Cheated?

JeffKenna · 29-07-2014 4:10pm

Snoutface wrote: »

I am desperately hungover and I can't afford a hotel. And why should I have to make other accommodation plans? Shouldn't she be doing that?

Well yeah, but being honest you seem slightly on edge. I think you should stay away from her in case you do something you might regret.

chellyry · 29-07-2014 4:11pm

Snoutface wrote: »

Well she wasn't preggers as she had her period the day she came back. We didn't have sex until the next day.

I wouldn't believe this. She had sex on the Friday (I highly doubt she let a guy have sex with her/stick it into her for the first time while she had her period), then supposedly had her period on the Saturday and Sunday, then had sex with you on the Monday. I'd say she was just using the whole period excuse to give herself a chance to think about what to do before sleeping with you or else she was covering her ass because she knew you would instantly be wondering if she could be pregnant from the other guy. It's possible she did have it but unlikely, either way ye both need to get checked and don't have sex again until ye get results - even if ye make up.

SterlingArcher wrote: »

Me personally I would be dumping her. Saying adios and maybe tapping all her mates too. But I'm a dxxk. And you seem in love. This is going to consume you. Make you constantly jealous and petty till she dumps you.

Maybe ask yourself. What would she do?

Don't sleep with one of her friends (if she has even one female friend). No matter how horrible the situation is that is never the thing to do. Word would travel and you might find it hard to get another girl to trust you in the future. Not to mention how wrong it is!

It's up to you whether you forgive her but if you do don't throw it back in her face during every argument you have in the future. If you're going to do that you may as well end things for good now because you'll both suffer in the long run otherwise.

Snoutface · 29-07-2014 4:11pm

Neyite wrote: »

Depends on who has the name on the mortgage or rental agreement to be honest. Can you text her and ask her to stay somewhere else for a few nights? Honestly I think that you being hungover and hurt, and her ready to be righteous and argue with you, tonight is not going to be pretty if you go home and she is there.

Or is there a friend you can stay with?

Well my brother owns it he's just letting us live there for a while till we sorted our own place. Have I any hope here? The sad thing is I miss her desperately but that just makes me feel like a chump.

Chance The Rapper · 29-07-2014 4:14pm

Tell your brother. He shouldn't be accommodating her while you're suffering. If he knew he would kick her out

Neyite · 29-07-2014 4:16pm

Snoutface wrote: »

Well my brother owns it he's just letting us live there for a while till we sorted our own place. Have I any hope here? The sad thing is I miss her desperately but that just makes me feel like a chump.

Aha! then you can ask her to leave. Or your brother can. Is there a lease signed?

Of course you will miss her. You are mourning and grieving for your relationship. But you wont miss her any less sitting looking at her.

mylefttesticle · 29-07-2014 4:18pm

Take this opportunity to have new life, honestly life is too short to be putting up with people like this, they will just ruin your life until you wake up one day and you are full of regrets.

Their is amazing people out there who don't want to hurt others especially ones they say they are in love with, people in love don't f**k other people! unless they have that sort of arrangement!

Its not just the cheating, its the lying, the twisting of truth, the turning of events to suit herself.

Go to the gym, stop smoking for a few hours, get out of the house.

At the very least don't contact her for a week for any reason and just think about if that is the person you want to spend your valuable free time with.

Snoutface · 29-07-2014 4:18pm

Neyite wrote: »

Aha! then you can ask her to leave. Or your brother can. Is there a lease signed?

Of course you will miss her. You are mourning and grieving for your relationship. But you wont miss her any less sitting looking at her.

The thought of her leaving is heartbreaking though.

tinkerbell · 29-07-2014 4:19pm

OP, sounds like you can just kick her out so. It's your brothers place, so tell her she needs to stay elsewhere. If she can disappear for 2 nights, well she obviously has places where she can stay.

And I'm really sorry this is happening to you. Please don't say you are a loser. You are not. You are the victim here. There is nothing you have to be ashamed of. I really think you should talk to your parents / brother. They will support you and will not judge you. And regardless of if they had sex for 10 seconds, 10 minutes or 10 hours, they still had sex.

She is a scumbag - she cheated on you, had unprotected sex, and then she crawled back into your bed and had sex with you, she has no regard for your health or not. What if she's after picking up an STI? She could've passed it onto you.

My advice: dump the cheating cow, kick her out and fast track yourself to your GP to get tested for STIs.

Chance The Rapper · 29-07-2014 4:20pm

The first thing to do is have a good long shower

tinkerbell · 29-07-2014 4:21pm

Snoutface wrote: »

The thought of her leaving is heartbreaking though.

Of course it is. You've only just found out what she has done. You are gonna be devastated right now, but in time you will see that you are doing the right thing by dumping her.

Her claim that she thought you were 100% broken up is rubbish. You don't have a row and then jump into the nearest guy's bed.

