Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi all! We have been experiencing an issue on site where threads have been missing the latest postings. The platform host Vanilla are working on this issue. A workaround that has been used by some is to navigate back from 1 to 10+ pages to re-sync the thread and this will then show the latest posts. Thanks, Mike.
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

Just the two of us going away to get married

  • 02-04-2015 1:39pm
    #1
    DebDynamite
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,669 ✭✭✭


    Hi all

    My fiancee and I have recently bought a house that was a doer-upper so we've spent a lot of our savings on it. We still have a bit to go with it, so all future savings for the next while will be spent on it.

    Over the past few years we've sacrificed holidays, etc to try and save as much as we could. It's getting to the stage now where we just want to get married now to get it over and done with before we start a family (romantic, right?!). Just for us, the house was the main thing so we wanted to get that sorted first.

    We've been thinking now of just going away on an amazing holiday (as we haven't had one in so long) and getting married while we're away. We just can't justify spending big money on one day when we'd know how far that money could go on the house.

    So just wondering if anyone who has done something similar could let me know what you did and would you recommend going away by yourselves to get married?


«1

Comments

  • #2
    Dolbert
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,154 ✭✭✭Dolbert


    Paging homemadecider!


  • #3
    homemadecider
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,858 ✭✭✭homemadecider


    Haha, Dolbert! Yes, this is exactly what we did. We flew to Jamaica, got married on the beach, stayed on for our honeymoon for a few weeks. The resort organised all the wedding arrangements and legal requirements for us.

    Would I recommend it? HELL YEAH! It was relaxed, intimate and stress-free. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.


  • #4
    MrWalsh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,664 ✭✭✭MrWalsh


    Yeah meself and himself eloped and said nothing and went to a serious luxury destination and got married with just the minister, 2 witnesses and our driver.

    The important thing to check out are the rules in places you want to marry. We wanted it easy and not to have to have a residency requirement, do blood tests etc.... We actually considered Gretna Green but it turns out youve to go there in advance and then back again to marry.

    So do some research about marriage rules in places you might like to get married.


  • #5
    An Bhanríon
    Registered Users Posts: 254 ✭✭An Bhanríon


    I know an Irish couple who got married in Vegas and spent a big holiday all around California, etc. They had an absolute ball and wouldn't change any of it.


  • #6
    DebDynamite
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,669 ✭✭✭DebDynamite


    Thanks guys. Those of you who did it, did you feel you missed out in any way by not having the "big day"? Also, who were your witnesses?


  • Advertisement
  • #7
    MrWalsh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,664 ✭✭✭MrWalsh


    No, it felt very personal and meaningful to me in a way I never feel a traditional big wedding is.

    Witnesses were the photographer and hotel catering manager (they were a couple themselves).


  • #8
    homemadecider
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,858 ✭✭✭homemadecider


    We had 2 resort staff as witnesses.

    I absolutely did not feel like I missed out on anything - on the contrary, I was thrilled to be able to escape the pressures of 'the big day' and do our own thing. We had a party in a pub function room when we came back so people could come and celebrate with us, but kept our wedding day itself to just the two of us. It was very personal, private and intimate.

    It depends on what you're into. I don't like big weddings and I would have hated loads of people staring at me. Eloping was a great choice for us but it wouldn't suit lots of others.


  • #9
    pwurple
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,449 ✭✭✭✭pwurple


    Were your family hurt at all by it? That would be one of my biggest reasons to have a wedding with them present.


  • #10
    MrWalsh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,664 ✭✭✭MrWalsh


    pwurple wrote: »
    Were your family hurt at all by it? That would be one of my biggest reasons to have a wedding with them present.

    I don't have any family.

    My husband has family but his parents are separated, his mum lives in a different country etc... She was annoyed that she wasn't told about it, even if she wasn't going to be there. His brother was a bit taken aback also. Both of those had been the most interfering when we'd been originally just planning a small registry office day. The MIL in particular had caused some stress. It was one of the reasons we decided to elope!

    No one could really be hurt because it wasn't about them, it was about us. There was very little could be said in the face of us sharing the good news that we had married without people looking like they were only concerned with themselves.

    We did throw a big party a couple of months later where people got to celebrate with us.

    In the long run there was no hurt even if there was a bit of vocal "Ah why didn't you tell us" initially.


  • #11
    ABajaninCork
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,411 ✭✭✭ABajaninCork


    You can easily get married in Barbados too! You don't need to give notice.

    PM me if that's something you fancy. I can point you in the right direction finding a really nice place to stay.


