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So....Ashley Madison

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    #32
    Matteroffact
    Registered Users Posts: 457 ✭✭Matteroffact


    how do you find out who is a member of the Ashley Addison site without signing up ?


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    #33
    Sunflower 27
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,955 ✭✭✭Sunflower 27


    nidhona3 wrote: »
    Don't you have to pay 20 euro to do that. He's such a technophob and only recently started using card for things online so tbh don't think he's savvy enough to have been able to live this other life and manage to conceal it so well.

    Maybe I should give him more credit but I want to believe him.

    I get you want to believe him, but burying your head in the sand will only hurt you more in the long term.

    In this day and age it is hard to believe a young person does not know how to join a website. When a business wants your money, they make it very easy and clear how to join/become a member.

    Given the nature of the site, I find it very hard to believe he forgot. I had never even heard of this site before, but clearly it is well known to people that want to cheat - and get away with it.

    I really feel your pain, but would you really prefer to stay with him, always questioning what he is doing when he is not at home?

    If I were in your shoes, I would tell him that I am not going to be fobbed off with 'I don't remember'. He surely must have been getting correspondence from the site so he knew he was on it.

    I get you just want all this to go away. But you can't un-see what you saw. You need a better explanation than 'I don't remember'.


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    #34
    Penny Tration
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,687 ✭✭✭✭Penny Tration


    nidhona3 wrote: »
    Don't you have to pay 20 euro to do that. He's such a technophob and only recently started using card for things online so tbh don't think he's savvy enough to have been able to live this other life and manage to conceal it so well.

    Maybe I should give him more credit but I want to believe him.

    You don't have to pay to close an account. you only pay to have them wipe all your information from their database. That's where this hack came from - the website had lied when they said they'd wipe everything for a fee.

    Tbh, he should be showing you his card statements without you needing to ask. He's being very nonchalant about it, as though it's not a big deal. Once could be passed off as silliness or nosiness, but it's twice, that you know about. That means he at least has intentions of cheating.


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    #35
    argentum
    Registered Users Posts: 472 ✭✭argentum


    Stupid man wrote: »
    Hi,

    I can honestly say that I signed up out of curiosity as much to see if there were many people on it. I looked at a few profiles to see what kind of people they were but never contacted or messaged anyone. Now I'm going to have to tell my wife, mother of our two kids. I'm an idiot and could possibly have ruined our family.

    It's very possible he did the same thing.

    Please dont tell your wife if you think it could possibly ruin your marriage and your family life.You did something out of curiosity that most men would do without thinking that they were cheating on their partner.You dont need to feel guilty if you know that your intention was not to cheat but just to look.If it ever came up in a conversation that she found your email adddress listed just lie and say its not you but someone messing.


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    #36
    SpaceRocket
    Registered Users Posts: 233 ✭✭SpaceRocket


    Don't lie about it. Tell her, and let her decide what she wants to do. Your name or email address or whatever is out there now as having signed up to that site so either she finds out now from you or further down the line. If she feels she deserves better, then let her go so she can find someone who deserves her trust.


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    #37
    argentum
    Registered Users Posts: 472 ✭✭argentum


    SpaceRocket wrote: »
    Don't lie about it. Tell her, and let her decide what she wants to do. Your name or email address or whatever is out there now as having signed up to that site so either she finds out now from you or further down the line. If she feels she deserves better, then let her go so she can find someone who deserves her trust.

    Why would you wreck your marriage and life over something that's not really important but silly and stupid.
    You know her , we don't but if you feel that your marriage would end don't tell her.Its a website , you had a look to see what the fuss was just out of curiosity but didn't do anything. Is that cheating ....No its not . Are you untrustworthy....No you're not
    Just don't do something as stupid again.


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    #38
    zeffabelli
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,516 ✭✭✭zeffabelli


    I know it's not the same but I will daydream about all the places I can go, fantasise about alternative lives I can lead, flute around on Ryanair.com with their cheap fares, allowing me to dream, but I know I will never ever book a flight to these places.

    Reality starts with handing over the money, before that, it's just a dream.nothing more.


