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If you could redesign the human body

24

Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,207 ✭✭✭jaffacakesyum


    Some people should be born without typing fingers.

    Exhibit A: the idiots
    theidiots wrote: »
    Women should not be as moody, Women should not bitch and moan, Should be born without a tongue


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,293 ✭✭✭1ZRed


    -Age up to 30 then no more until you die at 80 or something. (What would you been doing for that long anyway so fair enough)

    -No more male pattern baldness. That shit is useless!

    -Teeth that don't wear out or replace themselves when needed.

    -When you take a dump it comes out as small pellets and is sterile thereafter.

    -Staying fit to be far, far easier and being able to keep muscle mass easier.

    -Instead of being fertile all the time, to choose when you want to become fertile.

    -Eye sight and hearing to be as good as they can and never deteriorate with age.

    -Orgasms to last longer and more intense for both men as women and have them equal in length.

    -Anal sex to be as easy and naturally as clean as vaginal sex with no lube needed and no pain. No excuses not to then! :p


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,012 ✭✭✭stop animal cruelty


    Give men a pair of ovaries too! Then they might understand the mood swings


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,207 ✭✭✭jaffacakesyum


    1ZRed wrote: »
    -Anal sex to be as easy and clean as vaginal sex with no lube needed and no pain. No excuses not to then! :p

    Normally I wouldn't ask a gay poster on boards this, but as it is AH, and from your posts you seem like a easy going bloke......... would you change the male body so that they had both a vagina and a penis? The guy would look and act like a guy in every other way but would just have a more vagina-ish hole which would be, as you said, cleaner and easier :pac:

    Or am I basically asking you if you want to shag a hermaphodite? :confused: :P

    Oh the human body...so fascinating..


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,072 ✭✭✭OU812


    Put another pair of fun bags on the back. Be handy for when you're cuddling or slow dancing.


  • Site Banned Posts: 253 ✭✭theidiots


    OU812 wrote: »
    Put another pair of fun bags on the back. Be handy for when you're cuddling or slow dancing.

    or doing her from behind


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,293 ✭✭✭1ZRed


    Normally I wouldn't ask a gay poster on boards this, but as it is AH, and from your posts you seem like a easy going bloke......... would you change the male body so that they had both a vagina and a penis? The guy would look and act like a guy in every other way but would just have a more vagina-ish hole which would be, as you said, cleaner and easier :pac:

    Or am I basically asking you if you want to shag a hermaphodite? :confused: :P

    Oh the human body...so fascinating..

    Basically yeah you are asking just that tbh :p

    But no I wouldn't like that, I have no problems with a girl having a vagina as it suits them but give a guy one and I'd be fairly turned off.. not that it's a pussy cos that doesn't turn me off, only on a guy it would.

    Just leave his hole aesthetically the same and give it a lot of the same qualities as a vagina, self lubricating, more sensitive, make the prostate even more sensitive (in my case have it actually do something :rolleyes:), completely sterile, still keep a lot of the tightness and we're sorted.


    Without a doubt this is the strangest conversation I've ever had


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,731 ✭✭✭FrostyJack


    Acid for blood and harder skin, no animals/aliens would dare attack then!!


  • Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,170 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Give men a pair of ovaries too! Then they might understand the mood swings
    We have em, only they're on the outside swinging in the breeze. Yep we need to get onto the design dept on that one. Women's ovaries have a monthly cycle where they fire out one, maybe two reproductive cells in that time, men have a daily cycle with up and down levels of testosterone and we produce hundreds of reproductive cells per second. *gauntlet thrown* :D

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,207 ✭✭✭jaffacakesyum


    Wibbs wrote: »
    We have em, only they're on the outside swinging in the breeze. Yep we need to get onto the design dept on that one. Women's ovaries have a monthly cycle where they fire out one, maybe two reproductive cells in that time, men have a daily cycle with up and down levels of testosterone and we produce hundreds of reproductive cells per second. *gauntlet thrown* :D

    Plus, 1 sperm has 37.5MB of DNA information in it. A normal ejaculation represents a data transfer of 1587GB in about 3 seconds.

