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Child Free - what do you put in your life instead?

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Comments

  • #52
    Neyite
    Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Mod ✭✭✭✭Neyite


    The Sweeper wrote: »
    What makes you feel fulfilled? What makes you feel like you make a difference? What makes you feel part of something bigger than yourself? What amazes you, challenges you, astounds you, amuses you and entertains you?

    I think (hope!) that this can apply to parents as well. :)

    My two week old is right beside me slumbering away and I'd like to think that while he obviously has changed my life, I would really like not to turn into someone who lives through their kids and only their kids. I plan to continue attaining my qualification, my partner has plans to return to get a second degree as he finds his current one a little limiting career-wise. I want to continue my hobbies, maintain relationships with friends, and continue to self-develop.

    I dont want to be someone who can only talk about kids stuff, or how amazing my offspring is, or live to compete with other mammies in terms of how advanced my child is compared to hers... *shudder*


  • #53
    hollypink
    Registered Users Posts: 1,508 ✭✭✭hollypink


    What an interesting thread. I'm at an age where I've had to face the possibility that I may not have children, which is a cause for some sadness and regret. That's been difficult to confront and I suppose therefore I haven't spent much time looking at the flip side; how to fill your life without children.

    My life isn't empty but I do recognise that I frequently fritter away my spare time. I think for me, filling my life would not be about any huge project but a quieter existence of good books and writing and art and music and spending as much time in the countryside as possible with visits to theatres, galleries, museums, weekends away. Friends and family too of course but my life is quite full of them as it is! Maybe that sounds dull but I don't think I'd look back on a life containing those things with huge regrets.


  • #54
    puffishoes
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 690 ✭✭✭puffishoes


    hollypink wrote: »
    What an interesting thread. I'm at an age where I've had to face the possibility that I may not have children, which is a cause for some sadness and regret. That's been difficult to confront and I suppose therefore I haven't spent much time looking at the flip side; how to fill your life without children.

    My life isn't empty but I do recognise that I frequently fritter away my spare time. I think for me, filling my life would not be about any huge project but a quieter existence of good books and writing and art and music and spending as much time in the countryside as possible with visits to theatres, galleries, museums, weekends away. Friends and family too of course but my life is quite full of them as it is! Maybe that sounds dull but I don't think I'd look back on a life containing those things with huge regrets.

    It doesn't sound dull at all. I think as long as one is happy then it's really irrelevant if you're dedicating your time to curing cancer or your strolling around staring at the roof of the Sistine Chapel, raising children or doing all or none of the above.

    This is why I mentioned a lot of the small things as when you speak to parents it's generally the small things in every day life that they used to be able to do at the drop of a hat that they miss the most.

    But as far as big "projects" go. Maybe purchase a bike and aim for a yellow jersey in a single stage of the tour de france. includes fitness,travel, meeting people and fantastic wine ;) that should fill 10 years or so.


  • #55
    eviltwin
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    I actually do more now I have kids than I did before. Before it was school, social life, sleep on a constant loop. Now I have been forced to think outside the box on things to do. I work, go to college, volunteer, I'm in a drama group, I run, I knit, read a lot....

    As another poster said you can still do things with kids, you just have to plan your days more and have more structure and a lot of support but it can be done.


  • #56
    Daisy M
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,559 ✭✭✭Daisy M


    Like eviltwin I am probably involved in more things and know more people since I had children than I did before. I had my children in my 20s so I hope that in from late forties my husband and I should have more time to travel and follow personal interests. I will be devastated when they all leave the nest but I dont plan on sitting back waiting for grandkids, we are going to make the most of however many years we have left.

    If we hadnt have had children I think I would have looked into fostering. I think I would have completed the book I started so many times and we would definitely have travelled more. A large part of me thinks we wouldnt be living in Ireland if we hadnt kids. My husband had a few opportunities to spend 6mths or 12 mths in other counteries through his work and I think we would have jumped at the chance if we were child free.

    I know for sure sleep would be a larger part of my life and so would wine!!


  • #57
    Morag
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,427 ✭✭✭Morag


    Is there a skill which you always wanted?

    How would you have completed the sentence "I always wanted to..."
    make a list of those things and see what it takes to make it happen.
    Be it learning to play an instrument or potter or water colours or what accomplishment would you like to have.

    I've a list, I tip away at the ones I can, even with having "two projects" on the go,
    but I look forward to when I can invest more time and money in accomplishments I want
    for me and not them, like wood turning.

    Or there's the other one, what changes would you like to see in the world around you,
    and how could you make them happen. Local elections or lobbying?


  • #58
    Fighting Irish
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,065 ✭✭✭Fighting Irish


    You'd have your life! To live whatever way pleases you!


  • #59
    CathyMoran
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,458 ✭✭✭CathyMoran


    Had this master plan in my early 30's of getting married and having children but wad diagnosed with cancer when 32. My priorities were to stay alive and spend time with the poople I loved. I also spent a lot of wonderful time travelling but we wanted children and were lucky to have them in our late 30's and do not have as much time at the moment.

    I loved going to Paris, walking down the banks of the Seine with the man that I love and eating wonderful food in Portugal - it is the simple things.


  • #60
    el Bastardo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 573 ✭✭✭el Bastardo


    Very little, if I'm being honest.

    Given that I'm not working, have ample savings, not in debt, and not in a relationship, one would expect that I'd be busy having a ball, but actually I struggle to fill my days.


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  • #61
    Stheno
    Moderators, Business & Finance Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 51,688 Mod ✭✭✭✭Stheno


    I can't imagine having children.

    I spend a lot of time in work, and travel a fair bit for work, including weekends to be somewhere on a Monday, and have done in previous jobs, it's not unusual for me to miss bank holidays as I'm travelling.

    Outside of work I spend time with my partner, read a lot, and pursue different interests I have. I'm busy a lot and enjoy my life for the most part, and being part of a large family already don't feel the need to have children.

    So in my life, I've my interests, my partner, his children (both over 18), my friends, work, and general laziness :) that's enough for me :)


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