Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Being too nice to people?

Options
2»

Comments

  • Options
    #32
    astonaidan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,456 ✭✭✭astonaidan


    I went from being the quiet shy guy for my first 3 years of secondary school, being picked on by others till they dropped out in 4th year, only then I started getting confidence in myself, in 6th year got into a fight over something stupid as hell but the principle let me away with it because he knew I wasnt the one who would start a fight.

    After leaving school I guess i became arrogant had got tall, good at sports reasonably good looking, got the whole I couldnt give a fcuk who you are attitude so the clicks of my local town generally didnt like me.

    It was when I was playing soccer in a local mess about when one of the lads thought I was still the same quiet lad from 3rd year even though 10 years had passed and he thought he could get away with kicking me and just laughing that I flipped if it wasnt for my brother stopping me I would have seriously hurt him.

    For some reason people saw me as aggressive when the only fight Ive been in my life was the school one and losing my temper on a tool, basically my competitve attitude at sports was being said to be me in everyday life which couldnt be further from the truth, but I didnt care as I considered and still consider it to be a small minded town.

    So decided to travel to Australia where I met so much people like me, the type who are into sports fantasy just more opened minded, but it was when I came home, a girl I know told me how much chilled out I had become and how everyone was saying it, getting smiles from people I dont know.

    So I came to the conclusion that I really was displaying the whole pissed off at the town face everytime people saw me. So basically I think I did the full wheel, where I went from being quiet, like possibly the quietest kid ever in the school to becoming someone who people didnt like because I was arrogant, to now where Ive become calmer and more open, well I havent been tested by a idiot yet so that might change :pac:


  • Options
    #33
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    To be honest I do not find the OP rings true to me at all. I find it hard to really understand where it is coming from given it is protrayed in vague terms with no real examples. What is there however I find hard to relate to on any level. I think ongarboy was closest to my own position here. I do not think being "nice" is synonymous with being a "Door mat" and I do not see being nice and being self assertive as being mutually exclusive on any level at all.

    Perhaps the divide lies where people compromise themselves in order to fall over themselves being "nice". I think we can all be nice while still being true to who we are and what we ourselves want. Respecting others begins with respecting oneself.

    Perhaps therefore the solution is not to be "less nice" to people but to ensure that while being just as nice, or even more so perhaps, that you always keep an eye focused on yourself, your self respect, and not compromising who you are and what you want?

    I have gone well out of my way to be "nice" to people in the past, including the big two things which tend to shock people - of when I picked 4 random people in the airport during the big snow that stranded people over Christmas and invited them for Christmas dinner and weekend in my house - and the recent wedding gift I gave a friend which involved taking a year or training, a lot of money, and then two weeks out of holiday allocation in order to implment - but I was doing these things as much for myself as for them and at no point did I compromise myself or lie down and act like a doormat.

    We can be "nice" without compromising ourselves. We can also continue to be "nice" in the fact of those that take advantage of us and refuse to allow their poor actions change who and what we ourselves are. If you be "less nice" because of them then you are not being true to who you are and you are letting them win. As the old saying goes "Never let the bastards grind you down".


Advertisement