HOW MUCH/WHAT DO I GIVE AS A WEDDING PRESENT? READ POST#1 FIRST

Liam McPoyle · 04-08-2014 10:35am

mrsbyrne wrote: »

Husbands brother getting married st the end of August. Were giving €150. My husband and I our daughter and her friend are going. Its in a very expensive hotel (€275 for 2 nights not including breakfast, thats the wedding guest rate), 2.5 hours drive away. New clothes, drinks and meals from Friday evening through to Sunday morning, petrol, dog in kennels .
If the wedding had been more accsebile , less expensive hotel, if we'd been able to drive down there on the day of the wedding so only 1 nights accommodation needed, etc. then we could have given more, but our budget won't allow.
I understand couples find the "venue of their dreams" and of course you should ho for it, but you can sure put family yo a lot of expense.

Off topic but surely you dont have to stay in the actual venue for both nights?

For my wedding some people would have to travel similar distances so what my parents are doing along with my siblings and some extended family are staying in a cheap and cheerful Hotel near the church/venue, its working out at €70 per room B&B as we got on to the Hotel and they gave us a rate because they are getting guaranteed business for a Thursday night next July that they may not other wise get.

Not 100% ideal I know but possibly an option for you?

mrsbyrne · 04-08-2014 11:50am

Business Cat wrote: »

Off topic but surely you dont have to stay in the actual venue for both nights?

For my wedding some people would have to travel similar distances so what my parents are doing along with my siblings and some extended family are staying in a cheap and cheerful Hotel near the church/venue, its working out at €70 per room B&B as we got on to the Hotel and they gave us a rate because they are getting guaranteed business for a Thursday night next July that they may not other wise get.

Not 100% ideal I know but possibly an option for you?

In this case all the guests, and I mean all, are having to travel at least 2 hours to the church and then another 1/2 hour to the venue. The venue is a 4* hotel/golf club/spa about a €10 taxi ride from the nearest guest house/b&b.
It would seem like an awful lot of inconvenience to check into a place for one night, pack up again, go to the wedding, check into another place, unpack etc.

CIARAN_BOYLE · 04-08-2014 12:39pm

All gifts are influenced by the cost of attending. Much more generous to a nearby wedding then at one with travel expenses where you have to stay overnight.

woodchuck · 06-08-2014 1:12pm

woodchuck wrote: »

I'm going to the afters of a wedding for a work colleague, but I've already contributed to a group present in work. Do I still need to bring a separate card/present on the night and if so how much should I put in? Normally I'd give 50euro in a card as a single, but as I've already signed a card and contributed to a present in work I'm not sure what is expected?

Just to update on this, I talked to another girl in the office who is going (it's just the two of us who can make it) and she said she gave the bride-to-be a card with money in it before she left (off work for a week before the wedding). Now I didn't ask how much she put in, but I assume now I'll have to give something :P Those two would work more closely together, she'd be on a much better salary than me and she's bringing her husband (I'm going solo). So... would anything less than 50euro look stingy?

Again, I already contributed in work (only 10euro though) so really not sure what is the done thing in these situations! Ideally I'd prefer to give a small present, but I know people don't tend to like 'stuff' and wouldn't even know what to get her.

Please don't say 'whatever you can afford' :P I'm not broke or anything, but I do keep an eye on my finances in general. I also feel a little weird about giving money to a work colleague... I don't know why

annoyedgal · 06-08-2014 3:22pm

I think a gift is the way to go here. Getting married soon and we have fund in work for presents. I'd feel very bad if those invited to wedding gave money on top of that. Newbridge do lovely Christmas decorations which are a nice keepsake. If you don't want to get a gift then a fifty or sixty euro voucher for nice restaurant would appreciated I'm sure and more than generous.

annoyedgal · 06-08-2014 3:28pm

Just realised its an afters your going to. Definitely a gift! I wouldn't give money for an afters, wine glasses or nice photoframe is perfect.

panda100 · 06-08-2014 9:14pm

Was at wedding last weekend and forgot to give present on the day!left it at home. I was going to give €150. Does it look really bad if I post it up? I rarely see the couple and they live in a county give hour drive away. I don't want to send cash in post so would it be okay to send postal order? Any advice would be appreciated!

