To Text or Chat?

[Jackass] · 19-11-2008 1:38am #1

Hi,

Sorry for invading the women space! But I would like your advice on something if you don't mind.

Following a recent thread elsewhere about the follow up from getting a girls number, it got me thinking, maybe I'm doing things all wrong!!

When I get a girls number I genrally text. And I would do this the following day.

I.E. Saturday night sucsess, I would text the Sunday evening. I've had reasonable success in the past with this approach, but nothing is more frustrating then getting a girls number who you really would like to meet up with and you get nowhere. You get either A: Blanked, no reply (harsh) B: Shot Down or C: Good times meet up.

So I suppose my question is
1/ Should you text or call?
2/ Should you do it the following day, leave it a couple of days, or leave it a week or so!
3/ When following up should you go straight for the kill and try to arrange meeting up or should you chit chat for a bit over text / phone. (Now I don't mean texting her or ringing up and going "Wanna meet up!" Obviously you do the normal, Hi how are you's and what not..)

Thanks for advice!!

19-11-2008 2:05am

Meh if someone likes you it doesn't matter how you do it.
You'll get to point C. And vice versa.

Zaph · 19-11-2008 2:32am

You know it's a feckin' miracle the human race ever managed to propagate itself before the advent of the text message and all people could do was talk to one another. :rolleyes:

19-11-2008 2:46am

Zaph wrote: »

You know it's a feckin' miracle the human race ever managed to propagate itself before the advent of the text message and all people could do was talk to one another. :rolleyes:

Text messages for the furtherment of my species, I can abide by. At least for the first week or so.
It is the people who know I despise text messages, but who still send me a relentless stream of "wat u up 2?"'s who get my goat.
They are on the same richter level as Mamie voicemails in terms of sheer annoyance.

Zaph · 19-11-2008 2:53am

Moonbaby wrote: »

Text messages for the furtherment of my species, I can abide by. At least for the first week or so.
It is the people who know I despise text messages, but who still send me a relentless stream of "wat u up 2?"'s who get my goat.
They are on the same richter level as Mamie voicemails in terms of sheer annoyance.

I don't have a problem with text messages as such, although if anyone dares send me a message written in text speak gibberish I'll send it back to them asking for an English translation. What are Mamie voicemails?

My point really was that the amount of threads I've seen on Boards over the last while asking about texting someone the OP has just met is driving me up the wall. Wtf is wrong with calling someone and actually speaking to them? It was good enough for our parents, none of us would be here if that method had failed, so why isn't it good enough for people today?

19-11-2008 3:23am

My parents didn't get a phone until 1992.
I'm here because of the Volkswagon bettle.
I imagine you might be the result of a Model T.

Everyday my mamie rings me and doesn't get through, so she leaves an entirely redundant voicemail or 5.
Even though she knows I'm going to be ringing her anyway.
So I end up avoiding my voicemail box because it is clogged up with Mamie spam.
It is the relentless pointlessness of it all that gets to me.

beautiation · 19-11-2008 9:09am

Call! Moonbaby's right that if she likes you it won't make much difference, but if she's on the fence the best way to get her plopping down on your side is calling. Asking her out over the phone puts her on the spot and makes her instantly decide, if she even likes you a tiny bit chances are she'll agree to a date. Plus hearing your voice again is more likely to make her remember the connection you guys had on your first meeting, character doesn't come across half as strongly in texts, they're not evocative at all. And the slow nature of texting brings out people's cautious side. It's always a bit of a risk to commit to an evening one on one with someone you hardly know, going on a date is always taking the plunge, so the more she thinks about it the less likely she is to say yes, as there's always a reason to not go, a "what if?" scenario when you're thinking about someone you barely know. (I'm not saying she'll think you're a psycho or anything, but having an awkward date with someone you've nothing in common with can be excruciating, so chances are her mind might wander to that possibility). Call and you'll get a fair shot!

OR...
Romance has been dying out even since the feather quill written letter delivered by cute carrier bird died out, so try that. Though it's best to contact her the day after you meet, and this takes so long that you'll need to send the letter before you actually meet her. Pull that off and she'll be putty in your hands!

