Sometimes it's hard. To be. A woman

beks101 · 27-06-2015 9:31pm #1

So I spent the day at a music festival with my OH and a group of our friends, drinking warm beer, basking in the sunshine and sweating off my fake tan until a distinctly brown stain covered the front of my white bardot top.

After a few hours of standing in my wedges, my feet were in absolute pieces, until the only option was to go barefoot and throw a few of the emergency plasters I keep in my bag across the various blisters that had started to form.

Later I took a trip to the ladies and discovered that my mascara had melted onto my face and I thought, bloody hell, this is exhausting. The hair, the nails, the eyebrows, the waxing, the sore shoes, the expensive makeup, the countless "sure it's grand, after a few drinks you'll forget you're wearing them", the bloody expense of it all.

Now I'm no princess, no high maintenance fashion diva, if you looked at me you'd see just a normal woman. Someone with nice hair perhaps; eye makeup you might admire on occasion; shoes that you'll ask about, a nice top on or whatever. An interest in fashion and self-grooming, but not beyond what is normal and usual for any of my female friends.

I'm just as happy to go makeup-free, in an old t-shirt and jeans, but will usually make an effort for work or social events or dates with the OH, and all of this involves a fair amount of bloody nuisance and from time to time, it will also involve discomfort.

So am I alone here? Does anyone else have a love/hate relationship with the self-grooming process and the things we sometimes do in the name of beauty? Or do you not bother at all? Are you intolerable to unnecessary discomfort, or low maintenance, or in your own routine which doesn't require any major inconvenience? Share your secrets!

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy · 27-06-2015 9:37pm

I assume you're addressing this question towards females, but I'll go ahead and answer anyway.

I'm male and I've always taken the attitude that it's the person under the haircut and wearing the shirt that matters, and not the hair & clothes themselves. Of course I wouldn't disrespect the bride & groom at a wedding, for example, by showing up in jeans and a hoodie but I would never obsess about my appearance or even give it a second thought halfway through the evening.

Personality and character shines through and counts for so much more than clothes and appearance ever could.

27-06-2015 9:45pm

I suppose low maintenance routine is for me
Putting on makeup is fun and doesn't take too long. 5 mins for work makeup, bit longer for going out. No melted mascara yet :eek: Maybe another brand would work better

No fake tan, usually wear flats ...
Sure it'd be nice to look more glamorous sometimes but the effort of it all

If someone could coordinate nice looking outfits and shoes for me though that'd be great
I do spend time trying to pick out nice things to wear for an evening out and trying on various outfits or dresses and it would be great if someone could buy the matching shoes or tell me from the start what suits best :pac:

fits · 27-06-2015 9:46pm

Eh, yes. Of course.

I'm getting married in a couple of weeks as well and the thought of all the prepping, and I ain't even getting much done. Definitely no fake tan as its bound to go wrong on me.

Was at a festival last weekend. Went mostly without makeup all weekend. (just concealer and blush) and wore the same pair of jeans and old trainers all weekend. And I felt comfortable and also comfortable in my own skin. It was great! ( I did admire the many costumes on men and women though)

beks101 · 27-06-2015 9:49pm

The Cunning Linguist wrote: »

I assume you're addressing this question towards females, but I'll go ahead and answer anyway.

I'm male and I've always taken the attitude that it's the person under the haircut and wearing the shirt that matters, and not the hair & clothes themselves. Of course I wouldn't disrespect the bride & groom at a wedding, for example, by showing up in jeans and a hoodie but I would never obsess about my appearance or even give it a second thought halfway through the evening.

Personality and character shines through and counts for so much more than clothes and appearance ever could.

Agree 100%. And any lad I've been with will say the same.

And I could trot out the old "I don't do it for guys; I do it for myself". But there's a certain element of wanting to look attractive to my OP; the thrill and boost of seeing his reaction.

We wouldn't be together if it wasn't for the connection that went beyond skin-deep attraction, the way our personalities gelled, the sense of humour and intellect and interests and similar backgrounds etc.

But I'm a woman and I like to look good, for professional and personal reasons. And it's ultimately worth it. It bolsters my confidence, it highlights my features, it makes me feel feminine and wonderful. But it's also at times, dare I say it...an ordeal.

eviltwin · 27-06-2015 10:11pm

I wouldn't wear makeup at a festival in this heat. And I'd wear flats or sandals or something. Comfort all the way. You can still look good and be comfortable.

28-06-2015 12:30am

I rarely wear heels, rarely wear more makeup than mascara, some cream blush and tinted balm, I don't straighten my hair or any of that malarkey, I never wear fake tan, and a pretty dress and little flats look every bit as cute as more glamorous outfits for most occasions. I wouldn't have the patience to apply lots of different products to my face every day, and I doubt it does your skin much good long term. Sure, if I've a wedding or something I'll dig out the heels and use a bit more makeup etc, but it's not a routine thing.

I whip off the unwanted hair and I take care of my nails, skin, and hair by sticking to a few products that work and I'm consistent with them. Your grooming is meant to enhance your looks and your life, not take it over. I do admire girls who go to the trouble because it genuinely takes real commitment. I wouldn't be bothered touching it up all day!

I think less is generally more, and I have good skin and hair, nice eyes and nails etc, I try enhance what I have with a sort of natural look. Sometimes you see some really lovely girls, but wearing so much makeup that it's the first thing you see about them, not their natural prettiness.

I suppose it's all as complicated, or not, as you're willing to make it. If you enjoy applying makeup and using different products, then that's what you should do, when it stops being a pleasure is when it's time to rethink it all.

Addle · 28-06-2015 12:39am

Fake tan is high maintenance imo.