Dolbert · 07-08-2014 6:08pm

I think that'd be fine Panda... We got a couple of cards in the post after the wedding and it was a really pleasant surprise!

Saint Sonner · 08-08-2014 12:24pm

panda100 wrote: »

Was at wedding last weekend and forgot to give present on the day!left it at home. I was going to give €150. Does it look really bad if I post it up? I rarely see the couple and they live in a county give hour drive away. I don't want to send cash in post so would it be okay to send postal order? Any advice would be appreciated!

Looks like you wanted to see what wedding was like before you decided how much to give! LOL

Was it worth €150?

woodchuck · 08-08-2014 8:13pm

Thanks for the advice guys! Actually I ended up going shopping before I saw your responses

I was kind of resigned to just giving a 50 in a card, but actually when I was out looking for cards I saw a pretty honeymoon photo album. So what I ended up doing was buying the photo album and a voucher for a camera shop where they can get their honeymoon photos printed and then put them in the album

The lot still ended up costing me 50 quid, but I think I feel more comfortable with that than just shoving a note in a card!! Hoping they'll like it... I figure people don't tend to print photos much in these digital times, but if they have the voucher and the album it's something nice to do that otherwise people normally wouldn't? I know printed photos/albums are the norm, but hope the honeymoon album is a little different. And they've an awesome honeymoon planned, so I assume they're gonna take lots of pics! (my only concern was what if they don't have a camera :P But sure even the crappiest of phones these days have cameras!)

Thanks for the advice anyways... wedding's tomorrow, so hope it all goes smoothly

There's always that awkward moment of not knowing who to leave the present with :P

jos28 · 11-08-2014 2:00pm

Bit of an unusual one here - My nephew is getting married and he kindly invited myself, my OH and our 2 adult children plus partners. One is going without a +1 which makes 5 of us going to the wedding. There is also a bbq the next day which promises to be a great party.
We are going to give one sum of money between us - big question is how much. If myself and my husband were going alone we'd probably put €200 in a card. I'm also making some confectionery trees for the event too.

bee06 · 11-08-2014 2:15pm

jos28 wrote: »

Bit of an unusual one here - My nephew is getting married and he kindly invited myself, my OH and our 2 adult children plus partners. One is going without a +1 which makes 5 of us going to the wedding. There is also a bbq the next day which promises to be a great party.
We are going to give one sum of money between us - big question is how much. If myself and my husband were going alone we'd probably put €200 in a card. I'm also making some confectionery trees for the event too.

See how much your children would be comfortable giving and give whatever the total is.

jos28 · 11-08-2014 3:15pm

bee06 wrote: »

See how much your children would be comfortable giving and give whatever the total is.

Cheers Bee, money is a bit tight with them at the moment so I might end up rounding up the amount

I'll have a chat with them and see what they reckon.

Gatica · 12-08-2014 3:38pm

If they're adult children, can they maybe give their own card and gift? If they're broke and feel uncomfortable giving comparatively very small gift though, it's understandable they'd like to pool in as a family. If you're able to top up their gift, great, otherwise, I'd just leave it at yours + theirs.

kkcatlou · 12-08-2014 4:46pm

What age are your adult children? I think there comes an age where Mammy and Daddy shouldn't be shelling out for them any more....but that's an argument for another day...

jos28 · 12-08-2014 5:56pm

Definitely decided to let them do their own thing. Had 'the' chat with my boss today and my hours are going to be reduced so that solves that !
I'll be counting my own pennies

NewMrs2b · 15-08-2014 11:52pm

My brother registered for gifts for his wedding and the week before I ordered all this crap people didn't. I knew the bigger stuff was covered by parents/siblings etc to I spent €233 on all the other stuff towl sets glass set's etc. They appreciated the fact that all the fiddly bits were bought. I was a single 19yo and I think the appreciated the thought.

