Approaching a Girl in the Street

Giselle · 07-03-2012 10:32am

In the anonymous (:)) European capital where I live, it happens all the time. You can be sitting outside a cafe, and men (and other girls sometimes) will ask if they can join you and strike up a conversation.

Its completely culturally normal here and just another way to make friends, but its perceived as sleazy in Ireland. I have Irish friends who have referred to the locals as sleazebags for perfectly polite behavior, but if they're approached on a night out in Ireland by guys so drunk they can barely stand, they accept that as normal.

Chatting with someone new here is just that, and less loaded with risk and expectation, and if I bump into someone I've met this way, we would greet each other as new friends.

Expectations are much higher in Ireland, it makes for more stress on both sides. If you met someone you'd chatted to in this context again in Ireland, all they'd remember is the rejection of more and you'd be unlikely to even acknowledge each other.

I do understand that, but its a culture that has to have a sea change as a whole for it to become easy and normal for both sides to meet this casual way.

Best of luck BABM, I have a feeling you'll need it.

That_Guy · 07-03-2012 1:28pm

Walking up the main street in Ashbourne and this gorgeous girl walked by. I passed her but I stopped and ran back to her and said, "excuse me. I know this is completely out of the blue but you're very pretty and was wondering if you fancied getting some lunch".

"Eh no thanks you weirdo" was her reply.

Fúck it. Least I tried.

Malari · 07-03-2012 1:32pm

That_Guy wrote: »

Walking up the main street in Ashbourne and this gorgeous girl walked by. I passed her but I stopped and ran back to her and said, "excuse me. I know this is completely out of the blue but you're very pretty and was wondering if you fancied getting some lunch".

"Eh no thanks you weirdo" was her reply.

Fúck it. Least I tried.

Woah! Uncalled for. You were polite!

KamiKazeKitten · 07-03-2012 1:50pm

It's happened to me a few times in Ireland - my favourite was probably the guy who was standing next to me at the makeup for a good five minutes before he said anything

Didn't give my number to all of them, but it was always nice to be stopped and asked, I'd love if it happened more!

...Then again, I got chased down a street in France once by a 50 year old guy "you come back next year and we get married my princess", so be careful what you wish for :pac:

Elmer Blooker · 07-03-2012 3:58pm

I made some small talk with a checkout girl in a Tesco near me the other day.
WOW........ perhaps she was having a bad day, but how someone could be so obnoxious is beyond me! Bring back the East Europeans when it comes to dealing with the public, that's what I say!

Riskymove · 07-03-2012 4:01pm

Hazys wrote: »

Fake it, till you make it

"sincerity is the most important thing in life; if you can fake that, you've got it made"

KTRIC · 07-03-2012 4:47pm

That_Guy wrote: »

Walking up the main street in Ashbourne and this gorgeous girl walked by. I passed her but I stopped and ran back to her and said, "excuse me. I know this is completely out of the blue but you're very pretty and was wondering if you fancied getting some lunch".

"Eh no thanks you weirdo" was her reply.

Fúck it. Least I tried.

What is it with Irish women thinking everyone that shows the slightest bit of interest in them is a weirdo :rolleyes:

I take my hat off to you though for having the balls to do that. If I was half the man I'd be sorted. Unfortunately I'm cursed with the confidence of a slightly scared field mouse.

silvervixen84 · 07-03-2012 4:55pm

It's happened to me a few times over the years, most recently whilst I was waiting at a pedestrian crossing.

I smiled and politely said no thanks.

I say fair play to anyone who has the confidence to take a chance to approach someone they fancy. I don't have the guts to do it!

That_Guy · 07-03-2012 5:06pm

KTRIC wrote: »

What is it with Irish women thinking everyone that shows the slightest bit of interest in them is a weirdo :rolleyes:

Was talking to a female friend about this and she is always complaining that the only time guys talk to her is when they're drunk on a night out and wishes she'd meet someone a different way.

"What if someone approached you on the street?", I asked.

"Nah, that's weird"

WHAT DO YOU WOMEN WANT!!! :pac:

Hazys · 07-03-2012 6:20pm

That_Guy wrote: »

Walking up the main street in Ashbourne and this gorgeous girl walked by. I passed her but I stopped and ran back to her and said, "excuse me. I know this is completely out of the blue but you're very pretty and was wondering if you fancied getting some lunch".