My hardship when I go out is my control pants/tights rolling down. Nightmare.

greenfrogs · 28-06-2015 12:41am

Candie wrote: »

I suppose it's all as complicated, or not, as you're willing to make it. If you enjoy applying makeup and using different products, then that's what you should do, when it stops being a pleasure is when it's time to rethink it all.

Yah totally agree. I wear make up if I want to. I straighten my hair if I want to. I wear fake tan if i want to. I always try to ensure I wear comfortable clothes and shoes because to me comfort is more important than how I look. It may sound like I have no interest in make up but I do. I love going out and buying makeup and clothes. However when I go out I wear whatever I like depending on my mood.

beks101 · 28-06-2015 1:06am

Candie wrote: »

I rarely wear heels, rarely wear more makeup than mascara, some cream blush and tinted balm, I don't straighten my hair or any of that malarkey, I never wear fake tan, and a pretty dress and little flats look every bit as cute as more glamorous outfits for most occasions. I wouldn't have the patience to apply lots of different products to my face every day, and I doubt it does your skin much good long term. Sure, if I've a wedding or something I'll dig out the heels and use a bit more makeup etc, but it's not a routine thing.

I whip off the unwanted hair and I take care of my nails, skin, and hair by sticking to a few products that work and I'm consistent with them. Your grooming is meant to enhance your looks and your life, not take it over. I do admire girls who go to the trouble because it genuinely takes real commitment. I wouldn't be bothered touching it up all day!

I think less is generally more, and I have good skin and hair, nice eyes and nails etc, I try enhance what I have with a sort of natural look. Sometimes you see some really lovely girls, but wearing so much makeup that it's the first thing you see about them, not their natural prettiness.

I suppose it's all as complicated, or not, as you're willing to make it. If you enjoy applying makeup and using different products, then that's what you should do, when it stops being a pleasure is when it's time to rethink it all.

Gosh this makes me feel like some sort of diva queen. Your set-up sounds lovely and relaxed. Mine is probably the opposite most days, unless I'm not at work or having a duvet day.

I have difficult hair. "Thick, west of Ireland hair" as my mother says. A variation of uncontrollable frizz and tight curls without a LOT of help. I have my own power tools and get a blow dry once every two weeks or so. Without those I look like someone who has been messing with sockets.

Makeup takes about 20 minutes on an average morning. It's probably the number one thing myself and the OH argue about. "How much longer are you going to be???" I love the therapeutic/artistic process of playing around with a variety of products and I like feeling polished and professional. I also love eye makeup. In a pathologically addictive way.

Skin, nails and teeth I'm obsessive about. Used to have terrible skin so it's probably a hangup since those days, and I just feel better with a good manicure.

The fake tan I deplore, but where some people can pull off the 'pale and interesting' thing, I just look sickly and pallor. It's a special-occasions-only kind of job and I resent every second of it, but it does boost the aul confidence.

I increasingly think it might be as much to do with culture/country of residence as anything else. When I lived in Canada, the heels went out the window because people would stare like you were a street walker, it's not a casual daywear thing at all over there. Makeup too I wore less of, but I would have had a perpetual tan, which always makes me look better. I live in London now, with beautiful, polished and preened and professional high-flying women everywhere.

rainbow kirby · 28-06-2015 1:24am

Went in for London Pride this afternoon, wore a t-shirt and shorts and Converse and a bucketload of factor 50. Not a single **** given and it was great.

I'm not a big make-up person in general - I wear it going out but not on a daily basis. I have short hair which requires minimal maintenance due to being thick and poker-straight. I work in IT so I'm never customer facing and I wear t-shirts and jeans to work most of the time. At 31 years of age I've still never touched fake tan. That's just me though!

Raminahobbin · 28-06-2015 1:49am

I rarely wear makeup. I'm not even a hundred percent sure how to do the foundation thing... With primers and concealers and powders... Is all a bit confusing. Last time I wore foundation was about a year ago, and the bottle is about 3 years old. If I'm going out out, I use eyeliner, mascara and a bit of eye-shadow, maybe some lip balm. That's it. I definitely don't wear makeup on a daily basis, I don't see the point.

I go through phases of painting my nails. I do enjoy the odd Montaigne Jeunesse facemask.

I wear almost exclusively skirts anyway, which I love, and usually flats but sometimes boots with heels. Rarely strappy heels.

Scarinae · 28-06-2015 10:25am

I'd consider myself to be fairly low maintenance, I usually just wear eyeshadow, mascara and a bit of foundation. If I'm going out somewhere I might add eyeliner and occasionally blusher, but rarely lip colour. I'm lucky that my hair is very straight so I never use hair products beyond shampoo and conditioner. I'm tall so I don't need heels, they're just for special occasions.

When I do have to make a lot of effort I sort of resent it. I was bridesmaid at a wedding a few months ago and we were all up at 8am having our hair and makeup done, whereas the groom and groomsmen probably rolled out of bed much later and all they really had to do was shave and get dressed.

I did make some comment about how lucky the guys were not to have to do all this, but one of the other bridesmaids said she saw it that we were lucky because the guys didn't get to be pampered with their hair and makeup - it's just a different perspective I suppose. I was wearing so much makeup though that it was outside my comfort zone, it felt like I was wearing a mask and it didn't look like my face in the mirror. Everyone said I looked great though and it came out well in the photos, it just felt weird to me.

eviltwin · 28-06-2015 11:37am

I find the thread title interesting because it implies this type of maintenance is part and parcel of being a woman. It's not. It's a choice. I never wear makeup, I live in flat shoes, my hair is rarely styled and I dress for comfort. I still look good, I'm not any less attractive or polished because of it. I would always make an effort on a night out or for a special occasion and I enjoy it but I couldn't face that every day.

