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Divvying up the spoils . . .

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  • 28-11-2008 5:47pm
    #1
    mud
    Registered Users Posts: 2,699 ✭✭✭


    Ok, I split with me fella of two years a month or so ago, He agreed to come over last Sat to take the rest of his stuff, I was working til 9 so he had two hours which is loads as he had most of his stuff gone already, I stupidly didn't check the place while he was here. When he was gone I got a text saying that everything that was left was rubbish that I could get rid of (gee thanks) About 100 issues of PC Format, old shoes etc, really insulting but I decided to grin and bear it so off to the recycling place with them!

    I then found his porn stash and some old diaries*, really really feel like dumping the diaries but not sure if I have it in me to be so mean! (The porn was recycled with gritted teeth) There are a few things missing, nothing expensive just odd things like the coal tongs, which he has no need for!

    The end of a relationship is sh1te but it's behaviour like this that turns a fairly amicable split into childish one-upmanship

    So Ladies, anyone else care to share their splitting up of stuff???





    *I haven't and won't read them


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    #2
    Whispered
    Registered Users Posts: 14,772 ✭✭✭✭Whispered


    mud wrote: »


    *I haven't and won't read them
    I envy your willpower. What sort of man keeps a diary. You're better off. :)

    Did he leave them on purpose in the hopes you read them for some reason?


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    #3
    Robbo
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 10,559 Mod ✭✭✭✭Robbo


    By "recycling" the bongo mags, did you put them in a green bin to be pulped and come back as smutty newsprint or did you donate them to some 12 year old boys with no internet access?

    I think the carbon footprint, even with Kleenex factored in is less for the latter option...


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    #4
    shellyboo
    Registered Users Posts: 5,883 ✭✭✭shellyboo


    mud wrote: »
    I haven't and won't read them

    You are a far, far stronger woman than I.

    I split up with my bf over a year and a half ago after a 5 yr relationship. We had a flat together in the last year, and since it wasn't furnished, we got some old furniture from the college bar, which was being renovated - it actually came out of the skip! Was in ok condition though, a sofa and a coffee table. When we broke up and moved out, the coffee table came with me to my new house, which I share with mutual friends of myself and my ex.

    Skip forward a year and a half - myself and my ex no longer speak due to a post-breakup falling out. I'm in my room, I hear the door open and his voice downstairs, I figure he's visiting my housemate. I hear some banging and scraping but think nothing of it.

    A few hours later, my new bf arrives over. We go to sit in the living room... the coffee table has mysteriously disappeared... he "needed it" apparently.


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    #5
    chickenhawk
    Registered Users Posts: 656 ✭✭✭chickenhawk


    Robbo wrote: »
    By "recycling" the bongo mags, did you put them in a green bin to be pulped and come back as smutty newsprint or did you donate them to some 12 year old boys with no internet access?

    I think the carbon footprint, even with Kleenex factored in is less for the latter option...

    Good idea but my plan would be to post them to his mother with a note saying he left them behind him.


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    #6
    mud
    Registered Users Posts: 2,699 ✭✭✭mud


    helena.ryan wrote: »
    I envy your willpower. What sort of man keeps a diary. You're better off. :)

    Did he leave them on purpose in the hopes you read them for some reason?


    There's three hard backed notebooks all from the last 15 years, I don't think he kept one while he was living with me, tbh I couldn't be arsed reading them the bubble is burst now and the good relationship is already fading into a murky past, he really let himself down that's what becomes of the broken hearted.


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    #7
    Ginny
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 13,425 ✭✭✭✭Ginny


    Been there twice, first time it was my first boyfriend, were together 7 ish years but never lived together, in saying that I still lost a load of albums and Dvds.
    Next ex I did live with so sorting out stuff was difficult, I made numerous trips back and forth and still missed loads. Eventually he rang me as he was coming over with stuff for me, the *ahem* lovely man had packed up what he thought was mine for me.
    To this day I'm missing loads of stuff, but it's hard to put my finger on it all as I never cop what I'm missing until I'm looking for it (if that makes sense?).
    Its gotten to the point I've seen pics on Facebook and thought "Ahhhhhh thats where my X is..."
    I also had bought a lot of stuff for the house I obviously never took, but the galling thing I've lost is stuff like onld school photos, my only copy of a newspaper I was in and stuff like that.. he's said "I'll keep an eye out for it" but I'm not holding out much hope, and I can't really barge into his house over a year later demanding them.
    All in all its a ****e ****e thing to go through (remember the scene in Sex and the city with the cardboard boxes??? I've lived that), but you get through it because you have to, and life has to get better after putting you in such a ****ty place.
    Mud if yis are having an anywhere near amicable dividing of stuff, you're lucky, but make sure you get every single thing you deserve, take no prisoners:D