"Eh no thanks you weirdo" was her reply.

Fúck it. Least I tried.

Its the same Irish culture for men and women that Giselle speaks of.

I can imagine if my buddies and I were walking down the street and i said "hold on lads, i'm going over to chat to that cute one on the parkbench". if i failed in my pursuit, the lads would ridicule me for months. Mostly out of the fear that something like that could become the social norm and they may have to step up and do it also.

I think Irish people are very self concious and introvert and are very afraid to step out of the social norm...probably the reason why we are terrible dressers and alcoholics lol.

I tip my hat to ya That_Guy, fair play.

confusticated · 07-03-2012 8:31pm

Got asked out at work once by a regularish customer, and another time got the directions thing - "do you know the best area around here to get dinner?" Closely followed by "why don't you come with me?" Seemed like nice guys, would probably have said yes to the first anyway but I'm not single.

Max Powers · 07-03-2012 9:46pm

That_Guy wrote: »

Walking up the main street in Ashbourne and this gorgeous girl walked by. I passed her but I stopped and ran back to her and said, "excuse me. I know this is completely out of the blue but you're very pretty and was wondering if you fancied getting some lunch".

"Eh no thanks you weirdo" was her reply.

Fúck it. Least I tried.

fair play That_guy and the rest of ye who tried the 'cold' chat up method, i think its plain to see that what you see in rom-coms doesnt work for 99% of lads in real life especially here in Ireland. As you said, fuk it, you tried, no loss. (being politely turned down is the least you would expect though)

Richard Hillman · 08-03-2012 6:22pm

Would never approach a random stranger on the street or in a pub/club. I would consider it rude especially if you are putting them on the spot by asking them a yes/no question.

Sauve · 08-03-2012 6:38pm

There's nothing rude about speaking to a stranger, it's the approach that would make it so.
Strangers are all friends that we have yet to make.

awec · 08-03-2012 6:40pm

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Sauve · 08-03-2012 6:42pm

awec wrote: »

Sauve wrote: »

There's nothing rude about speaking to a stranger, it's the approach that would make it so.
Strangers are all friends that we have yet to make.

Oh ffs. You must have one of those proverb calendars on your desk. :pac:

Yep I do lol.

awec · 08-03-2012 6:48pm

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Sauve · 08-03-2012 6:50pm

"A boat is safe in the harbour, but that's not what boats are built for"
:cool:

qz · 08-03-2012 6:52pm

Now I'm supposed to ask a girl out on a boat?

Sauve · 08-03-2012 6:54pm

qz wrote: »

Now I'm supposed to ask a girl out on a boat?

Try it and let us know how it goes.

awec · 08-03-2012 6:59pm

This post has been deleted.

Jesus Wept · 08-03-2012 7:00pm

Raminahobbin wrote: »

It's really weird lads. It's common in America AFAIK, but not so much here. A friend of mine is living there at the moment, and gets asked frequently for her number by random guys. I don't know any girl who would go for it here since it's very out of the blue, but it does make us feel good!

I was in a bookshop and afterwards, while crossing a nearby bridge, a guy fell into step with me and struck up a conversation about the book he'd seen me buy. He then asked me to go to the cinema with him that weekend! I declined, as a default 'stranger alert' reaction, but looking back I think I should have gone for it! If it happened tomorrow, I think I'd still say no though. It's just too unexpected!

I also had a guy trying 'The Game' out on me in the Jervis Centre before. He was trying to do the insult compliment thing they describe in the book and hook me in with some other techniques, but he just insulted me a bit too much and REALLY annoyed me so I told him to fcuk off and stormed off.

mmmhmmm, mmmmhmmm.

ihsb · 08-03-2012 7:02pm

I was just about to get off the bus one day when a guy lent over to me and asked me for my number. He hadn't spoken to me before that, just looked over a few times. So sweet!

Funkfield · 08-03-2012 7:10pm

I asked a girl out randomly on the street once. It was odd. I had seen her once before, just for a second, when I was leaving work. She was gorgeous. I thought about her the whole way home. It didn't cross my mind at that point that I could have said something to her. I kept an eye out for her for ages but nothing. I half joked with myself that if I ever saw her again I'd ask her out, or at least say "Hi!".