28-06-2015 12:11pm

beks101 wrote: »

I have difficult hair. "Thick, west of Ireland hair" as my mother says. A variation of uncontrollable frizz and tight curls without a LOT of help. I have my own power tools and get a blow dry once every two weeks or so. Without those I look like someone who has been messing with sockets.

Makeup takes about 20 minutes on an average morning. It's probably the number one thing myself and the OH argue about. "How much longer are you going to be???" I love the therapeutic/artistic process of playing around with a variety of products and I like feeling polished and professional. I also love eye makeup. In a pathologically addictive way.

I've got hair that can have a mind of it's own but I've just perfected the art of a casual bun or twist, makes like so much quicker and easier than using power tools.

Just on the bolded bit, I don't think you need to wear a lot of makeup to look polished or professional. I don't think I look more professional if I wear more, although I do wear a minimum so that I look like I've made an effort. I don't think I don't look any less polished for it, or am taken less seriously because I like a more natural look.

In fact, one woman I know and encounter professionally is always wearing a full, high maintenance, face of makeup with everything from contouring to lip liner, and it looks far too 'going out clubbing' and inappropriate for our setting. It's very different in other settings, like fashion or retail maybe.

Anyway the point is that some women enjoy the whole process more than others, and it's a sort of ritual they like to stick to. I completely understand that, but it's not like that for me beyond a certain point. I like to look good and keep tidy and smart, but there's a stage at which it becomes a burden and not a pleasure, and that stage, for me, is when I spend more than 5 minutes at the mirror or ten minutes sorting out my hair.

dellas1979 · 28-06-2015 7:44pm

I agree with the overall sentiment of the thread. And I do feel for females feeling they have to do all that grooming (but I think they must like it!)

Am very low maintenance myself. I can count on 1 hand the amount of times Ive had a full face of make up. Its not that I dont think I might need it, but am terribly lazy. Ive had fake tan on me once. I dont understand fake tan.

To me, showering/washing my hair, and shaving is the very basic.

Luckily, Ive good skin (very simple clean/moisturise once a day/SPF), my hair is long, and has a good cut, and its straight as a poker anyways. Nails, I get gels done once a month. I use teeth whitening products (toothpaste/mouthwash).

To me, you cant beat clean hair, good smile/clean teeth, little Vaseline, groomed nails, and maybe a little make up to enhance.

I do find that some females ignore the above to simply layer on the make up. But thats whats important to them I guess.

I went out Friday night and managed to put on some blush and a little mascara. Thats all I know how to do really. I do need (to purchase) a good waterproof/smudge proof one!

Frito · 28-06-2015 7:47pm

Only wear make up for occasions.
Never wear fake tan or heels
No longer straighten my hair.

Would love to stick consistently to a beauty routine but I often forget to.

Shelga · 28-06-2015 8:26pm

I'd be also of the opinion that personal grooming, makeup, carefully chosen outfits etc makes me feel good, but can be such a pain in the arse. If I don't spend 5 minutes every night picking out what to wear for work, I'll waste at least 20 minutes the next morning fumbling around for stuff to throw on. And I don't work in a particularly glamorous industry!

I think when I was late teens/early 20s and heading out with college friends (I'm 28 now) I found it much more fun. Ages spent at each other's houses getting ready as we all lived close together in Dublin, and couldn't afford many drinks out so did lots of pre drinking. It definitely served its feminine bonding purpose in those days. "Can I borrow your straightener? How does this eyeshadow look?" etc. Nowadays I'm usually in such a rush when heading out somewhere at the weekend, or really tired from a week's work, that it feels like much more of a hassle. And I'm usually getting ready alone before rushing to catch a train to friends who live in another city, for example. (London baby!

)

Also I've just started seeing a guy and each individual guy seems to have quite varying opinions of what looks nice, so already I can see myself taking his views into account, while still dressing for me of course!

It is a bit of a mindfcuk sometimes. Sometimes I think we should all have government-issued uniforms a la Hunger Games.

Then again, maybe not.

Tigger99 · 28-06-2015 11:06pm

Very interesting thread Beks

By the way do you have a blog? If not you should, if so would you mind sending me a link.

I get where you are coming from but I don't resent it. I have a few things which help me feel confident. I dye my blonde lashes and browse every fortnight. I set time aside to pamper myself and throw on an exfoliating mask and deep moisturiser afterwards.

I never wear foundation at a festival as I plaster the suncream on. Instead I'd use a wee bit of concealer, so it doesn't feel as bad. I also put on a bit of tinted body moisturiser at the mo, just to take the blue tinge off my legs

I've pretty much given up on heels, I wear wedges or flats out, I tend to feel far more relaxed in them.

Neyite · 29-06-2015 1:20pm

I've relaxed my standards since my late teens. For me, the more comfortable and secure I am in my own skin, the less my outward appearance matters. I prefer the way I look now though.

Back then I would put on a full face of make-up daily, even if I didn't plan on leaving the house. Now, I only wear it if I'm going out. I don't wear it to work.

Back then, looking great meant putting up with freezing my hole off in a chiffon dress in Irish winter. Dancing on despite the blisters and the bleeding, all the malarkey.

Hair was styled to within an inch of its life. Now it goes up in a pony for work, and gets a rub of straighteners if I'm going somewhere I think I'll need Nice Hair.

This weekend I went out. I wore a dress I wasn't beat into. I struggled with the sucky-in knickers as far as my knees, said "fcuk this" and put on regular ones. I did my hair a different way. I scraped a bic half-heartedly on my pits and legs. And I wore foundation, powder, eyeliner and forgot the mascara.

