Much older man.

Lau2976 · 18-11-2014 1:02am #1

I have been spending a considerable time with a man over double my age. We get along amazingly and I am really starting to like him. He recently asked me out on a date. I'm worried as I know my family and friends don't approve of our friendship already. As well as that he had two sons and a daughter, one who is about 3 years older then me and the other who is about my age. His daughter is about 5 years older then me.

I feel stupid for focussing on age but I've never dated someone with such a big age gap and I don't want to upset his family, as I know his daughter is upset that we've been spending time together, or my own family.

I'm not sure whether to accept or decline. I think it's worth the upset but they are his kids and I don't want him hurt, by me or his family, in the future because of this.

royalflush2003 · 18-11-2014 1:06am

Lau2976 wrote: »

I have been spending a considerable time with a man over double my age. We get along amazingly and I am really starting to like him. He recently asked me out on a date. I'm worried as I know my family and friends don't approve of our friendship already. As well as that he had two sons and a daughter, one who is about 3 years older then me and the other who is about my age. His daughter is about 5 years older then me.

I feel stupid for focussing on age but I've never dated someone with such a big age gap and I don't want to upset his family, as I know his daughter is upset that we've been spending time together, or my own family.

I'm not sure whether to accept or decline. I think it's worth the upset but they are his kids and I don't want him hurt, by me or his family, in the future because of this.

Go for it ! It's your life not there's

GalwayGirl26 · 18-11-2014 1:06am

My OHs father is going out with a girl the same age as OH.
At first, everybody was kind of taken aback, and we still joke about it, but at the end of the day they are happy together and that's all that matters.
It might cause tension/arguments to begin with, but if you are serious about it then people will come around.
I would advise keeping it very low key until you are sure though; no need for unnecessary drama.

18-11-2014 1:07am

You are adults, the kids are adults. It's not like you are tearing a family apart. If you can ignore the disdain of his kids, give it a go. You never know where and with who you might find happiness in this life.

Lau2976 · 18-11-2014 1:54am

Thank your for the kind words

I've been reluctant to move our relationship beyond friends for a while now but j think it might be the right time.

I've tried to speak to one of my sisters about if but she just told me to leave it as we probably wouldn't be together in the long run.

I think I'm going to be selfish though and take that chance

CaraMay · 18-11-2014 6:03am

Could you give us a rough idea of the ages? Is it 21 & 42, 31 & 62 or 41 & 82 as it all kind of depends on that how I advise you.

Do you want kids in your future? Would he want more?

SPOOL · 18-11-2014 6:30am

Don't be surprised if his kids are against you. It may be that they are worried about their inheritance. Maybe they are afraid that there auld fella is acting silly with a "young one". I would say be prepared for some resentment. Is it worth it? Only you can answer that. My honest advice is if you are looking for short term excitement go ahead. If you are seeking long term committed relationship , nip it in the bud. There may be no future in it but maybe an exciting present . If u are happy about that then go ahead.

marizpan · 18-11-2014 10:54am

Caraway is right.
What ages are we talking about? It does make a big different. Do you want casual fun or are you looking for children and marriage?
I have to ask as it's something I have noticed with large age gap relationships: is he a replacement father figure? What was you relationship like with your father?

Make sure your doing it for the right reasons. There tends to be an imbalance in these relationships due to the older person falling into the parenting role and the younger, into an adult child role. Be careful!
I mean your not talking about a mere ten year gap here if he is double your age!

Would you be embarrassed to walk through town, hand in hand? Would you bring him on nights out with friends and family without embarrassment ?
These are important questions

Best of luck

Matteroffact · 18-11-2014 10:59am

I would not care about pleasing others but I would care about how this is going to fare out in the long term for you.

Just say you are 23 and this guy is 48 then in my opinion this is way too big a gap. You would have totally different expectations in a partner than this guy can offer you. Also, when you are 48 (still young) with most probably children of your own, he would be 98, if he is still around. So you would be left to cater to any children you may have on your own. If you are 30 and he is 62 then he is also at a much different stage of life than you are. You would still be starting out in life when he would be considered an OAP. There is nothing wrong with OAPs, and I am not saying there is, but do you want to be influenced by one when you are still only 30. I would not recommend starting a relationship with a man that much your senior.

skallywag · 18-11-2014 11:07am

Each to their own OP, but expect a lot of flak I would imagine concerning the daughter being 5 years older than you, etc!

