Closing the deal

LegacyUser · 01-03-2008 7:58pm #1

22 yr old guy here. I have no problem chatting up girls but I cannot seem to go ''in for the kill'', for want of a better word. I seem to freeze when it comes to the time to go for a kiss.
Its happened so many times where I just completely bottle it. How do I go about actually making the move? Do i just go for it and risk looking sleazy?? Or is there a more natural way of doing it?
Sorry if this thread is a bit stupid, but its important to me!

01-03-2008 8:35pm

You just go for it.An element of risk is usually unavoidable and often worth it for it kick starts something nice

Hint: If you've been dancin/chattin all night and you are walking her home and she takes your hand when offered, thats usually a good sign...

seahorse · 01-03-2008 8:46pm

My bloke was just as you describe yourself in that department when I first met him. I had to go "in for the kill" myself, lol, and I found it endearing and arousing, so you shouldn't feel badly about yourself over this. I'm sure I cant be the only woman who thinks this way!

babydoll2008 · 01-03-2008 8:52pm

Its a spur of the moment thing, exciting, nerve racking but fun!
Enjoy it! Dont plan it and dont be saying to yourself sud i kiss her now or should i wait or anything like that, just go for it when it seems right!

Profiler · 01-03-2008 9:05pm

Like a lot of guys the reason you can't "go in for the kill" as you call it is the fear of rejection, we've all been there, you make eye contact and move towards her and she pulls away. The thing is if you never try you will never succeed.

The thing is by the time you are ready to do that she will have given you enough signs to indicate if she wants to kiss you or not.

Some of these signs are subtle some are not but by the time you think you are ready most women already know if they want to kiss you or not.

Some things to look out for are her preening herself, licking her lips, brushing her hair away from her neck (if her hair is long enough) if she touches her ear or her hand lingers on her thigh or the area of her chest between her throat and her collar bone.

One of the best signs is if she touches your arm in a conversation, like if you tell a funny story or you make her laugh if she reaches out and touches your arm then you can usually tell that she likes you.

But the way I find easiest to know is if when you are one on one I brush her hair away from her ear, or if it is tied back or not around her ear reach for her ear ring, tell her it is really nice, then leave your hand on her neck your palm on her cheek, look her in the eyes and say

"I'd really like to kiss you"

Might sound simple but I've found most (but not all) women like that approach.

Now I'm not trying to come across as some kind of super slick player here (trust me I'm not) but I think the honest approach is always best!

Sprouts · 01-03-2008 9:23pm

Just go for it, thats if your getting the right signals of course. Ten years time you'll think back and what seems like a planet earth of a problem for you right now will be a tiny spec and you'll be thinking, 'if only I knew then what I know now', It's funny, bet you down the line, your other half will be nagging you for not kissing her enough. Good luck.

LegacyUser · 01-03-2008 11:14pm

There is one girl in particular and she is giving me some signs like the ones mentioned. Touching my arm is a regular one, and the other day she put an x at the end of a text. I haven't watched out for any other signs. But one of my friends said he thinks she might have a boyfriend so if thats the case, I might as well forget about her! Women!!

Overheal · 01-03-2008 11:26pm

Do the cute thing (works for me): just tell her youre nervous. 'Why?' 'cos I wanna kiss you' and then it usually works itself out one way or the other.

Stev_o · 01-03-2008 11:27pm

Women really need to stop putting x's at the end of the texts messages it becomes so damn confusing to interrupt it these days.

Tbh you should feel yourself its the right moment to kiss [lets hope thats not too late though] and go in then. Try not to think about it too much enjoy the moment your having with her and then go for the kiss

whoknows · 01-03-2008 11:46pm

i have the exact same problem..closing the deal..but it happens much sooner for me, i was talking to a really nice girl during the week, she works where i go to college and i called back in the next 2 days but i couldnt even ask her her name, i couldnt bring myself to do it and im the same if i ever get talking to a girl when im out.. i just cant push myself out of my comfort zone.all we can do i skeep trying...im def ogin to ask her her name this week

Overheal · 01-03-2008 11:56pm

whoknows wrote: »

i couldnt even ask her her name, i couldnt bring myself to do it and im the same if i ever get talking to a girl when im out.. i just cant push myself out of my comfort zone

Translation: you masturbate too much. Not trying to be insulting here, but when you get into these situations you dont have the balls to act because your balls are already complacent and satisfied; small and drained. Starve em and see if you dont get better results. Its called growing a pair for a reason.

Profiler · 01-03-2008 11:56pm

One more important thing, you really only have one opportunity to seize the moment, if you think you have a chance then go for it, if you are in the moment and you back out she will think you are either uninterested or too indecisive.

That is why I make my intentions clear by trying something like I said above, If she rejects you then so be it, even the best looking most charming guys in the world suffer rejection, but if you try and fail then at least you will have no "what if" regrets

Profiler · 01-03-2008 11:58pm

Overheal wrote: »

Translation: you masturbate too much. Not trying to be insulting here, but when you get into these situations you dont have the balls to act because your balls are already complacent and satisfied; small and drained. Starve em and see if you dont get better results. Its called growing a pair for a reason.

:eek: what? and more importantly what?

Sorry but I think that is just not right, in fact it is so far from being right it is bizzare

Overheal · 02-03-2008 12:29am

It has stuff to do with it: getting rid of your sexual complacencies. If you don't stock a man's fridge, eventually, he will go to Tesco.