    ALL HAIL THE SPERM


  • Site Banned Posts: 1 Chemical Urn


    Plus, 1 sperm has 37.5MB of DNA information in it. A normal ejaculation represents a data transfer of 1587GB in about 3 seconds.

    ALL HAIL THE SPERM

    Surely more than that


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,073 ✭✭✭Rubberlegs


    A zipper or velcro on the bellies of women who need C sections...


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,207 ✭✭✭jaffacakesyum


    Surely more than that

    Yeah I think so too. I read it online somewhere then googled it just now to get the figures, but I think the first time I read it, the numbers were much greater. Anyway, you get my point :pac:


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,510 ✭✭✭✭kowloon


    Men - corkscrew dicks

    Women - corkscrew chachas

    Both screws either left hand or right hand

    Righty tighty, lefty loosey?

    Might be a bit awkward?

    'Is it in yet?'

    'No, you need to keep turning clockwise, and stop kicking me in the face'


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,874 ✭✭✭rolliepoley


    To be able to changed skin like a chameleon.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,823 ✭✭✭DublinArnie


    I would remove the belly button and have the embilical cord come out of the mouth.


  • Registered Users Posts: 18 scotty91


    jonnny68 wrote: »
    Teeth that don't decay or rot saving having to visit rip off dentists, 7 fingers on each hand, 3D vision,

    Eeehhhhh.....................


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,973 ✭✭✭Sh1tbag OToole


    kowloon wrote: »
    Righty tighty, lefty loosey?

    Might be a bit awkward?

    'Is it in yet?'

    'No, you need to keep turning clockwise, and stop kicking me in the face'

    Irish people could be left hand thread and everyone else right hand thread to stop forden lads tukking ar wimmins


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,080 ✭✭✭McChubbin


    Detachable boobs for those days when you just don't want the pain of wearing a bra or the awkwardness of trying to sleep on your stomach.
    I'd also like some way for us girls to pee standing up. Comes in handy when caught short at a festibal- no more dicking around with squatting.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,455 ✭✭✭FGR


    Weight gain/loss on demand. Would be brill :pac:


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 469 ✭✭666irishguy


    Surely the second last makes the last superfluous?

    Not really, takes a while for things to grow back, you could have damaged your organs in an accident and need a transplant asap!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,288 ✭✭✭TheUsual


    A second heart.

    Because Mary broke mine back in 1996.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,301 ✭✭✭Daveysil15


    1ZRed wrote: »
    -Orgasms to last longer and more intense for both men as women and have them equal in length.

    A pigs orgams lasts 30 minutes. Their happiness has nothing to do with the sh1t.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,521 ✭✭✭Sgt Hartman


    I'd improve stomach design, eliminating the need for stomach acid. I'm sick of acid heartburn:(


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 64 ✭✭Peter The Pedo


    I woud make it have wheels


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 581 ✭✭✭Ruski


    When women are not pregnant, they should be able to lactate beer. (When pregant, the system of milk is fine).

    That is what I recently figured as a perfect use for nipples on men. Women's nipples lactate milk, men's lactate beer.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,987 ✭✭✭Legs.Eleven


    A "wattle" like you'd find hanging down from a rooster's chin.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 12,078 ✭✭✭✭LordSutch


    If I had the chance to redesign the human body I would move the nose/nostrils to the back of the head, therby allowing humans to breath while swimming, (without the need to tilt/lift the head to inhale), people could also sneeze without spraying the person they were talking to!

    I would also improve night vision, & allow arms & legs to regenerate/regrow after amputation.

    And thats just for starters :))


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,518 ✭✭✭stefan idiot jones


    Index finger could double as a willy. Not sure where the sack would go though.


    E.T. has already conquered that issue.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 19,802 ✭✭✭✭suicide_circus


    E.T. has already conquered that issue.
    ouch...


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,171 ✭✭✭af_thefragile


    Ball sacks are annoying yokes. They get between your legs, make you uncomfortable if you're sitting for long time, are vulnerable weak spots if get hit, look kinda ugly too. I'ld make sperm survive at body temp and get rid of ball sacks and make the testes internal organs like kinda in women.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,171 ✭✭✭af_thefragile


    Ruski wrote: »
    That is what I recently figured as a perfect use for nipples on men. Women's nipples lactate milk, men's lactate beer.

