfriend I was with years ago died of pancreatic cancer when I was dating her. Not something I like to talk about but it comes up every now and again.

Her last words to me when I was leaving was "night baby". That was a bit much for me so I kissed her on the forehead and said goodnight.

It was as a previous poster put it deeply sad and serene at the same time.

steddyeddy · 07-03-2016 12:59am

John_Rambo wrote: »

Fair enough, and fryup, read your most recent post... point taken. I'm probably being oversensitive. Recent experience comes in to it.

Very sorry to hear that! It actually got me a bit teary thinking about the past.

itac · 07-03-2016 1:02am

Heartbreakingly surreally beautifully devastatingly comforting experience....for me anyhoo. Was lucky in that, our devastation aside, it was a peaceful passing at home in her own bed for my Aunt, with her soulmate hubby holding her one side, and her big sisters on the other. For me, watching her eyes stop moving was one of the most heartbreaking moments I think I'll ever experience. You're never quite the same after it.

Hope it goes as ok as it can do for you and yours. It's a strange thing to experience, and no matter how much you prepare yourself for that last goodbye in that final moment, after it's over, it hurts a billion times more than you'd ever think possible. Take care of yourself Fryup,xx

Filmer Paradise · 07-03-2016 1:02am

david75 wrote: »

It's the MO for people dying seriously painful deaths like cancers etc.

Weirdly hush hush and ironic given how backward we are on the whole issue at the other end, meaning birth and all the complications around it. It's not assisted death officially but it sort of is.

I only discovered that at my Mam's passing. She'd had a stroke & there was no hope of recovery.

I believe they eased her out with Morphene. If they did, I've got no problem with it anyway.

I happened to be present when the end came. I'm not religious but I found it a Spiritual experiance.

I just felt that my Mam had gone 'somewhere else'.

Hope this helps OP.

dresden8 · 07-03-2016 1:06am

A hospice is a wonderful place full of wonderful people.

Don't know the hubbub of a general hospital ward, thank God.

Edit: And than God for the drugs. When it's time it's time. No one I know would dispute that.

Tasden · 07-03-2016 1:07am

I feel very privileged to have been there for a family member in their last moments. It was distressing but I have a lovely memory to hold on to from that time and I know for sure that they died knowing they were loved. I'm thankful I was there.

FunLover18 · 07-03-2016 1:08am

My gran took hours to go, it was ridiculous yet pretty surreal that we were all there, just waiting for her to die. There was about ten of us there, her own children, their partners and the grandkids who were in the country. We would rotate between her room and the nursing home's tea room. I have to say that aside from her dying it was a pretty good night because in that great Irish tradition everyone was trying to make light of the situation; plenty of tea was drunk and we even got in some pizzas. But when the time does eventually come there's no getting away from it. You'll have a new appreciation for the term 'death rattle', don't think I'll ever forget that.

Darkest Horse · 07-03-2016 1:15am

John_Rambo wrote: »

fryup, afterhours isn't the place for this, and we're all going to be in this place at some stage or another. I'm going to report your post and see if it can be moved to a more suitable place.

I hope your upcoming experience isn't to traumatic.

Who makes you the custodian of propriety around here? The cheek of you. Have you nothing better to be doing like annoying your neighbours?

Pretzill · 07-03-2016 1:19am

A feeling of helplessness, distressing, a bit scary if I'm honest, surreal but a true release when they go.

But good that you can be there for them OP - that's important and life altering in a way. Wishing you well OP.

Filmer Paradise · 07-03-2016 1:21am

When you get to a certain age, say 40's on, this is a situation that most of us face.

A lot of the adults you knew as a child, the vital ones, start to 'disappear'.

I find myself going to a fair few funerals now for parents of childhood friends, workmates, etc.

Having been through the whole process myself, I now realise how important it is to show yer face at these occasions.

timthumbni · 07-03-2016 1:28am

Not nice but everyone of us will be away in but a blink of an eye in time. If you are on good terms and have made your peace with your loved one then Try to take it as just a sad moment.

Then celebrate their life and learn from it. Work less, worry less, be more spontaneous etc as the only guarantee in life is that you are here for a very short time. And you will be forgotten very quickly.. No matter how many Facebook friends you have.

stoplooklisten · 07-03-2016 1:30am

Serenity,peace, comfort, shock, running on adrenalin...a whole bag of mix emotions

Turtyturd · 07-03-2016 1:41am

Not something that I have experienced nor something that I hope to experience. Might sound selfish but I would rather someone's death come as a surprise than have to go through the whole experience.

PTH2009 · 07-03-2016 1:47am

Waiting in a side room in the hospital is the worst thing ever.

My man was in a coma for about a week and we were told to come out and she passed at about 5am.

I felt sad but didn't cry or anything knw it was going to happen.

Being at a Deathbed ?

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