Ruined christmases?

braddun · 27-12-2014 6:10am

I found out my dad was the priest at Christmas mass

cloud493 · 27-12-2014 9:28am

TheBeardedLady wrote: »

****sake! Giz a hug! (((())))) How sad. Mad auld world. I'm full of the soundbites and cliches with a few drinks in me, so excuse me please. What I really want to ask you, though, is if you'd consider seeing a counsellor for a few sessions? Sounds like you haven't dealt with this at all. Big hug, matey. Look after yourself and happy new year to you.

Nah I'm ok, thanks though

Drink is the worst, thats not even the worst thing by a long shot I can remember my dad doing. But whatever, no point of dwelling etc.

Oh, another christmas. We went to my nans house (my dads mother) and she had presents for us. She was a fairly capable woman, even though she was getting on a bit, but she'd given us like, pieces of meat wrapped up in paper, like unheated heat, turkey. And she didn't give my mum anything, and my mum just exploded. Then my dad exploded back at her for shouting at his mother, and he gave her a right wallop, and the whole thing turned into chaos till the police were called.

lukesmom · 27-12-2014 9:49am

Christmas has not been the same since my little brother died tragically but it's getting a bit easier each year which is great. I've no awful christmas memories and the worst thing I can think of is when the electricity cut out Christmas day. That was a pain.

blacklilly · 27-12-2014 10:10am

Highflyer13 wrote: »

Yep I have lots of times. Now I am relatively strong emotionally. I play lots of sports, hugely driven etc and work in an pressurised environment which demands mental strength. One night I cracked and rang my godmother who im close to and completely broke down. Id exhausted all options at this point. I was inconsolable on the phone. Some people just cannot be fixed in my conclusion. They have repeatedly failed to acknowledge a drinking problem. We have had interventions and everything.

Drinking heavily is normal and the only way to enjoy yourself in their opinion which frankly I find pathetic and sad. I drank heavily in my teens too but copped myself on and realised It wasn't normal.

So sorry to read to read our story. Thankfully I've never been directly effected by alcoholism or the like but I know many that have. I'm not sure if you've ever heard of al-anon but its a program adapted from aa and I know many that have benefited from it. http://www.al-anon-ireland.org/

suicide_circus · 27-12-2014 11:25am

Went into a boozer on thomas street yesterday for one, there was a kid of a bout 7 half asleep on a chair surrounded by parents/uncles all hammered. Didn't really feel like a pint after that so I left. Feel so grateful that my folks didn't do that to me.

Frigga_92 · 27-12-2014 11:29am

Highflyer13 wrote: »

That actually broke my heart reading it. No child deserves that on what should be some of the best memories of their lives. I hate alcohol, its a curse on this country. I remember the fear I had when I was a child seeing my parents drunk. I felt no security at the time. I would cry myself to sleep at times. Though they would never hurt us, it still frightented me to see them fighting and threatening each other or falling all over the house.

Funny thing is they still act like that and im 27 now. I've just learned to block it out completely and my relationship really is poor with them. I have tried to make them see sense and failed but thats their fault. They dont see a problem with heavy drinking. Sad really.

One thing I will never do is take a drink around my children.

Same here. We used to sit at the top of the stairs listening to them screaming about all kinds of things and trying to decide who we'd live with if they separated or if they killed each other, trying to make sense of what they were screaming which was stupid because it made no sense.

Sorry you went through that.

They live on their own now, we've all moved out. My father still drinks, not as bad as when we were younger but every now and then he just goes bananas on the drink for a few weeks. I don't know what goes on now, I don't ask. I don't spend a lot of time with them, very little in fact. I absolutely hate being in their house for lots of reasons and they don't understand.

Rosy Posy · 27-12-2014 12:33pm

One year my granny cut off the tip of her little finger with the electric carving knife while carving the turkey. My teetotal cousin and I (still a child) were the only sober ones so we ended up driving her to the hospital, me with the bit of finger in a bag of ice. The local hospital was closed so we had to drive to the regional one and it took ages.

Last year my friends stepdad got stocious drunk on Christmas Eve and was disorientated in the night and pissed all over the presents under the tree!