So I suppose I try to strike a balance now. I don't mind shoes that ache towards the end of the night, but not the beginning, and pack enough in my bag that I can pre-empt blisters. I'll brush a bit of instant tan on the arms if they are showing, just to take off the blue, but wont do the one where you put it on the night before. I'll wear a nice dress, but something I know I wont be tugging at all night. And I'll always bring a warm jacket or coat.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 29-06-2015 1:33pm

Daily makeup for me is a couple of drops of foundation mixed into serum (I have weird skin, it works better for me than tinted moisturiser) and some mascara, and I don't bother with that every day. Sometimes when I'm going out there'll be some eye liner and lipstick added to that. I occasionally would do the full "face" for a night out, but it'd more because I got the notion than because it was a particularly fancy night, if that makes sense?

I don't shave my legs, I do my pits and bits. Would occasionally wear heels but I can't do strappy ones or ones with skinny heels. Never worn fake tan.

I think I have kind of similar hair to yours beks, it's also stupidly long at the moment. Normally I wouldn't even brush it, just comb through tangles gently with my fingers, put something smoothing on and leave it down. But at this length I have to brush it all out (cue giant frizzball) and then I put it up in a French braid tight enough to give me a temporary facelift

That lasts about three days, then wash and repeat.

Something I really do like doing is my nails. Up until a couple of years ago I'd been working in catering for years, where it just wasn't practical to do your nails because it all had to come off for work, also I had a boyfriend who didn't like painted nails. I'm a divil for buying varnish and I find it relaxing to do my nails in front of the TV of an evening.

Apart from getting my hair cut every couple of years though I don't actually go and get anything done, like waxes, make-up, manicures, that sort of thing. I've never once had any of that done.

I'd say I'm pretty low maintanance I guess, I've found a level that works for me and hopefully I look ok.

dearg lady · 29-06-2015 1:42pm

I'm definitely a low maintenance kinda gal on the whole make up/dress up side of things, but occasionally I wish I was the kinda person who makes more effort. But at the end of the day, I'm a casual kind of person, that's who I am. Very occasionally it's nice to dress up and put on make up, but the actual process is rarely fun for me, so i don't do it very often

Someone mentioned it above, and I think it's key, if you enjoy it, do it, if it's hassle, time to rethink!

Beks, you obviously love the artistry of make up, that's cool, I really admire my friends who are good with make up! But the fake tan you reckon is hassle. I'd put a tenner on it that you can rock the pale interesting look too. Now maybe I'm wrong, but I've heard this from a lot of girls over the years, yet I've never seen anyone where I thought, ugh, sheesh, the pale, get some tan will ya!!

We're all our own biggest critic anyway, mostly other people won't notice that spot, or the hairs on our legs, or the hair that hasn't been washed in a few days. So, yeah, embrace the things ya like doing and forget about the rest!

Dial Hard · 29-06-2015 1:59pm

I'm always wary of these threads as I find they can often turn into a bit of a bashing session against women who are perceived as "high maintenance".

I love make-up. Love doing the full face for a night out. But I don't need it in order to make me feel good about myself. Not every woman who wears make-up on a daily basis is a quivering ball of low self-esteem. I'm not wearing any today, for instance, as I'm working from home. Still had to go out and run a few errands but I wasn't putting on make-up just for that.

I wear fake tan during the summer to take the corned beef aspect off my skin. Get Brazilian waxed religiously every six weeks. Keep my toenails painted. I don't find any of that a hassle.

The stuff I do find a hassle, I just don't bother with. Couldn't be arsed painting my fingernails. Very rarely blow-dry my hair. Hell, I only wash it about twice a week because I just hate the entire process.

I live in heels, the higher the better. Don't actually own a pair of flats. But on a Friday in work I'll be in my baggy jeans and DC skate shoes. When I dress down, I dress like a 14 year old boy. I don't wear skirts or dresses. I've always been a bit of a tomboy, but one who loves make-up and sky-high heels.

I don't think someone who's never worn tan in their life is any superior to someone who likes a bit of St. Sally before they get their pins out. And vice versa. God knows women have enough criticism to be dealing with without having to worry about whether their grooming routine (or lack thereof) is cause for judgement.

MrWalsh · 29-06-2015 2:04pm

My hair takes minutes to do going out and it looks great - because I bun my own unruly mop and wear a clip on hairpiece. Instant gorgeous smooth locks and people always comment how they hadnt realised my hair had gotten so long

29-06-2015 2:05pm

Dial Hard wrote: »

I'm always wary of these threads as I find they can often turn into a bit of a bashing session against women who are perceived as "high maintenance".

And women who don't do the works aren't putting any effort in or are a bit lazy, don't care about their looks, or look professional. Each to their own, if you enjoy the process then keep enjoying it, and vice versa.

We all have a level we're comfortable with, because we're all individuals and one size never really fits all.

leahyl · 29-06-2015 4:52pm

I have to say, I'm one of those who wears makeup every day and doesn't like to leave the house without it....unless I'm going exercising in the morning, I couldn't be bothered then. But I wear it every day for work.

I'm so used to putting make up on now that it doesn't take me an awful lot of time but sometimes the fake tan does my head in alright - the Sally Hansen transferring to clothes :rolleyes:

I just feel better in myself when I wear makeup, it's not that I have awful skin, I just feel I look better with it.

Taboola · 29-06-2015 5:22pm

leahyl wrote: »

I have to say, I'm one of those who wears makeup every day and doesn't like to leave the house without it....unless I'm going exercising in the morning, I couldn't be bothered then. But I wear it every day for work.