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    #39
    deseil
    Closed Accounts Posts: 333 ✭✭deseil


    argentum wrote: »
    Why would you wreck your marriage and life over something that's not really important but silly and stupid.
    You know her , we don't but if you feel that your marriage would end don't tell her.Its a website , you had a look to see what the fuss was just out of curiosity but didn't do anything. Is that cheating ....No its not . Are you untrustworthy....No you're not
    Just don't do something as stupid again.

    I agree, you were curious you did nothing wrong, but if you tell her it will cause alot of hurt and trust issues and will most likely be a kick in the teeth for her. If she finds your email lie and say you never signed up. If you just looked theres no credit card information.


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    #40
    KomradeBishop
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,981 ✭✭✭KomradeBishop


    The websites that search for the email, only tell you that the email is in the list - however, the actual database leaked, contains information like last digits of credit card, profile information like height, IP address, GPS co-ordinates (think that applies only to app) etc. - you can check this more directly, and if any of that kind of data is present, you can out him for sure and catch him in a lie.

    The problem is: It's a raw database dump, it's hard to analyse without technical knowledge.

    It's only a matter of time before a search tool turns up, with this extra information though.


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    #41
    Rikand
    Registered Users Posts: 20,341 ✭✭✭✭Rikand


    MagicMarker wrote: »
    Coming to his senses when he has to get the credit card out is meaningless.

    If he's out with the lads chatting to a woman at what point does he come to his senses?

    When he has to buy her a drink ?

    "Oh, can't be having that..."


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    #42
    EuropeanSon
    Registered Users Posts: 2,819 ✭✭✭EuropeanSon


    I assume you all know that there weren't actually any girls on these sites. I read that something like only a few thousand out of millions of female profiles were believed to be genuine.

    There's next to no chance that your boyfriend met someone and had an affair through this site, whether or not he intended to is another matter.


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    #43
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    EuropeanSon wrote: »
    I assume you all know that there weren't actually any girls on these sites. I read that something like only a few thousand out of millions of female profiles were believed to be genuine.

    There's next to no chance that your boyfriend met someone and had an affair through this site, whether or not he intended to is another matter.

    The intention is almost the only thing that's important.

    I found a foreign brand of condom in my ex's coat pocket just after he'd been abroad for work (I wasn't searching, I'd just borrowed the nearest coat to go out to the bin in the pouring rain). This is when I knew it was all over. He told me he hadn't done anything, but that was really not the point, was it?


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    #44
    Witchie
    Registered Users Posts: 5,597 ✭✭✭Witchie


    Imogen06 wrote: »
    The intention is almost the only thing that's important.

    I found a foreign brand of condom in my ex's coat pocket just after he'd been abroad for work (I wasn't searching, I'd just borrowed the nearest coat to go out to the bin in the pouring rain). This is when I knew it was all over. He told me he hadn't done anything, but that was really not the point, was it?

    Similarly for me. I found a packet of condoms in my husbands pocket after he had been out at a stag night and when I asked him about it he said that the stag and him had been chatting to 2 girls and the stag had told him he was in there and egged him on to buy condoms which he did. He said he did nothing after that but for me he had crossed a line of just talking to a girl and buying condoms to have sex with her. I dumped his ass.

    Sometimes the intention to cheat is enough.


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    #45
    conor8989
    Registered Users Posts: 33 ✭conor8989


    nidhona3 wrote: »
    Hi people,

    Just really wanted to air this anonymously to see what opinions are.

    Just found my partners email address come up positive in a search of leaked addresses from the Ashley Madison website. Confronted partner who says, yes, he did sign up but only got so far as the credit detail request stage. This he says was as far as it went.

    About a month previous I saw from his history, activity on another similar site which he gave the same response to...
    Funnily enough I've not come across porn sites in his history which actually wouldn't bother me. Not as much as trawling sites that encourage you to be slimey and go behind your partners back.

    I feel all I can do is blindly trust...what else can I do? ... What would you do? ...
    dont know really its a tough one why is he thinking about other women if it was a free site would he have acted on it probley


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