Opinions on Cheating?

pinkx101 · 05-02-2012 12:44am #1

What are your opinions on a cheating boyfriend?

do you think its possible that your boyfriend can cheat on you purely for the sex and sexual benefits and really love you?
i've had a recent experience with a cheating boyfriend and part of me believes he did it just for the sex since he wasnt getting it from me too often?

i have also cheated in a relationship, just a kiss - a spur of the moment thing but really and truly loved my boyfriend.

Storminateacup · 05-02-2012 1:06am

yes, if it was just for the sexual benefits

I don't think so. Is the cheating pre meditated? Is it a one time thing or a regular "just sex" thing? One time is bad enough but it wouldn't nessessarily mean he didn't really love you.

If it's regular -- I'm not so sure. You don't do something like that to a person you love. If you're unhappy with an aspect of a relationship with someone you love, you try work through it, you don't give up and look elsewhere.

Also someone that really loves you would never put your health at risk, STIs ect, or delibrately turn your entire life upside down.

dr.bollocko · 05-02-2012 1:12am

To pre-suppose that there is an answer to your question which applies to all people who have cheated is to over-simplify the situation.
The situation is too complex to boil it down to a simple answer.

What do you think?

Cos really, at the end of the day, that's about all that matters tbh.

murraykil · 05-02-2012 1:23am

pinkx101 wrote: »

What are your opinions on a cheating boyfriend?

do you think its possible that your boyfriend can cheat on you purely for the sex and sexual benefits and really love you?
i've had a recent experience with a cheating boyfriend and part of me believes he did it just for the sex since he wasnt getting it from me too often?

i have also cheated in a relationship, just a kiss - a spur of the moment thing but really and truly loved my boyfriend.

You have answered your own question . . .

pinkx101 · 05-02-2012 1:30am

Storminateacup wrote: »

I don't think so. Is the cheating pre meditated? Is it a one time thing or a regular "just sex" thing? One time is bad enough but it wouldn't nessessarily mean he didn't really love you.

If it's regular -- I'm not so sure. You don't do something like that to a person you love. If you're unhappy with an aspect of a relationship with someone you love, you try work through it, you don't give up and look elsewhere.

Also someone that really loves you would never put your health at risk, STIs ect, or delibrately turn your entire life upside down.

my boyfriend cheated on me on two occasions, the first time he had sex with his ex and i broke up with him for a few months and in them few months he constantly kept in touch with me and wanted to get back together, i figure he had sex with her because i wasn't ready for sex and it had been a good while since he had it. i finally gave in and decided to give him a second chance. The second time he cheated on me was on new years eve, he kissed another girl, part of me thinks this was because i chose to go out with my friends instead of spending it with him.

i will admit i wasn't the best girlfriend i could have been, i valued my friends more than i valued him. i never really put him first even though he always put me first. He did anything for me and i guess he was deprived of some attention.

could these be the reasons he cheated?

pinkx101 · 05-02-2012 1:34am

murraykil wrote: »

You have answered your own question . . .

partially true but when i cheated it was just a kiss, im talking more about sex and other sexual activities. not that i condone kissing other people when in a relationship but i don't think of it as being as serious as having sex with someone. would you cheat on someone just for sex and still love you girl/boyfriend?

johnners2981 · 05-02-2012 1:35am

pinkx101 wrote: »

my boyfriend cheated on me on two occasions, the first time he had sex with his ex and i broke up with him for a few months and in them few months he constantly kept in touch with me and wanted to get back together, i figure he had sex with her because i wasn't ready for sex and it had been a good while since he had it. i finally gave in and decided to give him a second chance. The second time he cheated on me was on new years eve, he kissed another girl, part of me thinks this was because i chose to go out with my friends instead of spending it with him.

i will admit i wasn't the best girlfriend i could have been, i valued my friends more than i valued him. i never really put him first even though he always put me first. He did anything for me and i guess he was deprived of some attention.

could these be the reasons he cheated?

You shouldn't be making excuses for him, if he was deprived of attention or felt you weren't being a good gf he should of said so or left the relationship.

murraykil · 05-02-2012 2:15am

pinkx101 wrote: »

partially true but when i cheated it was just a kiss, im talking more about sex and other sexual activities. not that i condone kissing other people when in a relationship but i don't think of it as being as serious as having sex with someone. would you cheat on someone just for sex and still love you girl/boyfriend?

