Dating over 40

rebelwoman · 12-03-2012 8:22pm

Hi JC gee you are having a tough time of it online:mad: I know what you mean about them complaining about their ex's. It really is a matter of weeding them out which can be grating on the nerves but I really believe that there are some decent men on there too. Give it a rest for a while and then come back and try again and you might have better luck hopefully.

stargazer 68 · 22-03-2012 1:47pm

Anyone had any success lately?

Galen · 22-03-2012 1:51pm

Very poor results so far but I'm going to put a new more detailed enthusiastic profile with new pics. If nobody is still interested I'll be too busy to care when I get going with my Uni course next year.

Rubecula · 22-03-2012 2:59pm

Maybe you could go from internet friendships to penpals or something. Perhaps that way lies the route to finding someone? Do it in little stages, if nothing else you may make very good REAL friends.

Just an idea.

Galen · 22-03-2012 3:40pm

Rubecula wrote: »

Maybe you could go from internet friendships to penpals or something. Perhaps that way lies the route to finding someone? Do it in little stages, if nothing else you may make very good REAL friends.

Just an idea.

I've updated my profile on AnotherFriend and POF but as now I'm done with the whole scene unless I get any interesting responses. AnotherFriend has been pretty dreadful with once only contacts from women or no response to my messages so perhaps their computer generated, POF is pretty useless too.

JuliusCaesar · 22-03-2012 4:35pm

Hi Galen, I send off a rake of individual emails there last week to men my age....and not one reply! The only interest I had was from a 70 year old - which is really a little old for me. And that was from a paying site - which I refuse to pay for. You get one free email per person, so if they don't reply to that, then bad cess to them.

I'm beginning to think that there is a veeeeerrrrrrry small population of men over 40 who are really looking to meet up with a woman in person - they and I are on all the free sites. If we haven't met up yet, it's because there's a major discrepancy. After this, it's the meet ups. If that doesn't work, well I'll throw my hat at the whole singles scene. Maybe I'll join a golf club instead!

maybebabygina · 22-03-2012 4:54pm

it makes sense to be cautious

http://www.liarscheatsandbastards.com/main.php5?action=lcb_det&id=1305

Galen · 22-03-2012 4:57pm

Hi JC, these dating sites sure are frustrating. I've been getting the same treatment as you, with the paid for site you send an email but they want to waste their one daily message on you so why would I subscribe to the service when no one else wants to pay. The free sites just don't have enough of dating pool in Ireland and are next to useless especially in rural areas.

All I can think of now is that there must be some way of dating through Facebook than all those game invites. There doesn't seem to be any meet ups in Mayo, I haven't seen them yet anyway and I'm on Twitter and Facebook. I couldn't find anything on boards.ie about them in Mayo either.

Galen · 22-03-2012 5:02pm

maybebabygina wrote: »

it makes sense to be cautious

http://www.liarscheatsandbastards.com/main.php5?action=lcb_det&id=1305

Of course whether we're men or women, we have to be cautious but we ask is an acknowledgement once in a while from the opposite sex in this crazy world of the dating game.

JuliusCaesar · 22-03-2012 5:27pm

Anyway, Galen, living in a major population centre I have an advantage. What I would say to you is be prepared to travel. I've no objection to crossing at least half the country because otherwise I'd have little to no choice as the dating pool is so small. I think I'll leave the actual single sites and go and join some clubs/meet ups and go and do some interesting things. It's bound to be more fun (well, if they aren't entirely female!) than everyone sizing each other up!

Had a look at that LiarsCheatsBastards link - have never met any of the Irish ones! Phew!

OldGoat · 22-03-2012 5:41pm

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

Had a look at that LiarsCheatsBastards link - have never met any of the Irish ones! Phew!

I had a look at that site too. I'm torn as to leaving it or not.
My PERSONAL feeling is that it's the lowest kind of trash, feeding on the insecurities of people and slandering people on hearsay. It leaves a sour taste in my mouth. It's The Sun and the Mirror and The Star all rolled into one horrendous RedTop.
My Mod self is leaving it till I get feedback from the community +/- in thread or via Reports.