  • Advertisement
  • #12
    pwurple
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,449 ✭✭✭✭pwurple


    MrWalsh wrote: »
    There was very little could be said in the face of us sharing the good news that we had married without people looking like they were only concerned with themselves.

    In the long run there was no hurt even if there was a bit of vocal "Ah why didn't you tell us" initially.

    That's the part I'd have regretted. The vocal expression of hurt, followed by the dismissal of it as insignificant. It's something to prepare for maybe.


  • #13
    MrWalsh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,664 ✭✭✭MrWalsh


    pwurple wrote: »
    That's the part I'd have regretted. The vocal expression of hurt, followed by the dismissal of it as insignificant. It's something to prepare for maybe.

    No regrets here at all. The vocal expressions were more along the lines of fond exasperation rather than hurt. Of course they wanted to know all the details and see the pics etc, so no dismissal at all.

    It probably strongly depends on the existing relationships. In our case my husband is known to be a loner within the family who does his own thing and regularly skips family gatherings because he hates noisy parties. So it was no surprise for them that he would skip off to get married. Plus with me having no family, it just made sense for us.

    I also really believe that the wedding day is about and for the two people getting married and not done to please everyone else. My mother in law was already unimpressed with the original plans and had been attempting to interfere, organise things we didn't want. So we just decided to do exactly what we wanted and I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

    I certainly wouldn't let the worry of what other people might think or say put me off, about marriage or anything else in life!


  • #14
    homemadecider
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,858 ✭✭✭homemadecider


    pwurple wrote: »
    Were your family hurt at all by it? That would be one of my biggest reasons to have a wedding with them present.

    Not at all. My parents were so excited for us, they said they wished there was an option like that available when they got married. In fairness, I have 2 older sisters who had traditional weddings here so my parents had sort of 'been there, done that' by the time my wedding came around. I do think it could have been different if I was an only child.

    My husband's mother wasn't best pleased about it, but she wouldn't have been happy about anything we chose (she's just that type - never happy). We decided we had to put ourselves first and have the day WE wanted - we couldn't base our wedding around what other people thought we should do. His mother came around to it in the end and was so excited for us, she took us out to a fancy meal as a send off the day before we got on the plane.


  • #15
    DivingDuck
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,396 ✭✭✭DivingDuck


    Is it important to you to do this without telling anyone beforehand? Otherwise you can avoid genuine hurt from people who would have liked to know beforehand to give you well-wishes or gifts. There will probably still be those who are unhappy there's not a wedding they can go to, but anyone who throws a fit about you not spending money on a day out for them when they know you have a moneypit house to worry about is a bit of a prat, anyway.

    For those who'd just like to feel they were present, maybe you could set up some kind of streaming for the wedding itself?

    I think it's a lovely idea. If it's what you both really want and need, don't let anyone else's opinions put you off!


  • #16
    skallywag
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,008 ✭✭✭skallywag


    I've always liked the sound of this, though I would certainly let at least those very close to me know what the plan was beforehand.

    I don't buy into this 'the days is all about me' idea. If you are lucky enough to have people who you are very close to then you will run the risk of genuinely hurting them if you don't mention a thing about it upfront.


  • #17
    fits
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,649 ✭✭✭✭fits


    My aunt and uncle were terribly upset when their daughter eloped. She was their only daughter that married. In my family it wouldnt matter so much as there have been loads of weddings. it depends on your personal circumstances but do think about how it will affect those close to you.


  • #18
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Go for it. We did same almost 30 years ago and NO regrets. It was OUR day and we enjoyed it and have had a great life together since. We are the unit, not the extended families. We did have a do in a pub afterwards and most were just delighted that they didn't have to get dressed up! We did well on Wedding presents to, which was a surprise!


  • #19
    magnethead
    Registered Users Posts: 430 ✭✭magnethead


    Myself and the misses are off to the Phillipines for 3 weeks, eloping is the way to go.

    I've talked to too many!! people who have dropped 20 - 35K on a wedding and all they got for it was a year of stress planning it and then a mad day of running around been HOST :)

    No Thanks, We're saving for a house to buy next year...and want to get married now as we've two kids under a year and a half....so better do it now ..

    We just couldn't afford a big day anyway


  • #20
    MrWalsh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,664 ✭✭✭MrWalsh


    skallywag wrote: »
    I don't buy into this 'the days is all about me' idea.

    Marrying someone is a very personal experience. So while you may not "buy into" how other people feel, other peoples feelings on the matter are just as valid as yours. To each their own and all that.

    For me the wedding itself wasnt even the important bit - its the marriage thats important.


  • #21
    Sam Kade
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,313 ✭✭✭✭Sam Kade


    Why not ditch the getting married abroad thing and just go to the local register office on ye're own costs around €200 then go on the holiday.