SEPT 23 1989 · 27-12-2014 1:03pm

suicide_circus wrote: »

Went into a boozer on thomas street yesterday for one, there was a kid of a bout 7 half asleep on a chair surrounded by parents/uncles all hammered. Didn't really feel like a pint after that so I left. Feel so grateful that my folks didn't do that to me.

Kid was a lightweight

eviltwin · 27-12-2014 2:04pm

The first one after being asked to leave home. Won't get into it here but it was horrible. I had good people around me who made me feel very welcome but not being with your own family is hard.

nc19 · 27-12-2014 2:06pm

HamsterFace wrote: »

I found out that the man who I thought was my father really isn't.

My real father is actually a very well known musician but he has never recognized me.

My money's on Daniel O'Donnell

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 27-12-2014 2:10pm

Have been really lucky in that the worst christmas I remember as a child was when I found a box of chocolates before mass and made myself sick. My parents were never drinkers, and we didn't have family calling over that would get drunk. My auntie used to spend Christmas and New Years with us every year and that made christmas really special and it was a very happy occasion.

Last year 7 days before Christmas I lost my dad, and I think we were still in such shock that it didn't really register and we got through it okay, although obviously it was a little sad. This year was probably the hardest christmas but all things considered, I had a really nice day. I'm lucky that my friends, oh and family are all pretty amazing and although christmas was very different, it was still special.

MadYaker · 27-12-2014 2:43pm

Jesus there's some awful sh!te stories in this thread. I should be more appreciative of my parents.

Honestly the worst christmas I can remember was a few years ago, we didn't have turkey or lots of the other usual stuff because we were going on a holiday to California on St Stevens Day

lulu1 · 27-12-2014 6:00pm

Highflyer13 wrote: »

Yep I have lots of times. Now I am relatively strong emotionally. I play lots of sports, hugely driven etc and work in an pressurised environment which demands mental strength. One night I cracked and rang my godmother who im close to and completely broke down. Id exhausted all options at this point. I was inconsolable on the phone. Some people just cannot be fixed in my conclusion. They have repeatedly failed to acknowledge a drinking problem. We have had interventions and everything.

Drinking heavily is normal and the only way to enjoy yourself in their opinion which frankly I find pathetic and sad. I drank heavily in my teens too but copped myself on and realised It wasn't normal.

Well done to you for getting on in life despite being raised around drink. Yes you might have fallen in your teens but could anybody blame you. You had the sense to quit before it got a hold on you. Best of luck in the future

MadYaker · 27-12-2014 7:31pm

I think the family of the pregnant woman who was on life support win the competition of worst xmas ever hands down!

Karen23 · 27-12-2014 7:35pm

Good friend been found dead on Christmas Eve morning while out of the country visiting family for the holidays.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 27-12-2014 7:47pm

MadYaker wrote: »

I think the family of the pregnant woman who was on life support win the competition of worst xmas ever hands down!

It's not a competition, and there's always people worse off, doesn't make other people have less **** christmases.

pickarooney · 27-12-2014 7:54pm

Christmas in the Caribbean was shaping up to be one of the best ever until we saw a child get stabbed to death trying to break up a knife fight.

DellyBelly · 27-12-2014 7:55pm

suicide_circus wrote: »

Went into a boozer on thomas street yesterday for one, there was a kid of a bout 7 half asleep on a chair surrounded by parents/uncles all hammered. Didn't really feel like a pint after that so I left. Feel so grateful that my folks didn't do that to me.

Think that's quite normal up around there. I often pass that area and will see kids as young as 5 in school uniforms outside the pub waiting on their parents inside.

lanos · 27-12-2014 8:26pm

MadYaker wrote: »

Jesus there's some awful sh!te stories in this thread. I should be more appreciative of my parents.

Honestly the worst christmas I can remember was a few years ago, we didn't have turkey or lots of the other usual stuff because we were going on a holiday to California on St Stevens Day

First world problem.

auldgranny · 27-12-2014 8:37pm

lanos wrote: »

First world problem.

Mad yaker is admitting that if you read the post right.

Luke92 · 27-12-2014 8:45pm

DellyBelly wrote: »

Think that's quite normal up around there. I often pass that area and will see kids as young as 5 in school uniforms outside the pub waiting on their parents inside.