I would question whether I really and truly loved my partner if I could consider cheating as just a kiss. It shows a lack of respect for your partner and I don't think love can be real and true without respect.

wonderfulname · 05-02-2012 2:32am

pinkx101 wrote: »

partially true but when i cheated it was just a kiss, im talking more about sex and other sexual activities. not that i condone kissing other people when in a relationship but i don't think of it as being as serious as having sex with someone. would you cheat on someone just for sex and still love you girl/boyfriend?

I wouldn't, and it's a respect and trust thing, not a love thing. Cheating implies going behind someones back, or doing something without their knowledge or consent, that's bad form.
Some couples have open relationships, it wouldn't work for me but I won't judge, but it just illustrates the point that the act itself isn't the real issue when it comes to cheating.

You keep pushing for answers to relate to your own situation, don't! Everyones situation and perspective is different, and nobody knows yours well enough to comment, figure it out for yourself, you're the only one who can.

Storminateacup · 05-02-2012 2:59am

yes, if it was just for the sexual benefits

For example - if my fiancé stopped having sex with me or spent all his time with his buddies, I'd talk to him (argue with him) about what the problem was, and if it still wasn't resolved, clearly it's not meant to be and we would break up so as we could be both be happier with other people.

I wouldn't have sex with my ex and justify it with "well you weren't ready" or "you were with your friends". It's disrespectful.

And i'd expect him to do the same, tbh.

mariebeth · 05-02-2012 11:39am

yes, if it was just for the sexual benefits

This is one of the only areas where I'm totally black & white on this. If I was going out with someone, and he cheated on me, I would find it totally unforgiveable. I would personally feel that anyone who cheats on their boyfriend/girlfriend, has a lack of respect and love for the person that they're cheating on.

BarackPyjama · 05-02-2012 11:40am

yes, if it was just for the sexual benefits

You're not truly in love with someone if you're having sex with someone else behind their back. Make absolutely no mistake about that whatsoever.

Ickle Magoo · 05-02-2012 11:50am

yes, if it was just for the sexual benefits

pinkx101 wrote: »

What are your opinions on a cheating boyfriend?

do you think its possible that your boyfriend can cheat on you purely for the sex and sexual benefits and really love you?

No...because loving someone isn't just about what's of benefit to us, it's also about being respectful and avoiding hurting them.

pinkx101 wrote: »

i've had a recent experience with a cheating boyfriend and part of me believes he did it just for the sex since he wasnt getting it from me too often?

I think that's a lousy excuse for having sex with someone else unless you both agreed your relationship was an open one...otherwise it's just having your cake and eating it with little to no regard re hurting your partner (see above).

pinkx101 wrote: »

i have also cheated in a relationship, just a kiss - a spur of the moment thing but really and truly loved my boyfriend.

I obviously am not about to tell you how you felt but for me, that just doesn't compute. When I really and truly love a partner, I don't want to hurt them - and that coupled with a spot of self restraint means cheating is just not on the menu...the only relationships I've cheated in I've realised I was actually a bit "meh" about and ended.

If I'm attracted to someone else or wanting to play the field, then I'm infinitely happier in myself single than cheating/lying/being dishonest whatever with a partner...I know some people don't think it's a big deal but it's just not my bag.

Wibbs · 05-02-2012 1:51pm

No

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

No...because loving someone isn't just about what's of benefit to us, it's also about being respectful and avoiding hurting them.

Bingo. It's all too often been my experience over the years that a surprising amount of people really don't get this. When they say "I love you", the "I" is more in play than the "you". It's much more about how the other makes them feel, rather than how the other feels. EG you see it when couples break up. Let's say the woman leaves, you'll hear the guy say "but but I love you!!" as if this makes a diff even if he's been a gobsheen. Again less about the other and how they might feel. Or unrequited love types. "Why doesn't he/she love me? After all I love him/her". Again it's all terribly subjective and self centered.

Ditto for cheating. Are there different levels of cheating? Certainly IMHO. Is it always black and white? Hell no. However again IMHO 9 outa 10 times self centred mindsets are behind that decision to take that step.

