At a certain age do people just "Settle" for someone?

Ironman76 · 04-04-2010 4:08pm

OutlawPete wrote: »

I'd rather die alone than be with someone who was a heartless bitch.

Some people say life's too short, I say it can be too fucking long in the wrong company.

Completely agree with this. Both from my own experiences and those of friends. I have learnt the hard way that you need to be very careful who you decide to settle with or have kids with. Managed to escape a potential disaster last year. The usual, starts off like a dream come true, get engaged, travel the world (honeymoon period) then things go sour and you believe that it will pass.

I have one or two friends that will probably be in an early grave from settling with the wrong person. Happy as Larry when they were single but the lure of having their own family etc proved too much and are with partners/wives that make their life a living hell. One even admitted he is only staying in it for the kid.

As for me Im 33 now and I would honestly like to settle down and have more kids but Im f**ked if Im going to just settle with anyone. As the song says "I got 99 problems but . . ."

I wasnt particularly keen on the girl Im with now when I met her but I must say 7 months on I am happy when Im with her and have thought that maybe I was going about it wrong before. . .

mojesius · 04-04-2010 4:21pm

The sad reality is that a lot of people do settle. Also, I think it's incredibly selfish to lie to someone you're supposedly in love with; luring them into life-long financial and emotional ties just so you're not alone (imagine!) :eek:
Then to think it's completely acceptable to cheat or contemplate cheating on this person just because you're bored. P*sses me right off when I see people treating each other like this.

I think Outlaw Pete nailed it on the head. Personally, I'd rather become a nun than spend the rest of life with someone who didn't make me truly happier than I am on my own. A few years ago when I began to question my love for the man I was living with, I knew deep down he wasn't for me. I thought about it for a few days and began to feel more and more trapped. Within a week, I was honest with him and ended it. Never looked back.

ilovebiology · 04-04-2010 4:24pm

Ironman76 wrote: »

Completely agree with this. Both from my own experiences and those of friends. I have learnt the hard way that you need to be very careful who you decide to settle with or have kids with. Managed to escape a potential disaster last year. The usual, starts off like a dream come true, get engaged, travel the world (honeymoon period) then things go sour and you believe that it will pass.

I have one or two friends that will probably be in an early grave from settling with the wrong person. Happy as Larry when they were single but the lure of having their own family etc proved too much and are with partners/wives that make their life a living hell. One even admitted he is only staying in it for the kid.

As for me Im 33 now and I would honestly like to settle down and have more kids but Im f**ked if Im going to just settle with anyone. As the song says "I got 99 problems but . . ."

I wasnt particularly keen on the girl Im with now when I met her but I must say 7 months on I am happy when Im with her and have thought that maybe I was going about it wrong before. . .

I agree with you too. Why would anyone want to marry someone they are not really in love with, and not happy with, and live a life of not being happy....living a lie. I don't understand why anyone would do that. I firmly believe its crucial to find someone you love, and are compatiable with, and other issues would sort themselves out, I'm no expert though, but thats how I would approach the whole thing. Surely, even when a person may be in their mid 30's or so, and if they were with someone, but not really in love or happy with them, for their life, and the other person's life as hard as it would be, breaking up is the best thing to do, and find someone they can love, and they to love them. I think that my friend is "Settling" with this girl, is too afraid to leave her due to the mortage etc, and is effectively stuck with her for life, even though he dosn't really love her, wants kids and since he has decided to stay with her will never have kids

Ironman76 · 04-04-2010 4:42pm

ilovebiology wrote: »

I agree with you too. Why would anyone want to marry someone they are not really in love with, and not happy with, and live a life of not being happy....living a lie. I don't understand why anyone would do that. I firmly believe its crucial to find someone you love, and are compatiable with, and other issues would sort themselves out, I'm no expert though, but thats how I would approach the whole thing. Surely, even when a person may be in their mid 30's or so, and if they were with someone, but not really in love or happy with them, for their life, and the other person's life as hard as it would be, breaking up is the best thing to do, and find someone they can love, and they to love them. I think that my friend is "Settling" with this girl, is too afraid to leave her due to the mortage etc, and is effectively stuck with her for life, even though he dosn't really love her, wants kids and since he has decided to stay with her will never have kids

Well IMO "settling" should be a realisation and not a mission. You shouldnt wake up one day and think "I want to settle, time to find me a wife". I would like to settle but its something I would like to do after Ive been with someone for a considerable length of time and have been through our ups and downs.

My own family situation has always been a bit of a mess and I am not afraid to admit that if I didnt have my son, who is now 14, I would probably be one of those people that "sells their soul" to settle down and start a family. Although nowhere near as bad as some of the trainwreck marriages I have seen. I would still have some sort of benchmark, but my guard would be a lot lower than it is now.

I have a few friends that have nice healthy marriages, but theres also the fact that they are not allowed outside the door at weekends. But they are still happy. Makes you wonder does the perfect marriage/relationship even exist ? ?

Gummy Panda · 04-04-2010 4:45pm

Abitar wrote: »

I tried the marraige thing with the wrong person, and fuck me was I miserable. I was with him a while, and in hindsight I went through with it because I figured thats just what you do after a while isn't? Well guess what.. no it isn't.... =/

I told you Tar isn't all he is cracked up to be

Misty Chaos · 04-04-2010 4:47pm

OutlawPete wrote: »

I'd rather die alone than be with someone who was a heartless bitch.

Never settle when it comes to personality.

Some people say life's too short, I say it can be too fucking long in the wrong company.

I wish I could thank you twice.

I completely agree with you. Coming from someone who hasn't had much luck with women, one of the reasons I guess is that I'm not just willing to settle for anyone just for the sake of it, to me that would indeed be worse than being alone!

