Were you bullied in school? Or were you the bully?

lazygal · 29-03-2012 8:55am #1

I was bullied, not really badly but enough to leave me with a few bad memories. Hated my all girls secondary school, won't be sending my children to a single sex school.

blaze1 · 29-03-2012 9:28am

Was bullied up until i was about 11. First day back after the summer head bully said something fairly innocent to me in a football match I turned round and lumped him. He wanted to be my friend after that.

Mr Benevolent · 29-03-2012 9:30am

Yes. I never believe anyone who harks back to their childhood days as the happiest of their life. They're lying.

AudreyHepburn · 29-03-2012 9:31am

I was bullied. Like you LazyGirl it wasn't so bad that it destroyed my life. It never got physical except for the last time she picked on me and it was literally the last straw and I whacked her arm

. I'm not proud of it and in hindsight it's lucky she didn't hit me back. I certainly wouldn't recommend it as a way to stop bullying.

With her it was all verbal. It's funny though....I couldn't pick out any one thing in particular that she said or did that hurt me, it was all small little things that gradually chipped away at my confidence.

It stopped when I was fourteen (the day I hit her arm) but for years my confidence was on the floor and it's really only now that I'm in my mid twenties that I feel happy about myself and my life. I'm still quiet and I still doubt myself but now I can talk myself back up easily.

I realise now, in a way I couldn't have done as a teenager, that bullys are simply cowards and probably lacking in self confidence themselves so they pick on other people to make themselves feel better.

Misticles · 29-03-2012 9:33am

Someone stole my pogs

danniemcq · 29-03-2012 9:48am

Bullied the whole way through school, not as bad in national school but it was there (from some teachers too but thats another story!)

secondary school was worse, skinny, lanky, geeky, into rock music. it was inevitable really looking back now.

There was all sorts, names, hiding my stuff, few beatings, sellotaped to pillars, shoes stolen, doors kicked into my face, lighters to the back of my neck etc etc.

I guess i'm having the last laugh now though, keep meeting some of the inbred f*cks out and about, and seein what they are doing these days (working ****ty jobs, kids all over the county, acting like they are still in secondary school, etc etc) compared to me just makes me smile

swings and roundabouts i guess

Seachmall · 29-03-2012 9:50am

Picked on in primary school until my then best friend and I jumped him after school.

A couple of years later he got me to the ground and threatened to blind me with a cigarette until I apologised.

danniemcq · 29-03-2012 9:53am

AudreyHepburn wrote: »

I realise now, in a way I couldn't have done as a teenager, that bullys are simply cowards and probably lacking in self confidence themselves so they pick on other people to make themselves feel better.

not all, some yes are acting tough to cover their own weaknesses but other are just twats

Cina · 29-03-2012 9:55am

There's a thin line between having banter with people and flat out bullying them and making them depressed.

I did the former, but unfortunately young people can take it the wrong way at times and assume you're actually being serious.

29-03-2012 9:55am

I bullied a few lads when i was in school. The interesting thing is we are all friends now.

Seachmall · 29-03-2012 9:58am

Cina wrote: »

I did the former, but unfortunately young people can take it the wrong way at times and assume you're actually being serious.

I once made a "your mother" joke to a friend of mine, who was a LOT bigger than me.

We ended up fighting after school, he nearly smashed my head through a class room window.

It was a year or two later before I learned his mother had been diagnosed around that time with the big C, she beat it fortunately but I never understood his reaction until I learned that.

Nothingbetter2d · 29-03-2012 9:58am

i was bullied too when i was a small child... i used to have to wear glasses (the professor farnsworth type) while i was going through a period of eye surgeries. one older girl (i was about 6 she was about 12 used to always make fun of me until i swung my school bag at her and broke her nose and lower jaw... since then noone bullied me :P

mikemac1 · 29-03-2012 10:01am

AudreyHepburn wrote: »

I realise now, in a way I couldn't have done as a teenager, that bullys are simply cowards and probably lacking in self confidence themselves so they pick on other people to make themselves feel better.

Maybe for some, pick on someone weaker to deflect the attention on them

But from what I remember the bullies were the kool kidz , successful at school and sports, lots of friends and well liked, they had no need to do it but they just did it anyway

charlietheminxx · 29-03-2012 10:02am

I would say it was more emotional bullying for me. The first two years of primary school, and then in secondary school untilI changed schools. My first secondary school was also an all girls school - like the OP said, I wouldn't send my (non-existant) child to a single sex school.

Duggy747 · 29-03-2012 10:06am

Used to get the piss taken out of me for listening to music like Metallica and being a tech-head into computers.

