Is it possible to have a shyte so huge that you get admitted to the maternity ward?

0verblood · 01-12-2010 3:34pm #1

We hear girls complaining about the pain of childbirth and how men have it easy, but jesus christ I've just let a massive shyte into the toilet bowl and I didn't think I was going to finish it, it came out half way and then stopped, I was almost going to grab it with two rolled up pieces of newspaper and snap it off then finish the rest off later after some laxative. Luckily enough I managed to squeeze it out but only after many tears (is it normal to cry while pooing?) and beads of sweat.

So my question is, if your poo is so massive that you can't squeeze it out, what the hell are your options? Something like a maternity ward, except for poos? Would A&E actually admit you if you told them your poo was too massive? The facilities must exist as I'm sure I'm not the only person who has been through this ordeal. I swear I felt like I was giving birth to a child with gigantism disease.

FreudianSlippers · 01-12-2010 3:35pm

What is with all the shít threads today?

flahavaj · 01-12-2010 3:36pm

OP is full of sh*t.

SV · 01-12-2010 3:36pm

Do a barrel roll?

FreudianSlippers · 01-12-2010 3:36pm

flahavaj wrote: »

OP is full of sh*t.

oooh, sneaky edit!

The Shtig · 01-12-2010 3:38pm

ehhmm I'm pretty sure babies don't come from your ass......

apope8 · 01-12-2010 3:40pm

Get onto these lads :cool: http://europeanfecalstandardsandmeasurement.blogspot.com/

phill106 · 01-12-2010 3:43pm

Every series of er/scrubs etc had junior doctors puttin on rubber gloves to remove compacted fecal matter, generally from very large patients.
I would imagine it happens more often then we want to know!

01-12-2010 3:45pm

phill106 wrote: »

Every series of er/scrubs etc had junior doctors puttin on rubber gloves to remove compacted fecal matter, generally from very large patients.
I would imagine it happens more often then we want to know!

All the time.

missingtime · 01-12-2010 3:46pm

Ask Brian Cowens mother.

Scuid Mhór · 01-12-2010 3:48pm

flahavaj wrote: »

OP is full of sh*t.

Yes that is the thread.

AnonoBoy · 01-12-2010 3:49pm

No but it's possible to talk so much sh*te that you get admitted to the psychiatric ward.

0verblood · 01-12-2010 3:51pm

phill106 wrote: »

Every series of er/scrubs etc had junior doctors puttin on rubber gloves to remove compacted fecal matter, generally from very large patients.
I would imagine it happens more often then we want to know!

Ha! Thanks! Must google some compacted fecal matter.

So if you arrive at A&E and tell them that your poo is too big to squeeze out by yourself... they would actually put on some rubber gloves and pull it out like a baby? I supposed I guessed right that there must be some sort of fecal midwife nurse available in hospitals.

Ghetto Cornetto · 01-12-2010 3:52pm

hurrrr durrrr poo is funneh.

:mad:

4zn76tysfajdxp · 01-12-2010 3:53pm

Apt username, OP.

General Zod · 01-12-2010 3:56pm

was convinced the OP was going to be Corkman.

JONJO THE MISER · 01-12-2010 3:56pm

*runs to the toilet*

phill106 · 01-12-2010 3:58pm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pnIk0npINiE

Brendog · 01-12-2010 3:59pm

* witty comment involving **** and a reference to economy*

Jaxxy · 01-12-2010 4:00pm

Pushing it out so hard that you actually cry will give you piles.

OpenYourEyes · 01-12-2010 4:02pm

0verblood wrote: »

I swear I felt like I was giving birth to a child with gigantism disease.

Im pretty sure gigantism doesnt start affecting children til around puberty.....

...just saying.......

phill106 · 01-12-2010 4:02pm

JaxxYChicK wrote: »

Pushing it out so hard that you actually cry will give you piles.

piles of poo?

Daroxtar · 01-12-2010 4:05pm

The only person qualified to talk about this topic is Flutterinbantam. Flut, where are you when you're needed most?

dagdha · 01-12-2010 4:06pm

hot hot hot hot hot hot.

Mint Sauce · 01-12-2010 4:07pm

OP needs more fibre.

dagdha · 01-12-2010 4:09pm

Jaxxy · 01-12-2010 4:10pm

phill106 wrote: »

piles of poo?

Piles of piles. Bunch of grapes. Only the H can save you now!

bonerm · 01-12-2010 4:10pm

Best thread title in several weeks. Well done sir.

KittyeeTrix · 01-12-2010 4:11pm

Justin Bieber was born wasn't he so yes it is possible to be hospitalised after a massive dump.......................:p

Taco Corp · 01-12-2010 4:13pm

Serious answer, eat flax seed. You can have it with pretty much anything, I normally have it with my porridge and it doesn't really taste of anything.

bonerm · 01-12-2010 4:13pm

fluffyorganic1 wrote: »

Justin Bieber was born wasn't he so yes it is possible to be hospitalised after a massive dump.......................:p

How many courics did he weigh?

Gulliver · 01-12-2010 4:13pm

Don't push too hard - you don't want to do an Elvis!

...I'll get my coat.....

Son Of A Vidic · 01-12-2010 4:34pm

OP - Sounds like your dehydrated, keep the fluids going and 'things' will flow easier. A bit of fibre in your diet also won't do any harm btw.