Then one day there she was again! Walking up the road on the opposite side of the street, just as I was leaving work. I had to call my own bluff and crossed the road to meet her. I apologised for stopping her and, while trying to be nervously charming about the absurdity of the situation, introduced myself and told her why I had stopped her. I asked would she care to join me for a drink. And she said "YES"!

We went out for a couple months. Everything went great. We got on so well. She was Finnish, working here for the summer. It was amazing. I couldn't believe things had gone so well. We even talked about me visiting Finland or her staying here longer.....

But all good things come to an end.

One day I decided she should meet my family. My wife went fukcing mental.

Scanlas The 2nd · 08-03-2012 8:17pm

Isn't it interesting how so many men's worst fears are being thought of as weird by women, and that fear actually makes them weird around women even though they aren't really weird, they simply don't accept themselves unconditionally. Ie don't have self esteem.

Jesus Wept · 08-03-2012 10:56pm

I don't think anyone has said it is their worst fear.

G-Money · 09-03-2012 11:45am

Given that I don't even approach in bars and clubs, doing so on the street is probably completely unrealistic for me. Although occasionally I do go a bit mad and do something unexpected so never say never.

As I was walking to work yesterday morning and leaving the apartment complex, a woman was walking towards me into the complex. She gave me a big smile and said "hello" and I immediately thought "I want to stop and talk to her" but neither of us did.

Next time perhaps!

Bad Panda · 09-03-2012 12:02pm

If I was to do it, I'd probably give the girl my number and leave it with her. That way, she's not on the spot or under pressure to give any kind of an answer.

Red Hand · 09-03-2012 12:12pm

Bad Panda wrote: »

If I was to do it, I'd probably give the girl my number and leave it with her. That way, she's not on the spot or under pressure to give any kind of an answer.

That's what I did. Ugh. I had to ask her for pen and paper.:D

Giruilla · 09-03-2012 12:26pm

That_Guy wrote: »

Walking up the main street in Ashbourne and this gorgeous girl walked by. I passed her but I stopped and ran back to her and said, "excuse me. I know this is completely out of the blue but you're very pretty and was wondering if you fancied getting some lunch".

"Eh no thanks you weirdo" was her reply.

Fúck it. Least I tried.

That's your biggest problem right there.

Pembily · 09-03-2012 12:39pm

Giruilla wrote: »

That's your biggest problem right there.

Why?

py2006 · 09-03-2012 12:51pm

The fear for men is not only rejection but being told to "F off" or being labelled a "creep" in this scenario. Unfortunately, for some guys the only way overcome this fear is to approach Irish women after a few drinks.

The pressure is still on men to do the approach work. The odd occasion that a woman approaches a man just seems to freak men out. I guess if it was more common men wouldn't freak out.

Personally, I would never approach a woman on the street for the above reasons. I rarely do it even with a drink on me in a pub. I prefer to meet them through work or whatever and get to know them a bit first.

Pembily · 09-03-2012 12:55pm

py2006 wrote: »

The pressure is still on men to do the approach work. The odd occasion that a woman approaches a man just seems to freak men out. I guess if it was more common men wouldn't freak out.

I am half tempted to ask one of the guys in the bike shop out

awec · 09-03-2012 1:03pm

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py2006 · 09-03-2012 1:10pm

Pembily wrote: »

I am half tempted to ask one of the guys in the bike shop out

Go for it!

09-03-2012 1:15pm

I think I'd be overjoyed if a woman comes up to make conversation with me out of the blue like that, so do it!

py2006 · 09-03-2012 1:33pm

Deleted User wrote: »

I think I'd be overjoyed if a woman comes up to make conversation with me out of the blue like that, so do it!

So would I! But making conversation is different to asking them out directly! :cool:

Galvasean · 09-03-2012 9:00pm

Pembily wrote: »

I am half tempted to ask one of the guys in the bike shop out

awec wrote: »

Do it!

py2006 wrote: »

Go for it!

Go do it!

Pembily · 09-03-2012 9:04pm

Galvasean wrote: »

Go do it!

Realistically not! Also I will be in my cycling gear :rolleyes:

Galvasean · 09-03-2012 9:10pm

py2006 wrote: »

So would I! But making conversation is different to asking them out directly! :cool:

It is?!?!?! So all the girls in work don't fancy me...

Pembily wrote: »

I will be in my cycling gear :rolleyes:

Skin tight figure hugging super hero coloured clothing? What guy wouldn't be smitten?