Wibbs · 05-02-2012 2:03pm

No

As for the question "Can someone cheat but really love the person they cheated on?", I'd say yes with caveats. There are different kinds of love an there are different kinds of romantic love. There's the romeo and juliet early stages love, then the more mature* version of long term love, with an overlap in the middle(IME the most likely time for a breakup).

IMHO You can have someone who truly loves their partner in the mature relationship way, but hankers after the early stage in love excitement(both sexual and emotional). They then cheat to get that. It's doubly exciting because of the fear of discovery. Those types generally wont leave the primary relationship. IME that's usually more a "married" man one.

Then you have the overlap cheaters with a purpose. The primary relationship has lost it's spark. However they may still "love" the person, just "not in that way" anymore. "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" scenario. Fear of singledom keeps them in the relationship, but they have one eye open for the replacement person. IME that's usually more a woman thing.

Both are self centered and what I've noted about cheating types(and IMHO there is a type if they're repeat offenders) is that they are self centered as mentioned, usually emotionally immature and are also good at lying to themselves and reinventing memories in their heads to suit themselves. The lying to others is a given, but the former makes the latter so easy.

* I use mature in the sense of time, rather than as a reflection on personal development.

Neyite · 05-02-2012 3:13pm

yes, if it was just for the sexual benefits

For me, love is tied in with trust and respect. Those two are the the foundations, like the bottom corners of a triangle, and without them you cant build love.

If someone cheats, in my opinion, they may think they love their partner, but they dont respect them. If your partner cheats you cant trust them so the loving bit at the top of the pyramid falls down.

Even things like slagging off your partner/ moaning constantly/ gossiping his secrets on to your friends about him/her is disrespectful so its nearly as bad as kissing someone else, in my book. If you moan so much, why on earth are you with this person?

My yardstick is "would it hurt my partner?" if the answer is yes, then its enough for me.

MGHOW · 05-02-2012 3:21pm

No

A man can cheat on a woman with it being solely a sexual endeavor, separate from whatever romantic interests he may have. But, any man self-indulgent enough to do such a thing is nothing but a disingenuous fool not worth a good woman's love. Women do posses quite a large tendency to only go for these types though, and then blame the majority of men (most of whom are decent) for their actions.

Why is the question only about men cheating though? From my experience, women seem to cheat more than men on average, despite outdated cultural notions.

Ickle Magoo · 05-02-2012 4:08pm

yes, if it was just for the sexual benefits

MGHOW permabanned after learning zip from their last holiday.

Since you have shown yourself unable or unwilling to respect the charter of this forum; instead choosing to indulge in inflammatory generalisations and whataboutery, this clearly isn't the forum for you.

Giselle · 05-02-2012 7:54pm

pinkx101 wrote: »

What are your opinions on a cheating boyfriend?

There are almost as many reasons for cheating as there are cheaters, its simply too big and too grey a question for a black and white answer.

So my opinion is: It depends.

Sonics2k · 05-02-2012 10:31pm

I forgave an ex-girlfriend for cheating on me once. We broke up for a few weeks and eventually got back together and stayed together another 2 years or so.

Turns out during those two years she'd continued to have more affairs, both online and offline.

I now have a policy of never forget it, never forgive it. No matter the excuse.

Birdie086 · 05-02-2012 10:54pm

A girl here how was always 'out and about' never been in love till almost two years ago. For me it meant the whole on the prowl factor is totally elimated.

Simplistic I know, but that's what it boils down, why would I bother with anyone else?? Plus I don't think I could my oh in the eye after, I have a few little things I keep from him, but the idea of being with someone else doesn't even occur to me.

From our first date I knew that I was in the right place when I was beside him. Soppy, but true.

baby and crumble · 05-02-2012 11:55pm

No

I can kind of understand it. While I don't think going out and looking for sex with someone who isn't your partner is ok, at all, I can definitely understand if there is a physical element to your relationship that is not happening at the time, and the likelihood that that might not change very soon. Temptation is hard to resist, in particular when hormones, desires and human behaviour comes into play. I think too much store is put on monogamy and 'one relationship forever' kind of thing. I would never start a relationship thinking "this one is just for now", but I don't really believe in the idea of one perfect person, or one person forever. Great if it happens, though.

