Anxiety and/or depression discussion.

fiftythree · 30-09-2014 11:57pm

Hello everyone.had meant to come back today and tell you how well I was doing.today was a new start and everything.my trip to my new life was a two legged bus journey.the change was in Dublin.I managed to get out and on the bus.but when I got to Dublin I froze and couldn't go any further.got the sweats the palpitations and the fear.so I am still here.sort of caught between the past and the future.felt like I just could not take that extra step today.disappointed with myself but at least I started the journey.I can't go back to where I was so the only way is forward now.I am using the site from my mobile and haven't figured out how to thank people and stuff yet.hope you are all doing ok.

fiftythree · 01-10-2014 12:03am

handbagmad wrote: »

Ah God... *drools.,.. I don't know but id eat that now,

I had two double cheeseburgers tonight in mc d s!!so pretty much the same as a double qp er they were lovely.yum yum.hoping to get a breakfast there tomorrow since I am here next to one.sausage or bacon mcmuffin?I am torn I can't decide!

Hugo Stiglitz · 01-10-2014 12:25am

fiftythree wrote: »

I had two double cheeseburgers tonight in mc d s!!so pretty much the same as a double qp er they were lovely.yum yum.hoping to get a breakfast there tomorrow since I am here next to one.sausage or bacon mcmuffin?I am torn I can't decide!

I say go for the sausage one!

God I love McMuffins! Coffee is pretty nice there too.

handbagmad · 01-10-2014 12:41am

By hook or by crook ima getting a mc donalds fix the weekend.

Screw you heart, I want one of everything!

CZ 453 · 01-10-2014 12:43am

:eek: I've created a thread of McDs lovers. Like zombies with cravings for fast food

handbagmad · 01-10-2014 12:48am

shezer wrote: »

:eek: I've created a thread of McDs lovers. Like zombies with cravings for fast food

you should be getting paid for the advertising Shezer.....
In chocolate milkshakes and fudge sundaes. Oh my

stinkle · 01-10-2014 12:50am

Can I join the McD club? Giving in to my cravings waaaay to much lately! Grr can't sleep, reading my book on the couch as I dont wanna disturb OH with the light on. Annoying cold is still here too, the lemsips havent made me drowsy either! Thankfully the book is kinda boring so it might put me to sleep......

handbagmad · 01-10-2014 1:01am

stinkle wrote: »

Can I join the McD club? Giving in to my cravings waaaay to much lately! Grr can't sleep, reading my book on the couch as I dont wanna disturb OH with the light on. Annoying cold is still here too, the lemsips havent made me drowsy either! Thankfully the book is kinda boring so it might put me to sleep......

come join us on our fast food train friend

hope that cold clears up soon

stinkle · 01-10-2014 1:03am

Time for another hot lemon I think! Living on the edge!

handbagmad · 01-10-2014 1:13am

stinkle wrote: »

Time for another hot lemon I think! Living on the edge!

woo hoo, rebel

through a little whiskey in there, may do the trick

CZ 453 · 01-10-2014 1:14am

handbagmad wrote: »

woo hoo, rebel through a little whiskey in there, may do the trick

This could get messy :P

handbagmad · 01-10-2014 1:28am

shezer wrote: »

This could get messy :P

tee hee

Call Me Jimmy · 01-10-2014 2:06am

Light-hearted thoughts before bed include:

I am going to die.
The universe is essentially going to die with me if I subscribe to the notion of the self - if the universe is NOT going to die with me then there is no me.
Wtf I feel like this is just a (very large) sandbox.
Is anything, even pleasure, worthwhile?
daddy or chips

Esel · 01-10-2014 2:41am

Hi CMJ!

Newsflash: We are all going to die!

A fragment of poetry I remember: All life death does end and each day dies with sleep.

Check out his other stuff - it is not morbid (in the main). He wrote some great bits of prose too (mainly journals, no books...).