Lau2976 · 18-11-2014 11:35am

He's 52 and I'm 24.

I have a positive relationship with my father, he has always supported me and other then the usual fights that happen growing up our relationship has never been strained.

I completely understand why they would be worried. I would be worried too. I just hope that they don't put too much of tgat tension on their relationship.

I'm not sure what I want with him to be honest. I know I want to be with him. I would be happy with a casual short term fling or, right now, id be happy with a long term marriage situation. Like I said I really like him.

Kids aren't a major issue for me. I know I may change my mind in the future but I think I'm too selfish for kids. I'm not sure I would give up my career for kids but my career offers no real financial stability. And without financial stability I wouldn't have kids without financial stability.

I think I'm going to try it but I'll let the water settle first.

Shrap · 18-11-2014 11:37am

It really is each to their own, and it's your life OP. However, I know a woman who's father hooked up with her friend from school when she was 19. It totally messed with her head, especially when they went on to have kids together (split up since and she's with a fella 10 yrs younger than herself now) and I have to admit that most people thought it was really scummy on his part. It destroyed his relationship with his daughter, who understandably in my view, couldn't get her head around it. I think you should be aware that his "kids" who are all in and around your age might take this very badly indeed.

Also, in my own experience of a relationship with an older man (14 yrs older), it became an issue for him that I got on so well with his son (14 yrs younger) due to being much closer to his generation's interests than his own father was. My friends also became a big no-no, as he wasn't interested in their lifestyles/interests/conversation, and I remember feeling quite out of place among his friends who were all so much more mature than me. These things had a major impact on our relationship and there was only 14 yrs difference in it. Be warned.

skallywag · 18-11-2014 11:46am

Lau2976 wrote: »

He's 52 and I'm 24.

Wow, that is indeed quite a gap! Fair play if you give it a go OP, if you can bat away the subsequent flak then I'm sure you have a good chance of making it work. To be honest I think I would be possibly more concerned from his perspective than from your own ...

marizpan · 18-11-2014 12:05pm

My 2c

A couple of months ago I meet up with three friends and we got into chatting about this same subject.
We all had been in 'older man' relationships with the age gap ranging from 18-27 yrs.

We all found the same things:

We all cringed at how insane the age gap/relationships were.
We were all embarrassed by even the thought of these past relationships
All the relationships started off as casual fling, but changed within 6 mths
They all changed to:
Quickly moving in together
Wanting us to dress older and behave older
Scorning our youth
Discouraging our friendships with friends, we needed older friends
All started parenting us and making us the child
If we did something they didn't like , they blamed our youth and we felt shame of our youth.
They all wanted babies and very soon
They all told us that no body would love us like they would and that we would be wasted on young lads etc

By the end of our relationships, we all had low self esteem and realised that we were being controlled little by little.

The insanity of it now shocks me. So be very careful, put yourself first always and know what you want from a relationship.

Shrap · 18-11-2014 12:09pm

How interesting! ....and snap. Same here.

whiskeyman · 18-11-2014 12:11pm

OP - have you ever been in a relationship with a lad around your own age?
Have you always fancied older men?

Lau2976 · 18-11-2014 1:31pm

His kids are the thing I'm most worried about. From my perspective this wouldn't really cost me a lot. My family aren't going to stop talking to me or abandon me but his might. And he says he isn't worried about that but I can tell he is and I don't want him to feel that to keep me happy he should sacrifice those relationships.

Those are also worrisome points Sharp and marzipan. I'm not overly worried about the friend situation. I'm an artist, I have friends much older then me, my own age and slightly younger all because of this. I find that when your painting with someone, or painting someone, a connection forms or it doesn't, regardless of age. Art also means you move around he same social circles a lot so I could be in a group full of 18 year olds one night and then a group of 60 year olds the next. It has helped me deal with this situation a lot I think.