Galen · 22-03-2012 8:49pm

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

Anyway, Galen, living in a major population centre I have an advantage. What I would say to you is be prepared to travel. I've no objection to crossing at least half the country because otherwise I'd have little to no choice as the dating pool is so small. I think I'll leave the actual single sites and go and join some clubs/meet ups and go and do some interesting things. It's bound to be more fun (well, if they aren't entirely female!) than everyone sizing each other up!

Had a look at that LiarsCheatsBastards link - have never met any of the Irish ones! Phew!

I'll be staying inside Mayo for now with the continuing rise of the price of petrol unless there is some interesting events in Galway or Sligo - there must be some interesting clubs in Mayo I'll just have keep looking. And while I'm waiting for GMIT to call me, I'll see if I can find an interesting night-class which wouldn't hurt my social life either.

As for LiarsCheatsBastards link I suspect that's only the tip of the iceberg. Isn't there sites devoted to people who behave like that - Fling for instance?

stargazer 68 · 22-03-2012 8:51pm

maybebabygina wrote: »

it makes sense to be cautious

http://www.liarscheatsandbastards.com/main.php5?action=lcb_det&id=1305

Sorry but that site is hilarious! Sour grapes etc. Some of it may be true but its one persons word against another!

Galen · 22-03-2012 8:55pm

Dovies wrote: »

Sorry but that site is hilarious! Sour grapes etc. Some of it may be true but its one persons word against another!

To be honest I'm always suspicious of sites like that but it was probably why my mom used to call 'doubting Thomas'

mariaalice · 23-03-2012 6:45pm

As I married someone I met on dating site I am do think they are a good thing, I have answered lots of threads about dating site they come up on now and then, Its the one of the topics where people get very offended and defensive with some of the replays. A lot of meeting someone and hitting it off on a dating site is pure luck and some what random.

In my opinion it seems to work best for those under 30 and over 55 and the reason for this is because the younger are still young enough to have a lot of options open to them and the oldies are old to enough to not give a dame what anyone think anymore and the oldies tend to have life sorted out children grown up etc.

what happened for the rest is that you get the last chance for children colliding with the recently broke up from a long term marriage and a lot of other things in the mix as well, human nature being what it is people don't want hassle plus love and why we are atractted to someone is a mystery.

Galen · 23-03-2012 7:56pm

As far I'm concerned the main Irish pay site is rubbish, nothing but once off contacts in and out - I've closed that account. I having a little more success on a international free site. I've met a nice woman from Galway on there, nothing might come out of it but at least I've made a friend.

paulaa · 23-03-2012 8:44pm

Hi everyone, I was just wondering if there are many people in their 50s here ?
Also how do people from the country fare on these dating sites as many of those I've looked at are mostly from Dublin ?

foxinsox · 23-03-2012 9:08pm

Hi all,

I'm also eligible for posting in here..

I've dived into the online dating thingy in the past few weeks and so far it's a lot of work.

Especially that anotherfriend one, because I won't pay it takes ages for mail to actually arrive... chatting to a few but no dates planned as yet.

So far I seem to be having more fun reading about people online dating, the thread in TGC and also in here.

Will post gory details of dates if and when any happen

rebelwoman · 23-03-2012 9:33pm

Hi Paulaa I would think it would depend on what part of the country you are from. Seems to be plenty on pof from the rebel county but I have read other posts where there appears to be a lack of people.

paulaa · 23-03-2012 9:39pm

rebelwoman wrote: »

Hi Paulaa I would think it would depend on what part of the country you are from. Seems to be plenty on pof from the rebel county but I have read other posts where there appears to be a lack of people.

Hi rebelwoman, thanks for the reply. I'm in Wexford. It must be something about Wexford men but those I have seen in their 50s are looking for 30 to 40 year olds

What is POF ?

rebelwoman · 23-03-2012 9:47pm

Its a free online dating website - Plenty of Fish. Good luck with it if you are thinking of trying it out.

paulaa · 23-03-2012 9:55pm

Thanks, I haven't seen that one. I only started looking at those sites recently. So far I haven't had the courage to put up a profile

Galen · 23-03-2012 9:55pm

I found AnotherFriend downright frustrating (closed my account today) but I'm having a better time on POF but I do think it is harder because I live in the country. Be careful what you call yourself, I was using my birth year (69) in mine until I was reminded that it sounded like a sexual position :-)

rebelwoman · 23-03-2012 9:58pm

Paulaa if you dont want to post a pic you dont have to. You can choose to keep your images hidden until you want to send them to somebody - on POF that is. I dont know about the other sites.