??? Have lived a minutes walk from Thomas street all my life and its not really that bad. Its really not quite normal even around there.

Your comment is heavily exaggerated.

But in saying that my own auntie was an alcoholic and regularly brought her kids to the pub. Given so many chances by family and never could stop drinking. My mother took her kids off her and brought them to live with me and my sister. Aunt tried half heartedely to get kids back but never went to court. She was always too interested in having a man.

But there's my mother who has never drank and didn't think twice about taking on another 4 kids along with her own 2 while being a single mother with a mortgage and a part time job.

First year was quite hard as my mother didn't know about benefits she was entitled to (she eventually became their foster mother then again fully legally adopted them).

So don't go saying its the norm around my area as you tarnish the majority of the hard working people who live in my area.

Yes we have more of it than some areas (that's mainly due to having a lot of social housing around the area). But majority of people, social housing or not wouldn't dream of bringing their kids to the pub while they got drunk.

rawn · 27-12-2014 8:54pm

When i was about 12 we decided in advance for all the family to drive to my uncles on Christmas day for dinner. Then on the day we realised there wasn't enough room for everyone in the car so i was left home alone. My parents decided to have a drink so they all ended up staying the night. I heard they had a brilliant time.

cloud493 · 27-12-2014 9:43pm

rawn wrote: »

When i was about 12 we decided in advance for all the family to drive to my uncles on Christmas day for dinner. Then on the day we realised there wasn't enough room for everyone in the car so i was left home alone. My parents decided to have a drink so they all ended up staying the night. I heard they had a brilliant time.

Thats terrible :eek:

Pubs were the bane of my childhood. Shame just as I turned old enough to not have to go anymore, they implemented the smoking ban. Woulda been nice a few years earlier.

Jen Pigs Fly · 27-12-2014 9:52pm

blacklilly wrote: »

The Christmases of '91-'99, I never got the pony I asked for. Then my dad obviously annoyed and frustrated at santa for ignoring my simple request bought me one in 2000:D

Asked for a pony from '90 through til 2007, Santa finally came through but unfortunately bought me a horse and not a pony :pac:

I will get my pony some day

heldel00 · 27-12-2014 9:56pm

Family member had a bleed on his brain on Christmas Eve 2010. Rushed to hosp. Was put on life support and was like that until he died New Years Eve.
It was the Christmas with the really bad snow. Two family members wrecked cars trying to travel into the hosp, no water in anyone's house for showers etc.
Only positive out of a very sad event was he donated organs and that made Christmas special for a few other families

cassid · 28-12-2014 1:13am

steddyeddy wrote: »

We're all better people for it right?

In one way yes. Because you make sure when you have a family you don't put your own children through what you did.

I make sure I never behave the way my parents did, because you have seen through a childs eye what broken relationships, booze or physical/mental abuse can do.

I know my children will only know love and security from our home and will hopefully cherish memories from their childhood christmas

For some of you living at home and enduring horribly Christmas, it won't always be that way.

cloud493 · 28-12-2014 1:18am

cassid wrote: »

In one way yes. Because you make sure when you have a family you don't put your own children through what you did.

I make sure I never behave the way my parents did, because you have seen through a childs eye what broken relationships, booze or physical/mental abuse can do.

I know my children will only know love and security from our home and will hopefully cherish memories from their childhood christmas

For some of you living at home and enduring horribly Christmas, it won't always be that way.

This. Like, I know the decisive factor in me never having touched a drop of alcohol is my dads behaviour.

Tonyandthewhale · 28-12-2014 1:36am

Best friend shot himself two weeks before Christmas when I was 16, he was 15. My granddad was in hospital for most of the Christmas too and died early in the new year. Didn't really give much thought to presents and turkey and the like to be honest.

Sunnyisland · 28-12-2014 2:07am

rawn wrote: »

When i was about 12 we decided in advance for all the family to drive to my uncles on Christmas day for dinner. Then on the day we realised there wasn't enough room for everyone in the car so i was left home alone. My parents decided to have a drink so they all ended up staying the night. I heard they had a brilliant time.

Think they based a film on that...