  • Advertisement
  • #22
    magnethead
    Registered Users Posts: 430 ✭✭magnethead


    Very good Sam, I should have pointed that out, we are actually getting the marriage in here before heading out the next Morning to the phillipines for the Honeymoon...It was too much haslle getting all the necessary documentation, as my wife to be is polish and has been divorsed (complicates things radically paperwork wise)


  • #23
    mister gullible
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 463 ✭✭mister gullible


    Selfish, selfish, selfish. You just want to avoid all the stress and quarrels of a big wedding, spending a fortune on a ginormous dress that will be uncomfortable and she will only wear once, having to invite gibbering fools of uncles, snot faced minors and various hangers onners to a 'do' that they couldn't really be arsed going to. Why would you spend money on setting up your house when you could spend it on loads of people whom you seldom see but somehow feel obliged to feed with overpriced food and plonk.
    Think about that when you are off enjoying your selfish selves...


  • #24
    skallywag
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,008 ✭✭✭skallywag


    MrWalsh wrote: »
    So while you may not "buy into" how other people feel, other peoples feelings on the matter are just as valid as yours

    I'm merely expressing my own personal opinion. What makes you think that I am trying to invalidate other's opinions?


  • #25
    MrWalsh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,664 ✭✭✭MrWalsh


    skallywag wrote: »
    I'm merely expressing my own personal opinion. What makes you think that I am trying to invalidate other's opinions?

    You said:
    I don't buy into this 'the days is all about me' idea.

    Dismissive no? Perhaps you didnt mean to be, but thats how it read.


  • #26
    skallywag
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,008 ✭✭✭skallywag


    MrWalsh wrote: »
    You said:



    Dismissive no? Perhaps you didnt mean to be, but thats how it read.

    Correct, I don't buy into it myself. I genuinely don't get how that is in any way dismissive of others though? Surely one can say that something is not for them without implicitly also slating those who don't agree.


  • #27
    anncoates
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,925 ✭✭✭✭anncoates


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    We did well on Wedding presents to, which was a surprise!

    Sure, that's the main thing anyway.


  • #28
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    anncoates wrote: »
    Sure, that's the main thing anyway.

    It never entered out thoughts. We were amazed when we got back from Honeymon at the amount of stuff! When thanking one person for their lovely gift, they said "You're Welcome. Thanks for saving us a fortune by NOT inviting us" They had enjoyed the party without all the hassle!


  • #29
    MrWalsh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,664 ✭✭✭MrWalsh


    skallywag wrote: »
    Correct, I don't buy into it myself. I genuinely don't get how that is in any way dismissive of others though? Surely one can say that something is not for them without implicitly also slating those who don't agree.

    Well thats how it came across.


  • #30
    ladygirl
    Registered Users Posts: 187 ✭✭ladygirl


    Myself and my OH went on holidays last year to Vegas and Mexico.

    Whilst in Vegas I saw countless couples after eloping - but sadly It wouldn't be for me personally. There was just something about walking through a casino in a wedding dress that took the romance out of it.

    However when in Mexico (Cancun) there was the most beautiful wedding on the beach, the set up by the resort was absolutely amazing. It was then I realised that should I ever get engaged - that this would be the wedding for me :)

    Fairytail wasn't the word :)


  • Advertisement
  • #31
    magnethead
    Registered Users Posts: 430 ✭✭magnethead


    Yeah, It's gotta be a tropical beach :) nothing says NOT Ireland like a tropical beach


  • #32
    pwurple
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,449 ✭✭✭✭pwurple


    ladygirl wrote: »
    Fairytail wasn't the word :)


    Was the word Fairytale? :p


  • #33
    fits
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,649 ✭✭✭✭fits


    :D someone had to say it.


  • #34
    onasis
    Registered Users Posts: 61 ✭✭onasis


    We got married in the Jamaica over 20 years ago. Just the 2 of us and we had a great time. We stayed in an all inclusive resort and had 2 glorious weeks. When we came home we had a party for family and friends - very casual and for us much more enjoyable. I would do it again in a heart beat.


  • #35
    K_P
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 577 ✭✭✭K_P


    Married 7 years now. Myself and the OH thought about eloping just the 2 of us. Like you, we'd just bought a house and almost all of our money was going into that. Neither of us were all that into having the big day and personally I hated the idea of being the centre of attention for the day. In the end, we didn't elope, but we didn't do the big day either. We went away with our immediate families, had a big holiday together (9 of us in total) and got married in the middle of it.