Jimmy Iovine · 10-03-2012 4:35am

I saw a girl in Busáras nearly 3 years ago, just after I had finished my first year of college sometime at the end of May. I was sitting across from her in those ****ty seats waiting for my bus home. She was very good looking, blonde I think. I got caught having a sneaky glance at her and I caught her as well a few times. That went on for about half an hour or so.

Then I did one of the stupidest things I've ever done. I went up to the ticket machine to get my ticket. I was queuing up and I looked around and I saw her looking around at me. Of course when I got back to my seat she was gone. I didn't realise it at the time but my eyesight was hopeless so I couldn't find for certain where she was. My best guess is she was on the bus for Letterkenny.

Can't believe I didn't go up to her and ask her for her number. Nothing would have come of it probably because we'd be living too far apart, but it'd have been an experience.

For ages I had a mental block where I couldn't ask a girl for her number after a night out, never mind approaching a girl when I was sober. Thankfully I've gotten better over the last while. I nearly messed up one time with a girl. Luckily I was best friends with her cousin so I had to ask him for it. Turned out she wanted him to give me her number anyway but for some reason I was afraid to ask her. It was either a fear of failure or the fact I was fairly pissed and just forgot.

Dunno if I'd approach a girl completely out of the blue on the street, but if I'd seen her a few times and she had given some indication that she recognised my existence then I might make a move. I'd probably be more likely to spend all week planning the "meeting" and then do nothing about it when the time came :pac:.

G-Money · 10-03-2012 2:33pm

One day I was getting the bus back to the north and I could hear these two talking a few rows behind me. I wasn't listening in intently but I could tell when they got onto the bus they were two strangers and my guess is that the guy sat near her and started talking. The talked until they got to his stop, which I reckon would have been about 40 or 45 minutes into the journey anyway. He got off the bus and then a few seconds later I saw him coming walking back towards the bus, went back on and I think he gave her his number. I got the impression she wasn't super interested but fair play to him for trying. I wouldn't have done it myself.

Where I work is tricky to meet women as it's a male dominated environment. There's one girl I have my eye on in another team, who sits in another part of the building. It's annoying as we've no work related reason to speak to each other and we don't sit near each other or anything. There's no chance of getting to chat to her at a work party as I'm a contractor and she's permanent and contractors don't get invited to the work party's where I work.

BopNiblets · 10-03-2012 4:27pm

What about approaching as girl who gets the same bus into work? I would hope she would recognise me at this point. We work close enough and I could ask her to lunch...

I think yer lovely Red!

mcmacness · 11-03-2012 12:09am

Didnt happen in the street but when I was about 19 I was getting the bus home from Sligo after spending the weekend visiting my Grandparents. Was reading a chick lit book with the title "Remind me again why I need a man", or something like that.

This American guy decided to strike up a conversation with me about why I was reading a book like that, he was nice enough but I'd say he was late twenties/ early thirties and I wasn't interested. I was too nice to say it though. He ended up following me off the bus and carrying my luggage for me, luckily I had texted my friend and she had come to collect me from the station with her Dad, otherwise I don't know how I would have got rid of him!

I would be flattered these days if a guy approached me in the street but I don't know would it get him anywhere because I'd say I'd be a little taken aback by his forwardness..

Joe10000 · 11-03-2012 9:47am

I said this before on another thread that I think the most important thing for guys to do when still in the game is to acknowledge any female you pass on the street, bus, shop etc. that you like. Just say hi and keep going, next time she sees you she will "know" you and you go from there.

Women in this country are programmed against straightforward and random offers, you need to sneak up on them.

TanG411 · 11-03-2012 3:15pm

Joe10000 wrote: »

Women in this country are programmed against straightforward and random offers, you need to sneak up on them.

. . . And that's why she pepper-sprayed me, your honour.

starlit · 11-03-2012 7:49pm

I've never really been approached on the street to be asked out or anything but have had lads comes up to me with chat up lines alright in the daylight that is! Nights out excluded in this case. Was asked out by a random stranger on the phone one time but he was working for a phone company or something. That's going back a few years now. I said no though.

coco_lola · 11-03-2012 7:59pm

A guy approaching me in the street, that might be a bit forward for my liking. But on public transport, in a coffee shop, or any kind of shop, wouldn't bother me too much. As long as they don't come right up and be like "hey what's your number". I'm game for a chat/banter, and then if they want to ask for my number, that's cool!