But this is really something that will never be agreed on, and it's a perpetual topic for discussion because of the nature of the topic- people have extremely strong views on these kinds of relationship/ sexuality issues.

hairyprincess · 06-02-2012 1:30am

yes, if it was just for the sexual benefits

I'm in the 'he didn't love you camp'. How could someone who supposedly loves you so much hurt you so badly. I could never take back a cheating partner. Trust is huge for me, and there's not a chance that he could get that back.
As for there being 'the one'; I'm really not sure. I know a few couples close to me who I could say they were just made for eachother, they fit perfectly and neither would ever stray. Maybe it's all about personality types

chickenbutt · 06-02-2012 3:35am

yes, if it was just for the sexual benefits

Unforgivable. My boyfriend agrees as well as his ex cheated on him the entire time they were together. Luckily we're on the same page about this and are devoted to each other.

What I do not understand, and maybe someone has said this before, is how some people out there pursue people who they know are in a relationship, as if it is a challenge. They don't care if so and so has a girlfriend, they're going to still going to try and get with the person (goes both ways). To me, it really shows their lack of self-worth. I was talking about this at work today with my coworker and how sometimes it's like you just have to stake a claim on your partner to fend off the girls! (Again, both men and women do it - not all, just some!)

baby and crumble · 06-02-2012 4:05am

No

chickenbutt wrote: »

Unforgivable. My boyfriend agrees as well as his ex cheated on him the entire time they were together. Luckily we're on the same page about this and are devoted to each other.

What I do not understand, and maybe someone has said this before, is how some people out there pursue people who they know are in a relationship, as if it is a challenge. They don't care if so and so has a girlfriend, they're going to still going to try and get with the person (goes both ways). To me, it really shows their lack of self-worth. I was talking about this at work today with my coworker and how sometimes it's like you just have to stake a claim on your partner to fend off the girls! (Again, both men and women do it - not all, just some!)

Why do you feel the need to 'stake your claim' on your boyfriend if you trust him like you say you do?

chickenbutt · 06-02-2012 4:24am

yes, if it was just for the sexual benefits

baby and crumble wrote: »

Why do you feel the need to 'stake your claim' on your boyfriend if you trust him like you say you do?

I do trust my boyfriend. I don't trust other girls to not cross the line. It makes me uncomfortable. I don't think it's an uncommon reaction to situations like that.

Also, for the record, I do trust my boyfriend to not let anything happen. I'd just rather avoid it all together. The inner workings of my relationship are not up for debate and analysis. Please do not comment on it again.

Storminateacup · 06-02-2012 4:35am

yes, if it was just for the sexual benefits

I personally don't care if my boy gets hit on - he's confident enough to tell me, and I'm happy enough to tell him clearly she needed her eyes tested.. (obviously not serious), same as I don't care if he has female friends, or that he watches porn...

I know (from hitting on him myself for years ha) he's not easy and he has a conscience, and he'd never cheat. If pathetic girls wanna try, let them. He's a good looking guy, and clearly he's not gonna do any better than me

and more fool him if he thinks he could!

Wibbs · 06-02-2012 9:56am

No

baby and crumble wrote: »

Why do you feel the need to 'stake your claim' on your boyfriend if you trust him like you say you do?

A lot of men do this too and I could never quite understand it. If they're gonna cheat they're gonna cheat. Plus if someone comes up to your partner and gets all flirty, so what? Only an issue if they say they're single/flirt back in earnest. "you lookin at me booird?". Worry when she's looking at me Ted.

I think there's a balance. Being completely blase can make a partner feel unappreciated and drive them away, whereas being para and defensive can do same. Most get the balance fairly right though and whatever works for them too. Some people get off on their partner flirting, even getting off on getting angry about it. Horses for courses.

LegacyUser · 06-02-2012 1:37pm

Before my own experience I would have always been very black and white about cheating. One a cheater, always a cheater, anyone who cheats doesn’t love their partner etc. It would have absolutely been a deal breaker for me, no question.

I had been with my partner for a few years when began working with someone, and the crush hit me like a ton of bricks. At first that’s what I dismissed it as, a one-sided crush, and told myself I was imagining the signs that he felt the same. We were both in long-term, committed relationships and absolutely not the type of people who would cheat. As a result I deliberately pulled away from him, was aloof, even borderline rude sometimes.