paulaa · 23-03-2012 10:05pm

Galen wrote: »

I found AnotherFriend downright frustrating (closed my account today) but I'm having a better time on POF but I do think it is harder because I live in the country. Be careful what you call yourself, I was using my birth year (69) in mine until I was reminded that it sounded like a sexual position :-)

LOL A friend was on some of these sites and was put off by the group message, sorry I can't remember what it's called. It's where you can send a message to several hundred people at a time. She thought it was too impersonal

paulaa · 23-03-2012 10:07pm

rebelwoman wrote: »

Paulaa if you dont want to post a pic you dont have to. You can choose to keep your images hidden until you want to send them to somebody - on POF that is. I dont know about the other sites.

That's good to know thanks.

annascott · 30-03-2012 4:02pm

Be careful . An ex colleague of mine took early retirement at the age of 50 and registered with a couple of dating sites. She has met four men so far. Three were much older than they said they were and she could hardly recognise them from their photographs. One of them even turned out to be married! The other one seemed nice at first but turned out to be a bit weird and obsessive.
It is very risky. I would never do it. The best way to meet someone is through mutual friends or colleagues. At least there is a bit of a link and they are less likely to either be secretly married or weirdos...

Galen · 30-03-2012 4:56pm

annascott wrote: »

Be careful . An ex colleague of mine took early retirement at the age of 50 and registered with a couple of dating sites. She has met four men so far. Three were much older than they said they were and she could hardly recognise them from their photographs. One of them even turned out to be married! The other one seemed nice at first but turned out to be a bit weird and obsessive.
It is very risky. I would never do it. The best way to meet someone is through mutual friends or colleagues. At least there is a bit of a link and they are less likely to either be secretly married or weirdos...

If life was fair we would go looking to our friends and colleagues to set us up instead of having to travel half way across the country to meet someone. Sure I'm a guy but the last place I want to be is on a dating site. It's all double standards; guys have to put photos while women don't. Women have my full sympathy but it isn't fair on us genuine guys either.

annascott · 31-03-2012 4:09pm

Galen wrote: »

If life was fair we would go looking to our friends and colleagues to set us up instead of having to travel half way across the country to meet someone. Sure I'm a guy but the last place I want to be is on a dating site. It's all double standards; guys have to put photos while women don't. Women have my full sympathy but it isn't fair on us genuine guys either.

Sorry, didn't mean to sound as if only men were the deceitful ones, I am sure women lie too!

Galen · 31-03-2012 4:46pm

annascott wrote: »

Sorry, didn't mean to sound as if only men were the deceitful ones, I am sure women lie too!

Hi Annascott, you're forgiven. I'm sorry too for having a rant but it still sucks.

JuliusCaesar · 01-04-2012 11:10pm

Galen wrote: »

guys have to put photos while women don't.

What makes you think that? A few of the guys I emailled didn't have their photos on public view. But neither did I. Some asked me to email my photo, and then I never heard from them again. (I'm not THAT ugly!

) Some emailled me their photo privately. Whenever we met up, I usually just had a description/phone number, and they had mine. Something that would help us recognise each other in a public place, without having to go up to random people asking "Are you Iveabigwon?"

I'm joking, they'd usually have given me their first name, although asking "are you John?" of random strangers is likely to get an affirmative even if they weren't the dating-site John.

Anyone who didn't have their photo up, generally had a fairly good reason for it.

I'm back at it again, but find that men are really chicken when it comes to meeting up. What's the point going on these sites if you don't want to meet up in real life? Are they all married? It's not like we're teenagers.

0lddog · 01-04-2012 11:34pm

I cant figure out how you lot have such energy

Perhaps its time to change the title of this thread to

"Dating over 40..... to XX"

Galen · 02-04-2012 8:30am

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

What makes you think that? A few of the guys I emailled didn't have their photos on public view. But neither did I. Some asked me to email my photo, and then I never heard from them again. (I'm not THAT ugly! ) Some emailled me their photo privately. Whenever we met up, I usually just had a description/phone number, and they had mine. Something that would help us recognise each other in a public place, without having to go up to random people asking "Are you Iveabigwon?"

