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How long to wait

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  • 18-10-2008 2:37pm
    #1
    Karlrove
    Registered Users Posts: 262 ✭✭


    hey,am from the north and live and work in dublin..been goin out wit my g/f for nearly a year, both in love...she moved in to her own house 4 months ago,I live with 3 friends...anyway,I spend 2 nights a week with her and hang out a good bit..my qestion,how long before I mention maybe moving in together..even gettin our place...we both like our own space but jus duno how to approach it..Thanks for any advice. By the way,Im 28,nearly 29


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    #2
    Rozabeez
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,878 ✭✭✭Rozabeez


    May as well just drop hints. If you've already got your own toothbrush etc there then you're on your way.


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    #3
    Chinafoot
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,894 ✭✭✭Chinafoot


    Does she live alone?
    Has the subject ever been raised between you?

    Ask her how she feels about it.


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    #4
    She Devil
    Registered Users Posts: 9,032 ✭✭✭She Devil


    I think just say it, if she doesn't want to do it yet you can continue like you have been, sometimes the getting to know each other stage is good though, when you have your space!!
    Just say it to your girlfriend, Its really up to you both whether it is too soon or not, not us! Some relationships move faster than others!!


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    #5
    Karlrove
    Registered Users Posts: 262 ✭✭Karlrove


    yeah,she lives lone


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    #6
    coco85
    Registered Users Posts: 153 ✭✭coco85


    My OH and i were going out three years before we moved in together.. but then again he lived in the same town as me and i ended up spending about 5 nights a week at his place. Officially moving in was a natural progression and we did not have a big discussion about it..

    Friends of ours are after moving in together recently, they have been going out for four years, but on the other hand i know a couple who were going out less then a year before they moved in together...

    I suppose it depends on circumstances... if you were to move to her you'd have to find another job etc...maybe its worth looking around first and seeing if there are employment opportunities in the area... you really do need to talk to her first and see where she is at.. she might prefer to leave things a bit longer or she might be wondering if you will ever mention it to her!!!!

    Best of luck with it and let us know how you get on!:)


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    #7
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    If it is her house I think you should let her bring the topic up.


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    #8
    Clare Bear
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,613 ✭✭✭✭Clare Bear


    Depends on how ready you both feel. Some people don't feel ready for years and others feel ready a lot earlier. I've been with my boy 9 months and we're looking for somewhere at the moment so there's no set time, it depends on how you both feel.


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    #9
    samhail
    Registered Users Posts: 2,699 ✭✭✭samhail


    I dont have the experience but im sure someone with can mention that moving in together might change the relationship, so might be an idea to make sure that its solid. not saying its not :)

    Have you gotten your own key to her place yet :) might be a stepping stone.


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    #10
    Chinafoot
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,894 ✭✭✭Chinafoot


    notsamhail wrote: »
    I dont have the experience but im sure someone with can mention that moving in together might change the relationship, so might be an idea to make sure that its solid. not saying its not :)

    So true. The whole dynamic of the relationship changes and quite often it can be a make or break thing.

    There's also the issue of it being her house that has to be considered. If she's bought it there's a good chance she's not going to want to move out into somewhere new. Lets face it, even if she did chances are she wouldnt be able to sell/rent it in the current climate. Essentially you'd be moving into her house so you'll both have to discuss that thoroughly.

    Perhaps you should put the feelers out and see how she feels about you maybe staying over more than 2 nights a week, make a gradual progression. You're only coming up to a year together and some might say this is too soon to take this step. However, its something only the two of you can decide.

    Have a chat to her and suss out how she feels, but don't be hurt or offended if she doesn't feel ready yet, or if she just wants to spend some time enjoying her own home, by herself.

    Best of luck :)


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    #11
    omb0wyn5ehpij9
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,095 ✭✭✭✭omb0wyn5ehpij9


    Every relationship is different so nobody here can give you a definate answer. I think you should just come out and say it to her though, rather than just dropping hints


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    #12
    LightningBolt
    Registered Users Posts: 1,639 ✭✭✭LightningBolt


    In my opinion you should just let her suggest it if she actually owns the house


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    #13
    Anouck
    Closed Accounts Posts: 44 ✭Anouck


    Every relationship is different and of course it would be better to talk to her. Let her know you've been thinking of living with her without putting any pression on her answer. you BOTH need to be ready. make sure you talk about the fact it would be at her house, if she just bought it.
    Living together changes the dynamic : it wasn't a good move when my ex-boyfriend move in with me. With the boyfriend of the moment, you've been together for nearly a year. I have to find an appartment, but I feel it would be better for me - and us- to have my own space (I live with a family at the moment) before moving in together even if we'd love to. and it's just a question of time. youse have to feel it right.
    Good luck !