But they are relevant points and the father/daughter relationship dynamic potential does terrify me a little, esp with his daughter being older then myself. I don't want another father I already have a perfectly good one! I hope discussing this would hopefully quelm that.

and sorry marzipan I hadn't answered your earlier comment! It wouldn't bother me in the slightest to walk through town hand in hand with him. In general I'm uncomfortable with PDA but it wouldn't bother me more that anybody else, of my age or any other. His age doesn't bother me in the slightest and it would make family nights much more bearable to have him there!

I have dated men my own age whiskeyman and TBH I have no complaints. It isn't a situation where I don't like men my own age or I want o be with an older man. I want to be with this man regardless of his age. I have dated slightly older men then myself (30 when I was 21) but again it wasn't about the age, it was about them.

I'm prepared to deal with the flak and the craic I know people will take out of the situation. If you spend all the time worrying about what people who you don't care about think of you you'd never do anything.

marizpan · 18-11-2014 1:37pm

There is a very good reason why people choose tried and proven paths.

People will disapprove of this relationship, it will make things difficult and there is a good reason of that.

Lau2976 · 18-11-2014 1:54pm

marizpan wrote: »

There is a very good reason why people choose tried and proven paths.

People will disapprove of this relationship, it will make things difficult and there is a good reason of that.

Yeah I understand. It's a difficult situation and I don't think it's something that will be resolved in a day unfortunately.

P. Breathnach · 18-11-2014 2:12pm

Hang on a moment. At this point it's one date with a man you like (with the possibility that other might follw). That's no biggie.

Dates are for sussing one another out and exploring the possibility of a relationship developing. You have been given suggestions here that you seem willing to take on board. I presume that you are also listening to other people. So you are not going into this with your eyes closed.

Give things a chance, and don't lose sight of the risks.

Lau2976 · 18-11-2014 2:24pm

P. Breathnach wrote: »

Hang on a moment. At this point it's one date with a man you like (with the possibility that other might follw). That's no biggie.

Dates are for sussing one another out and exploring the possibility of a relationship developing. You have been given suggestions here that you seem willing to take on board. I presume that you are also listening to other people. So you are not going into this with your eyes closed.

Give things a chance, and don't lose sight of the risks.

Your probably right I might be thinking about this too much! His family already don't like is spending so much time together. I shudder at the thoughts if what they'll think if the ever find out about this. Let's hope none are on boards!

CaraMay · 18-11-2014 2:27pm

I'm typically very 'live and let live' but I just can't get straight in my head why a 52 year old man would be interested in dating a 24 year old (other than the obvious). You sound like a fab girl op but there is something 'off' here.

skallywag · 18-11-2014 2:30pm

CaraMay wrote: »

I'm typically very 'live and let live' but I just can't get straight in my head why a 52 year old man would be interested in dating a 24 year old

You could also turn that question around the other way and it would still have merit.

CaraMay · 18-11-2014 2:35pm

skallywag wrote: »

You could also turn that question around the other way and it would still have merit.

Well I would be more interested in 'protecting' the 24 year old than the 52 year old.

strobe · 18-11-2014 2:37pm

marizpan wrote: »

My 2c

A couple of months ago I meet up with three friends and we got into chatting about this same subject.
We all had been in 'older man' relationships with the age gap ranging from 18-27 yrs.

We all found the same things:

We all cringed at how insane the age gap/relationships were.
We were all embarrassed by even the thought of these past relationships
All the relationships started off as casual fling, but changed within 6 mths
They all changed to:
Quickly moving in together
Wanting us to dress older and behave older
Scorning our youth
Discouraging our friendships with friends, we needed older friends
All started parenting us and making us the child
If we did something they didn't like , they blamed our youth and we felt shame of our youth.
They all wanted babies and very soon
They all told us that no body would love us like they would and that we would be wasted on young lads etc

By the end of our relationships, we all had low self esteem and realised that we were being controlled little by little.

The insanity of it now shocks me. So be very careful, put yourself first always and know what you want from a relationship.

