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Keeping a social circle as you get older?

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    #32
    ancapailldorcha
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 37,414 CMod ✭✭✭✭ancapailldorcha


    I'm 26 and I moved to Manchester a year ago. I must say I'm finding it really hard to meet people. I seem to be good at just chatting people but the only real friends I have at the moment are people I met at Uni who are scattered around North England. It's shocking how much planning has to go into just meeting up for a pint or 2. When I compare it to how easy it was in Uni, it was so much easier to make lasting friendships back then.

    We sat again for an hour and a half discussing maps and figures and always getting back to that most damnable creation of the perverted ingenuity of man - the County of Tyrone.

    H. H. Asquith



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    #33
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Can relate well to the sentiments in this thread.
    Wait til you hit your 40s! The mix of life, work, marriage, kids, ageing, a bit of wisdom (perhaps), and a sense of 'been there, done that', all conspire to make the sofa much more appealing. A friend of mine once very contentedly put it: ' I've done my breeding and socializing' I don't socialize much now - in fact I sometimes wonder am I becoming more asocial as I get older. In my 20s and into my 30s I would have recoiled at the thought of taking pleasure from retreating to the shed but that's precisely where I'm at now. Socializing I can take or leave.

    I have a small group of good friends - school mates & and one or two others I've met along the way - who I see rarely due to geography mostly but motivation plays a part. Maybe it a male thing but there's no need for a chat. Bar major life events, we keep in touch infrequently and it's enough for us because we seem to have a shared ability to sum up 1 or 2 years in 1or 2 minutes.
    All that said, we do make the effort to have a meet up maybe once a year. There's comfort in the fact that having given our one minute synopsis of our previous year or two it's like we were never apart, the banter begins where it left off a year previously and all is good in the world.


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    #34
    OnTheCouch
    Registered Users Posts: 526 ✭✭✭OnTheCouch


    ancapailldorcha wrote: »
    I'm 26 and I moved to Manchester a year ago. I must say I'm finding it really hard to meet people. I seem to be good at just chatting people but the only real friends I have at the moment are people I met at Uni who are scattered around North England. It's shocking how much planning has to go into just meeting up for a pint or 2. When I compare it to how easy it was in Uni, it was so much easier to make lasting friendships back then.

    This is the big problem about moving abroad for work. (I assume you moved for a job, but even if you didn't, I think it is the most common reason why people change countries).

    Anyway, in my experience the vast majority of social groups are formed either at school or university. If you miss out on both of these, then it is likely to be quite hard to find going out companions later on. Although of course not impossible, see sports teams and social clubs as two feasible possibilities, even though these are not for everyone. So if you find yourself in a strange place, unless you have got suitable work colleagues to go out with, it can be difficult to find people to hang out with, as people can be quite wary of letting newcomers into their social circles.

    And yes, you will tend to find the older you get, the more planning and organisation is required to socialise. The number of people to whom you can give half an hour's notice before heading down the pub notably dwindles with age.


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    #35
    ancapailldorcha
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 37,414 CMod ✭✭✭✭ancapailldorcha


    Yeah, I moved over for a job back in 2011. I was made redundant which made going out a lot more daunting. I moved again a year ago and the small amount of progress I'd made is completely gone. I'm looking for work at the moment which will likely involve yet another move.

    We sat again for an hour and a half discussing maps and figures and always getting back to that most damnable creation of the perverted ingenuity of man - the County of Tyrone.

    H. H. Asquith



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    #36
    _Kaiser_
    Registered Users Posts: 28,717 ✭✭✭✭_Kaiser_


    I'm in my late 30s and wouldn't have seen most of the people I hung around with in my 20s in about a year (or longer in some cases) at this stage.

    Everyone is pretty much settled with partners and kids (me included) and living all over the place at this stage so get together's are extremely rare for logistical reasons - normally what'll happen is an email will go around and initially reactions will be positive.. until the details are worked out at which point it becomes a disaster trying to get a date that suits everyone.

    I do still see a few people regularly-ish, but I think that's just life. Like others have said above, the idea of sitting in a pub all night drinking over-priced beer, and then enduring public transport or extortionate taxis to get home is just not appealing these days.

    It's sad I guess but what can ya do?


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    #37
    Colonel Panic
    Registered Users Posts: 2,018 ✭✭✭Colonel Panic


    I get a lot of "How's it going? Must me for pints sometime." texts but when I try to organise something, it never happens. I don't really begrudge any of my married or non single friends the lives they lead, but it certainly leaves me out in the cold.

    Until recently, most of my hobbies have been quite solitary so I've been trying meetups and some more outdoor pursuits and it's still quite tough to get new friends to "stick". It's like a game of chicken. Everyone wants to put themselves out there when it comes to making a friend, but no one does it because of the fear of rejection! It's like the platonic version of dating!

    It doesn't help when you're somewhat introverted either. I'm not shy, but I find large gatherings of people exhausting and it's hard to make an impression sometimes unless it's a smaller group.


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