Now, go to bed! Chips tomorrow. :pac:

Roquentin · 02-10-2014 12:03am

shezer wrote: »

Had one of those awful dreams last night. The type you wake up from and it takes about 30 seconds to realise it was a dream. It actually irked me for the day.

The dream- On a prop plane with my little one and some gowl from airport left the baggage bay open. Loads of passengers telling me to keep my mouth shut then about it. So we are flying along and bits and pieces are coming off the plane.

i get those a lot. i wake up covered in sweat. weird dreams i must say. its not like a mad man is chasing you with an axe but more philosophical like i dreamt one time a star was crashing into the sun and woke up in panic

Roquentin · 02-10-2014 12:05am

shezer wrote: »

Had one of those awful dreams last night. The type you wake up from and it takes about 30 seconds to realise it was a dream. It actually irked me for the day.

The dream- On a prop plane with my little one and some gowl from airport left the baggage bay open. Loads of passengers telling me to keep my mouth shut then about it. So we are flying along and bits and pieces are coming off the plane.

you werent watching lost or something

the plane probably represents your life, the people perhaps are telling you how you should live and because of that your mind is saying that your life is falling apart like the plane. i dont know, just psychoanalysing:)

stinkle · 02-10-2014 9:14am

Had a weird night's sleep myself - cold is pretty much gone bar a tickly cough that kept me awake. Add in a weird dream and the fact that I'm due to visit my old workplace that I hate today and it was a crap night.

I feel absolutely awful knowing I have to go here. I'm obliging a friend and this means attending a meeting, and dealing with a couple of others who bullied me. What's worse is I'm annoyed I feel this way, if you get me. I;m trying to tell myself it's over and they can't hurt me anymore, but I know that while nothing overt will occur, there'll be a few snide remarks, that kind of thing. I have no interest in the meeting really, I no longer work there or care. Coupled with the ailments I've had over the last few weeks, an ill elderly relative and my own personal anxieties about emigrating I could really do without this right now.

I think the nice person has arranged a lunch and that's the only reason I'm not gonna cry off. I don't want to let them down.

Just feel so powerless or something. Like I'm walking into the lions' den! I guess I've nothing to lose and if anyone is awful I can act accordingly. Bleh though.

Killer_banana · 02-10-2014 3:36pm

My housemates are a couple and I don't really connect with them and I just feel so isolated all the time.

Hugo Stiglitz · 02-10-2014 4:49pm

Killer_banana wrote: »

My housemates are a couple and I don't really connect with them and I just feel so isolated all the time.

Sorry to hear that KB. There's nothing worse than being lonely even when you are physically close to other people.

Laois6556 · 02-10-2014 5:57pm

Does anyone know how long the waiting list is to see a psychiatrist with the HSE? Will it be months?

Roquentin · 02-10-2014 6:11pm

Laois6556 wrote: »

Does anyone know how long the waiting list is to see a psychiatrist with the HSE? Will it be months?

i think it depends on the area. in a small town youd see one asap with a cert from GP, but in a city it may be longer

Laois6556 · 02-10-2014 6:30pm

Roquentin wrote: »

i think it depends on the area. in a small town youd see one asap with a cert from GP, but in a city it may be longer

Ok thanks. Do you know do you have to get the cert off your gp in person or can you have them send it to you? It's just I don't really want to go to my gp as I stopped taking medication months ago and I feel a bit of a failure having to try them again. I've been putting off sending them an email for weeks now.

Roquentin · 02-10-2014 6:35pm

Laois6556 wrote: »

Ok thanks. Do you know do you have to get the cert off your gp in person or can you have them send it to you? It's just I don't really want to go to my gp as I stopped taking medication months ago and I feel a bit of a failure having to try them again. I've been putting off sending them an email for weeks now.

sorry by cert i meant to say they (im not sure of the right terminology) they send on some letter (cert) to the public psychiatric day home center and then they will ring you (well thats what happened with me) For me anyway i needed this letter before they would see me.....unless someone else on this forum corrects me

edit: i think its called a letter of referral. the GP sends it to the psychiatrist and they get in contact with you

Laois6556 · 02-10-2014 6:38pm

Roquentin wrote: »

sorry by cert i meant to say they (im not sure of the right terminology) they send on some letter (cert) to the public psychiatric day home center and then they will ring you (well thats what happened with me) For me anyway i needed this letter before they would see me.....unless someone else on this forum corrects me

So I just ask my gp by email? I wont have to go in?