Whatever gifts I may receive at my wedding they will be accepted with said person in mind. I.e. if the hippy cousin gives me a jewellery box with decorated with pasta I will us it and be happy someone put some thought into it. If daddy feels he brought me up well enough that giving me away on the day is gift enough again I'd be thrilled I think its important to remember drink in the atmosphere on the day you have created.

midnight_train · 21-08-2014 10:43pm

My cousin who I hardly ever see has invited me to her wedding. I wasn't expecting an invite, TBH. I feel kind of mean, but I don't know if I feel like going - it seems like the going rate for a couple is €150, and to me, that is a really large sum of money to spend. But I'd feel really scabby going and not paying the 'correct' amount for a gift. But from I've been told by other people, you can't go to a wedding these days and not spend that amount in the gift. Is that really true??

Gatica · 22-08-2014 8:29am

It it a huge wedding and they're inviting everyone, do the families always invite the extended family?
In my in-law family the aunts/uncles always get invited, the cousins don't cos there are so many. It's not like you can't do things a different way, but just often families stick to the same type of invitation cut-offs.
If you feel you were invited just for the gift, then don't go. Otherwise, if you do want to go then give a gift you can afford or a voucher for a restaurant. Were you invited alone or as a couple, and how do you intend to go? I know you're asking about a gift from you, but if we were invited together we'd gift together rather than just me.

Meursault · 23-09-2014 1:41pm

Hi All,

just a quick questio. can anyone advise on what is the standard cash present given to a good friend for a wedding present? Is it €200, €250?, €300?

I appreciate that this can be difficult to specify, but I thought it might be worth asking anyway. I obviously want to give the guy a decent amount, but I wasnt sure what was considered generous/appropriate

Thanks

Spicy123 · 23-09-2014 1:49pm

I think €200 is perfect.

pooch90 · 23-09-2014 1:53pm

We got married 7 wks ago. Majority of couples gave 150/200. MIL obviously had been telling relatives how much the meal was cos we got a few single €60 and €120s!
For a good friend we would give €200. To be honest, the money was great to get but we really cherish the gifts we received and it's lovely to have some nice things and be able to say X gave us that.
From now on we are going to do a gift and cash for good friends.

Meursault · 23-09-2014 2:43pm

ok thanks again for the advice guys, really appreciate it. from what I hear, things have calmed down since the mental days of the celtic tiger, where the couple felt obliged to invite literally hundreds of people and the attendees felt duty bound to spend hundreds on a wedding gift. its a very difficult thing to gauge though, because obviously you want to be generous to a good friend, without bankrupting yourself for attending the wedding

fits · 24-09-2014 8:35pm

Last close friend's wedding, we spent 100 on a gift and gave 100 in cash.

tink2 · 15-10-2014 6:06pm

Hi I am married (standard fare meal etc) and a couple we invited to our wedding are getting married in a couple if weeks but having a small do in a restaurant and we are invited to the afters (as are all friends) do I give the same amount they gave us as a present? Not sure what the etiquette is!

ilovespudss · 15-10-2014 6:34pm

tink2 wrote: »

Hi I am married (standard fare meal etc) and a couple we invited to our wedding are getting married in a couple if weeks but having a small do in a restaurant and we are invited to the afters (as are all friends) do I give the same amount they gave us as a present? Not sure what the etiquette is!

You've opened up a can of works here....

The PC thing to say is that you should give what you want, or what you feel you should give.

Personally, I would have standard wedding present amounts for different sets of people ie immediate family, friends, work colleagues, football team etc. But if someone had given me a generous present, I would certainly be returning the favour.

tink2 · 15-10-2014 6:39pm

Thought as much thanks!

GalwayGirl26 · 15-10-2014 6:45pm

Not sure about the proper etiquette, but I would give less if I was only attending the afters. However, that's also due to the fact I wouldn't have been as close to the couples whose afters I attended.
Totally up to you, your circumstances and your relationship with the couple though.

jennyhayes123 · 18-11-2014 12:20pm

MCD. wrote: »

that is more than enough. Tell her to worry about what she is giving and not what ye are giving

Gongoozler · 18-11-2014 4:32pm

Any ideas of a gift (not cash amount) to give for a parent getting married for the second time? I'm really lost on this one. They've both got plenty of money, grown up children and their own houses so....help!?

HOW MUCH/WHAT DO I GIVE AS A WEDDING PRESENT? READ POST#1 FIRST

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