I can't talk to girls I fancy!

slemons wrote: »

The act of becoming "aware" of these things, enables you to just listen to what you already know to be true

I think this is the crux of the matter. Now this is of course a generalisation, but I think that most men, especially younger men or those who just got lucky at a young age, have no real clue about how women in general act or signal interest or disinterest. They also don't know what women are looking for or want.

Women themselves are unhelpfully vague about it too. Especially younger women. I would go so far as to say, that women friends are by far the worst people to ask for advice on attracting other women. Good for clothes shopping though and style tips though.:D

The media tells men that if they act a certain way they will attract women. The "just be yourself" and be a "nice" guy and it'll be all good. Those two phrases are utterly useless and although said in the nicest spirit possible, usually by women, will rarely help. If just being themselves worked we wouldn't have the situation where week after week blokes come on here with the same old story; "I'm a nice guy, why can't I get a girlfriend", "why do the bastards always get the women" "I was a nice guy, why did my girlfriend leave me" etc. In the last month alone I think I've read three in this vein.

All I can tell you is what I have found. Now trust me I'm no lothario, not by a long shot. I'm just as likely to walk into a brothel with a million quid in my pocket and come out sucking my thumb.:D There are a few things I've noticed though. I'll probably get roasted for this. :D and it's a long one(leave it.....)

Desperation. Women don't like it. Full stop. End of. If they smell that, you're dead in the water.

Trying to prove yourself. Especially to one particular woman who doesn't return it, or doesn't return it equally. This includes girlfriends. Sooner or later you'll be dumped for someone who is more together and expects respect for his feelings and opinions.

Being over emotional. Especially too early. Kiss of death that one. Over reacting emotionally, with tears or anger or jealousy will also slowly but surely distance women. Many women will say about themselves that they're a bit flaky, they don't want a partner the same. It's all about balance.

The seemingly opposite of this, not listening. Big one. Too many guys talk and talk and talk about themselves. Usually about how bloody brilliant they are and how big their social, career and money mickey is. She won't believe it. Give her a chance to talk. You just might learn something. It shocks many women when you do actually listen and you risk not being able to shut her up:D. Now listening is not about letting her talk while you sit back waiting for a break in her train of thought so you can jump in with something witty.

Following on from that and this is very important in relationships. Actions speak louder than words. Read and re read that. People will be more impressed if you talk about doing 2 things and actually do 3 things, than they will be if you talk about 10 and actually do 6. Strange but true, especially with women. Consistency is king.

Being their "friend" first. Not good. Very rarely works. You've set yourself up for failure. You must be her friend to have a good relationship, but that must build after you are in a sexual/BF/GF relationship.

Do not be a shoulder to cry on, unless other parts of your anatomy are involved. Of course if she's actually your mate and you're not interested in her sexually then that's cool.

Following on from that, let her know what you're looking for from her. She's not a mind reader and if you're acting like a friend that's the t shirt you'll be stuck wearing and the chances of you removing it and doin the beast with two backs with her anytime soon are slim to none.

Not being fun. Everyone like to have a laugh. If you're a black cloud all of the time, you're not getting action, unless she's equally depressive and wants to cure you. That novelty will pass.

Women like and want sex just as much and sometimes more than you do. Big shock to some men. She's not boning you out of charity. Learn about how to put the wind up her skirt and get and keep her going. If you help a woman to orgasm every time shes with you and listen and you make her laugh and you let her fúck up yet she knows you're there for her, when she needs that, then she'll not want to try it on with some unknown quantity elsewhere.

Be interesting. Have a life basically. Have a life that you would want to be a part of. Do not put her in the position of being your only outlet. It's not a nice place to be and sooner or later she will get bored and seek a change.

To that end, join a gym, expand your intellectual horizons, change your style. If you're shy, it is in your power to change or at least reduce it. It's not a mental condition in most cases. It's social anxiety and anxieties are most easily cured by exposing yourself to the source of the anxiety. So get out there and practice it until you become what you want to be. Do things that you may be scared of. Get out of your comfort zone. If that worked for you by now you wouldn't be crying into your pint on a Saturday night.

As a bloke you have one big advantage over women. Looks are not as important. They have a part to play certainly, but it's more a part of the package than it is for women, who are way more judged on how they look. Be thankful for that.

You will fail at this sometimes. Indeed you will fúck up to almost laughable proportions. If you don't you're probably not working at it enough. Accept failure as part of growth.