Roquentin · 02-10-2014 6:38pm

Laois6556 wrote: »

So I just ask my gp by email? I wont have to go in?

i dont know. you could try that or try ringing in.......

edit: i dont know do private psychiatrists exist. private psychologists do alright. So if it were a private psychiatrist, i assume you could just walk right in

Laois6556 · 02-10-2014 6:40pm

Roquentin wrote: »

i dont know. you could try that or try ringing in.......

Ok thanks. Sorry obviously you wouldn't know for sure. I'll send an email when I pluck up the courage. Thanks for the help.

CZ 453 · 02-10-2014 6:46pm

Private Psychiatrists also require a referral as far as I know.

Either way your first point of contact is your GP here. The difference between private and public can be cost, waiting time and area of expertise(eg. PTSD).

Laois6556 · 02-10-2014 8:29pm

Sent that email. Yes it took me that long. Deleting, editing, deciding I wasn't going to send it, telling myself i have to and so forth. Now the wait. I'll post how long it takes to get seen by a HSE psychiatrist just incase someone if the future goes searching for the same question to be answered. Thanks for the help!

NegativeCreep · 02-10-2014 11:07pm

Anyone know how long it takes to process a medical card application? Sent mine off a week and a half ago and no word back since.

Roquentin · 02-10-2014 11:08pm

NegativeCreep wrote: »

Anyone know how long it takes to process a medical card application? Sent mine off a week and a half ago and no word back since.

took about six weeks id say for mine. am they give you the number a week before you get and you can use that until it comes in the post

CZ 453 · 02-10-2014 11:11pm

NegativeCreep wrote: »

Anyone know how long it takes to process a medical card application? Sent mine off a week and a half ago and no word back since.

Did you get an application number? If so you can check it online.
If you posted it in, you'll get a text. My buddies was sorted in 2 weeks

NegativeCreep · 02-10-2014 11:15pm

Jesus I hope its two weeks rather than six! I have checked online but I don't trust those things. I'll ring tomorrow to see if they've received it. Thanks guys!

Esel · 02-10-2014 11:37pm

Laois6556 wrote: »

Sent that email. Yes it took me that long. Deleting, editing, deciding I wasn't going to send it, telling myself i have to and so forth. Now the wait. I'll post how long it takes to get seen by a HSE psychiatrist just incase someone if the future goes searching for the same question to be answered. Thanks for the help!

Congratulations on getting that done! Hopefully, you won't have to wait long.

HalloweenJack · 02-10-2014 11:56pm

Have been doing well of late but I'm struggling through a medical problem at the moment and it just seems like a proper resolution is just out of my reach and anytime I think I get close, it moves a bit further away.

Had another delay today and it's just dragging me down at this point. I've lost my spark in work, just feel rotten all the time. I recently started playing football again (which made me feel great) but today my doctor told me I need to stop 'cause it's too risky, don't know when I'll be back at it. Just really gets me down 'cause it was something that kept me going but now it's been taking away from me.

Call Me Jimmy · 02-10-2014 11:57pm

Feeling very lonely at the moment, still thinking a lot about death. I could snap out of it if I want to and it's not necessarily negative in that hopefully it will inform life. I know it's two sides of a coin but there's so much hardship and suffering everywhere.

As most of us do I have an inquisitive mind and it just pisses me off that I can't figure life out. I know there's nothing to figure out but it feels like there is. And I know if I wasn't being curtailed by my neuroses I wouldn't be giving any of it a second thought and I suppose that's maybe the closest thing to a point yer gonna get.

