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Need a critique please !

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  • 21-06-2014 10:56am
    #1
    Fozzydog3
    Registered Users Posts: 528 ✭✭✭


    Hey all, well I've just finished the first draft of my first story, Like Kublai Khan I wrote the beginning of it in a drunken stupor (fortunately I had the ending already) but I'm worried the I lost the vision I had inbetween, anyways I've spent so long on it now that I can't see the wood for the trees with it and was wondering are there any glaring mistakes ? Is there any part that I as the writer took for granted and need to explain ?

    Well here it is
    Khyber pass


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    #2
    coffee_cake
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 81,310 CMod ✭✭✭✭coffee_cake


    Write drunk, edit sober

    It's extremely difficult to read. Run on sentences, awful punctuation.
    Edit it properly and I'll try again


  • Options
    #3
    Fozzydog3
    Registered Users Posts: 528 ✭✭✭Fozzydog3


    bluewolf wrote: »
    Write drunk, edit sober

    It's extremely difficult to read. Run on sentences, awful punctuation.
    Edit it properly and I'll try again
    How very dare you ! Mods please permaban bluewolf for harrasment

    I kid I kid, did you get the "punchline"?and were there any parts of it that you liked ?


  • Options
    #4
    PartnerSeeds
    Registered Users Posts: 67 ✭✭PartnerSeeds


    bluewolf wrote: »
    Write drunk, edit sober

    hahaha great advice


  • Options
    #5
    Fozzydog3
    Registered Users Posts: 528 ✭✭✭Fozzydog3


    bluewolf wrote: »
    Write drunk, edit sober

    It's extremely difficult to read. Run on sentences, awful punctuation.
    Edit it properly and I'll try again

    And done Khyber pass


  • Options
    #6
    Judgement Day
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,549 ✭✭✭✭Judgement Day


    Any more?


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  • Options
    #7
    Fozzydog3
    Registered Users Posts: 528 ✭✭✭Fozzydog3


    Judgement Day wrote: »
    Any more?
    Nope, first story.


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    #8
    Judgement Day
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,549 ✭✭✭✭Judgement Day


    Fozzydog3 wrote: »
    Nope, first story.

    Get writing then, I enjoyed what I read but what would I know. :D


  • Options
    #9
    Fozzydog3
    Registered Users Posts: 528 ✭✭✭Fozzydog3


    bump, if that's alright with everyone


  • Options
    #10
    The Scawgeen
    Registered Users Posts: 182 ✭✭The Scawgeen


    Fozzydog3 wrote: »
    bump, if that's alright with everyone

    Link not working for me.


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    #11
    Fozzydog3
    Registered Users Posts: 528 ✭✭✭Fozzydog3


    The Scawgeen wrote: »
    Link not working for me.

    Oh yeah it's the second link on this thread after I say "And done"


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