Chatting up people.....

Piliger wrote: »

I don't agree with any of this.

It's not confidence you need anyway - it's only a lack of fear. And that is a very difficult thing. because we WANT to find someone and we CARE.

Maturity is the only real answer OP. You need to develop the realisation NOT to invest individual encounters with super duper expectations ... and also the realisation that this thing we are told, about there being 'the one' out there .... is absolute bunkum.

In my long experience, we almost always find someone when we stop looking and the reason behind this is that we find someone when we stop investing high emotion in that split second.

Try to let life happen - if you can. Next time you have a situation like this happen ... Do not stop to THINK ...... and just say hi ... and have a few banal questions filed away in your mind for these situations (What time is it ... where di you buy that jacket .... 'I wish I could eat that ... but I'm on a duet" ... I'm going for coffee would you like to join me...)

The most important thing is to get the 'hi' out of your mouth .... after that it's downhill I PROMISE. And let's face it if he doesn't respond positively ... don't be disappointed ! because clearly he's not right for you :cool: no matter how cute he appears.

Well for what it's worth I agree with most of what you have written. But I still stand by what I said as well. Not having expectations and your views on ''the one'' I absolutely agree with.

What I was trying to articulate was that a lot of people - for different reasons - don't have this really thick skin that some people have, and because of this, it's probably more realistic for them not to go down the route that those with a thick skin go down, as doing so might be counterproductive. I'm not being entirely negative, just realistic.

I know people (including one guy) who have never chatted up someone in their lives, yet have had partners. This has happened (from the guy's point of view) because they've built a solid structure to their lives. Things like a job with a strong social element, a good circle of friends with a mixture of both sexes, and hobbies. All they need to do is be happy and put themselves out there, and the work is done for them (well almost all of the work).

In my opinion that works much better for people who don't have outgoing personalities. But I'm by no means being negative and saying someone shouldn't approach if they really want to. Our minds to a large extent are formed by the time we reach adulthood, and any self help guru saying someone can go from being introverted to outgoing is being disingenuous. As I said, I think people can change, but it's usually baby steps, and I think it's wise to live your life in a practical way.

I've personally discovered this. But saying that, if I saw a woman who I thought I absolutely had to say hi to, I'd like to think I would. And I'd encourage anybody else to do the same.