I guess I'm just ruminating due to loneliness. I could walk out the door any day and build relationships potentially but I don't. Still rooted in the very core fear that I'm valueless. I don't understand how I can have such a feeling of unworthiness when logically I'm as worthy as just about anyone. But what was the difference in my development I wonder.

Esel · 03-10-2014 12:44am

HalloweenJack wrote: »

Have been doing well of late but I'm struggling through a medical problem at the moment and it just seems like a proper resolution is just out of my reach and anytime I think I get close, it moves a bit further away.

Hang in there, man.

HalloweenJack wrote: »

I recently started playing football again (which made me feel great) but today my doctor told me I need to stop 'cause it's too risky, don't know when I'll be back at it. Just really gets me down 'cause it was something that kept me going but now it's been taking away from me.

Could you take up some other form of exercise like brisk walking, cycling, jogging (on grass preferably), swimming? Or join a gym?

If you like competing, and contact sports are out, how about something like badminton or tennis?

Easiest, if possible, would be either cycling or walking to work and back.

HalloweenJack · 03-10-2014 10:11am

I have a hernia (which is a side effect of my original problem) so I get the impression all strenuous physical activity is out of the question.

kronsington · 03-10-2014 10:04pm

Have a potentially tricky situation this weekend.. Well my mind is playing tricks again, catastrophising etc.. Basically i live in a house here in vancouver with 10 others ( 12 if you include my selfish thoughtless housemate who decided his mates could move indefinitely)... One of the girls is throwing herself a birthday party and to be honest I'm dreading it.. While I get on with the people in the house, if only classify one or two as friends.. I'm 32, this girl is 21, and I basically feel uncomfortable in this kind of environment. Lad time there was a party in the house, i showed face for a while, made some excuse about having to work the following day and went to bed early.. A total lie.. Ultimately no one will care if I attend or not, and I know how absurd it all sounds. At this stage in my life, I simply couldn't be arse hanging around with a bunch of ****faced early 20 something's and pretend like in am friends with them.. Post over

CZ 453 · 03-10-2014 10:13pm

kronsington wrote: »

Have a potentially tricky situation this weekend.. Well my mind is playing tricks again, catastrophising etc.. Basically i live in a house here in vancouver with 10 others ( 12 if you include my selfish thoughtless housemate who decided his mates could move indefinitely)... One of the girls is throwing herself a birthday party and to be honest I'm dreading it.. While I get on with the people in the house, if only classify one or two as friends.. I'm 32, this girl is 21, and I basically feel uncomfortable in this kind of environment. Lad time there was a party in the house, i showed face for a while, made some excuse about having to work the following day and went to bed early.. A total lie.. Ultimately no one will care if I attend or not, and I know how absurd it all sounds. At this stage in my life, I simply couldn't be arse hanging around with a bunch of ****faced early 20 something's and pretend like in am friends with them.. Post over

You're pushing on...:pac: Only joking. How do you know the 21 year old doesn't have any older pals? At the end of the day you live there so you have the upper hand already if anyone is annoying you.

On a side note-Your posts could be written by myself.

chinacup · 03-10-2014 11:16pm

Sorry, this is going to be weird:

free
bird
wings
bridge
nightmare
sadness
bright
dark
bland
boring
wish
desire
happiness
out of reach
lazy
procrastinating
binge eating
unhappy
unloved
insight = help?
psychology = vague
broaden out the thoughts
need to speed up slowly
not me
who is me
blah flucking blah
sick of it
sick of it
sick of my brain
sick of life
sick of people
sick of my family
sick of society
sick
sick
sick to my stomach
my creativity
originality
my me
where am i
is it still there
my desperation disgusts me
need cig
alchohol
mind numbing
to wake the brain
the brain is sleeping
dormant
will i ever get out of this trap they put me in
i played a huge part
what the **** is my defect
i refuse to conform to the established structure of explaining
its too ****ing limiting
you need to learn it to explain your way out of it
you need to become it
to show that you are not it
to realise yourself that you are not it
it was all part of a game you played
to stay distracted
and got in too deep
can i unlearn or overlearn what has already been imprinted in my every ****ing move
emotion
thought
action
its there its lingering
i dont ****ing have the words
jesus
give me some
extra astrocytes
something
something
something.
has it been building
has the pscyhology corporation blinded truth
how can i get to my truth
should i avoid truth
do i avoid truth in my convinving so called quest to find it
am i going in circles
yes i am going in circles
am i crazy
am i hazy
am i daisey
no im ( my name)
im (name)
im (name)
i have a heart
a brain
a body
i have a life
i can have a life
i have to have a life
i know i can get the life
if i work
and find happiness
all i need is success
a purpose
maybe a relationship
and i will find peace