I know relationships are all about compromise but at the same time, if you end up compromising your integrity just for the sake of getting with someone because your afraid of dying alone, than thats just as bad as being alone, probably even worse!

Don't get me wrong, I'd be more than willing to settle down but ONLY with the right person. If that means I go through life alone, so be it. My life so far hasn't exactly being the typical ' package life ' so to speak, so why should I start living a ' package life ' now?

Piste · 04-04-2010 4:52pm

This is the main reason the thought of taking out a Mortgage with someone sends shivers of dread down my spine.

<----Committmentphobe

tempura · 04-04-2010 5:19pm

I settled and am now seperated so theres your answer, its just not worth it. I've read many times on this thread already about having to love someone and not just settle for the want of a family/home/security. This is so so true, yes, most of us want these things in the long run, however if you really do not love the person you are with all of the above are not worth a feck. I had them all and now i've lost most of them, but im honestly much happier knowing that i don't have to be in that relationship anymore. The material things can be gained somehow but as sappy as it sounds finding someone you really love is far more important.

Now, if i can just find that.........onwards and upwards !

Abi · 04-04-2010 5:29pm

Gummy Panda wrote: »

I told you Tar isn't all he is cracked up to be

Ah don't get me wrong... it was great in the beginning. But Tar changed quickly, and life became boring and repeatitive after not too long. Anal every night :rolleyes:

Gummy Panda · 04-04-2010 5:52pm

Abitar wrote: »

Ah don't get me wrong... it was great in the beginning. But Tar changed quickly, and life became boring and repeatitive after not too long. Anal every night :rolleyes:

So that's why KY jelly sales shot up :eek:

Wibbs · 04-04-2010 9:26pm

Abitar wrote: »

Ah don't get me wrong... it was great in the beginning. But Tar changed quickly, and life became boring and repeatitive after not too long. Anal every night :rolleyes:

Ahh bless. Size issues are sensitive for guys.

OP? Yep. A lot do. Both genders.

bronte · 04-04-2010 9:31pm

Gummy Panda wrote: »

So that's why KY jelly sales shot up :eek:

I read that as KY Jelly Shots.

:eek:

Bonito · 04-04-2010 9:40pm

Piste wrote:

This is the main reason the thought of taking out a Mortgage with someone sends shivers of dread down my spine.
<----Committmentphobe

Are you not only like 18?

That'd be one reason why big committments such as mortgage/kids/marriage would send shivers down your spine. :pac:

Latchy · 04-04-2010 10:20pm

cafecolour wrote: »

Some folks so desperately want the house, kids, and such that all that's more important than who they get it with.

Some folks do just settle out of fear or loneliness.

.

Some people will settle with who comes along first ,with the expectations of getting the house ,kids

Some will get to a certain age it might be 27 ,with some 37 ,others much older and if not in a relationship begin to panic a bit so in absense of mr/mrs right will settle for somebody .... anybody to fill the vacum rather than the fear of living their lives alone.

OutlawPete wrote: »

I'd rather die alone than be with someone who was a heartless bitch.

Never settle when it comes to personality.

Some people say life's too short, I say it can be too fucking long in the wrong company.

Amen -How many people utter those sentiments

Abitar wrote: »

Right on the money as usual Pete. If you're gonna be around someone for the long haul, it needs to be someone that you can have the laughs with.

I tried the marraige thing with the wrong person, and fuck me was I miserable. I was with him a while, and in hindsight I went through with it because I figured thats just what you do after a while isn't? Well guess what.. no it isn't.... =/

Must be quite of people who are in this situation ,thinking this is it , '' you made your bed now lay in it ' 'excepting it as the norm but really feel suffocated and cant or are afraid to make that break away .

I guess the older you are and longer and more commited you are into the marriage with the kids etc ,it must be harder to make the break even though that's what you really want .I have a relative who after 30 years of marriage recently got divorced but could so easly have done so 15 years earlier .

Piste · 04-04-2010 10:40pm

Bonito wrote: »

Are you not only like 18? That'd be one reason why big committments such as mortgage/kids/marriage would send shivers down your spine. :pac:

I'm 19, committment of any kind freaks me out. I wouldn't even buy a billpay phone because of the contract.

Erica<3 · 05-04-2010 1:08am

Some people settle, because they think thats the best they're going to get.

Some people love somebody so much that it would break their own heart to see them hurt or upset. Sometimes it's just easier to not say anything because you want to keep the emotional pain to a minimal.

Bonito · 05-04-2010 12:04pm

Piste wrote: »

I'm 19, committment of any kind freaks me out. I wouldn't even buy a billpay phone because of the contract.

Ooooo you're like me! Pay as you go FTW.

/tips hooker. :pac:

Gummy Panda · 05-04-2010 12:21pm

bronte wrote: »

I read that as KY Jelly Shots.
:eek:

You can get lube in little plastic bubble containers for your pocket.

Bonito wrote: »

/tips hooker. :pac:

Stop tipping them!!

You're ruining it for the rest of us :mad:

opinion guy · 06-04-2010 2:51pm

gbee wrote: »

<snip>
32 years married to the same woman myself, for the first twenty years I was in love with a new woman each week ... I never did anything about it though, I throw that in as I believe all men would have the same feelings.

Speak for yourself please

Zulu · 06-04-2010 3:33pm

What is to settle? To make a commitment to one person??

Reality check: every married couple & long term couple have settled.

Considering that no one is perfect - if you're holding out for some Hollywood romance/teenage infatuation good luck with that.
Don't hold your breath too long.

At a certain age do people just "Settle" for someone?

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