I'm joking, they'd usually have given me their first name, although asking "are you John?" of random strangers is likely to get an affirmative even if they weren't the dating-site John.

Anyone who didn't have their photo up, generally had a fairly good reason for it.

I'm back at it again, but find that men are really chicken when it comes to meeting up. What's the point going on these sites if you don't want to meet up in real life? Are they all married? It's not like we're teenagers.

Hi JC, Just one of my rants.
I contact women whether they have photos up or not but it's always with the same result. Yesterday I contacted five women; two with pics 3 without, they all took one look at my profile and ran. Granted I'm no oil painting but it sure does no favours for one's ego :-D I've done a fairly good job on my profile but they see me or that I'm a mature student and I don't see them for the dust lol

JuliusCaesar · 02-04-2012 10:22am

Galen wrote: »

it's always with the same result. Yesterday I contacted five women; two with pics 3 without, they all took one look at my profile and ran.... it sure does no favours for one's ego :-D

Yes, well, I send out 5 messages, 3 look at my profile and I get zero replies. It's not good for anyone's ego! That's why I took a break from it. Just look at the The Gentleman's Club thread - everyone has the same problem.

Except the younger people seem to have less problems meeting up in person. I still don't understand this - why would you put yourself up on a dating site, if you've no intention of meeting up in person?

Galen · 02-04-2012 10:29am

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

Yes, well, I send out 5 messages, 3 look at my profile and I get zero replies. It's not good for anyone's ego! That's why I took a break from it. Just look at the The Gentleman's Club thread - everyone has the same problem.

Except the younger people seem to have less problems meeting up in person. I still don't understand this - why would you put yourself up on a dating site, if you've no intention of meeting up in person?

Technically I did someone on POF but she's a friend because she's already met someone but her experience is that a lot are there just for sex well if that's the case I wish they'd feck off to sites devoted to that kind of people.

rebelwoman · 02-04-2012 3:00pm

What I dont understand is the amount of men who will chat to you for hours and then thats it. The next time you go online you are completely blanked. Fine if they get fed up after the first few messages but to spend the night chatting and then nothing after that??? What is that all about?

Galen · 02-04-2012 3:19pm

rebelwoman wrote: »

What I dont understand is the amount of men who will chat to you for hours and then thats it. The next time you go online you are completely blanked. Fine if they get fed up after the first few messages but to spend the night chatting and then nothing after that??? What is that all about?

It goes both ways - I've gotten the same treatment from women - I just can't make heads or tails of it.

rebelwoman · 02-04-2012 10:54pm

Thanks Galen you were supposed to come up with some brilliant idea as to why men do that!!:) There really needs to be some etiquette guidelines for people on these sites.
1. Dont keep messaging if you not interested. If you are not interested then have the decency to say so.

Galen · 02-04-2012 11:07pm

rebelwoman wrote: »

Thanks Galen you were supposed to come up with some brilliant idea as to why men do that!!:) There really needs to be some etiquette guidelines for people on these sites.
1. Dont keep messaging if you not interested. If you are not interested then have the decency to say so.

sorry rebelwoman, I can't read other mens' minds no more than I can read womens' minds. I had hoped that those men and women on those sites were raised to treat people with the same decency that my mother and your mother raised us with :-D

You know the saying 'misery loves company' well that's why I responded to you frustration because I'm equally frustrated with these peoples attitudes - all I can say is good luck.

rebelwoman · 02-04-2012 11:25pm

Thanks Galen our mothers will be delighted with your comment

. Ive actually taken a break from it as it seemed fine to begin with but the last few weeks have just been one head wrecker after the other. Might go back to it again but not missing it one bit. Best of luck with your search

Galen · 03-04-2012 5:51am

rebelwoman wrote: »

Thanks Galen our mothers will be delighted with your comment . Ive actually taken a break from it as it seemed fine to begin with but the last few weeks have just been one head wrecker after the other. Might go back to it again but not missing it one bit. Best of luck with your search

Hi Rebelwoman, I'm well sick of it too now but I've been looking for a couple of weeks on this site.