One night though, we ended up drinking and talking all night, and I could no longer deny that this was a one-sided thing. We held hands and my heart soared, and yet the guilt was eating away at me. Nothing more happened, not even a kiss, but I came so close to cheating it scared me. After that I made a conscious effort not to see him socially anymore, and the feelings gradually subsided. In my heart of hearts I know that if I and he were both single when we met, we would be a couple now.

My partner has never found out about this, not will he ever. It would absolutely destroy him, even though nothing physical happened. If he had feelings for someone in that way I would be beyond devastated. For me, it has never been a case of not loving my partner, or being unhappy in the relationship. I simply met someone who I connected with, in a way that has never happened to me before or since. I will never put myself in a position that jeopardises my relationship like that again, and I still have residual guilt even now. All I will say is that is isn’t always black and white.

Das Kitty · 06-02-2012 1:54pm

Wibbs wrote: »

A lot of men do this too and I could never quite understand it. If they're gonna cheat they're gonna cheat. Plus if someone comes up to your partner and gets all flirty, so what? Only an issue if they say they're single/flirt back in earnest. "you lookin at me booird?". Worry when she's looking at me Ted.

I think there's a balance. Being completely blase can make a partner feel unappreciated and drive them away, whereas being para and defensive can do same. Most get the balance fairly right though and whatever works for them too. Some people get off on their partner flirting, even getting off on getting angry about it. Horses for courses.

My husband never gets jealous. In fairness I'm a generally flirty person and if he was the jealous type I don't think we would have lasted at all. He knows there's nothing to worry about, he always has. I feel the same way about him. I don't feel in any way unappreciated, he shows me he appreciates me in a multitude of ways.

If someone has upset me though, it does get to him.

And on topic:
Any betrayal of trust in a relationship is not loving. You can't simulataneously destroy someone's trust in you and claim to love them.

baby and crumble · 06-02-2012 2:06pm

No

chickenbutt wrote: »

baby and crumble wrote: »

Why do you feel the need to 'stake your claim' on your boyfriend if you trust him like you say you do?

I do trust my boyfriend. I don't trust other girls to not cross the line. It makes me uncomfortable. I don't think it's an uncommon reaction to situations like that.

Also, for the record, I do trust my boyfriend to not let anything happen. I'd just rather avoid it all together. The inner workings of my relationship are not up for debate and analysis. Please do not comment on it again.

Sorry if I upset you with my comment. I just thought it was relevant to the general debate.

kingtut · 06-02-2012 2:12pm

yes, if it was just for the sexual benefits

There is never an excuse for cheating. NEVER!
If you cheat on someone it shows you never cared about them in the first place.

Fluorescence · 06-02-2012 2:19pm

It's rarely a black and white issue. I would say that yes, it is possible to cheat but still love your partner. However, in this case it would be a symptom of major problems in the relationship that perhaps cannot be resolved (in which case it would be better to break up than try to salvage a sinking ship). It's also (more commonly) a symptom of major disrespect for the cheater's partner and an absence of real love.

Please note I'm not condoning cheating in any shape or form, just answering the original question.

johnr1 · 06-02-2012 2:23pm

yes, if it was just for the sexual benefits

Cheaters - there are no words strong enough to describe my opinion of people who do this.

Myriad of reasons why people are tempted, but nobody is being held in a relationship against their will. They have the choice to break up with their OH, and then do whatever they want. They also have the choice to exercise some self control.

No forgiveness. EVER.

.

newport2 · 06-02-2012 2:58pm

I think to a large extent there are two types of people. Those who cheat and those who don't.

Most people I know who have cheated do not do so on just one person, they have done so on many people. Likewise, those who don't cheat have never done it on any partner.

If someone cheats on you, it's far more of a reflection of them that it is of you. They probably would have done it irregardless of who they were going out with and will probably do it on future partners too. Don't blame yourself for it.

I know this is quite a sweeping generalisation, so sorry if it offends anyone.

dancesatnight · 06-02-2012 5:27pm

yes, if it was just for the sexual benefits

newport2 wrote: »

I think to a large extent there are two types of people. Those who cheat and those who don't.

Most people I know who have cheated do not do so on just one person, they have done so on many people. Likewise, those who don't cheat have never done it on any partner.