Black Swan · 19-11-2008 10:35am

There is no recipe for all women. Each is different. You have to make your judgment call based upon that. Having said this, if on first encounter the girl you have met fancies you, then don't wait too long to express your interest. Whether to call or text depends upon her. Ask when you first meet?

stovelid · 19-11-2008 11:33am

It's best to ring.

Texting seems (to me) too impersonal and casual to ask somebody out. That said, maybe it's not perceived as such by people in the 18-25 bracket.

Sumire · 19-11-2008 12:16pm

stovelid wrote: »

It's best to ring.

Texting seems (to me) too impersonal and casual to ask somebody out. That said, maybe it's not perceived as such by people in the 18-25 bracket.

I think the age makes a difference alright, most under 25s would expect a text over a call because the call puts you on the spot. And I think some text flirting is usual before asking for the date.

Weidii · 19-11-2008 12:23pm

Mm, but if you ring someone the next day to ask them out you're really putting them on the spot (which may or may not be a bad thing) I'd personally prefer if the guy texted me the next day, at least it would give me time to think about it.

Someone walked me home the other night and then rang me ten minutes later to say that he really wanted to kiss me. I automatically said no just because I was put on the spot. That might be just a me thing though.

Malari · 19-11-2008 12:26pm

stovelid wrote: »

It's best to ring.

Texting seems (to me) too impersonal and casual to ask somebody out. That said, maybe it's not perceived as such by people in the 18-25 bracket.

I don't feel that way, in fact it never occured to me that someone wouldn't text before I read some of the posts here.

For me, texting is fine, I prefer that to being put on the spot...not because I don't want to talk to the person, or want to refuse a date, but because talking on the phone can be a little awkward sometimes when you are not familiar with someone's phone mannerisms. I don't chat for ages to any of my friends or boyfriend - even my mom! - on the phone, I prefer it in person.

stovelid · 19-11-2008 1:25pm

Zaph wrote: »

It was good enough for our parents, none of us would be here if that method had failed, so why isn't it good enough for people today?

Here, some people might be here because a method failed.

stovelid · 19-11-2008 1:43pm

Malari wrote: »

I don't feel that way, in fact it never occured to me that someone wouldn't text before I read some of the posts here.

For me, texting is fine, I prefer that to being put on the spot...not because I don't want to talk to the person, or want to refuse a date, but because talking on the phone can be a little awkward sometimes when you are not familiar with someone's phone mannerisms. I don't chat for ages to any of my friends or boyfriend - even my mom! - on the phone, I prefer it in person.

Ringing is unambiguous, which has its own merit.

If people adopted ringing as a method of first date arrangement, instead of waiting for a text or worrying about what to do, they could retire one of the mods in PI.

Rozabeez · 19-11-2008 1:47pm

If I hook up with a guy in a bar or club and give him my number, I find it really sweet if they send a "I hope you got home safe" sort of message the same night.

shellyboo · 19-11-2008 1:52pm

Rozabeez wrote: »

If I hook up with a guy in a bar or club and give him my number, I find it really sweet if they send a "I hope you got home safe" sort of message the same night.

YES! This is lovely. All men, take note. Do this please.

stovelid · 19-11-2008 1:54pm

Rozabeez wrote: »

If I hook up with a guy in a bar or club and give him my number, I find it really sweet if they send a "I hope you got home safe" sort of message the same night.

He could just be back at his house, drinking, and saying to his mates watch this and learn; groundwork for the ride next week.

That Girl.. · 19-11-2008 1:56pm

Leave it for a few days but not too long..

Ya don't wanna seem to keen like..

PrivateEye · 19-11-2008 2:01pm

I find it really sweet if they send a "I hope you got home safe" sort of message the same night.

I do this. epic win.

Normally with female mates (or eh...very drunk male ones) and its always appreciated. More people should do it to be honest, if you're chasing somebody (!) or not its much appreciated I'm told.

Nerin · 19-11-2008 2:05pm

shellyboo wrote: »

YES! This is lovely. All men, take note. Do this please.