I'm so used to putting make up on now that it doesn't take me an awful lot of time but sometimes the fake tan does my head in alright - the Sally Hansen transferring to clothes :rolleyes:

I just feel better in myself when I wear makeup, it's not that I have awful skin, I just feel I look better with it.

I'm somewhat similar. I wear makeup almost everyday in work. On the days that I don't wear it I feel very 'ugh' and a bit scruffy looking and oddly I look a lot younger without it but not in a good way (when someone calls to the house I've been asked if my parents are at home). If I was going to the gym or just to the shop to get milk I wouldn't bother with makeup but if I get up in the morning and know i'm going to be heading somewhere, I put it on.

I'm lucky in that it's a very casual work environment that I work in and there's a few girls who would never wear makeup but also a few that you'd never see without it. I fall somewhere in between them.

I put tan on every couple of weeks or so because I look like a vampire and even with tan I find it hard to find a foundation to match.

I would love to be able to wear heels all the time but I've tried too many times and can't deal with the pain of sore feet.

ancapailldorcha · 29-06-2015 6:59pm

Dial Hard wrote: »

I'm always wary of these threads as I find they can often turn into a bit of a bashing session against women who are perceived as "high maintenance".

That's an awful shame. Most of the people in my last workplace were women so I ended up talking to them quite a lot. I couldn't believe the amount of effort some of them were putting into their appearance.

29-06-2015 10:11pm

Dial Hard wrote: »

I'm always wary of these threads as I find they can often turn into a bit of a bashing session against women who are perceived as "high maintenance".
.

Ah no. I think it'd be great to look as polished and all as a lot of women do. And to be able to wear heels. And all that. Just sometimes at least!

Lia_lia · 29-06-2015 11:00pm

I'm fairly low maintenance (I think!). I wear make up at work alright. Foundation, mascara and a bit of bronzer. Looks very natural and takes 5 minutes! On my days off I rarely wear makeup. When I go out I might add a bit of eye shower and lipstick. Some girls I know wear loads of makeup everyday, I just don't know where they get the time in the morning! Maybe I enjoy my sleep too much.

My hair is also very low maintenance. It's quite straight and blonde. I highlight it twice a year to lighten it up a bit. Fake tan is one thing I just don't have the patience for. It almost always turns out streaky on me. Even the gradual tanners. Cannot be arsed! I probably wear it about 3-4 times a year. I have a natural tan (from the sun!) at the moment anyway. I don't hate fake tan, it looks nice on some people. I just cannot be bothered really and and the streaks annoy me.

I don't own a pair of heels. I do actually love heels, though! And I am very jealous of girls that can wear them. They just hurt me too much. Not worth it. I am almost 5'10" so never "needed" the extra height.

I do get shellac nails done every so often, because they look nice! Never even filed my nails up until this year (I'm 26!), so that's a new thing. Started getting my eyebrows waxed and tinted in the last couple of years. Didn't realise how much of a difference it would make until I got it done. My eyebrows are naturally see through.. One thing I'm guilty of is rarely shaving my legs. I can never see the hair anyway so I just kind of forgot about them. My OH did mention it when we started going out, but don't think he cares anymore

Some of the girls at work were going through their beauty regimes the other day. They were going on about buying serums etc for over €100 a pop! That's something I'll never understand. But each to their own. I believe the most important thing for your skin is sunscreen, but neither of them said they use it.

Mozzeltoff · 30-06-2015 3:23am

Was always a sort of a low maintenance gal when I was younger. Couldn't give a flying fiddlers about my appearance. You either liked me as I was or you didn't. Always wore jeans, band t shirts/hoodies and converse. As far as make up went, it was just eye liner and eye shadow. Pretty much a tom boy until my early twenties anyway :pac:

As I got older though I did start wearing foundation and powder but only if I was going out. I used to have really long hair but I just chopped it all off, got an undercut and it's staying short for the foreseeable future. I just don't have the patience for long hair anymore!!

In the last few years I have bought myself some "nicer" clothes. Big fan of the fifties prom dresses and I am planning on buying a few more when I get the money together

I still live in flats though, my feet are absolutely wrecked from my work boots and I honestly couldn't put myself through the agony of wearing heels. I'd love to be able to wear them!! I bought a pair of high heeled boots for a wedding back in March and as much as I love them I can't wear them. I wasn't even able to wear them the whole day of the wedding!

I suppose I would still be considered "low maintenance". I don't doll myself up everyday (I can't anyway, not for work) but every now and again I like to look nice. Makes me feel good about myself

And isn't that the whole point?

beks101 · 30-06-2015 3:32am

eviltwin wrote: »

I find the thread title interesting because it implies this type of maintenance is part and parcel of being a woman. It's not. It's a choice. I never wear makeup, I live in flat shoes, my hair is rarely styled and I dress for comfort. I still look good, I'm not any less attractive or polished because of it. I would always make an effort on a night out or for a special occasion and I enjoy it but I couldn't face that every day.

I was going to reply and say the thread title was in jest, a bit of a pisstake on a subject we all have experience with...but that's the thing. It was in jest, but I think it's also something all women can relate to, even if we don't necessarily buy into it. The pressure to look good. All of these things which should really serve as enhancements we either choose or don't choose as individuals; being sold as hallmarks of our femininity, our womanhood, our standard as women.

It's obvious from this thread that most people who've posted don't go as far as I do on a daily basis. But we all do things - whether it's getting ourselves waxed, sticking on a bit of tinted moisturizer, throwing the straightener through our hair, mascara, nails, coordinated outfits, making a big effort for a wedding or night out. These things serve to boost our confidence, make us feel good about ourselves, but there can be this dual, contradictory thought process involved where a part of you secretly dreads the process, or gets frustrated at the effort, or the social expectation to present in a certain way. That's what I was trying to express.