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    #8
    mud
    Registered Users Posts: 2,699 ✭✭✭mud


    Ginny wrote: »
    Been there twice, first time it was my first boyfriend, were together 7 ish years but never lived together, in saying that I still lost a load of albums and Dvds.
    Next ex I did live with so sorting out stuff was difficult, I made numerous trips back and forth and still missed loads. Eventually he rang me as he was coming over with stuff for me, the *ahem* lovely man had packed up what he thought was mine for me.
    To this day I'm missing loads of stuff, but it's hard to put my finger on it all as I never cop what I'm missing until I'm looking for it (if that makes sense?).
    Its gotten to the point I've seen pics on Facebook and thought "Ahhhhhh thats where my X is..."
    I also had bought a lot of stuff for the house I obviously never took, but the galling thing I've lost is stuff like onld school photos, my only copy of a newspaper I was in and stuff like that.. he's said "I'll keep an eye out for it" but I'm not holding out much hope, and I can't really barge into his house over a year later demanding them.
    All in all its a ****e ****e thing to go through (remember the scene in Sex and the city with the cardboard boxes??? I've lived that), but you get through it because you have to, and life has to get better after putting you in such a ****ty place.
    Mud if yis are having an anywhere near amicable dividing of stuff, you're lucky, but make sure you get every single thing you deserve, take no prisoners:D

    Thanks Ginny, I was lucky enough to have an amicable-ish split but now I couldn't care less about the whole thing, two years gone like that *poof* ah well, onwards and upwards, am really missing the bould thing but reckon I'll be on the pull come Crimbo :pac:


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    #9
    EamonnKeane
    Closed Accounts Posts: 950 ✭✭✭EamonnKeane


    helena.ryan wrote: »
    I envy your willpower. What sort of man keeps a diary. You're better off. :)

    Did he leave them on purpose in the hopes you read them for some reason?

    Yeah, keeping a daily record of his feelings, fears, hopes and aspirations. What a GIRL.
    Robbo wrote: »
    By "recycling" the bongo mags, did you put them in a green bin to be pulped and come back as smutty newsprint or did you donate them to some 12 year old boys with no internet access?
    omg I just got the best idea for a new charity: Boobs For Africa

    "Denis is 13. He hit puberty three years ago, yet has never seen a woman's body. His village has no Internet access, and he cannot afford $5 for a magazine. But you can help. Just $10 can supply enough pornographic playing cards for an entire town in Sierra Leone. $100 can supply a DVD player and ten films."


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    #10
    chickenhawk
    Registered Users Posts: 656 ✭✭✭chickenhawk


    EamonnKeane wrote: »
    omg I just got the best idea for a new charity: Boobs For Africa

    "Denis is 13. He hit puberty three years ago, yet has never seen a woman's body. His village has no Internet access, and he cannot afford $5 for a magazine. But you can help. Just $10 can supply enough pornographic playing cards for an entire town in Sierra Leone. $100 can supply a DVD player and ten films."

    First of all african kid named Denis?? :p

    Secondly that was like Ireland in 1996! I remember we got dial up in 96 or 97. Those were the days you had to work for it!!! :D


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    #11
    brianthebard
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,165 ✭✭✭✭brianthebard


    EamonnKeane wrote: »
    Yeah, keeping a daily record of his feelings, fears, hopes and aspirations. What a GIRL.

    omg I just got the best idea for a new charity: Boobs For Africa

    "Denis is 13. He hit puberty three years ago, yet has never seen a woman's body. His village has no Internet access, and he cannot afford $5 for a magazine. But you can help. Just $10 can supply enough pornographic playing cards for an entire town in Sierra Leone. $100 can supply a DVD player and ten films."

    Dennis is probably already a father tbh, he doesn't need porn.


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    #12
    pow wow
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,288 ✭✭✭pow wow


    Tell him you have them and ask politely if he wants them. Don't allude to having read or not having read them. The brick sh!tting that will ensue on his part while he tries to figure out a) what was in them specifically, and b) if you have read them, will comfort you somewhat post break-up. :)

    Tis a shame when things go down the tubes, moreso when one side decides to get mean about it.


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    #13
    spinandscribble
    Registered Users Posts: 3,000 ✭✭✭spinandscribble


    had some clothes of his (jeans, tshirts, underwear) and the odd few computer games at my place. i went to get the jeans to give to a mutal friend to pass along but someone in my house had got rid of them "to make things easier on me" lol. i don't feel too bad as i'd just bought him a heap of new clothes a day before we broke up.