Later on in school I find out they start going to Korn concerts and singing Limp Bizkit songs on school tours.

Fast forward a few years and next time I see them a large chunk of them dress like hipsters / geeks.

Mind boggles I had to put up with those hypocrytical assholes everyday.

stovelid · 29-03-2012 10:06am

I was never buliied if you define bullied as being systematic and long-term but had a few short-term run-ins with people that didn't last long and was resolved or resolved itself.

Never, ever buliied somebody - it's the lowest of the low for me - but like many people, I sometimes look back with real regret that I didn't intervene when others were bullied. Obviously you would have always jumped in and fought for your friends but you sometimes (whether because of wanting a quiet life, the pack conformity of young boys or just not realizing that it could have long-term affects) ignored it when people not in your crcle were bullied by others, sometimes horribly. I cringe to think of it now.

Cina · 29-03-2012 10:08am

Seachmall wrote: »

I once made a "your mother" joke to a friend of mine, who was a LOT bigger than me.

We ended up fighting after school, he nearly smashed my head through a class room window.

It was a year or two later before I learned his mother had been diagnosed around that time with the big C, she beat it fortunately but I never understood his reaction until I learned that.

Heh, same happened to me. The lad sitting in front of me had his underwear sticking out so I started saying "he's wearing a thong!". I'd had a bit of a laugh with him before, but this time he said "I'm fighting you at lunch", at which point I went "oh sh!t".

Needless to say, it did not go well.

stovelid · 29-03-2012 10:16am

I should add that I was slagged off and sometimes confronted in school a lot for being percieved as 'alternative' but I didn't really class that as bullying. I see bullying as sustained emotonal and physical abuse.

If the people slagging me were tougher, I just ignored it; if they were not, I clattered them. :pac:

gimmick · 29-03-2012 10:18am

I was more of a piss taker and went too far at times, but was never nasty by any means.

Though a few friends of mine said that we were a shower of compete cúnts to a few kids in the years below us. I can remember being involved in some ribbing, but that was mostly to the younger brothers of friends. Maybe I have conveniently forgotten the worst of it.

There was a guy in my year who was horrendously bullied though. I can safely say I was never involved in it, but did stand by and say nothing about it. His crime - he was into "magic" and spoke with a posh english accent.

My folks maintain I was bullied somewhat up to about 3rd class. i was going to a school in a very working class area, and was called "posh head" because I didn't speak like the rest of them. I remember it, but cannot remember it causing any stress to me at the time.

listermint · 29-03-2012 10:19am

Confab wrote: »

Yes. I never believe anyone who harks back to their childhood days as the happiest of their life. They're lying.

Meah,

My childhood was great, bad moments good moments but it was great. I have many many pleasant memories.

Does that make me a liar ? :rolleyes:

Just because you dont feel the same doesnt mean others are lying. Its more of a reflection on your attitude towards others.....

Cina · 29-03-2012 10:20am

Surely college days are the best of peoples lives?

gimmick · 29-03-2012 10:27am

Cina wrote: »

Surely college days are the best of peoples lives?

Maybe, but hark back to when you were 13 and younger. Your biggest worry was that Santa may not be as good as you want him to be.

danniemcq · 29-03-2012 10:42am

Cina wrote: »

Surely college days are the best of peoples lives?

if i remembered them maybe yeah,

actually due to lack of memories they probably were!

or that year i was unemployed in Galway!

Snowie · 29-03-2012 10:48am

I was, I try to vaguely not recall anything from the days of fearing going to school it was never a nice experience or something i like to re-live, Its a tough subject, to even discuss, I got bullied bye a teacher and of course that sent a message to the kids in class its ok to bully him.. So i got a pretty tough time...

I never stuck up for my self as a kid probably didn't help, and a lot of people knocked me down. My biggest misteak, believing them... When your 13 you don't no what self confidence self esteem self worth self regard all these things are interlinked.... When people say your useless you believe them!

Being honest the toughest thing I had to do was go into therapy, relive these memories and work my way threw them, emptying a cloud of negative experiences was pretty over welming, I did chair work.. I haven't been to a councilor in two years Ive lightened the load to a degree. Its been tough, but I guess Im still working things out in terms of me and who I am..

Cina · 29-03-2012 11:08am

danniemcq wrote: »

or that year i was unemployed in Galway!

Me too. Was going to do a Masters, my friends then went "erm, come to Galway, 204 quid a week".

I chose the latter, it was amazing.

fishy fishy · 29-03-2012 11:19am

bully

the most overused word in the english dictionary. Seems like you cannot be a singer, actor, etc. unless you have been bullied at school.