I was thinking about what my life would be like if I took the daily effort down a few notches - left my makeup bag untouched in the morning, wore whatever was clean without any further thought, threw the hair back in a pony tail...and the prevailing thought and feeling was, "nah. I like the boost these things give me too much."

It's a personal thing, it's been a part of my evolution into the Beks of today. I've experimented with different looks over years, I've come to a place where I love how my hair can bounce in a certain way and my eyes can pop and my eyebrows can shape my face and looking at my hands can make me smile because a good manicure can just look so pretty...and that's become a comfort zone for me.

Not a replacement for anything that's lacking - my personality, my family and friendships and relationship and my work ethic are the things that define me. But after various personal insecurities throughout my twenties, where a lot of the time that confidence didn't exist - the physical effort can feel like a manifestation, or perhaps a celebration, of the person I feel like on the inside. Someone I like. Someone who deserves to make an effort on herself, who deserves to look her best /end of Oprah spiel

It doesn't take away from the fact that it is effort though, even if the motivations are entirely self inflicted. It can be a pain, bloody annoying, expensive and wonderful but blah.

I'm quite a visual person too, work in the ultimate visual medium - TV journalism - and the attention to detail I go into with my personal appearance is also exhibited in my work, my daily assignments, the logs and articles and TV segments and planning notes that I produce. I have a trained eye for things that other people might not notice, because my boss will notice, or because not having that eye could produce a lawsuit...so that probably extends personally too.

So yeah. I love it and hate it. And I think many women can probably relate.

zeffabelli · 30-06-2015 7:02am

It's very context dependent. When it's called for yes, when it's not no I don't care, not that much.

There is a balance between self care and an unhealthy pre occupation with how you are perceived. Self care is important, paying attention to yourself is important, signalling you respect yourself is important, but when we get caught up too much in how others see us then we lose our authentic selves and that is a kind of self betrayal.

When I see what women spend on bueaty products...some of that stuff is more expensive per ounce than gold is!

Fake tan.....bewilders me....

MrWalsh · 30-06-2015 8:47am

beks101 wrote: »

I was thinking about what my life would be like if I took the daily effort down a few notches - left my makeup bag untouched in the morning, wore whatever was clean without any further thought, threw the hair back in a pony tail...and the prevailing thought and feeling was, "nah. I like the boost these things give me too much."

Thats a very insightful observation. I dont really get that much of a boost out of being very done up. Sure, its nice, but the maintenance involved (for me) outweighs the boost I get - so while I will make an effort once in a while, I just wouldnt be bothered making one all the time. Theres also the fact that I am not an effortlessly stylish type and I absolutely hate shopping so I dont have a wardrobe full of lovely clothes to help pull off a "look". Again, its more of a "couldnt be bothered" thing.

Dial Hard · 30-06-2015 11:04am

beks101 wrote: »

I'm quite a visual person too, work in the ultimate visual medium - TV journalism - and the attention to detail I go into with my personal appearance is also exhibited in my work, my daily assignments, the logs and articles and TV segments and planning notes that I produce. I have a trained eye for things that other people might not notice, because my boss will notice, or because not having that eye could produce a lawsuit...so that probably extends personally too.

I think a lot of how low-key you can get away with going on a daily basis very much depends on what industry/role you work in. I've just come out of almost four years in the top end of the motor industry where both men and women in my company would be expected to look extremely polished and groomed at all times. I've now moved into events & communications in a different industry and again, there's a certain level of grooming expected (i.e. more than just being clean & tidy). I know we can all say that in an ideal world, all that should matter is your ability to do your job, but in the real world, that's not how it works. I met one of the top consultant obstetricians in the country several times last year and every single time I met him, his clothes were dishevelled, his hair was greasy and unbrushed and he just generally looked like a slob. And for better or worse, I always thought that there is no way in hell I'd let a man who looked so unkempt (and often downright dirty) near me in a medical context. I know he was off-duty and all but it's how I felt and I suspect a lot of people would feel the same.

Actually, he was struck off last year, now that I think of it!

Neyite · 30-06-2015 11:40am

Thats a very good point. Back when I wore make up every day, I was in roles where I was expected to present myself at a certain standard. Now I'm in a very different role, and not meeting clients so tend to go very casual.

JillyQ · 30-06-2015 1:31pm

Reading though this has made me realise i maybe a bit of both. On a day to today basis it is foundation and lipstick, hair tied up. in my company you must look well groomed at all times but not over done. For a normal night out i would go to hairdressers for a wash and blow dry (i have very long thick hair) make up is foundation, blusher/bronzer, lipstick, lip liner, eyeliner and mascara. Then for a more formal occassion its spray tan, pedicure, manicure, upstyle, foundation, lipstick, lipliner, eyeliner, blusher/bronzer, eye shadow and mascara.

iwantmydinner · 30-06-2015 1:32pm

I go through fierce phases. Currently in a very low-key phase, where I'm using minimal makeup at work and usually go without outside of work, rarely style my hair (wash and go all the way), and clothes-wise all I care about is that they're clean and don't make me look like the back of a bus.

There are a number of reasons for this - my skin is currently quite good and glowy and I'm enjoying that; I've also put weight on and am working on losing it so I've no interest in trying on clothes in my current size and feeling like a whale in the dressing room, and no interest in spending money on clothes that (all going to plan) won't fit me in a few months. It's grand though. Life is good.

Also I'm just always kinda knackered after work and social obligations these days so that's a pretty big factor too. This time next year I could be in a completely different zone about my appearance and that'll be grand too.