Misticles · 28-12-2014 2:29am

This year was ruined. 3rd stint in rehab for the mother and we all thought this was it, she was doing great, meetings every day- seemed so positive. Roll on Christmas eve, pissed as a fart.

Today I find out she is in a psych ward.

For all the krap Christmases I have had at the hands of her drinking, I know that I will never put any child through that. She doesn't know it yet but I won't return to the family home again for Christmas. Im 28 and I cant do it anymore.

I feel sorry for my dad. Both are old and shouldn't be going through this at their time in life, I don't want the last years of their lives to be filled with bad memories

_Whimsical_ · 28-12-2014 2:45am

Reading this thread and reading about the horrible and lasting effects alcoholism has had on the children who witnessed it makes me shudder. All that damage done that is preventable compared to those in the thread who've lost people through illness and accidents. It is frightening to think our country is full of people with these stories to tell and still we treat binge drinking, heavy drinking and even alcoholism in such a casual manner. It's got to stop people!

dublinman1990 · 28-12-2014 3:00am

I remember one Christmas that was ruined for me but which is not alcohol related. But it involved my own aunt who had been struck down with Flu on Christmas Eve back in 1998. She was in bits while I was watching her on the the chair in the living room. While she had symptoms of Flu mixed up with her bad Asthma it was so hard to watch her all the same while trying every bit to enjoy the holiday as I could.

I was only eight years old while I saw this happen in front of my eyes. It was horrendous to see her suffer.

Coming up to lunchtime that day she got sick in my granny's fireplace and I ran up the stairs crying to my mam in disbelief and being frightened for my own life. An ambulance was called for her and I thought it was a good idea not to come down the stairs until my aunt was in the ambulance and her business was cleared up completed.

About three hours later, I got sick in the toilet after enduring that ordeal with my aunt. I don't remember much after that only sleeping on the couch and waking up to see my uncle later that evening.

He told the family at that point that his girlfriend had given birth to his daughter which was his first child. I didn't know what to say as I still asleep on the sleep recovering from my illness. All I do remember is that he showed a photograph of her in a hospital cot to everyone in the house. Everyone that she was gorgeous. His daughter (i.e. my cousin) nowadays is doing transition year in secondary school. She was born with Asthma by the way along with her mam and grandparents.

My aunt who endured the flu had died in hospital four years later in 2002 due to Cardiac Arrest after having a bad asthma attack at home one morning. I still cannot believe it is over 12 years since her death, it has flown by so quickly, I would only remember her for only short periods now as my life is still is going on with a very busy lifestyle.

That day Christmas Eve 1998 would live in my Christmas memories forever.

--LOS-- · 28-12-2014 3:45am

Such heartbreaking stuff in this thread

You can opt out of much of that crap in the OP though. I find it too hard to be around family, they just drag me down (not drink related) when I'm doing my best to look after myself. So this year I made the choice for my own health to opt out of that and I stayed put abroad on my own. So peaceful. I think some of you really should prioritise yourselves, as adults you can't be responsible for other adults and you can't help people that don't want to be helped. I know they're family and you feel an obligation with family and you carry so much expectations. For me there is no getting through so I just let go of the expectations now, no use suffering along with them.

The Strawman Argument · 28-12-2014 4:18am

Yeeesh, I should appreciate my parents' puritanical ways a lot more than I do!

My parents had a huge fight on Christmas eve at the peak of their problems with each other. My dad bought the wrong flavour of ice cream on Christmas Eve and it just escalated into something mental (but somehow consistently remained focused on the ice cream). Still don't know where my mam drove off to for a few days there. Pretty sure that's the time my dad's nose got broken too but that may've been another Christmas.
To be honest, most Christmases were just hotbeds of tension in retrospect with my mam going nuts about all the visitors judging the house but all I can really recall is either hiding up the house/garden from everyone or openly laughing at the sillier arguments.
They never let their fights get in the way of Santa visiting, to be fair to them.