Just for balance, I do know a couple where the man is 74, and the woman is 51. They got together when she was 19, two children and a scattering of grand kids, together 32 years now. I don't know them well but they seem very happy. So it can work out sometimes (although I'd say more often that not doesn't due to the extra obstacles).

Like someone else said OP. Right now you haven't even been on a date together or anything, so I'd say if you really like him, then go for it, but play it by ear.

strobe · 18-11-2014 2:44pm

CaraMay wrote: »

I'm typically very 'live and let live' but I just can't get straight in my head why a 52 year old man would be interested in dating a 24 year old (other than the obvious). You sound like a fab girl op but there is something 'off' here.

The same reasons a 24 year old man would be interested in a 24 year old girl? Sex, companionship, love, fun? The usual reasons guys and girls are interested in each other, I'd presume. Could be something else but they'd be the obvious things usually.

Addle · 18-11-2014 3:05pm

strobe wrote: »

Just for balance, I do know a couple where the man is 74, and the woman is 51. They got together when she was 19, two children and a scattering of grand kids, together 32 years now. I don't know them well but they seem very happy. So it can work out sometimes (although I'd say more often that not doesn't due to the extra obstacles).

Like someone else said OP. Right now you haven't even been on a date together or anything, so I'd say if you really like him, then go for it, but play it by ear.

I know a few women in relationships like that.
They ended up just being carers.

Lau2976 · 18-11-2014 3:28pm

CaraMay wrote: »

I'm typically very 'live and let live' but I just can't get straight in my head why a 52 year old man would be interested in dating a 24 year old (other than the obvious). You sound like a fab girl op but there is something 'off' here.

I feel like I know him comfortably enough to say that I don't think it's about the sex. If that were the case he could have done that months ago TBH. And even if it were I feel like I would recognise it and walk away. If he's upfront and says that he just wants fun and think about it and decided for myself what I want. If he isn't I think I'm not so blinded that I wouldn't notice or wouldn't walk away if I wanted.

I can understand and my own sister did question me on that when I tried to speak to her about it. But I think for a lot of people it's less to do with age and ore to do with gender.

LegacyUser · 18-11-2014 4:19pm

Here's my take on it.

I think age is important..ie that you are both old enough to make the decision, and know what you are getting in to. Other than that it is not an issue.

My dad was single for a long time after my mum passed away.

I'm going out with a guy who is 12 years older than me, divorced, and has 2 teenage kids. We are getting married next year.

My dad met my H2B's sister (there is one year in the age difference) at a mutual friends wedding, and they ended up going out together.

I have to say other peoples reaction can be strange to our set up. For me, I'm very happy in my relationship, my dad and h2b's sister seem very happy too, and I'm very happy for them.

Things are only as strange as you let them me.

If you like him , go on a date with him. Who is to say how long it will last. But it could be something really good that you are ruling out because of others opinions.

strobe · 18-11-2014 4:51pm

Addle wrote: »

I know a few women in relationships like that.
They ended up just being carers.

That's a valid point. In the relationship I'm talking about the guy has a medical condition that is progressively getting worse, and while he isn't too bad now, over the next few years he won't be able to take care of himself. And while things like that can strike at any time in life, it is more common if you're older.

I think OP, while it is just early stages, you do have to keep one eye on the realities of such a big age difference if things did work out and this became a long term relationship. Such as the above. Or the fact that while most people can still be fairly youthful and spritely in their 50's, not so much in their 60's and 70's. A lot of people do age pretty dramatically in their 60's and onwards too. So, while you might fancy him now, and be fine about the age difference, are you likely to be at that stage when you're still only in your 30's and he's fast becoming a 70 year old man and all that entails? And if there will be a clash of life stages, most 50 year olds don't want to, or don't feel comfortable hitting nightclubs, just for a possible example off the top of my head. That kind of thing.

It can work, but there's lots of things to take into consideration.

P. Breathnach · 18-11-2014 4:52pm

Lau2976 wrote: »

... His family already don't like is spending so much time together. I shudder at the thoughts if what they'll think if the ever find out about this. Let's hope none are on boards!