If someone cheats on you, it's far more of a reflection of them that it is of you. They probably would have done it irregardless of who they were going out with and will probably do it on future partners too. Don't blame yourself for it.

I know this is quite a sweeping generalisation, so sorry if it offends anyone.

ok i used to to be a seriel cheater cheated on every girl friend up till the last one and i can tell you from the my experience the main reasons a bloke cheaters are

1. he is unhappy with the realtionship and is hoping it gets better.
2 he isnt getting what he needs not just sex but emotional stuff alot of people think its all about the ride and thats it but really it could be an emotional connection that just kinda leads on to sex
3 he needs his ego stroked and feel less manly being with the same person

i know it doesnt make it any better but once a cheater always a cheater isnt always the way people can change and grow up and cope on. i would for give cheating one time only offer as long as it wasnt a long emotional relationship type coz that in my eyes is 10 times worse then just a ride

06-02-2012 6:47pm

because cheating makes relationships better

confusticated · 06-02-2012 8:08pm

dancesatnight wrote: »

ok i used to to be a seriel cheater cheated on every girl friend up till the last one and i can tell you from the my experience the main reasons a bloke cheaters are

1. he is unhappy with the realtionship and is hoping it gets better.
2 he isnt getting what he needs not just sex but emotional stuff alot of people think its all about the ride and thats it but really it could be an emotional connection that just kinda leads on to sex
3 he needs his ego stroked and feel less manly being with the same person

i know it doesnt make it any better but once a cheater always a cheater isnt always the way people can change and grow up and cope on. i would for give cheating one time only offer as long as it wasnt a long emotional relationship type coz that in my eyes is 10 times worse then just a ride

What?! Yeah, how manly to lie and deceive someone you "love". That's no excuse at all. Also, hoping it gets better - cheating's hardly going to help that!

nicechick! · 06-02-2012 8:32pm

pinkx101 wrote: »

my boyfriend cheated on me on two occasions, the first time he had sex with his ex and i broke up with him for a few months and in them few months he constantly kept in touch with me and wanted to get back together, i figure he had sex with her because i wasn't ready for sex and it had been a good while since he had it. i finally gave in and decided to give him a second chance. The second time he cheated on me was on new years eve, he kissed another girl, part of me thinks this was because i chose to go out with my friends instead of spending it with him.

i will admit i wasn't the best girlfriend i could have been, i valued my friends more than i valued him. i never really put him first even though he always put me first. He did anything for me and i guess he was deprived of some attention.

could these be the reasons he cheated?

Why would you lay fault with yourself! there comes a time when in every relationship you sacrifice the occasional knees up with your buddies for your boyfriend or the same on his part BUT it should not justify his need to go shag someone else as he got his back up because you have other interests in life other then him!

You had a Lucky escape in my opinion every relationship is give & take!!

Raditub · 07-02-2012 4:06pm

yes, if it was just for the sexual benefits

keeping it short and simple! Kiss can happen drunk and in the moment! But when you sleep with somebody apart from your partner..you clearly love yourself more than him/her! Cheating can be purely sexual but still anybody should rethink their relationship status afterwards

johnr1 · 07-02-2012 6:29pm

yes, if it was just for the sexual benefits

Raditub wrote: »

keeping it short and simple! Kiss can happen drunk and in the moment! But when you sleep with somebody apart from your partner..you clearly love yourself more than him/her! Cheating can be purely sexual but still anybody should rethink their relationship status afterwards

No, they should think of their relationship status before. Any other course of action is scumbag lowlife animalistic behaviour.

.

Lola92 · 07-02-2012 10:45pm

yes, if it was just for the sexual benefits

I genuinely do not understand why cheating happens. If you want to sleep with/date/kiss someone else then to me that says that you are not happy in your relationship and don't want to be with that person that you are supposed to love. Have some damn respect for your partner and at least have the decency to break up with them before you go messing around with other people!

beks101 · 07-02-2012 11:04pm

yes, if it was just for the sexual benefits

I usually appreciate the 'grey' in most things, but with cheating I'm fairly black and white. You want to be with someone else, you break up. Otherwise you're too selfish, immature and insecure to be in an adult relationship.

I don't care what the reasons or circumstances are, if you cheat while in a committed monogamous relationship, it ultimately boils down to you not being a very nice person.

Unfortunately I think the culture is getting worse. I see cheating everywhere these days.

