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I can't talk to girls I fancy!

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    #32
    WhiteWashMan
    Registered Users Posts: 20,099 ✭✭✭✭WhiteWashMan


    advice on what?

    you actually have to tell people what your issue is before people will respond


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    #33
    Wilba
    Closed Accounts Posts: 26 ✭Wilba


    Okay,

    I went out with this girl I found out liked me and because we both had always got along it seemed like the right thing to do. So i asked her out on a date.

    Things were okay for the first couple of weeks and To cut the story short, recent;y on new year's eve she spent the night with a group of people she claims are like her own brothers and sisters. She posted a couple of pictures from new year's eve on her myspace page and some of her friends who arent really my friends keep hinting for her to go out with this guy who appears close to her in one of the pics.

    She keeps telling them that they are only friends and I can also see it. The problem is that I think I'm being paranoid and keep telling myself that perhaps we are too different simply because I don't really know her group of friends and in the past I have tried to get along with them but they never really accepted me. I feel as if maybe she should go out with this guy.

    Also, since we went out on this date i find it hard to engage in a conversation and this wasn't a problem when i was only "FRIENDS" with her.

    What can i do, should i ignore these paranoid feelings? I feel as if her friends don't want me to go out with her?

    Do you think race has something to do with it? We are from different backgrounds.

    Thanks in advance and sorry for hi-jacking the thread lol.


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    #34
    slemons
    Closed Accounts Posts: 532 ✭✭✭slemons


    Wilba, i hear ya man. Start a new thread. It really would be more relevant there.

    Ok first off there's a general rule called "one-itis". Do not get obsessed over one girl. It will usually end in disaster and for very good reasons.
    You start to choke up around her because you like her so much and she starts to feel that she "has" you and women (not of marrying age) only seem to want what they cant have.

    Another thing is you have to be friends with her friends. This is crucial with every person, everywhere. Make a serious effort, without seeming to make a serious effort, if you know what i mean.

    Now, are you actually going out with this girl? Are you scoring? Are are you in the "just friends" category. Cause if you're scoring, and then some guy is all over her, then fvck it man, Get Your ASS in Gear. Some guy is moving in on your territory and you're taking it lying down? Show him who the man is (and her). And i dont mean box him, cause that would drive her into his arms. I mean show her that you have far greater value than him. Now thats not easy, but it can be done, as mentioned earlier.

    Be friendly with everyone in the pub, say something small to them and then later you can laugh and joke with them where everyone can see.

    Put down the other guy subtly, I emphasise subtley. Anything more will just make you look like a fool and give him more value than you. If he tells a joke, then you add on to it and steal the laughter from him.
    When you meet him shake hands and slap him on the back hard enough that it moves him, or forearm him in the chest (of course in a friendly manner). Talk to him , but dont be the "talker" in the conversation. If you're doing your sh1t right then he will actually seek your approval

    Dont take this guys sh1t lying down man, but dont get so caught up on this one girl, that you cant see all the others around. In fact forgetting about this girl a bit (not completely of course), could be the thing that will win her over for you


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    #35
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,092 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Wilba wrote: »
    Is it cool to get some advice from this thread as I find a lot of what is being said here rellevant (I'm sure other people would agree too) and is kinda what I'm going through at the moment.
    Well it's up to you to sift through the BS and figure what works for you. If nothing else what you're doing currently isn't working or you wouldn't be asking.
    I went out with this girl I found out liked me and because we both had always got along it seemed like the right thing to do.
    Good start.
    So i asked her out on a date.
    Was this an actual date, IE did it get physical(if not, then clearly you're still friends).
    She posted a couple of pictures from new year's eve on her myspace page and some of her friends who arent really my friends keep hinting for her to go out with this guy who appears close to her in one of the pics.
    OK. I'm wondering why they are coming out with that if they know you're going out with her officially. Or is this a kind of american thing where you're dating but not exclusive. I would start finding out what the boundaries of your relationship are right there.
    She keeps telling them that they are only friends and I can also see it. The problem is that I think I'm being paranoid and keep telling myself that perhaps we are too different simply because I don't really know her group of friends and in the past I have tried to get along with them but they never really accepted me.
    No you're being submissive to people you don't know and who don't accept you. Sod that. This is a bigger problem than the woman frankly.
    I feel as if maybe she should go out with this guy.
    Whoa there bucko! What? So you'll fall on your sword in a gallant gesture of romance and sensitivity? Eh Hello? Stop. Stop right there. This is BS of the highest order. Do you want her as your girlfriend? OK, well then grow a pair, grow a spine and stand your ground.

    Think about it this way, what woman is going to want you as her boyfriend? If you won't defend yourself, she'll be pretty sure you won't be able to defend her. There exists a very strong evolutionary imperative for women to look for that, even in the 21st century and they're designed to be wuss detectors.
    Also, since we went out on this date i find it hard to engage in a conversation and this wasn't a problem when i was only "FRIENDS" with her.
    Which is down to your confidence being even lower than it was. She'll sniff this and if you don't "man up", you'll be getting the "it's not you it's me" speech soon enough. OR the "I don't want to be in anything serious at the moment", usually followed by her jumping the other guys bones in a very serious way. Sorry to be harsh, but that's how I see this going.
    What can i do, should i ignore these paranoid feelings? I feel as if her friends don't want me to go out with her?
    They don't, by the sounds of it. Why? Who knows? The fact is you shouldn't care funny enough. If you didn't care so much, the chances are good they wouldn't either.
    Do you think race has something to do with it? We are from different backgrounds.
    Race and background can be an issue. Of course it can. But in this case it's the least of your problems. Numero uno is your self image. Sort that out and the rest will follow

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



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    #36
    amazingemmet
    Registered Users Posts: 4,057 ✭✭✭amazingemmet


    Apologies man, I meant to say :
    Just saying the things he said to girls will not get you a girl.

    >Agree there its no what you say its how you say it

    Im guessing you already had a lot of this stuff down, you're cool, good body language etc and having these "canned lines", just gave you the little bit of extra confidence to get you over the line with a cracker that you might not have approached before.

    >I generally don't have any problem with women approaching etc, but I just wanted to try "the mystery method" to see if his approach would work and it turns out it did.

    Its about initially being non-threatening, then showing your value discretely, be interested in her if she deserves it, and finally going in for the kill.

    > Sounds like standard "mystery" there.

    For the op another book worth reading is "double your dating"

    And also you only get better by attempting, then failing, then realising where you went wrong, then trying again. And remember girls are just as scared of rejection as you are.


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    #37
    Wilba
    Closed Accounts Posts: 26 ✭Wilba


    Wow, some great advice there. Thanks for that, that's why i love this forum. I'll start a new soon, definitely will be more relevant there. Cheers


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