cloudatlas · 03-10-2014 11:22pm

This time last year I promised myself I would fix everything and be sitting in an arm chair somewhere with a drink toasting my success but it just hasn't happened I'm in the same situation i was last year possibly even worse. 2015 can't be worse because living this way is much more awful than I could have dreamed up.

CZ 453 · 03-10-2014 11:27pm

cloudatlas wrote: »

This time last year I promised myself I would fix everything and be sitting in an arm chair somewhere with a drink toasting my success but it just hasn't happened I'm in the same situation i was last year possibly even worse. 2015 can't be worse because living this way is much more awful than I could have dreamed up.

You need to accept some things as they are. Your perception of those things may sometimes be distorted. Don't stack things up on yourself. You probably have a lot to be positive about.

handbagmad · 03-10-2014 11:32pm

cloudatlas wrote: »

This time last year I promised myself I would fix everything and be sitting in an arm chair somewhere with a drink toasting my success but it just hasn't happened I'm in the same situation i was last year possibly even worse. 2015 can't be worse because living this way is much more awful than I could have dreamed up.

cloud, don't be so hard on yourself mate. x

Call Me Jimmy · 04-10-2014 12:40am

chinacup wrote: »

Sorry, this is going to be weird:

...

Great exercise (if ye don't mind me calling it that). Streams of consciousness can be very educational imo.

Esel · 04-10-2014 3:39am

chinacup wrote: »

Sorry, this is going to be weird:

free
bird
wings
bridge
nightmare
sadness
bright
dark
bland
boring
wish
desire
happiness
out of reach
lazy
procrastinating
binge eating
unhappy
unloved
insight = help?
psychology = vague
broaden out the thoughts
need to speed up slowly
not me
who is me
blah flucking blah
sick of it
sick of it
sick of my brain
sick of life
sick of people
sick of my family
sick of society
sick
sick
sick to my stomach
my creativity
originality
my me
where am i
is it still there
my desperation disgusts me
need cig
alchohol
mind numbing
to wake the brain
the brain is sleeping
dormant
will i ever get out of this trap they put me in
i played a huge part
what the **** is my defect
i refuse to conform to the established structure of explaining
its too ****ing limiting
you need to learn it to explain your way out of it
you need to become it
to show that you are not it
to realise yourself that you are not it
it was all part of a game you played
to stay distracted
and got in too deep
can i unlearn or overlearn what has already been imprinted in my every ****ing move
emotion
thought
action
its there its lingering
i dont ****ing have the words
jesus
give me some
extra astrocytes
something
something
something.
has it been building
has the pscyhology corporation blinded truth
how can i get to my truth
should i avoid truth
do i avoid truth in my convinving so called quest to find it
am i going in circles
yes i am going in circles
am i crazy
am i hazy
am i daisey
no im ( my name)
im (name)
im (name)
i have a heart
a brain
a body
i have a life
i can have a life
i have to have a life
i know i can get the life
if i work
and find happiness
all i need is success
a purpose
maybe a relationship
and i will find peace

Great list/poem/stream!

Hope you don't mind if I select from it:

free
bird
wings
bridge
bright
wish
desire
happiness
insight
my creativity
originality
emotion
thought
action
something
i have a heart
a brain
a body
i have a life
i will find peace

Go back over the list, strike those words I struck out (or even better, move them to another column).