Yeah you're right, go have a well-earned rest rebelwoman :-)

JuliusCaesar · 03-04-2012 9:19pm

After extensive research, here are a number of free sites -or at least have free access to some features - which people may or may not find useful. In fact if you have any comments on them, please do add them! Which are used by older folk?

Smooch
Plenty of Fish (POF)
eVow
OKCupid (OKC)
Badoo
50plus-Club
AnotherFriend (AF)
Match.com
MatchAffinity

Of them all, I liked OKC best, but couldn't see if there was any way of keeping your photo private.

Spread · 03-04-2012 11:22pm

JC, could you not get another SIM card ........... purely for this? More than likely, you've got another old phone lying around. Alternatively, you can buy a double SIM relay ........... this way you can access calls and still have your privacy.

JuliusCaesar · 04-04-2012 7:01pm

Spread wrote: »

JC, could you not get another SIM card ........... purely for this? More than likely, you've got another old phone lying around. Alternatively, you can buy a double SIM relay ........... this way you can access calls and still have your privacy.

eh? I'm sorry Spread, I haven't a clue what you're talking about...I wasn't talking about phones here!

IHeartShoes · 04-04-2012 7:47pm

I have used Match Affinity and POF. Match does seem to be for the older; being of vintage 69 myself.... Definitely fewer freaks and pervs on there too. But the pool was smaller. And they were dead keen to meet, the chaps I chatted to. Chemistry always seemed the issue..

On POF there are so many younger dudes messaging me, from mid 20s to early 30's but really not interested in that. On POF I am finding similar experience to JC i.e boy is chatting to me daily, via the site and has been for about 10 days and no suggestion of meeting? Bizarre... I could suggest it, but reluctant for some reason..

My 2 cents:)

Galen · 04-04-2012 10:50pm

Hi JC and IHeartShoes,

I've a couple of questions;
1: should I avoid humor? I've had two conversions with women and I've bombed both times - I must really suck at it.
2: how soon should a guy ask to meet a girl? because I haven't a bloody clue.

IHeartShoes · 04-04-2012 10:59pm

Hey Galen, humour is mandatory for me. I have continued responding to some real beauts not because we had anything in common, simply because they were so funny. But maybe that last bit was unnecessary:) If funny is your thing, then you should be funny. But worse thing would be if you were contrived - be yourself. You are bound to catch someone's attention.

How soon? Personal thing. I wouldn't ask in the first message or two though. Exchange enough so that you know you like the sound of her and are interested in learning more. But don't leave it so long that expectation is built or you have a picture in your head after extended contact that she might not match. It might be great on paper, but no chemistry in person and best to find that out as soon as. Also you will note from above that she might lose interest if messaging is too protracted or be snapped up by somone else:)

Hope that helps and best of luck:) It really is a jungle out there!

S

Galen · 04-04-2012 11:04pm

IHeartShoes wrote: »

Hey Galen, humour is mandatory for me. I have continued responding to some real beauts not because we had anything in common, simply because they were so funny. But maybe that last bit was unnecessary:) If funny is your thing, then you should be funny. But worse thing would be if you were contrived - be yourself. You are bound to catch someone's attention.

How soon? Personal thing. I wouldn't ask in the first message or two though. Exchange enough so that you know you like the sound of her and are interested in learning more. But don't leave it so long that expectation is built or you have a picture in your head after extended contact that she might not match. It might be great on paper, but no chemistry in person and best to find that out as soon as. Also you will note from above that she might lose interest if messaging is too protracted or be snapped up by somone else:)

Hope that helps and best of luck:) It really is a jungle out there!

S

Thanks IHeartShoes,
Nah my humor is ****e at the moment - practice makes perfect that's all lol

It's early days all round so practice goes for asking out too.

Spread · 05-04-2012 12:12am

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

Of them all, I liked OKC best, but couldn't see if there was any way of keeping your photo private.

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

eh? I'm sorry Spread, I haven't a clue what you're talking about...I wasn't talking about phones here!

Hey JC! My bad. Just having a senior moment

and misread your post ........ photo for phone.

JuliusCaesar · 05-04-2012 8:31pm

Real life isn't working out too well: "more than 40 people attended, including 7/8 men" Maybe you should move to Dublin, Galen!

Dating over 40

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