Future for my wife and I

Good luck with the counsellor, don't expect immediate results, it will take some time to learn how to communicate again.

Ill probably get banned for this but women are like entrepreneurs. They see things most normal folk don't. They're irrational and rarely think in straight lines...hence the reason they're so successful!!

The take away from this is that OP you need to try and stand in your wife's shoes for 10 mins...empathise..don't even attempt to use logic or common sense...just basic empathy.

As the mother of a child who also suffered from Eczema, can I just mention how incredibly soul destroyingly exhausting it is. Although my partner is a very hands on dad, the bulk of the care fell to me, because no matter how good a dad he is, it was always me that my baby reached out to in the dead of night. Can I say that there is nothing more upsetting than trying to comfort a sore, itchy, tired, frustrated and upset child at 4am, while looking at your sleeping partner's back while they sleep. I appreciate that he had to work the following morning, but 4 am is a pretty lonely place. My experience with eczema made me not want another child for fear of having to endure that again.
This same pattern also goes for general housework. Although my partner does help out with the home, most of it remains my responsibility. Coming in the door exhausted after a days work, merely heralds the beginning of more hours of work at home. My mind constantly races with the chores that still need doing, and that in itself is exhausting. I must admit resentment does creep in, and intimacy is affected.
After the children are settled in bed, that is my time. I like to go to bed with a book. It is how I relax, how I switch off from the day. My partner likes to watch TV, I do not.
I guess what I am trying to say is that when you have a young family, especially one where there are health issues involved, you are constanly exhausted, even when health issues are resolved it takes time to recover from lost sleep, especially when living fast paced lives of work and home. And you forget about your relationship sometimes because you have to look after yourself so much just to be able to keep going. Our lives today are jam packed, something has got to give. Its so easy to forget about each other, especially during the early years of child rearing. I hope it all works out for you, and I'm glad that you are trying to fix your problems. Try and remember what you enjoyed doing together before the baby came, go to a comedy gig, laugh together, hold hands, it will come back.

Borinis_Socks wrote: »

She never said it was too risky. She is nearly 41. Why is there no chance?
I'm always home from work on time and spend time with our daughters lot.
Don't think it's really an option to start going out looking for extra-marital sex

There is still a chance. I know lots of women who had their last child between 42 and 44. That said, you would both want to be in agreement for this to happen. You both need to communicate about all of this.

Op I thing your relationship is over the fact she's is looking for a house on her own speaks volumes

I think it's understandable that you feel deflated, you've put energy into something and want to see immediate results.

You seem like a guy who wants immediate reward - look at your comments last week about lighting the fire etc.

But in all honesty, you are not going to change things yet. And while I understand your hope that your wife would make a big change herself I really don't know why you thought she would.

You know her and you know your life. You know how she is. She is not good at communicating with you and either are you with her.

What you have done is like starting working out with a trainer. And you've had one session and expecting change. Which is crazy.

You did get a change - she spoke about your marriage a bit. But you don't like what she says. I think it's unfair to ask somebody a question you should know will give you an upsetting answer, and then complain about them giving you that answer.

That's how she says she feels - now.
You have the way you feel - now. You probably are both a bit tired emotionally, guarded, and misunderstood.

One step at a time OP.

Btw i don't think that she doesn't love you, but like you she is in a pattern of being this way.

Patterns change slowly. So don't put any pressure on yourselves. If she won't go (and you don't have to clarify but to me it's not clear that she has refused to go) then you go and work on yourself.