Everybody can say they were "bullied" at school. In 99 percent of the cases, its just normal kids trying to grow up. Everyone has to go through it as kids - you get slagged by some, and you go around and slag others.

This notion of "oh I was so bullied" is crazy. Everyone was in the same boat - and what was done to you, you turned and did to others. Its called growing up - its preparing you for the big bad world out there. Show me someone who was never "slagged" and show me someone who never "slagged" others - you can't - it's impossible.

Stop victimising it. :rolleyes:

Kess73 · 29-03-2012 11:22am

Was a big enough kid, but was very very quiet, and as such I made for a perfect target for bullies. Had a few years of bullying in secondary, verbal and physical. At one point I went almost a full year with each school day seeing me getting thumped or kicked to some degree. Got into keep fit in a big way and joined a local boxing club (two things along with martial arts that I have stayed heavily involved with for over two decades since) but I still suffered from confidence issues and still got picked on.

Then came the year that my younger brother started in the same school and the bullies seemed to think he would be fair game for them as well. Word got back to me just before a class was about to begin that he was after being set upon by my bullies for the first time and something just snapped in me. I found the three guys who went at my brother and my only goal was to make sure my brother did not have to go through the same three years of shyte that I did. Within two days the bullying stopped completely. I got into a bit of hassle in the school as those that attacked my brother ended up with marks on their faces (black eyes, split lips, that kind of thing), but my brother had five years in that school after that with no further hassle (helped by the fact he was 6'5 by the time he left

), and my own confidence improved to no end after I stood up to the bullies.

stovelid · 29-03-2012 11:27am

Kess73 wrote: »

Was a big enough kid, but was very very quiet, and as such I made for a perfect target for bullies. Had a few years of bullying in secondary, verbal and physical. At one point I went almost a full year with each school day seeing me getting thumped or kicked to some degree. Got into keep fit in a big way and joined a local boxing club (two things along with martial arts that I have stayed heavily involved with for over two decades since) but I still suffered from confidence issues and still got picked on.

Then came the year that my younger brother started in the same school and the bullies seemed to think he would be fair game for them as well. Word got back to me just before a class was about to begin that he was after being set upon by my bullies for the first time and something just snapped in me. I found the three guys who went at my brother and my only goal was to make sure my brother did not have to go through the same three years of shyte that I did. Within two days the bullying stopped completely. I got into a bit of hassle in the school as those that attacked my brother ended up with marks on their faces (black eyes, split lips, that kind of thing), but my brother had five years in that school after that with no further hassle (helped by the fact he was 6'5 by the time he left ), and my own confidence improved to no end after I stood up to the bullies.

It must have hurt when your broher killed your pet though.

Babooshka · 29-03-2012 11:38am

Bullied mildly at secondary school. Came from a unisex primary school that had no secondary) into a convent, some of the nuns/teachers were bullies, some of the girls were bullies...the most miserable time of my life. Going from a mixed school with healthy minded teachers and balance to that Dickenzian atmosphere of dread if you made the mistake of looking the wrong way at a nun...the bitches had no right to be teaching.

Got psyhchologically bullied, and that would always lead up to them wanting to "scrap" me (their words) ... or whoever they were picking on. I was a small scrawny girl, but both times I ended up losing it and all the nervous tension amounted to me kicking the crap outta the two girls who started the fights, pure adrenalin. I hate convents to this day, no kid of mine is going near one.

Kess73 · 29-03-2012 11:40am

stovelid wrote: »

It must have hurt when your broher killed your pet though.

What?

cabbage kid · 29-03-2012 11:46am

fishy fishy wrote: »

bully

the most overused word in the english dictionary. Seems like you cannot be a singer, actor, etc. unless you have been bullied at school.

Everybody can say they were "bullied" at school. In 99 percent of the cases, its just normal kids trying to grow up. Everyone has to go through it as kids - you get slagged by some, and you go around and slag others.

This notion of "oh I was so bullied" is crazy. Everyone was in the same boat - and what was done to you, you turned and did to others. Its called growing up - its preparing you for the big bad world out there. Show me someone who was never "slagged" and show me someone who never "slagged" others - you can't - it's impossible.

Stop victimising it. :rolleyes:

How lovely of you to belittle the suffering of others and claim that most people posting here were not wronged in any way.

Sure all the things that those "bullies" said were jokes.

stovelid · 29-03-2012 11:47am

Kess73 wrote: »

What?

Fuck it. I misremembered it as Kess when it was Kes. :pac:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kes_%28film%29

stovelid · 29-03-2012 11:50am

cabbage kid wrote: »

How lovely of you to belittle the suffering of others and claim that most people posting here were not wronged in any way.