    In hindsight, I'm so glad our families were with us. My father has passed away since and I have such lovely memories of that time with him and him walking me down the aisle. I don't know if that would be at all relevant for you OP, but something to consider maybe.


  • #36
    Toots
    Administrators, Business & Finance Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 16,927 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Toots


    Guys can we try and express our opinions without belittling others. Different strokes, and all that.


  • Advertisement
  • #37
    ladygirl
    Registered Users Posts: 187 ✭✭ladygirl


    pwurple wrote: »
    Was the word Fairytale? :p

    LOL Just saw this now :D:D:D


  • #38
    JustAThought
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,324 ✭✭✭JustAThought


    Friends went off & got married far far away - most couldn't travel to the other side of the world for it & it was expected to be small ( about 20). They decided to throw a get together - not a meal - fit those who couldn't go , friends, distant relations etc & THAT got totally out of hand & ended up as a sit down thing in a hotel with 300+ people invited - " disco", cake , no meal, buffet food - total chaos & exactly what they'd hoped to avoid & cost a fortune after all - plan your non-wedding party well!!!


  • #39
    Jogathon
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 516 ✭✭✭Jogathon


    I was seeing a guy last year and his brother showed up married. He'd had the older brother as a witness, and her cousin was her witness. The family was very hurt that they weren't invited. All they needed to invite were his parents and his brother, and her mother and the huge feelings of hurt would have been avoided. Five more people and all would have been happy. I still can't understand how he didn't see this.

    His mum was so hurt that he didn't want her there, and the guy I was seeing was hurt that he picked one brother over another to be there. They are a close family and it caused bad feelings. On the day that they came down and announced it, I must say it didn't feel like a celebration, the parents just couldn't understand why he left them out.

    But...by all means go for it, but be mindful that people who love you want to celebrate the milestones with you and don't hurt people if you can avoid it.


  • #40
    mickotoole
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 228 ✭✭mickotoole


    We went to Florida to get married. Us and 10 guests. We had a party when we came back and the stress of it made us realise that we did the right thing going away. Personally i couldn't justify spending all that cash for one stressful day.

    Good luck with your decision op


  • #41
    MrWalsh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,664 ✭✭✭MrWalsh


    Jogathon wrote: »
    I was seeing a guy last year and his brother showed up married. He'd had the older brother as a witness, and her cousin was her witness. The family was very hurt that they weren't invited. All they needed to invite were his parents and his brother, and her mother and the huge feelings of hurt would have been avoided. Five more people and all would have been happy. I still can't understand how he didn't see this.

    It's a bit odd alright that they chose witnesses from the family but left other people out, they'd have been better off having no one from the family there at all.


  • Advertisement
  • #42
    deisemum
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,611 ✭✭✭deisemum


    I got back from a cruise in the early hours this morning. A couple had their wedding onboard. I thought it was lovely and it only cost a couple of hundred euro on top of the cruise to cover the ceremony, flowers and cake.

    I'd be very hurt and upset if any of my children got married without me being there. I can understand not having the big wedding but I'd want parents and siblings to be present.


  • #43
    Strongbow10
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,758 ✭✭✭Strongbow10


    mickotoole wrote: »
    We went to Florida to get married. Us and 10 guests. We had a party when we came back and the stress of it made us realise that we did the right thing going away. Personally i couldn't justify spending all that cash for one stressful day.

    Good luck with your decision op

    Can I ask about the organisation and logistics of this? Did you pay for the 10 guests (flights and hotel?)

    I would love to do this, but its costly to pay for so many people for this trip. It would cost as much if not more than a traditional wedding day with all the trimmings in ireland.

    Equally its a bit much to ask folks to shell out a fair chunk to fly to Florida. Its enough inconvenience for some to take one day off work to attend a wedding in Dublin!

    How did you do this if you don't mind me asking? Not having a pop or anything like that, sounds like the perfect wedding to me.


  • #44
    stickybookmark
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,186 ✭✭✭stickybookmark


    I have a question for those that eloped - my friend just did this last week and married her long term partner. She sent us a photo to tell us they were married, there was no-one there only the 2 of them. Just wondering what the protocol is for giving presents to couples that eloped?! Like they are coming to my wedding later this year and (I assume) will give me a present, so I guess I should send something? Did ye feel hard done by if couples who's weddings ye had attended and gave presents didn't give ye something when ye got married, even though ye had eloped??


  • #45
    MrWalsh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,664 ✭✭✭MrWalsh


    stickybookmark wrote: »
    Did ye feel hard done by if couples who's weddings ye had attended and gave presents didn't give ye something when ye got married, even though ye had eloped??