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    #14
    watna
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,367 ✭✭✭✭watna


    Me and my OH just had a conversation about this the other day. Our flat in NZ was completely unfurnished when we moved in - we even had to buy a fridge and washing machine. We went halfsies on everything (seriously, god bless the Salvation army) and I was wondering aloud how we would split it if we broke up. He said he presumed he would get everything because I would go back to Ireland. I told him to f*ck off and that he'd have to buy me out of our very awesome second hand furniture!

    I don't think it will ever be an issue - I can't see either of us going anywhere soon but it was strange to think we own so much stuff together.

    (and yes, I bagsied the tv!)


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    #15
    Dragan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,497 ✭✭✭✭Dragan


    mud wrote: »
    There's three hard backed notebooks all from the last 15 years, I don't think he kept one while he was living with me, tbh I couldn't be arsed reading them the bubble is burst now and the good relationship is already fading into a murky past, he really let himself down that's what becomes of the broken hearted.

    I know it's not the popular or bitchy thing to do judging by this thread but give him a shout and see if he honestly forgot them.

    I also know the fun thing to do is to make fun of him for keeping a "diary" but over the last year i have kept what i call a "log book", various drawings, inkings, writings etc, concert tickets with write ups etc and even better than that some of my extremly talent friends have drawn or written in them as well.

    If i forgot it somewhere i wouldn't worry about someone reading it, but i would like to think that over the duration of our relationship there was enough good memories to make it worth that one short phone call.

    Sometimes the best way to act is simply how we wish other people would treat us, so if it was vice versa would you prefer he was having a laugh at your expense with a group of random lads or that he took the 30 seconds to ring you and say "hey, your forget these books, i thought they might mean something to ya".

    Just me though.


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    #16
    PeakOutput
    Registered Users Posts: 7,639 ✭✭✭PeakOutput


    id just like to add that not everything the other person does during a breakup is a deliberate attack on the other person maybe he could of thrown them out himself but is it really that big a deal?


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    #17
    John Mason
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 10,661 ✭✭✭✭John Mason


    mine left a wheel for a golf, as he had no where to put it - like i did, cos it went so well with the kitchen decore!!!!


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    #18
    pow wow
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,288 ✭✭✭pow wow


    PeakOutput wrote: »
    id just like to add that not everything the other person does during a breakup is a deliberate attack on the other person maybe he could of thrown them out himself but is it really that big a deal?

    Yes and no. The OP and the other half were going out for a couple of years, time enough to share a lot of things, make plans, etc etc. All that and the guy can't throw his junk out? Come on now.


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    #19
    John Mason
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 10,661 ✭✭✭✭John Mason


    ellscurr wrote: »
    Yes and no. The OP and the other half were going out for a couple of years, time enough to share a lot of things, make plans, etc etc. All that and the guy can't throw his junk out? Come on now.

    i packed everything for my ex - cos he couldnt be bothered and i wanted him out asap

    he was already living somewhere else for two months


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    #20
    mud
    Registered Users Posts: 2,699 ✭✭✭mud


    Dragan wrote: »
    I know it's not the popular or bitchy thing to do judging by this thread but give him a shout and see if he honestly forgot them.

    I also know the fun thing to do is to make fun of him for keeping a "diary" but over the last year i have kept what i call a "log book", various drawings, inkings, writings etc, concert tickets with write ups etc and even better than that some of my extremly talent friends have drawn or written in them as well.

    If i forgot it somewhere i wouldn't worry about someone reading it, but i would like to think that over the duration of our relationship there was enough good memories to make it worth that one short phone call.

    Sometimes the best way to act is simply how we wish other people would treat us, so if it was vice versa would you prefer he was having a laugh at your expense with a group of random lads or that he took the 30 seconds to ring you and say "hey, your forget these books, i thought they might mean something to ya".

    Just me though.

    talk about missing the point ^^^^^:pac:
    I'm not having a laugh at his expense, I'm disgusted with all the things he left for me to throw out, we were together 2 years and this is the respect he shows to those two years?

    I'm not bad mouthing him to his friends, I'm posting on an Internet forum, I haven't read or destroyed the diaries either so don't fret, I'm sure he'll get them back at some stage, I've since found even more stuff that he'll probably want too, sue me if I'm not couriering them to his door immediately, he's a grown man, he can come and get his own stuff!