Sure all the things that those "bullies" said were jokes.

There is a point to be made somewhere - nicely - that equating being slagged a lot in school on the basis of clothes or music with sustained physical or emotonal bullying is a little, i don't know, sensitive or something.

Babooshka · 29-03-2012 11:53am

fishy fishy wrote: »

bully

the most overused word in the english dictionary. Seems like you cannot be a singer, actor, etc. unless you have been bullied at school.

Everybody can say they were "bullied" at school. In 99 percent of the cases, its just normal kids trying to grow up. Everyone has to go through it as kids - you get slagged by some, and you go around and slag others.

This notion of "oh I was so bullied" is crazy. Everyone was in the same boat - and what was done to you, you turned and did to others. Its called growing up - its preparing you for the big bad world out there. Show me someone who was never "slagged" and show me someone who never "slagged" others - you can't - it's impossible.

Stop victimising it. :rolleyes:

No you're wrong. I didn't do it to others and neither do lots of victims of bullying. They tend to turn in on themselves and retreat very quietly. It might very well be an overused term but it doesn't mean it doesn't happen at all. The notion of "I was bullied" is not crazy, if you'd had the stomach churning cramps and shaking I got before heading into school and still went through it, you wouldn't be saying that.

Kess73 · 29-03-2012 11:54am

stovelid wrote: »

Fuck it. I misremembered it as Kess when it was Kes. :pac:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kes_%28film%29

Ha, I am pretty sure my school and home life were not as bad as what Billy went through in Kes.

Conall Cernach · 29-03-2012 11:58am

fishy fishy wrote: »

bully

the most overused word in the english dictionary. Seems like you cannot be a singer, actor, etc. unless you have been bullied at school.

Everybody can say they were "bullied" at school. In 99 percent of the cases, its just normal kids trying to grow up. Everyone has to go through it as kids - you get slagged by some, and you go around and slag others.

This notion of "oh I was so bullied" is crazy. Everyone was in the same boat - and what was done to you, you turned and did to others. Its called growing up - its preparing you for the big bad world out there. Show me someone who was never "slagged" and show me someone who never "slagged" others - you can't - it's impossible.

Stop victimising it. :rolleyes:

I'd agree with this. Some people did get "bullied" and were in genuine fear but the vast majority of us just got slagged or kicked or stuff thrown at us for a bit of craic. When I was in third year a teacher caught a few of us mercilessly taking the piss out of a friend. The teacher, who knew we were friends with this guy, made us write a letter of apology to the friend for bullying him and get it signed by our parents. The friend tried to explain but the teacher practically made out that he had Stockholm Syndrome.

fishy fishy · 29-03-2012 12:04pm

cabbage kid wrote: »

How lovely of you to belittle the suffering of others and claim that most people posting here were not wronged in any way.

Sure all the things that those "bullies" said were jokes.

:rolleyes:

Babooshka · 29-03-2012 12:06pm

fishy fishy wrote: »

:rolleyes:

I'm not surprised you don't "believe" in bullying, with your attitude. In denial are we?

cabbage kid · 29-03-2012 12:09pm

stovelid wrote: »

cabbage kid wrote: »

How lovely of you to belittle the suffering of others and claim that most people posting here were not wronged in any way.

Sure all the things that those "bullies" said were jokes.

There is a point to be made somewhere - nicely - that equating being slagged a lot in school on the basis of clothes or music with sustained physical or emotonal bullying is a little, i don't know, sensitive or something.

My previous post was way too sarcastic so sorry about that, probably a bit of an overreaction.

Anyway, the things you talk about equating aren't mutually exclusive. It doesn't matter what you're slagged over, that you're being slagged is all that really matters.

I've never been bullied more than mildly but I've seen a lot of people affected very negatively by bullying. I haven't bullied people and have intervened at times. My brother got bullied quite badly and even if the effect sometimes isn't seen so much by most, those close to victims will definitely notice.

seamus · 29-03-2012 12:17pm

Conall Cernach wrote: »

the vast majority of us just got slagged or kicked or stuff thrown at us for a bit of craic.

A bit of craic for the people doing it maybe.

The case you mention of friends slagging eachother, even if it's a group of mates ganging up on one of them for a second, isn't bullying.

Being abused, slagged, attacked or otherwise made feel like crap by people who aren't your friends - that's bullying. And it doesn't matter if it's an ongoing thing or just the odd one-off incident, it's still bullying. It's just the scale that's different.
The important thing about it is the respect in both directions. It's possible to slag the **** out of someone but still have the utmost respect for them. That's just normal growing up stuff with your mates. But if you slag the **** out of someone because you have no respect for them, that's bullying.