BikeQueery · 29-07-2014 4:21pm

Your family aren't going out with her, you are. Don't be afraid to rock the boat. You were the one that was cheated on. Tell them. Don't let them sway your decisions either, it's your life not theirs.

Stay away from the drink. It makes things worse, not better. And hang overs increase self pity and weak-minded thinking. You'll be thinking clearer later man, just keep your head down until the hangover ends.

doubter · 29-07-2014 4:43pm

Snoutface wrote: »

The fact that she was saying it to me last Friday with real venom, that she had slept with the guy, and then changed her mind the next day really made me terrified that she had actually done it.
I guess I'm using this as a sounding board. What would people do in my position? How can I be sure this never happens again? I can't believe it, I haven't even looked at another woman since I met her. Is being hammered an excuse? How come I get absolutely hammered and there's no other women ever involved?
I'm so sad right now

Hey-Whilst one can forgive, forgetting is a whole different cattle of fish.
1) Being hammered is an explanation, but not an excuse
2)Next to that she was also furiously angry and probably hurt.
Add up 1 and 2 and you end up with a drunken angry cheat.

Ye 2 need to talk. Ouside your comfort zone, in a public place where you can't let rip. No alcohol and no hang overs.Possibly after taking a few days away form each other and try and see the issue with new eyes.

However, you will never be able to go back to before this. Will you ever be able to trust her again? Unlikely.
It is up to you to decide what you can and cannot live with.
Good luck.

maria34 · 29-07-2014 5:40pm

OP you just pray that she isnt pregnant right now! Because women can lie about getting period (and we know shes quiet a ****e liar) unless you checked ofcourse. Doubt so.

The fact she has not any female friends, says a lot. Women just dont like her for some reason, you even may know why.

You have to tell your parents and brother, they still think you are an ass and she is an angel. Nobody will think you are a loser dont know why you think that.

Dumping her is the best resolution for you, it hurts for a while but you will be grand. If you stay you will be hurt all your life long. Even doubting if your future kids are yours. Do you want that?

Holsten · 29-07-2014 10:08pm

End the relationship ASAP.

Cut off all contact with this women... save yourself the headache.

Vuustar · 29-07-2014 10:26pm

Snoutface wrote: »

The thought of her leaving is heartbreaking though.

Hey man, I haven't read every post on this thread but I agree with a few that I have read...

Take it from a stranger on the internet, you need to get rid of this woman and enjoy your own company for awhile.
You can never trust a woman that does this to you... And I read you said "I feel like a loser"...it's not ur fault she was a cheating b....

If u stay with her ur screwed, if u break up with her it'll hurt for awhile and U will prob feel lonely but u will be better off long term...do u wanna be paranoid all the time and checking her fb all the time? Just remember how you felt when you logged in her fb and u found out it was true,..my heart would've fell out of my ass at that moment...

also...have some self-worth... Self-respect... I'd rather die than sleep with a woman that does that to me... What if she caught an std...hpv... HIV.... Whatever.... And gave it to you as a gift from him... And u love her? I don't post much online but man I saw this and it got me heated... Be a man!!!

Good luck.

orlyice · 29-07-2014 10:44pm

Firstly I have to say I really feel for you, horrible situation to be finding yourself in. I hope you sorted out somewhere to stay tonight.

Secondly, you seem to be in shock right now, I wouldn't be making any decisions right now about the future of your relationship, I think you need a while to process everything that has happened. You mention that you are not that close to your brother and you don't feel you can talk about this, have you any mates you trust that you can talk to? Another option and one I think may work for you is the possibility of seeing a counsellor, there you can talk openly and freely about everything that happened, he or she don't know you, they don't know your gf but you can get all your thoughts out and it might help you see things more clearly. It might help you come to a decision quicker on the future of your relationship.

Personally I could never trust someone again after they cheated on me, and I would try to ignore her excuse of thinking the relationship was over. Couples fight all the time, people even say that the relationship is over in the heat of an argument. But the decision on the future of your relationship is yours to make.

I wish you all the best and I hope you look after yourself.

Tokyo · 29-07-2014 10:59pm

Hi OP,

unfortunately we have to take the decision to close this thread.

We understand that you are going through a tough time at the moment and that you have come here to seek advice, however it has come to our attention that your partner whom you mention in your opening post has become aware of your thread and intends to post in it, and in our experience once this happens the thread spirals downwards, with both parties posting back and forth trying to make their point, often airing dirty linen in public in the process to do so.

At that stage, the only real option available to us is to ask you both to take it offline and discuss the problem face to face, and see if you can both come to an agreement on how to move forward. You've received some good advice from a good cross section of the community here. I hope that it proves useful to you, and I wish you luck whatever the outcome of this situation.

Regards,
Mike

Cheated?

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