Revise your spreadsheet; insert columns for your reasons.

Expand on the good stuff; add more reasoning.

Weigh your scales in favour of the light against the dark.

We are all on the road. Sometimes we lay our load down - to have a rest.
We get up again, and we trod on.
We get to that place, and we relax for a while.
Life does not rhyme, but it does scan.

Watch your favourite comedies/cartoons, and realise you can laugh again.

chinacup · 04-10-2014 1:10pm

Esel wrote: »

Revise your spreadsheet; insert columns for your reasons.

Expand on the good stuff; add more reasoning.

Weigh your scales in favour of the light against the dark.

Thank you Esel, that's brilliant advice!

free, bird, wings - thinking about the beauty and simplicity of nature is inspiring and there is a lesson in perspective there
bridge - some bridges were burned but the burning lit the way to a new path

bright - I am bright, this will guide success
wish, desire - be focused on a goal, but don't desire perfection, it takes away from the present
My happiness, insight, creativity, originality, emotion, thought will develop by taking action
i have a life - Its a wonderful gift, life.
i will find peace - because it is possible and this time last year I was homeless so although things aren't the way I want them yet, its a hell of a lot closer.

chinacup · 04-10-2014 1:12pm

cloudatlas wrote: »

This time last year I promised myself I would fix everything and be sitting in an arm chair somewhere with a drink toasting my success but it just hasn't happened I'm in the same situation i was last year possibly even worse. 2015 can't be worse because living this way is much more awful than I could have dreamed up.

I'm familiar with that thought process. Maybe try thinking about the things you did achieve. Negative thinking will always try to rob you of your progress, but tomorrow positive thinking may help you celebrate it. I know it sounds soppy and cliche but its something to at least try.

fr336 · 04-10-2014 1:13pm

Really worried about my eyesight right now. I've put blurred vision and stuff down to anxiety, but now my distance vision is really poor and I can't even seem to slightly adjust it like it could be just blurred vision if that makes any sense? It still feels like all crosseyed though, like it's half on the outside and rest on the inside? This post is probably really confusing sorry..

Call Me Jimmy · 04-10-2014 1:51pm

Not at all, I've had that due to anxiety, my eyes being absolutely in pain all the time, muscles around them spasming, can't focus on stuff, extreme photosensitivity etc.

It has to be tackled physically, as in if you tackle the anxiety physically, and uncoil your body and spine (my spine was in so many nots my hips felt like they were nearly piercing out through the skin, my neck and skull were twisted as well. I couldn't really properly identify the location of touches, and some areas were completely numb.

You have to make a concerted effort (I am using yoga and meditation and sort of body exploration, not accepting current physical state of affairs, move in different ways than you normally would, say I put my right foot down without thinking I'll notice the whole leg is not in a good position, so I'll stand still for a sec and try to break out of whatever my normal pattern of movement is, this is the informal thing I do).

here's a video i've used before for eyes, very short simple etc. don't expect too much relief immediately but I did it a while back and it relaxed my eyes. This is a direct approach to the eyes, but I'm guessing you're like me where your whole body needs some serious love and attention

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PRwXuRIR3Co

fr336 · 04-10-2014 2:03pm

Thanks Jimmy, really appreciate that. On the flipside however I (and everyone else) have to be careful not to blame almost anything on anxiety :P Quite dangerous, that. I mean I've spent way too much time in front of a computer screen in my short life, and I've not been the healthiest in general, so stuff like the eyes and other things may be anxiety, other things or a combination of both. I'm hoping I will be given enough time by my health to turn things round once and for all - I'll never be intentionally unhealthy again if and when I get through this. I just don't have the strength due to the lack of energy to start cutting junk out of diet, exercising consistently, and generally trying to turn things around. I start a uni course shortly so I'm going to try my best to use that as my startpoint. Thanks again.

Anxiety and/or depression discussion.

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