I know that you wrote this as a light-hearted aside, but it might actually be good if they were on Boards and saw this thread. They would see that you are not being short-sighted or reckless.

Lau2976 · 18-11-2014 8:21pm

There are a lot if aspects to consider. I'm not a drinker so that type of thing is redundant. I'm too much of an oldie myself! We share quite a lot of interests which is why we spend so much time together so I don't think there will be too many instances of clash of generations.

I spoke to him today about it and he just told me to take my time and do what feels right. :rolleyes: that was a great help!

Lau2976 · 18-11-2014 8:24pm

P. Breathnach wrote: »

I know that you wrote this as a light-hearted aside, but it might actually be good if they were on Boards and saw this thread. They would see that you are not being short-sighted or reckless.

It probably would. I think they have visions of me dragging their dad around brown Thomas and then laughing behind his back or something. Which is obviously not the case!

I don't want to be their friend, I don't care if they like me but it upsets there dad when he says that they obviously don't like me and the last thing I want is him getting hurt.

LegacyUser · 18-11-2014 9:46pm

Hi OP,

I had to reply to your thread as I have been in a very similar situation to yours.

I am a 23 year old female and I grew incredibly close to a 48 year old guy. We dated for a while and it was great, but ultimately the age gap was too huge.

I wanted to reply to your thread because you need to be totally aware of the reality of your situation. In my case, our feelings were completely real but that was not enough to deal with our very different lifestyles. Make no mistake about it OP, your life is completely different to that of a guy in his fifties.

OP, I am not questioning your feelings for him, or his for you. But age gaps are difficult for a reason. His kids are similar in age to you, and already have said they are not happy with it. That is a major red flag. From my experience of a similar age gap, I think you need to forget about this. It will only hurt you in the long run.

Honestly, I think a man in his fifties should have enough wisdom not to date a girl so much younger than him. I certainly wish my guy had acted with some common sense. It would have saved a lot of hurt for both of us. OP, I know I am only a stranger on the internet but I hope this post will save you from the unnecessary heartache and hassle that I experienced.

shalalala · 18-11-2014 10:21pm

OP, I am a little older then you. And I wouldn't even consider it. I am mature for my age but when push comes to shove I would like to date someone around my age. Physically. I really wouldn't want to see a man that is old enough to be my father up close and naked. I know that other reasons for not dating him have been covered; mentally etc. But imagine if you do date. What happens in 10 years time? You are still in your physical prime and you are dating a 60 something year old man. Someone that is soon getting his bus pass.

I have no doubt that he probably looks after himself. My mam is a very young 55. But she is still 55. Physically she could not keep up with someone my age.

And to echo the above poster. I would seriously be worried about his intentions. I have many older male friends. If any of them asked me out on a date I would think of them as being immature, having a lack of common sense and quite honestly, a little pervy. Yes. I am a woman. But he has kids your age. He should be seeing you as being around the same as them.

CaraMay · 18-11-2014 10:41pm

Have to agree that I think it's pervy. If it were my dad, I would be wondering if he was oohling my friends (or younger than me) as we were growing up.

Addle · 18-11-2014 11:07pm

American Beauty like?!

piperh · 18-11-2014 11:11pm

Op my opinion is go for it. My dads wife was just 2 years older than me and they met when she was 19. They married a few years later and were very happy. It was never an unequal relationship and she was more than able to hold her own often acting the older ;-). They did seperate for a short time after 15 yrs when she thought she wanted different and people kept saying she'd regret not having children but soon realised that her life was with him. Unfortunately he was taken from us to young but they had over 20 years together. Longer than his previous 3 marriages put together.

My relationship with his wife matured with us and we are great friends and a close family. Don't lose out because it might be different to what people think is the norm, it might be a forever relationship or good fun for a short while but either way grab life and take a chance.

Lau2976 · 18-11-2014 11:34pm

He ended up coming over and we had a late dinner. It was nice, when I'm with him I don't worry about this stuff but when he leaves I do.

I understand the view that's it's pervy, even if I don't agree. I probably would have in the past so maybe I just have rose tinted glasses. But I trust him and even I think that's stupid.