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    #14
    Kinetic^
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,249 ✭✭✭✭Kinetic^


    365 days exactly. No more or no less. If you don't move in on that exact day your relationship is doomed........foevah!


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    #15
    Clare Bear
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,613 ✭✭✭✭Clare Bear


    Kinetic^ wrote: »
    365 days exactly. No more or no less. If you don't move in on that exact day your relationship is doomed........foevah!

    True story!


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    #16
    Jules
    Registered Users Posts: 6,756 ✭✭✭Jules


    As said every relationship is different, if you feel like the time is right discuss it with her, she how she feels and take it from there, but you will never know till you try.


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    #17
    Jackz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,506 ✭✭✭Jackz


    Kinetic^ wrote: »
    365 days exactly. No more or no less. If you don't move in on that exact day your relationship is doomed........foevah!
    Plz 4wrd dis msg 2 6 ppl b4 midnit r ur crush wil sleep wit ur mne.


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    #18
    Zaph
    Registered Users, Subscribers Posts: 47,280 ✭✭✭✭Zaph


    Jackz wrote: »
    Plz 4wrd dis msg 2 6 ppl b4 midnit r ur crush wil sleep wit ur mne.

    Congratulations on being the winner of this month's most senseless post award. I normally hand out warnings about text speak, but I'm gonna let this one go if somebody would care to translate it for me and explain what it has to do with anything. :confused:


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    #19
    Clare Bear
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,613 ✭✭✭✭Clare Bear


    Sister Zaphora wrote: »
    Congratulations on being the winner of this month's most senseless post award. I normally hand out warnings about text speak, but I'm gonna let this one go if somebody would care to translate it for me and explain what it has to do with anything. :confused:

    Read back a few posts, he was taking the pish with Kinetic's post.


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    #20
    Zaph
    Registered Users, Subscribers Posts: 47,280 ✭✭✭✭Zaph


    I kinda guessed it had something to do with the end of Kinetic's post, but I still don't understand what it's supposed to be.

    Kids these days. :rolleyes: :)


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    #21
    pseudonym1
    Registered Users Posts: 1,092 ✭✭✭pseudonym1


    When visiting gradually bring round your stuff. Start buying things for the garden/interior. Get a key cut (if she doesnt know about it thats ok)... Wha?

    Seriously though why do you want to move in. Its her house so you would not only be paying your girlfriend rent but have to go by the way she will want everything - with the possibility that in an arguement the key phrase will be ....? In my experience takes the fun mystery and independence out of a relationship-
    Time enough says I!


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    #22
    Heathen
    Registered Users Posts: 1,459 ✭✭✭Heathen


    Bryn wrote: »
    Every relationship is different so nobody here can give you a definate answer. I think you should just come out and say it to her though, rather than just dropping hints

    this is very very true!!!!

    I was with my ex for only about 3 months before we moved in and we lasted over 7 years together..

    on the other hand my brother and his fiancee were going out 10 years before they moved in together :eek:


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    #23
    John Mason
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 10,661 ✭✭✭✭John Mason


    My OH has brought the topic up of him moving it to my house a number of times.

    He knows not to ask anymore cause it aint ever going to happen.

    just ask her at least that way you will know one way or another


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    #24
    fifomania
    Closed Accounts Posts: 606 ✭✭✭fifomania


    Think you should ask her what she thinks of it or tell her how you feel about the situation. Do you feel you are both at that stage yet? Even if she doesn't feel like it now there's no telling in a month or so how she might be feeling! Personally, my BF and I moved in together after around 14 months but I'd been staying more or less continuously in his house for a few months beforehand so it felt right for us. good luck with whatever you decide :)


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    #25
    Malari
    Registered Users Posts: 18,150 ✭✭✭✭Malari


    fifomania wrote: »
    Think you should ask her what she thinks of it or tell her how you feel about the situation. Do you feel you are both at that stage yet? Even if she doesn't feel like it now there's no telling in a month or so how she might be feeling! Personally, my BF and I moved in together after around 14 months but I'd been staying more or less continuously in his house for a few months beforehand so it felt right for us. good luck with whatever you decide :)

    This is true. I moved into my boyfriend's place after 6 or 7 months. He had asked me a few times to move in before that (not pressurising me!) but I wasn't quite ready. He had been in the place for a long time and I wanted to make sure I felt like it was my home, not just living in his house. It worked out well in the end and I am more comfortable there than anywhere else I've lived.

    If she's not too keen on you living together right now, a lot can change very quickly, so make sure she knows it's something you want to aim for when she's ready.


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