    We had a party when we came home and some people gave us "normal" wedding presents, but some gave nothing or some gave something small.

    We didnt care in any case and there was no feeling of hard done by but objectively, the people who we received a "normal" present from were people whose wedding we had already attended and given a gift, and for people who gave something small they werent married yet, however when it did come to their wedding we just gave something normal and didnt base in on what they had given us.

    It did result in a couple of people coming to us years later and saying they hadnt realised that they should have given us a better present at the time!!

    As I said, it didnt matter anyway, I would always be giving a present based on my relationship with the person and not on the type of party they throw for me lol!


  • #46
    lazygal
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,644 ✭✭✭✭lazygal


    We'd also base a gift on friendship rather than what type of wedding they had. A friend of mine had a family only wedding and then a party later on, she's a good friend so we gave what we'd have given if she'd had a usual Irish wedding.


  • #47
    theduffer
    Registered Users Posts: 248 ✭✭theduffer


    Hi Folks,

    Looking at this this thread with interest, if anyone has any info on a travel agent they recommend for assistance getting married in the carribbean can they PM me with details. Looks like its going to be the 2 of us so looking for help!!

    Regards,
    theduffer


  • #48
    stickybookmark
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,186 ✭✭✭stickybookmark


    lazygal wrote: »
    We'd also base a gift on friendship rather than what type of wedding they had. A friend of mine had a family only wedding and then a party later on, she's a good friend so we gave what we'd have given if she'd had a usual Irish wedding.

    thanks lazygal and MrWalsh but what is the present protocol when the couple don't have a party afterwards ?


  • #49
    Spanish Eyes
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,003 ✭✭✭✭Spanish Eyes


    I don't get why people go off - just the two of them - to get married, and then come back and have a big hoolie!

    It it were me, I would either have a big wedding all the bells and whistles, a small one, about twenty guests - immediate family only, OR

    Race off somewhere and get married, just the two of us, and that's it!

    Not knocking anyone, each to their own, but the big party after an elopement, really makes me smile. OK you are not paying for all the bits and pieces associated with a full on wedding, but it brings its own headaches I'd imagine.

    But as I said, it's a personal choice.


  • #50
    Spanish Eyes
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,003 ✭✭✭✭Spanish Eyes


    Oh and another thing, my youngest sister went to Vegas and got married in the Little Wedding Chapel. Just the two of them. That was ten years ago, my Dad had just passed away, and she couldn't bear him not being there at a big do.

    We knew about it beforehand. She asked us if we would like to go and because many of both their families could not afford the gig, none of us went, it was all very amicable.

    They had a video up on a channel that we could watch live online as the ceremony happened. I cried buckets, even though it was Vegas, it was very moving.

    Then when they came home, there were ten of us for dinner, his Mam (rest of them were in OZ), our Mam, and us. Lovely.

    Sadly my sister died two years ago, and every time I see or hear of a wedding in Vegas, I cry my eyes out.

    They did it their way.


  • #51
    groovyg
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,049 ✭✭✭groovyg


    Jogathon wrote: »
    I was seeing a guy last year and his brother showed up married. He'd had the older brother as a witness, and her cousin was her witness. The family was very hurt that they weren't invited. All they needed to invite were his parents and his brother, and her mother and the huge feelings of hurt would have been avoided. Five more people and all would have been happy. I still can't understand how he didn't see this.

    His mum was so hurt that he didn't want her there, and the guy I was seeing was hurt that he picked one brother over another to be there. They are a close family and it caused bad feelings. On the day that they came down and announced it, I must say it didn't feel like a celebration, the parents just couldn't understand why he left them out.

    But...by all means go for it, but be mindful that people who love you want to celebrate the milestones with you and don't hurt people if you can avoid it.

    But maybe the brother didn't want any fuss, while they may have been upset and hurt, when you announce you are getting married, some family and parents start to involve themselves in the planning and sticking their nose in where its not wanted. He had the ceremony he wanted and as long as he's happy thats the main thing.

    While its understandable that families feel hurt when their loved ones elope, some people just cannot afford the big wedding and there can be alot of pressure from parents to do it their way as opposed to what the couple want.

    There have been lots of threads on here where parents/family members involve themselves so much that you are kind of wondering is it the parents that are getting married or their son/daughter?

    This thread from a few weeks back is an example how some relations like to involve themselves and pass judgement on something that's got nothing to do with them.

    I have a friend who had a humanist ceremony for their wedding, he got dogs abuse from the parents, uncles, aunts about it not being in a church. Some even said they wouldn't attend because of it, but on the day they did go. Thats just adding stress that a couple don't need.


  • Advertisement
Advertisement