I get the risk of getting hurt and I appreciate people here being so honest. I suppose I really have to weigh up the pros and cons and what I'm willing to let happen.

mountsky · 18-11-2014 11:42pm

Only you can figure out what you really want,yeah,sure, there's always begruders but if you're genuinely happy with an older guy then what have you got to lose!I know of people who freak out with a 4 yr gap never mind two decades,but what works for you is the main thing here,go you

!!

ILikeBananas · 18-11-2014 11:47pm

Matteroffact wrote: »

Just say you are 23 and this guy is 48 then in my opinion this is way too big a gap. You would have totally different expectations in a partner than this guy can offer you. Also, when you are 48 (still young) with most probably children of your own, he would be 98, if he is still around. .

Not unless he's aging 2 years for every one year she ages he won't #mathsFail

Lau2976 · 19-11-2014 12:03am

ILikeBananas wrote: »

Not unless he's aging 2 years for every one year she ages he won't #mathsFail

Ninja edit!

Lau2976 · 19-11-2014 12:55am

I just realized I've never posted how I actually feel about him. Also I like not having judgmental eyes staring at me while I vent this. Even my dogs eyes seem judgie! And usually they just look worrisome! I'm going to warn you now - this is going to be painfully cringey and cheesey. Barf bags at the ready.

I feel like he's the only person, apart from my family, that I've ever been comfortable with. I've grown up in a close knit family where very little was not shared but even with that upbringing I struggle to be fully open with people. Exes have often called me cold and said that i seem to have a lack of interest in them in situations where we aren't alone but I struggle a lot with PDA. It's just something I'm not comfortable with. I actively avoid kissing in public an something as simple as holding someone's hand stresses me out. I like the independence of my own body andy personal space I guess. But he gets that completely and doesn't push or pry too much. And that's really helped me lately. I feel comfortable fixing his tie or hair in public and I want to hold his hand walking down the street. I don't feel like I have to like before.

I'm an artist and we met through him taking an interest in art as a hobby. I've never met somebody who I can paint so comfortably with. I do paint with people but it often feels strained because In used to working alone. Working with him is exciting. I want my work to be good because he's there to witness it being made. And I feel like having him there helps me a lot, almost like a muse! He brings a lot of energy to the room when we paint together and I enjoy painting even more than I already do when he's there.

I even love co-inhabiting with him. Whether it's him sitting across the room reading and me on my phone or the two of us cooking together it's enjoyable. Even when we fight. Because i know the minute we start talking again it won't be weird or uncomfortable. It will be exactly how it was before the fight. I love watching tv with him, or when he comes food shopping with me because I always shop on Mondays at 2 and he knows that. I love that I can teach him how to use a play station 3 and that he's made me realize how to appreciate a good history book more then I ever have before.

I find him attractive and the fact that I still don't know everything about him, even after this time, or that I'm still interested enough to always be curious, amazes me.

Sorry for the novel!

seenitall · 19-11-2014 1:11am

Hi OP,

going by that post, you seem to have it pretty bad for this old boy already.

So if that's the way you feel, there is no amount of rationale, on boards or otherwise, that is going to dissuade you from getting involved with him. Because that's not how strong feelings, such as a strong attraction, work. They are not very rational. The heart wants what the heart wants, so cut yourself some slack on that point.

I say go for it. You seem to have your eyes open to the main downsides, and that, considering the strength of your feelings, seems to be the most that you can or indeed should be doing to safeguard yourself at this junction.

Give the man a whirl and see what you think. If it all goes belly up, at least you know that you followed your heart.