I would love to have mad makeup and hair skills and the energy to look super groomed and polished all the time but it's just not me. I LOVE that polished look and really admire women who pull it off. I also admire women who keep it low-key and natural. it's all just self-expression and that's awesome.

In fairness I love seeing all different styles and approaches to outward appearance and it would be rare that I wouldn't notice something to love about someone's look - their smile/shiny hair/excellent eyeliner/nice bum/good skin...

meeeeh · 30-06-2015 7:07pm

I actually like we have options. I don't need to dress up and wear make up for work but I do because I like it. I was always visual person. I don't necessary judge people on what they are wearing but I will notice creases, dirty shoes, badly fitting clothes and so on. But there is a limit to it. I buy clothes that fit me, are comfortable (if I think I would need shapewear I d on't buy it) and I think I have a knack for putting things together so it looks presentable. However I don't do accessories, besides engagement ring the only jewellery worn is very simple and brilliantly designed silver necklace (I might change it a bit when going out). I try to buy decent quality bag in colors that will work with majority outfits because it will not be charged for months. My hair is cut in a way it still looks presentable with only using hair dryer. Make up takes 5 minutes during week and 10 when going out, and I am not sure any wedding or other special occasion deserves more than 15 minutes.

Yes I do like to look good and I actually enjoy that my skin can be evened out with a bit of foundation or my legs made to look longer wearing high heels but I have very functional approach to it. There are very few impulsive buys in my wardrobe, make up collection is fairly sparse and I don't bother with nails or fake tan. That would also mean I significantly tone down the amount of make up worn in hot weather btw.

The funny thing is I have younger brother that would spend hours shopping to find a few t shirts and a pair of trousers that he thinks are acceptable. He would need longer to get ready than I would so I don't think it is necessarily just a curse us women have to bear.

Novella · 30-06-2015 7:08pm

I suppose some people would say that I am "high maintenance" but grooming doesn't feel like a chore to me as it's something I enjoy.

For example, I get a (gel) manicure and a pedicure every two to three weeks. I really hate chipped nails. I get my hair done every six to eight weeks - always my roots, and a trim or haircut every second time. Sometimes I change the color a little, nothing crazy. When it comes to hair removal, I go for waxes frequently and get my eyebrows threaded too.

I love make up and own a tonne of it. That being said, I will happily leave the house without make up on but I would never consider going to an important appointment without make up on, you know work related or whatever. I just feel like a more polished version of myself if I've put on some foundation etc. It's not that I think I look awful otherwise, I simply want to present a different version of myself at that time or to that person.

I don't wear heels or fake tan.

I'm expecting my first baby at the moment and recently an acquaintance commented that it would be a big change for me after baby arrives because I won't even have time to shower, never mind all of my other beauty regimes. I wondered how long she thought I dedicate to taking care of myself! My nails take about an hour every few weeks and my hair is the same. Day to day, it takes me about 45 minutes to get ready and that includes showering, washing, drying, styling my hair, full face of make up, ironing clothes and getting dressed. I think it's still important that I'm 'me' after I have the baby and not just mommy so I hope I'll still do what I do now and be as I am, though different at the same time.

I have fun during the process of getting ready and while some days I can't be bothered, that's fine! I'll go out with top knot and old, baggy t-shirt without a second thought.

Ectoplasm · 30-06-2015 11:02pm

I'm a mix in a way. I started going grey at 17 so I am in the hairdressers every 4 weeks without fail...but it's often shoved up in a clip or ponytail.

I'm blessed with clear skin and a decent complexion so I often go without makeup but I actually own quite a lot of it because I love the ritual of getting ready for a night out.

I enjoy getting my nails done but most often they are just filed and kept clean.

High heels are a no go for me...my feet hurt after 5 minutes and that makes me grumpy and no fun to be around so I generally don't...although I have owned some 'car to bar' shoes in the past!

Fake tan looks awful on me, even when a professional does it so there is no point in it.

I think it's about balance...I usually enjoy my rituals and look at it more as pampering than punishment; that said, sometimes imposed standards do chafe a bit.

Day Lewin · 30-06-2015 11:33pm

I DO like to be well-turned-out - but I dont like spending too much time or money on it, especially things that are a liabaility like fake tan that runs or blotches, or shoes that are painful to walk in, or too-tight clothes, or anything like that.

A good manicure and pedicure, last a month. Eyebrows plucked to a nice shape. Clean straight teeth and a nice smile; almost always a dab of lipstick, for colour and courage. A streak of eyeliner to add definition, my skin is fairly good anyway, and earrings to "finish a face"

i don't need much waxing or shaving etc- luckily.

I get my hair cut by a neighbour who is a real hairdresser about every two months - she gets curl and movement into it.

Clothes that fit comfortably and suit the occasion: maximise my good points - such as they are, and above all, smile!!!

Tigger99 · 01-07-2015 12:01am

This thread keeps popping into my head and made me think about my grooming routine and whether I do it for me or perhaps to keep up with the Jones's or something.

I realised that the vast majority I do because it gives me pleasure. I get such a kick from seeing a beautiful colour on my nails. I find something strangely soothing about plucking my eyebrows (mostly baby hairs. Leave the shape mostly alone).

leahyl · 02-07-2015 11:09am

Tigger99 wrote: »

This thread keeps popping into my head and made me think about my grooming routine and whether I do it for me or perhaps to keep up with the Jones's or something.

I realised that the vast majority I do because it gives me pleasure. I get such a kick from seeing a beautiful colour on my nails. I find something strangely soothing about plucking my eyebrows (mostly baby hairs. Leave the shape mostly alone).

