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mud moan

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  • 24-10-2008 3:23pm
    #1
    mud
    Registered Users Posts: 2,699 ✭✭✭


    The reason I'm starting a new thread for this was because I didn't want to hijack another thread about communication

    I broke up with my bf on Monday and Tuesday of this week, (some of you may have seen me downing shots in 'Nanger's lol :pac:)

    When we started going out two years (almost) ago, we made a pact to sit down and have a talk about 'us' once every month, to make sure nothing was being misunderstood or festering. in retrospect though it really was just an excuse for us to sit down and be smug cos we were so happy etc

    Then last January things started going wrong and the old once a month chat fell by the wayside, just when we needed it most!

    So after a difficult few months where we stopped telling each other we love each other and really grew apart I decided to call a halt

    He was really shocked and hurt which resulted in some fairly cross messages on his part which I didn't respond to (well, after the first one) because it's just not cool to be having such a conversation in anything other than in person, it's way too easy to go OTT when you dont have the other person there in front of you

    Also the fact that we broke up because we are incompatible and not because of cheating or lies makes it fairly difficult (for me anyway) to know where to start being his friend now rather than girlfriend, I really want to have a friendly outcome to all this, he's a cracking friend to me and no I don't want to be his best friend because I think when you've such an intimate past it can be too easy to fall into casual sex which inevitably leads to someone being hurt and an overall cheapening of the relationship you once had.

    My mates are getting texts from me which start with: "I'm texting you cos I'm not texting him . . . "

    It's the lack of communication that led to the break up

    Now I find myself doing nothing but wanting to communicate with him :pac:

    Sorry for the big post but I need to get it out there

    Am meeting a crowd of my friends this weekend so hopefully will be in a much better head space after that!

    Has anyone else been through a sad breakup where the reason it ends is cos you're just not right for each other but are still great friends?

    Thanks for reading if you've stayed with me 'til the end
    x


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    #2
    John Mason
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 10,661 ✭✭✭✭John Mason


    All break ups are sad

    i am brilliant friends with one of my ex's, we speak everyday but he lives in a different country

    there rest of ex's were gobsh.ites and i dont need them in my life


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    #3
    mud
    Registered Users Posts: 2,699 ✭✭✭mud


    @ pfb: yeah I've a fair share of gobsheens in my past as well, I'm kinda used to acrimonious breakups which is prob why I'm finding this one a bit stranger than usual,

    Onwards and upwards


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    #4
    justsomebloke
    Registered Users Posts: 10,407 ✭✭✭✭justsomebloke


    pink fluffy bunny wrote: »
    the rest of ex's were gobsh.ites

    it's not just the ex's ;)*







    *sorrrry, but come on that was even easier then he is


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    #5
    sleepyescapade
    Registered Users Posts: 788 ✭✭✭sleepyescapade


    I broke up on Monday too :( It sucks...good excuse to get out for bank holiday weekend though :pac:


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    #6
    Faddymackshyte
    Registered Users Posts: 278 ✭✭Faddymackshyte


    mud wrote: »
    I really want to have a friendly outcome to all this, he's a cracking friend to me and no I don't want to be his best friend because I think when you've such an intimate past it can be too easy to fall into casual sex which inevitably leads to someone being hurt and an overall cheapening of the relationship you once had.

    I fell into this trap, of having casual sex with my latest ex. He found out that I'd slept with someone a good while after he broke up with me and said that he wasn't over me, but that right at that time he didn't want to commit to anything. And because neither of us was over each other, we agreed to sleep together every now and again, booty call. But it could hardly be a booty call when you still have feelings for one another.
    But luckily this isn't happening anymore, I had to get over him good and proper, so sleeping with him was a bad idea.
    I definitely regret it.

    It's tough Mud, it really is, but it's all a learning curve, but you'll get there. A good relationship is based on communication and my relationship failed because of this, his inability to communicate. We are friends, but he was my best friend before we got together and we haven't spoken in around a month, which is lousy, but it's helping me all the same. Some day soon thought.


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    #7
    mud
    Registered Users Posts: 2,699 ✭✭✭mud


    I fell into a similar thing in a previous relationship so lesson learned in that respect

    I reckon I'll leave seeing him for a week or two, then meet up for coffee some afternoon and see where we're both at

    Funny how the horrible breakups where you never speak again are easier than the ones where you try to start again with a different connection


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    #8
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    mud wrote: »
    I fell into a similar thing in a previous relationship so lesson learned in that respect

    I reckon I'll leave seeing him for a week or two, then meet up for coffee some afternoon and see where we're both at

    Funny how the horrible breakups where you never speak again are easier than the ones where you try to start again with a different connection


    Hhmm I wouldn't do coffee until you know you fallen out of love and lust.
    If you really want to stay apart.

    oh and less of the catty comments around the ladies Gay Lord of BGRH!


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    #9
    MJOR
    Registered Users Posts: 1,796 ✭✭✭MJOR


    You need to cut contact with him for a while because there will still be feelings floating around between you and it could get difficult!


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    #10
    Maple
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 16,186 ✭✭✭✭Maple


    would cut the contact for a while, until the feelings are less raw. If a friendship is meant to happen then it will come naturally, you can't force it. I know its tough and sh1tty but you will get through it.


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    #11
    line_of_fire
    Registered Users Posts: 116 ✭✭line_of_fire


    i went through something similiar!! Your better to cut contact for a while anyway so ya dont keep putting yourself through the horrible emotions that come with meeting up. if your ment to be friends it will come naturally but ya have to do whats best for your sanity!!


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    #12
    mud
    Registered Users Posts: 2,699 ✭✭✭mud


    True, and I'm conscious that I'm the one that put the final nail in the coffin as well so will stay quiet now for a while,

    :pac:post 69 wheh wheh wheh


    (sorry) ;)


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