Calibos · 19-11-2014 1:14am

My first reaction to the 23/48 age gap was negative. Then I remembered I'm a 40 year old bloke myself

and not a 20 something young lad like I feel in my head. I get confused myself sometimes because I am told I look like I'm mid 20's and a lot of people react with shock when I tell them I'm 40

Anyway, I thought to myself, "Who do I know thats 48?" I thought of all the blokes in my clubbing social circle back in the 90's. I would have been at the younger end of the group at the time with several of the lads 7-8 years older. ie. Mixed gender Group who all went clubbing together most weekends ranging in age from 21-29. Now neither me nor they have been clubbing in donkeys years but I still see a few of them around and chat now and then. The 48 year olds don't appear or act like oul fella's to me. We don't neck the yokes (E's) like we used to either

I guess what I am getting at is that as time goes on the generational gaps are getting smaller and smaller. Heck, as a 40 year old even my own parents who are 67 and 62 neither look, dress nor act like pensioners of old either. They grew up in the swinging 60's in Dublin. We share the same values. Liberal politically and culturally etc etc ie. No conflict or generation gap between my parents and I. I'd imagine there is even less of a generation gap now between a 48 and 23 year old. ie. They'd be more likely to say something like, "Back in my day, there was much more mdma in the yokes...." than to say, "Back in my day, we respected the church and......." etc etc

I'll never forget the day my mother matter of factly told me that the pot porri jar she found in a drawer was were she used to stash her ganja

Obviously with that age gap there is still scope for conflict or disagreement as both parties are at different life stages but a lot of the areas of conflict of old disappeared with the generation gaps of old.

If he's like some 48 year old fuddy duddys I know then it likely won't work, however, if he's like a lot of other 48 year olds I know then the only generation gap that will exist is in stamina levels

hattoncracker · 19-11-2014 10:12am

Op I'm 27, my fiancè is 46, his eldest daughter is 5 years younger than me.

It has caused some tension between our families but we are working on it. I never notice the age difference really. (although I did have to ask him to explain to me what a marathon bar was!!)

I felt the same about pda's and everything and with him id hold his hand and everything coz I want to.

No one but yourself can tell you whether it's right or not. block out everyone else and do what your gut is telling you. That way you won't have any regrets, one way or the other.

Lau2976 · 19-11-2014 12:23pm

He took this morning off work and we went for breakfast and spoke about it.

We're going to give it a go!

I really appreciate how honest and supportive everybody here is.

Buona Fortuna · 19-11-2014 1:59pm

Lau2976 wrote: »

He took this morning off work and we went for breakfast and spoke about it.

We're going to give it a go! I really appreciate how honest and supportive everybody here is.

Lau having read this thread (but not contributed) you sound sound as if you have given this considerable thought, are cognisant of the possible downsides. You sound very level headed.

I wish you both all the very best;)

dark crystal · 19-11-2014 6:13pm

Wow, can't believe some of the judgements about age being bandied about this thread! He's pervy etc. because he's interested in a grown woman who happens to be younger than he is. This is nonsense!

OP, you and this guy seem to share a lot of interests, you're both attracted to each other and he doesn't seem to be pressuring you into anything. Age is what you make of it. There's no rule that older guys are any more controlling than younger guys, so listen not to the negativity!

I'm a big believer in gut instinct. If it feels right, go for it. Don't let other people's negativity put you off something that may be wonderfully satisfying for both of you. If it doesn't work out for whatever reason, all well and good, at least you gave it a shot. That's all you can do in any relationship.

Best of luck to you both

Backstreet Moyes · 19-11-2014 7:38pm

Best of luck for going for it.

I wouldn't worry about the pervy thing people are saying but what happens in 10 or 15 years.

Are you happy to have kids down the line where the father will be 70+ by the time the kid reaches 18.

Are you happy that at a young age you may have to become a carer for this person.

Emme · 19-11-2014 9:51pm

Lau2976 wrote: »

I'm an artist and we met through him taking an interest in art as a hobby. I've never met somebody who I can paint so comfortably with. I do paint with people but it often feels strained because In used to working alone. Working with him is exciting. I want my work to be good because he's there to witness it being made. And I feel like having him there helps me a lot, almost like a muse! He brings a lot of energy to the room when we paint together and I enjoy painting even more than I already do when he's there.

If he's an artist he is probably very visual so I can understand why he likes being around a woman who is much younger. He probably has a younger outlook than most men his age. If you have painting in common that could help bridge your age gap. You have decided to go for it so I wish you well. At best it will be a lifetime partnership and if it doesn't work out long term you can learn from each other.

His children may not be thrilled about you getting together but you will have to get over that. Make sure he supports you.

Much older man.

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