I would probably not have been on the receiving end of anything that would be considered major bullying at all tbh. I was smart and did well in school, but I wasn't really a teacher's pet or anything like that. So I occupied the position where I could end up getting abuse hurled at me the odd time, but mostly I'd be left alone. I can recall a couple of occassions where someone would randomly decide that I was the guy they were going to give **** to, but I'm generally non-reactive and look like I couldn't give a ****, so it never lasted long.

Looking back on it, a lot of the apprehension I would have felt in social situations in school would largely have been in my own head, paranoia about who was looking and what they were saying about me. That's standard teenage stuff.

I got a bit of a reputation as a rebel after the junior cert, so any of that kind of nonsense generally disappeared around then.

fishy fishy · 29-03-2012 12:18pm

Babooshka wrote: »

I'm not surprised you don't "believe" in bullying, with your attitude. In denial are we?

oh I believe in bullying alright - but on a very low scale. Most of the time it is growing pains, but people like to play victim for a good story. Thing is, everyone is trying the same story.

I believe there are true victims there, but usually not the ones shouting about it.

NiallFH · 29-03-2012 12:23pm

Cina wrote: »

There's a thin line between having banter with people and flat out bullying them and making them depressed.

I did the former, but unfortunately young people can take it the wrong way at times and assume you're actually being serious.

Most bullies tend to say 'it was only banter', clearly it wasnt if they took it badly. You sound like you were a twat and are in denial over having bullied people.

I was never bullied myself and never did bully anyone

Stiffler2 · 29-03-2012 12:26pm

I was the bully, it made me feel big making others feel small.

Yes - I'm a ba$tard..... I know.....

fishy fishy · 29-03-2012 12:28pm

NiallFH wrote: »

Most bullies tend to say 'it was only banter', clearly it wasnt if they took it badly. You sound like you were a twat and are in denial over having bullied people.

I was never bullied myself and never did bully anyone

very quick with the name calling there,

davet82 · 29-03-2012 12:28pm

I was technically a bully... i was like the guys in the background when Jodi Foster was on that pinball table in 'The Accused', i didnt actually do it but stood by and watched... and laughed and encouraged... actually i'm a big bully

the_syco · 29-03-2012 12:47pm

Was bullied up until I learnt about how the IRA used guerilla warfare. When I fought back plenty of others got hurt but meh; collateral damage is a bitch.

stovelid · 29-03-2012 12:50pm

Stiffler2 wrote: »

I was the bully, it made me feel big making others feel small.

Yes - I'm a ba$tard..... I know.....

Note crushingly conspicuous lack of thanks.

dfx- · 29-03-2012 12:51pm

Wasn't bullied, but as I was quiet enough I seemingly had to convince teachers and one in particular of this who thought I was bullied :eek:

There were slaggings, but they were sorted out pretty quick.

gerarda · 29-03-2012 1:02pm

Was bullied by a little short arse (nearly lost an eye on one occasion). Kept calling me a ' lanky stupid b***ard' too. Fast forward to 2009, I walked into a car dealership and there he was, he ran straight up to me and tried to shake my hand (which I firmly denied in front of other customers))babbling horse **** about how he can do me a great deal blah, blah blah!. So I loudly told him "f**k off!* and walked back out. About six months ago I see the same chap begging on Wicklow St, he got up and ran after me shouting "Friends look after each other!"as I walked by, I simply said: "Who is the stupid b***ard now?"

Micky Dolenz · 29-03-2012 1:59pm

I grew up wih a load of older sisters who were horrible to me at times. If I fought back my dad would leather me as a male should never raise his hand to a female. My dad was old fashioned like that.

I went to secondary school as a new boy and was bullied when I arrived. It was so liberating to be able to fight back. I was never bullied by the same person twice and really detest it when I see it.

Dudess · 30-03-2012 2:34am

Fishy Fishy, where is that 99 per cent figure from? What's the "everyone" and "most overused word in the dictionary" stuff about? And what's so "crazy" about a person saying they were bullied? You seem quite reliant on unsubstantiated fluff that just enters your head - and if your only response to a reasonable point is a rolleyes symbol, then it seems you can't argue your case.
Where is your proof that 99 per cent of those who claim they were bullied weren't? Oh yeah you don't have it - because you weren't there and have no idea. It seems to make you very angry too when people say they were bullied - and very well could have been. Why the anger?
Thought you were a "Be tolerant to everyone!" person?
Yeah of course lots of folks were just slagged off as a bit of banter or mild picking on people, but why do you assume that's all 99 per cent of people who say they were bullied experienced in reality?

Were you bullied in school? Or were you the bully?

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