Same here! I have dark eyebrows and it's really noticeable when they start growing cos the hair would be quite coarse - I love the feeling of using a good tweezers to pluck the strays!

anewme · 04-07-2015 10:34am

I like sometimes to make a big effort going out if it as a black tie ball or something.

Weekends are make up free unless I am going out at night.

Work is tinted moisturiser, blusher, bit of mascara and a sheet lip gloss. Was at the boots counter buying something last week and the girl could not believe how good my skin was for my age and that I was not wearing foundation at all. I put my good skin down to never wearing heavy make up when I was younger.

One warning I wIll give to you young Wans😄. Be careful with over plucking and threading those eyebrows as eventually they thin out! I had really really thick eyebrows that I probably should have plucked more during my youth but did it more sporadically and have recently noticed after years and years of plucking and threading the growth is not the same. Am lucky that I am now left with a shape that is good and still thick but my days of threading and plucking are over apart from a few stragglers. My advice, keep them a bit thicker than you like, one day you will be glad!

I can also proudly say that I have never owned/worn/purchased a pair of those sucky in knickers. It was one where I simply decided life's too short!!!

Cold War Kid · 04-07-2015 6:28pm

EMF2010 wrote: »

I'm a mix in a way. I started going grey at 17 so I am in the hairdressers every 4 weeks without fail...but it's often shoved up in a clip or ponytail.

I'm blessed with clear skin and a decent complexion so I often go without makeup but I actually own quite a lot of it because I love the ritual of getting ready for a night out.

I enjoy getting my nails done but most often they are just filed and kept clean.

High heels are a no go for me...my feet hurt after 5 minutes and that makes me grumpy and no fun to be around so I generally don't...although I have owned some 'car to bar' shoes in the past!

Fake tan looks awful on me, even when a professional does it so there is no point in it.

I think it's about balance...I usually enjoy my rituals and look at it more as pampering than punishment; that said, sometimes imposed standards do chafe a bit.

Jeebus I could have written this post word for word. :pac:

Catxscotch · 07-07-2015 11:39am

Well I work on a site, so during the week it's all steel-tow boots and hi-viz vests, but I wouldn't dream of going without at least foundation, blusher and some eyebrow pencilling.

On the weekends, I like to dress up, so skirts, heels, nice clothes, similar make-up during the day, but full make-up at night. I'm not a fake tan person, but I do wear a tanning moisturiser that gives a nice all-round glow, as opposed to the deep mahoganoy!! I like make-up, I never wear flats outside of work!!

At the same time, It takes me maximum 30 minutes to get ready, I've mastered the art of applying full make up in about 15mins, and I always have a fair idea of what I'm wearing from the day before!! But it is hard to be a woman. I've a wedding this weekend, that is taking the week to prep for. Last night: exfoliation and nail prep, tonight, hair removal, tomorrow: tan and nail colour. Thursday, hair prep.

kylith · 07-07-2015 1:50pm

If I wear makeup it's a rare event, and the most I'd go is tinted moisturiser, mascara, neutral eyes, and lippy ( I'd prefer to use a lip gloss but they're so sticky).

I work in a warehouse that's dusty and dirty and I often have to wash my face during lunch so makeup would be a pain, before that I worked in very hot, humid environments so never bothered with make up there either; the girls that did wear it tended to have it running down their faces, and their skin was awful because of it. I also wear glasses and more than once I've put on make up, put my glasses back on, and immediately had to remove the makeup because it was streaky and awful.

meeeeh · 07-07-2015 2:56pm

I'm starting to get serious inferiority complex here. I never thought my eyebrows were terrible and more or less ignored them but I must be doing something wrong because it just seems every one else does something with them.

I now feel like I admitted to never brushing teeth or something.

kylith · 07-07-2015 3:09pm

meeeeh wrote: »

I'm starting to get serious inferiority complex here. I never thought my eyebrows were terrible and more or less ignored them but I must be doing something wrong because it just seems every one else does something with them.

I now feel like I admitted to never brushing teeth or something.

I tidy up stragglers but that's about it. I certainly don't shape them or anything, and the little I do I only started doing a few months ago.

beks101 · 07-07-2015 4:08pm

meeeeh wrote: »

I'm starting to get serious inferiority complex here. I never thought my eyebrows were terrible and more or less ignored them but I must be doing something wrong because it just seems every one else does something with them.

I now feel like I admitted to never brushing teeth or something.

You know what I think it is? Once you start doing any of these things - eyebrows, makeup, nails, hair - it sort of gradually, somewhat unconsciously starts to feel like part of your grooming 'routine' and feels like a new standard you need to maintain.

I've got pretty thick, unruly eyebrows naturally, and I remember the first time I had them professionally done it was something of a revelation. The way they framed my face completely changed my look, and it became this dual mindset of 'deadly! I love this' combined with a sort of low-level anxiety about what the maintenance was going to require of me, how often, how frequent, how to make sure I get the same shape again etc.

Same goes for hair - let the hair stylist go wild with it for 30-odd quid and it goes from a ball of frizz to something out of a magazine and I basically look like a totally different version of myself. Same with nails and makeup and waxing and round and round it goes. You get hooked on the buzz of looking that bit more polished, the confidence boost, and it becomes a kind of 'new normal'.

I was a bit of a tomboy as a teenager, didn't get any real introduction to makeup et al until my early 20s and I think back to those days where a social event just involve a lick of mascara, maybe a change of top and hair thrown back into a pony tail and off we go and god the freedom of it all!

But enter professional career Stage Left, more disposable cash and more dating Stage Right, throw in more time and means for self-care and maybe a greater sense of awareness of all of these tricks and tools and it evolved into a very different look for me.

Sometimes it's hard. To be. A woman

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