A relationship won't "cure" you(women are as, if not more guilty of this in fairness, so this really goes for both). Be happy with your own life, on your own. If you're not, what hope have you got making someone else happy. The caveat of course is don't look for a woman you can cure. there are enough emotional wrecks in both genders, try to avoid. You won't cure them and if by some miracle you do, she'll up and leave you with her new found balance. She won't want to be reminded of how much of a looper she was once.

There are plenty of fish in the sea. Big one this. That woman you're crazy about from afar? I guarantee that her current boyfriend or ones before him have been bored senseless by her. Try to talk to other women. There are a few billion of them out there. Even the biggest gimp has the odds in his favour. Shít I've a face like a bag of arses and a body that would have Bob Geldof organising gigs and I've gotten lucky. Nuf said.

You have to make the move and do it fairly early on. Be flirtatious. Make it clear you're interested. If you're dribbling on her shoulder while addressing all your conversation at her breasts, you're probably being too flirtatious though....

Women can be found all over the place. Not just at last orders in Slapper Face Jacks. You could meet the woman of your dreams anywhere.

First and foremost treat yourself with respect and expect the same from others. Women respond to this for obvious reasons. If you respect yourself, then you're going to respect her and others. Also if you respect yourself, it shows that you place a value on yourself and are confident in who you are and what you have to offer. This ups your currency with people in general and women in particular. This is why bastards appear to get more women. They give the impression of confidence and value. This is why a lot of women go through the bad boy phase. They don't want to go out with a prick, but they're more appealing at least initially than "nice guys".

Again I will say actions speak louder than words. If a woman tells you she's got a boyfriend, she's not into a relationship at the moment, or she is evasive about seeing you again and she demonstrates this by making things difficult or putting barriers in the way. Take the hint. Be polite and move on. If you're a well balanced confident guy with a pretty decent life who doesn't need a relationship, you won't be the type to keep beating a dead horse. If you do it shows that you're not that confident. If she's interested then you'll know about it. She'll show you, by being obviously interested. If she's not interested then fine. That's her choice.

wow, thats a good post. its should be stickied or put on the biki or something.

coolbeans wrote: »

That's one hell of a post.

Cheers for the thumbs up. I agree with almost all of it too.

Not sure about the friends bit though. I've known lots of people who've had successful relationships that initially started out as purely platonic.

It happens, but it's rare, especially in people under 30 or older who may be more measured emotionally in what they want. IMHO, I would say in most of the cases where it works, the woman in the equation was attracted to the guy and hung around long enough for him to make a move.

The situations where there was no attraction on the woman's part and then one day she woke up and went "Wow! I want to have his babies" is defo a minority and an exception that proves the rule.

I would reckon that women make the decision about whether they find a guy attractive very very quickly and put him in the yes or no category accordingly. Unless you disappear and come back a whole new man it's hard to hop from one category to the other.

I would also say examples of that are used by guys to justify hanging out with a woman hoping to get lucky someday. That's also a bit creepy and manipulative on the man's side as he's got hidden motives. Which of course women who have had to deal with that since puberty can spot a mile off.

pisslips wrote: »

Is this social analysing really helpful? I mean it's all pretty accurate but do you really want to play the game your whole life?
Mr.Nice guy works fine for me, not that I'm beating them off or anything.
Sure, there are guys out there, scoring many and hotter women than I do or maybe ever will and fair ****s to them, I don't give a sh1t, even if they are bastards or whatever.
If I'm out and i see someone I like, I might talk to them.If I get a load of bs from her i.e. these test you refer to, well fine then it's not my problem, i'm really not gonna spend an hour of my life doing some ridiculous show and dance to score some bird.Having said that I've always prefered a friend of a friend scenario, where you can relax and actually enjoy a comfortable conversation.TBH, when I conciously am trying to sell myself, even in a subtle way,I've often found myself getting embarrased, even if i know she doesn't notice, I realise,''What the hell am I doing,this girl is either an idiot or thinks I'm an idiot either way I'm an idiot''.

I really don't need to prove myself to me or anyone else, if I try and get with someone, I'll do it for fun or because their interesting.Don't be a god damn fake like everyone else, just relax and see the bigger picture.

Your mising the point in one way and hitting the nail on the head in another.

You've described exactly how to go about getting with women in a social setting. You in your own words have nothing to prove to yourself or others, so you have confidence which will come across. You won't take shít from some random women, so if she likes you fine, if she doesn't equally fine. You probably tick most of the boxes in that long winded post of mine.

You're actually a good example of what women describe as a "nice" guy. What some men think is a nice guy is the polar opposite. It's all about the definitions

The problem is what comes naturally to you is not clicking with these guys. It doesn't come to them naturally and they either haven't learned this over time, or get confused by what they're told they should act like. You being yourself is attractive, them being themselves is clearly not.