    As for your scrap book filled with oh so wonderful drawings by your oh so talented friends, that is your responsibility and if it meant so much to you, surely you'd make sure to know where it was?

    Thanks for your feedback Dragan, and I'll try to be nice to everyone from now on, no matter how much my feelings are hurt I'll remember your post and treat the perpatrators with love and respect


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    #21
    Dragan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,497 ✭✭✭✭Dragan


    LoL, angry much?


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    #22
    Gary ITR
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,805 ✭✭✭✭Gary ITR


    pink fluffy bunny wrote: »
    mine left a wheel for a golf, as he had no where to put it - like i did, cos it went so well with the kitchen decore!!!!

    Is it for a mk2 Golf? And if so do you still have it?


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    #23
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    It's bad enoug having sort out and organise thier shít when you are together it just ads insult to injury having to do it after a break up. Tbh if he hasn't missed it after a month fúck it all in the bin or have bf bonfire.


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    #24
    Dragan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,497 ✭✭✭✭Dragan


    Thaedydal wrote: »
    It's bad enoug having sort out and organise thier shít when you are together it just ads insult to injury having to do it after a break up. Tbh if he hasn't missed it after a month fúck it all in the bin or have bf bonfire.

    Jesus, you'd swear it was a case of people being left to sort through a mountain of crap.

    When my ex moved out ( after about 2.5 years together in the same place ) some of her stuff was left.

    It was solved by me calling her, asking if she wanted any of it, highlighting the bits i thought she might have honestly forgotten and then chucking the rest.

    Maybe that IS just me though.


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    #25
    Cathmandooo
    Registered Users Posts: 17,324 ✭✭✭✭Cathmandooo


    Dragan wrote: »
    Jesus, you'd swear it was a case of people being left to sort through a mountain of crap.

    When my ex moved out ( after about 2.5 years together in the same place ) some of her stuff was left.

    It was solved by me calling her, asking if she wanted any of it, highlighting the bits i thought she might have honestly forgotten and then chucking the rest.

    Maybe that IS just me though.

    You're making it sound like people were burning the property of their ex's the minute they moved out :confused:

    The OP has kept the diaries to give back to him and hasn't read them, perhaps the next step for her is to give him a quick phone call to tell him he left them and be the bigger person but he has hardly been respectful himself by leaving loads of his rubbish behind for her to dispose of. If he had done the decent thing and cleared out all of his stuff he wouldn't have overlooked his diaries. But still she's willing to return it and give respect when none was given to her.

    Luckily I've never had to divide up belongings as I have never lived with a partner.

    .


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    #26
    fits
    Registered Users Posts: 13,270 ✭✭✭✭fits


    Its usually better to keep calm about these things even if the ex is throwing all their toys out of the pram. Getting into stupid games wont help anyone.

    Me, I'd phone and keep civil about it, and if he doesnt collect them, throw them out.


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    #27
    Dragan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,497 ✭✭✭✭Dragan


    Cathooo wrote: »
    You're making it sound like people were burning the property of their ex's the minute they moved out :confused:

    Don't remember saying anything like that at all.

    The simple fact is the breakups are ****, generally speaking SOMEONE will get a bit petulant about something so you can either join them in the depts of pettiness or you can be the bigger person.

    The later is normally far healthier and more rewarding, which is about all i am saying.


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    #28
    Cathmandooo
    Registered Users Posts: 17,324 ✭✭✭✭Cathmandooo


    Dragan wrote: »
    Don't remember saying anything like that at all.

    The simple fact is the breakups are ****, generally speaking SOMEONE will get a bit petulant about something so you can either join them in the depts of pettiness or you can be the bigger person.

    The later is normally far healthier and more rewarding, which is about all i am saying.

    That's fair enough and I completely agree. It's much better to be civil and be the bigger person if someone is getting petty. Your posts to me just came across a bit funny, laughing at the OP, asking if she's angry much when she was being the bigger person in the first place, just seemed a tad confusing. Maybe that's just me :)


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    #29
    mud
    Registered Users Posts: 2,699 ✭✭✭mud


    Dragan wrote: »
    LoL, angry much?
    *sigh*
    Dragan wrote: »
    Jesus, you'd swear it was a case of people being left to sort through a mountain of crap

    eh . . . it was a mountain of crap?

    Maybe that IS just me though.

    maybe it is, and there's only one of you, there'll never be two of you, you'll never have my experience same as I'll never have yours so thanks again for the input


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    #30
    Trinity
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,662 ✭✭✭Trinity


    I'm currently packing my exes stuff. He forgot a few things, cant get the 2 kids into the bag though :D


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