Also, shout out to my aunt for sacrificing her Christmas this year; we'd've had to put up with her niece (our cousin) for all of Christmas day instead and that would've had very sour results.

bb1234567 · 28-12-2014 11:57pm

26sdrawkcab wrote: »

I grew up with an alcoholic father and my parents fought pretty much non-stop for my entire childhood but it was always worse at Christmas. They used to wreck the place, pull down the decorations (that's if any were put up in the first place), break presents throwing them around the place etc etc, I won't go into too much detail.
Basically from age 0-18, until I moved out, Christmases were pretty horrible.
One Christmas that sticks out in my head was when I was 3 or 4. If my father thought he was in big trouble with my mother he'd use one of us as a barrier, thinking she'd go easier on him if we were there, never worked. This particular night they were raging away at each other and I came downstairs and my father grabbed me and put me sitting on his lap. I was roaring crying of course. My mother threw an ashtray at him and it hit me in the face. It was an old fashioned really heavy glass ashtray like this - http://thumbs2.ebaystatic.com/d/l225/m/mcFEb8y0sW7LpSMIHsb-CdA.jpg
I still have a noticeable scar between my lip and my nose and my nose is slightly crooked.

I never ever visit my parents at Christmastime. There's a few different reasons for that. They don't understand of course and just think I'm being awkward, there's never been any acknowledgment of how unacceptable their carry on was. I'm 27 now and I still find Christmas hard sometimes just thinking about all my childhood Christmases.
I go all out at Christmas now and my husband makes sure it's amazing because he knows why I need it to be like that now. I have Christmas traditions that probably seem childish and stupid to some people but it's just the way it has to be now. I felt like there were years where we didn't even celebrate Christmas when I was younger, we may have had decorations up and eaten a Christmas dinner but you were just on edge and couldn't enjoy any of it properly so it just went by unnoticed.

I feel like crying now:(

cloud493 · 29-12-2014 12:08am

Alcohol sure has ruined a lot of people's christmas

Sunny Dayz · 29-12-2014 12:17am

One of my friends took her life a few days after Christmas 5 years ago. I have been lucky in my life to have always had great Christmases apart from that one. Was tough putting on a happy face in front of my son and having to celebrate my mums birthday while waiting to bury my friend. But she gave us great memories and great stories to relay.

Vote 4 Pedro · 29-12-2014 12:30am

I've had a few really shi!y Christmases, I was "brought up" in care / children's homes from a very young age,
At Christmas we would all have to put our best cloths on, get a good wash and try look presentable for the Christmas visitors.. they would be some local charity or middle aged "do gooders"
We were made to stand in a line and the visitors would walk down the line talk a little, wish you a merry Christmas and give you a present, this would be the only present you would get so you would be very grateful to them,
Then when the visit was over the staff would come and take the best of the gifts for themselves and them the bullies would take what was left and you would be left with fook-all.
The next Christmases were all the same until I left

Peist2007 · 29-12-2014 2:44am

EoghanIRL wrote: »

After reading some of these posts it just reminds me how alcohol can bring out the worst in people .

I don't see why excessive alcohol use is more acceptable than other forms of drugs . Sad really.

100%. The alcoholic idiots being described in this thread would look down on someone for sparking a spliff!

Wompa1 · 29-12-2014 6:00am

EoghanIRL wrote: »

I don't see why excessive alcohol use is more acceptable than other forms of drugs . Sad really.

Without saying anything to incriminating. I spent X-mas with somebody who was smoking weed constantly. He drank 4 of the days and was high the rest. Perpetually high too..as in never letting himself come down. He was as much of an a-hole whilst high as he was drunk.

I'm leaving tomorrow. I live 5k miles away and I haven't really seen him because he's been in a state the entire time.

It's sad that any of these types of drugs are deemed acceptable at all.

DoYouEvenLift · 29-12-2014 6:16am

RobertKK wrote: »

One of my dogs is missing, yesterday my brother in law/neighbour said he was happy she was gone.
I said nothing as I didn't want to start an argument on Christmas day, but lets just say I think someone was responsible for the missing dog and that comment didn't do anything to lower my doubt, and it has been on my mind since it was said.

I would honestly have gotten into a full blown fight, never mind an argument, if someone said that about my dog if she was missing. And if it was an in law I wouldn't speak to my sibling until they ended the relationship with the dickhead in question.