They only do this because they want an excuse to text ye straight away. *runs illusion. Runs*

PrivateEye · 19-11-2008 2:13pm

^Actually, once or twice, hands up and guilty as charged.

I can't speak for all men obvi....ah feck it we all have probably done it.:rolleyes:

Nevyn · 19-11-2008 2:24pm

Nerin wrote: »

They only do this because they want an excuse to text ye straight away. *runs illusion. Runs*

or to check they have not been given a dud number.

Nerin · 19-11-2008 2:25pm

Thaedydal wrote: »

or to check they have not been given a dud number.

Oooh that too!

shellyboo · 19-11-2008 2:33pm

Nerin wrote: »

They only do this because they want an excuse to text ye straight away. *runs illusion. Runs*

Thaedydal wrote: »

or to check they have not been given a dud number.

Exactly, that's what I mean. It's lovely AND it's a great excuse to text right away. Everybody wins!

Nevyn · 19-11-2008 2:53pm

shellyboo wrote: »

Exactly, that's what I mean. It's lovely AND it's a great excuse to text right away. Everybody wins!

Well that depends on how drunk people are.

G86 · 19-11-2008 4:22pm

Rozabeez wrote: »

If I hook up with a guy in a bar or club and give him my number, I find it really sweet if they send a "I hope you got home safe" sort of message the same night.

Yep this is definitely the way to go - its class to get a wee text just as you're falling asleep

david2.8i · 19-11-2008 5:41pm

cut to the chase and ask her out................

19-11-2008 6:17pm

Weidii wrote: »

Someone walked me home the other night and then rang me ten minutes later to say that he really wanted to kiss me. I automatically said no just because I was put on the spot. That might be just a me thing though.

If that guy was hot he would have me eating out of his hand!

[Jackass] · 19-11-2008 9:38pm

The same night text!!! This is insanely brilliant! I think I've done that before, infact I know I have once or twice. Again I think one went with no response and one thought I was the bees knees. I'll have to remember that!

Also, I have once or twice got the "I can't this weekend I'm busy/have to work/other excuse/reason, but maybe next weekend/some other time?".

To me, this is a red light straight away. I'll text back something along the lines of it's cool, and let me know when they're free. Is this a bit cheeky? I mean I just don't want to chase this girl if she's not interested. So I just put the ball in her court and let her worry about it. I often think this is another aspect of my texting ability I need to address!! haha, No good?

See the worst part is the start, just trying to get past the first couple of steps and meeting up. Once you hang out everything is cool! You have a chat, you're way more at ease and then you can text away and chat away from there on like you've known eachother for years!! It's just getting from A to B that's the problem for me...everything after that runs smoothly. You should take the inititave and make it easier for us I reckon!!

Oh and also, girls will you do me a favour? Don't give ANY lad your number unless you genuinely are interested in seeing him again, please!!! :pac:

Thanks for all the replies and advice though. At least I know I'm not doing things COMPLETELY arse ways anyway!!

Acacia · 19-11-2008 10:08pm

[Jackass] wrote: »

Also, I have once or twice got the "I can't this weekend I'm busy/have to work/other excuse/reason, but maybe next weekend/some other time?".

To me, this is a red light straight away. I'll text back something along the lines of it's cool, and let me know when they're free. Is this a bit cheeky? I mean I just don't want to chase this girl if she's not interested. So I just put the ball in her court and let her worry about it. I often think this is another aspect of my texting ability I need to address!! haha, No good?

No, I think that's grand. I mean, what are you meant to say really?
If you text back all annoyed that she can't meet up, then she'll run a mile. If you don't reply , she will think you're in a mood or not bothered.

A casual '' let me know when you're free '' is fine, in my opinion. If her excuse was genuine , and she really does want to see you the next week or whatever, she will text you back. You don't have to do all the running.

Hope this helps.:)

Sangre · 19-11-2008 10:18pm

Send a few texts back and forth in the next few days or so but when you actually want to ask them out ring them.

To Text or Chat?

Random Girl Gives You Phone Number Etiquette? (Choose 3 Options) 116 votes

Comments