Princess Peach · 01-12-2010 4:36pm

I vote that all threads on this sort of topic be moved to the Gentleman's Club.

Cause I don't want to see them anymore.

BOYS!!!:mad:

Duggy747 · 01-12-2010 4:42pm

I'm a danger to toilets, in the end it's usually the toilet that starts crying more-so than me.

*cue toiletseat flapping like a mouth*

PeterIanStaker · 01-12-2010 4:44pm

Hey, did you know that cavemen got more fibre than we do?

phill106 · 01-12-2010 4:44pm

Princess Peach wrote: »

I vote that all threads on this sort of topic be moved to the Gentleman's Club.

Cause I don't want to see them anymore.

BOYS!!!:mad:

Pffft like girls dont poop

Fizman · 01-12-2010 4:45pm

I've made a few sh1ts in my time that have required me to either get a clothes hanger to shred, or a large knife to cut up.

I'm not kidding.

Princess Peach wrote: »

I vote that all threads on this sort of topic be moved to the Gentleman's Club.

Cause I don't want to see them anymore.

BOYS!!!:mad:

So let me get this straight........you see a thread title/subject that you detest, yet you still open it and contribute to it??

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiggggghhhhhhhttttttttttttt.

Princess Peach · 01-12-2010 4:45pm

phill106 wrote: »

Pffft like girls dont poop

I don't!

I'm a lady.

phill106 · 01-12-2010 4:46pm

Fizman wrote: »

I've made a few sh1ts in my time that have required me to either get a clothes hanger to shred, or a large knife to cut up.

I'm not kidding.

So let me get this straight........you see a thread title/subject that you detest, yet you still open it and contribute to it??

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiggggghhhhhhhttttttttttttt.

WTF! Ugh, no sunday dinner invites for me please!

Duggy747 · 01-12-2010 5:10pm

phill106 wrote: »

WTF! Ugh, no sunday dinner invites for me please!

Probably the knife he uses to cut thick meat :pac:

Princess Peach wrote:

I don't!

I'm a lady.

Women just go to the loo to lay Malteasers?

If anything, "ladies" leave the loo like a contaminated nuclear fallout zone. Ye're as rotten as us! :P

salutations · 01-12-2010 5:15pm

I recommend going to your local welcoming Dublin pub as an antidote to your particular problem. There always seems to be loads of lovely soft stools there.

admiralofthefleet · 01-12-2010 5:17pm

if you go into arse labour and its a proper meatloafs daughter the best course of action is to eat a bit of indian

stoneill · 01-12-2010 5:17pm

Fizman wrote: »

I've made a few sh1ts in my time that have required me to either get a clothes hanger to shred, or a large knife to cut up.

I'm not kidding.

Typical...
Never a large knife in the jacks just when you need one!

kfallon · 01-12-2010 5:19pm

I remember having a dump during the Brazil v Holland match during the 1994 World Cup as if it were yesterday. Went up 5 mins before half time and by the time I was finished it was 3 mins into the second half. Couldn't get it out, struggled with it. Had to 'induce' it inch by inch but by Jaysus it was hard to do and painful. Eventually got it out, was like a big brown Nike sign. Don't know how it flushed tbh but thank God it did. Arse felt like it was open for about an hour after it. Needed a second flush to get rid of the skiddie and I left the window open for a good hour after it.

Never, ever experienced anything like it before or since!

kfallon · 01-12-2010 5:20pm

Duggy747 wrote: »

If anything, "ladies" leave the loo like a contaminated nuclear fallout zone. Ye're as rotten as us! :P

This is true, I've heard some horror stories about pebble dashing in the ladies from female co-workers and friends!

orourkeda · 01-12-2010 5:20pm

0verblood wrote: »

We hear girls complaining about the pain of childbirth and how men have it easy, but jesus christ I've just let a massive shyte into the toilet bowl and I didn't think I was going to finish it, it came out half way and then stopped, I was almost going to grab it with two rolled up pieces of newspaper and snap it off then finish the rest off later after some laxative. Luckily enough I managed to squeeze it out but only after many tears (is it normal to cry while pooing?) and beads of sweat.

So my question is, if your poo is so massive that you can't squeeze it out, what the hell are your options? Something like a maternity ward, except for poos? Would A&E actually admit you if you told them your poo was too massive? The facilities must exist as I'm sure I'm not the only person who has been through this ordeal. I swear I felt like I was giving birth to a child with gigantism disease.

Is this gary lineker?

bookerboy · 01-12-2010 5:22pm

Do what Brian Cowan and the rest of his Fianna Fail mates do.
Gets it all out through their mouths.

Princess Peach · 01-12-2010 5:23pm

Duggy747 wrote: »

Women just go to the loo to lay Malteasers?

If anything, "ladies" leave the loo like a contaminated nuclear fallout zone. Ye're as rotten as us! :P

And those women aren't ladies!

Jaxxy · 01-12-2010 5:24pm

Princess Peach wrote: »

And those women aren't ladies!

What are they then, men?

We fart too. :eek:

Princess Peach · 01-12-2010 5:26pm

JaxxYChicK wrote: »

What are they then, men?

We fart too. :eek:

Eh don't speak of behalf of me please. Cause I know I don't!

Is it possible to have a shyte so huge that you get admitted to the maternity ward?

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