Edit: some posts ITT are depressing reads but opens ones eyes and makes one appreciate things more

RainyDay · 29-12-2014 4:52pm

Vote 4 Pedro wrote: »

I've had a few really shi!y Christmases, I was "brought up" in care / children's homes from a very young age,
At Christmas we would all have to put our best cloths on, get a good wash and try look presentable for the Christmas visitors.. they would be some local charity or middle aged "do gooders"
We were made to stand in a line and the visitors would walk down the line talk a little, wish you a merry Christmas and give you a present, this would be the only present you would get so you would be very grateful to them,
Then when the visit was over the staff would come and take the best of the gifts for themselves and them the bullies would take what was left and you would be left with fook-all.
The next Christmases were all the same until I left

Sorry to hear it - just curious as to whether this was in Ireland or elsewhere? What era?

snollup · 29-12-2014 5:25pm

HamsterFace wrote: »

I found out that the man who I thought was my father really isn't.

My real father is actually a very well known musician but he has never recognized me.

Eoin Mc Love

Peist2007 · 29-12-2014 8:36pm

Wompa1 wrote: »

Without saying anything to incriminating. I spent X-mas with somebody who was smoking weed constantly. He drank 4 of the days and was high the rest. Perpetually high too..as in never letting himself come down. He was as much of an a-hole whilst high as he was drunk.

I'm leaving tomorrow. I live 5k miles away and I haven't really seen him because he's been in a state the entire time.

It's sad that any of these types of drugs are deemed acceptable at all.

So,

alcohol on it's own = a-hole
alcohol + marijuana = a-hole
marijuana on its own = tbc

I'm spotting a common denominator.

Vote 4 Pedro · 29-12-2014 9:05pm

RainyDay wrote: »

Sorry to hear it - just curious as to whether this was in Ireland or elsewhere? What era?

Hi RainDay,
It was the Seventy's mostly and it was in Leeds in the UK.
I got out of the system when I was 14, after 10 years in that hell hole I hated it, and Christmas was no different, I don't have any good Christmas memory's as a child for obvious reasons
but then when I was out that place I was on my own for a few years and spent Christmas in a groty bedsit but I got a job and started to live my life as I wanted to and things started to get better,
I met my now wife at 19 and married in 1989. still happily married and now have 2 kids and although I never really fully enjoy Christmas I am able to make a good effort so my kids can enjoy it and that makes all the difference

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 29-12-2014 9:48pm

Peist2007 wrote: »

So,

alcohol on it's own = a-hole
alcohol + marijuana = a-hole
marijuana on its own = tbc

I'm spotting a common denominator.

I lived with a chronic weed smoker (not a drinker) who was fine until he started smoking weed, afterwards, he became paranoid, angry and volatile and caused many many trips to accident and emergency, broke my nose three times, fractured a bone in my hand, fractured my arm - in fact broke so many bones I don't even remember them all. Just a weed smoker too.

cloud493 · 29-12-2014 9:50pm

So.. maybe both, in isolation, is the best solution?

catallus · 29-12-2014 9:53pm

I've had a cold since just before Christmas and it kind of made the whole thing a bit rubbish.

IvaBigWun · 29-12-2014 9:54pm

RobertKK wrote: »

One of my dogs is missing, yesterday my brother in law/neighbour said he was happy she was gone.
I said nothing as I didn't want to start an argument on Christmas day, but lets just say I think someone was responsible for the missing dog and that comment didn't do anything to lower my doubt, and it has been on my mind since it was said.

Was it a noisy little bástard of a thing?

Peist2007 · 29-12-2014 11:20pm

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I lived with a chronic weed smoker (not a drinker) who was fine until he started smoking weed, afterwards, he became paranoid, angry and volatile and caused many many trips to accident and emergency, broke my nose three times, fractured a bone in my hand, fractured my arm - in fact broke so many bones I don't even remember them all. Just a weed smoker too.

Have read you tell the above before Lexie and i feel for your plight. However, my conclusion with your situation was that you were unlucky and ended up going out with a real bad egg. Irregardless of drugs taken.

A bigger sample size is needed than one. Put 100 drunks in a room and 100 stoners in the room next door and see where the trouble happens. Just my 10 cents but dont want to derail this thread so am happy to leave it there.

Ruined christmases?

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