The Lovely Muffin · 07-02-2012 11:40pm

In my personal opinion if your partner really, really loves you, they wouldn't cheat.

If your partner loved you - why would they want to cheat? Why would they want to cause you so much hurt, upset, pain and humiliation?

Any partner who loves wouldn't want to cheat on you.

I don't buy these excuses "it just happened" "I was/we were drunk" etc, you are responsible for your own actions, forget about blaming someone/something else.

If my partner cheated on me - I wouldn't take him back, no matter how much pleading/begging etc he did. If he loved in the first place he wouldn't cheat on me.

There is absolutely NO excuse for cheating.

johnr1 · 08-02-2012 12:31am

yes, if it was just for the sexual benefits

beks101 wrote: »

I usually appreciate the 'grey' in most things, but with cheating I'm fairly black and white. You want to be with someone else, you break up. Otherwise you're too selfish, immature and insecure to be in an adult relationship.

I don't care what the reasons or circumstances are, if you cheat while in a committed monogamous relationship, it ultimately boils down to you not being a very nice person.

Unfortunately I think the culture is getting worse. I see cheating everywhere these days.

THIS ^^^^^ x 1000

Tweet0004 · 18-02-2012 3:03am

friend dated a guy we all met him, lovely guy, then she discovered through facebook that he had a longterm foreign girlfriend, who came to ireland to be with him. she was devasted. Guys lie, and sometimes they string girls along, by saying they are single when they are not. Think it says a lot about the relationship. Some people just settle, as they do not want to be alone.

johnr1 · 18-02-2012 3:23am

yes, if it was just for the sexual benefits

Tweet0004 wrote: »

friend dated a guy we all met him, lovely guy, then she discovered through facebook that he had a longterm foreign girlfriend, who came to ireland to be with him. she was devasted. Guys lie, and sometimes they string girls along, by saying they are single when they are not. Think it says a lot about the relationship. Some people just settle, as they do not want to be alone.

That's a desperate story altogether, - I'd even go as far as to say "it's a disgrace Joe".

What a terrible world we live in when ONLY men lie, cheat and string people along.

Isn't it great to be able to bitch about them here with no consequences, - Oh wait, I've a sneaky feeling there might be. Try editing your post before the mods get here, - oh no, I've quoted it so that won't work either. Too bad.

baby and crumble · 18-02-2012 4:07am

No

Tweet004: Please don't make generalised statements about entire genders.

Johnr1: Tone down the attitude. If you have a problem with a post, report it.

Kimia · 18-02-2012 9:56pm

No

My opinion for what it's worth. I think cheating is bad. It's deceitful and it betrays the trust of a relationship.

However, I think it's bad behaviour - i don't think that the cheater themselves is necessarily bad.

I think people sometimes make bad decisions - cheating being one of them.

squishykins · 19-02-2012 8:21pm

yes, if it was just for the sexual benefits

Raditub wrote: »

But when you sleep with somebody apart from your partner..you clearly love yourself more than him/her!

^ this!

I'm pretty sure that I commented privately on a thread like this a few years ago, trying to explain why I cheated on someone. It was a whole load of BS now that I think about it. Plain and simple I thought I was in love when I wasn't, and was too wrapped up in how it would hurt me if I did the right thing.

He gave me a second chance and it was only then that I really fell for him, haven't had a thought about anyone else in the 3 years since

I don't think you can love someone if you cheat on them. Have strong feelings yeah, but love is all those feelings mixed up with trust and respect and a bajillion other things :P

Tweet0004 · 11-03-2012 1:57am

MGHOW wrote: »

A man can cheat on a woman with it being solely a sexual endeavor, separate from whatever romantic interests he may have. But, any man self-indulgent enough to do such a thing is nothing but a disingenuous fool not worth a good woman's love. Women do posses quite a large tendency to only go for these types though, and then blame the majority of men (most of whom are decent) for their actions.

Why is the question only about men cheating though? From my experience, women seem to cheat more than men on average, despite outdated cultural notions.

i agree with you that women probably cheat more, and they get away with it, but i was just asking as a female why a man would cheat. As people say that men/women do it for different reasons. Also was wondering if a guy was not in love if he cheated.

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Can someone cheat but really love the person they cheated on? 217 votes

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