    Who would want to latch onto some guy's hairy nipple to get some beer???


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,171 ✭✭✭af_thefragile


    I'd improve stomach design, eliminating the need for stomach acid. I'm sick of acid heartburn:(

    But then you'ld get all the bugs in your food infecting your body. Stomach acids kill all but the hardiest bugs to make your food sterile. Without stomach acids you'll have diarrhoea 24x7!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,232 ✭✭✭ITS_A_BADGER


    finger and toe nails that grow to a short length and then stop, so you wont have to be clipping them every 4-5 days


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,207 ✭✭✭jaffacakesyum


    Ball sacks are annoying yokes. They get between your legs, make you uncomfortable if you're sitting for long time, are vulnerable weak spots if get hit, look kinda ugly too. I'ld make sperm survive at body temp and get rid of ball sacks and make the testes internal organs like kinda in women.

    THANK you. That's exactly what I meant :D


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,405 ✭✭✭Lone Stone


    A mouth on our belly


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,513 ✭✭✭bb1234567


    I'd quite like to have a tail


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,043 ✭✭✭MurdyWurdy


    I have just been having a discussion about this. Being pregnant seriously sucks so I would like it if we could lay eggs, small ones so it didn't hurt you at all. Then you could put the eggs in an incubator for 9 months and go about your life, not puking, getting fat or bloated or waddling around like a penguin and could just live your life for 9 months. Then you go and pick up your baby from the incubator when its ready. We need to evolve to do this!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,264 ✭✭✭✭jester77


    Should be able to see behind us without turning around.
    Should be able to see in the dark.
    Should be able to breath under water.
    Runny noses, whats that about.
    Teeth should regrow.
    The body shouldn't need 6-8 hours to recharge.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 622 ✭✭✭greenbicycle


    LordSutch wrote: »
    If I had the chance to redesign the human body I would move the nose/nostrils to the back of the head, therby allowing humans to breath while swimming, (without the need to tilt/lift the head to inhale), people could also sneeze without spraying the person they were talking to!

    but then you would have to turn around before you sneeze to see if there is anyone behind you and anyway you are supposed to cover your nose and mouth before a sneeze and that would be kinda hard to do if your nose was in the back of your head!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 622 ✭✭✭greenbicycle


    My Suggestion:

    I would like some claws as big as cups, four ears, two for listening and two sort of back-up ears. Might put these on the inside of the head though, We should have a retractable leg so we can leap at things better. We could have a tail with magnets on it so if we want to grab things made out of metal, we can attach ourselves to the metal thing.We should be able to light up at night. This may result in a tremendous fear of stamps however. When we yawn we should sound like Liam Neeson chasing a load of hens around inside a barrel.and we dont need a mouth, but instead we should have four arses. Oh, and we only need eyebrows on Saturdays.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,295 ✭✭✭✭Duggy747


    3 boobs like Total Recall.

    On women, that is, not me.............................well.............


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,143 ✭✭✭locum-motion


    jonnny68 wrote: »
    ... 3D vision,

    In fairness, unless you've lost the sight of one of your eyes, you have that already!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,143 ✭✭✭locum-motion


    robman60 wrote: »
    ... so the body having the ability to moderate its temperature in order to ...

    You have that already. Problem is, it uses a lot of energy. Like about 80%...
    :D


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,473 ✭✭✭Wacker The Attacker


    Take away the need for sleep


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  • Registered Users Posts: 2,015 ✭✭✭John.Icy


    jonnny68 wrote: »
    3D vision,

    heh.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,461 ✭✭✭--Kaiser--


    In fairness, unless you've lost the sight of one of your eyes, you have that already!

    That post is a perfect example of the poor knowledge of human anatomy and biology that most posters in this thread possess


  • Registered Users Posts: 48 kilkenny_kid


    Nicer looking jizz...


  • Registered Users Posts: 19 guydead67


    Gorrilla arms


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,186 ✭✭✭Nichololas


    Plus, 1 sperm has 37.5MB of DNA information in it. A normal ejaculation represents a data transfer of 1587GB in about 3 seconds.

    ALL HAIL THE SPERM

    Yeah but there's not as much if you zip it

    edit

    - Cinnamon rainbow farts


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