Profiler · 02-03-2008 12:33am

Overheal wrote: »

It has stuff to do with it: getting rid of your sexual complacencies. If you don't stock a man's fridge, eventually, he will go to Tesco.

....... Wow...... I take it you are trying to be funny and don't actually believe that!

Overheal · 02-03-2008 12:37am

Take it how you want but dont knock it till youve tried it.

Marksie · 02-03-2008 12:38am

Overheal, I admit to that having me completely stumped.

I just cannot see the correlation between excesive masturbation and not asking somene for a kiss etc.

Unless of course you are meaning complkete frustration??

I would think personally that its more due to lack of confidence in being able to ask.

Anyways i am a harrods type of guy

Profiler · 02-03-2008 12:43am

Overheal wrote: »

Take it how you want but dont knock it till youve tried it.

That approach resulted in a scene that had me laughing out loud when I saw it in "There's Something About Mary" but like a lot of things borrowed from Holywood it simply does not work in real life i

Marksie · 02-03-2008 12:45am

OK. Now
Back on topic please

whoknows · 02-03-2008 12:58am

i get what you are all saying, im taking it onboard,some more so than others, but has anyone any advice on how to get out of this lack of confience rut im in

Profiler · 02-03-2008 1:01am

whoknows wrote: »

i get what you are all saying, im taking it onboard,some more so than others, but has anyone any advice on how to get out of this lack of confience rut im in

Where do you lack confidence? is it approaching girls? is it going from talking to kissing?

whoknows · 02-03-2008 1:04am

its more approaching girls, i always think that they wont like me or they not single. like the other day when i was talking ot that girl who works in my college, i couldnt even ask her her name, i wanted to so bad but i couldnt. i just kept thinking why would she even want to talk to me, why bother.

Gordon · 02-03-2008 1:05am

If you don't give it a shot then you'll have to rely on her making the move, which may not happen. So, you may get rejected, but if you don't try then your chances are far less. So, why not just give it a go.

Overheal · 02-03-2008 1:07am

whoknows wrote: »

i get what you are all saying, im taking it onboard,some more so than others, but has anyone any advice on how to get out of this lack of confience rut im in

I usually flirt with my friend's g/fs for practice sake. It can result in bruising however... but not entirely useless because you get an idea for what works and what doesnt. It helps if your friend knows full well youre not trying to steal his girlfriend.

But outside of specific examples the only thing you can really do is jump out of it. You need to identify what is sapping your confidence (ie. wimmins) and just bite the bullet. You will feel better in the aftermath knowing that you got out there and went that much further; in this case, asking her name.

No matter how it turns out after that, you will look back on it and know that you had the balls to ask. You will then be that much further out of the rut.

In this case you've already spoken with the girl. Even better! Just approach her and say oh yeah btw my name is WhoKnows. I never did get your name but its been bothering me

whoknows · 02-03-2008 1:07am

i know it osunds so easy and i tell myself exactly what you just said gordon but i just cant, it is fear of rejection but i have myself convinced that there no chance she'd like me

Overheal · 02-03-2008 1:13am

Ohhh wait.... *works* in your college....

Is this the shop girl? Those things are always pretty. And occassionally foreign

well look; hopefully by talking with her previously you mean a conversation and not "Eur 1.60 please". Just get into another conversation with her. Then another. Then another. Then another. One foot in front of the other.

Gordon · 02-03-2008 1:16am

whoknows wrote: »

i know it osunds so easy and i tell myself exactly what you just said gordon but i just cant, it is fear of rejection but i have myself convinced that there no chance she'd like me

Start by asking her name. In fact, if you like, start by saying hello to a random shopkeeper and ask them a question like "how much are your lottery tickets?". Then ask a passer by how you get to Gordon Street from here. Then ask a bartender what the hours are like being a bartender as you'd really like to work in a bar. If he's cool (or she..) and you're comfortable then ask them if it's good for meeting women being a bartender. At the end of the conversation ask for their name. Try and build up your confidence slowly maybe?

Profiler · 02-03-2008 1:17am

whoknows wrote: »

its more approaching girls, i always think that they wont like me or they not single. like the other day when i was talking ot that girl who works in my college, i couldnt even ask her her name, i wanted to so bad but i couldnt. i just kept thinking why would she even want to talk to me, why bother.

OK, you are not the first to suffer that problem, you won't be the last.

Again honesty is the best approach.

Next time you see her go over and say "Hi again, sorry but when we spoke I never asked your name, sorry I was so rude, I'm Whoknows..." so if she tells you her name then you at least have a starting point you can work with!

Oh and one way to get around it that I try from time to time is I walk up to her and have some general chit chat and then say

"Hey! I was talking last week to a girl who says she thinks she knows you, what is your name again?"

most people will respond with their first name so for example she will say

"I'm Jane"

you respond

"I knew THAT, I mean what is your sir name?"

Now again that is just a way to get talking to her so when she says her sir name then you say something like. "Oh! OK well the girl my friend knows is Jane Bloggs and not Jane Murphy"

whoknows · 02-03-2008 1:21am

Overheal wrote: »

Ohhh wait.... *works* in your college....

Is this the shop girl? Those things are always pretty. And occassionally foreign

well look; hopefully by talking with her previously you mean a conversation and not "Eur 1.60 please". Just get into another conversation with her. Then another. Then another. Then another. One foot in front of the other.

thankfully the conversation hasnt been 1.60 please:p

she works in an office and after first time i talked to her she said "call back in sometime"so i did and said the same thing again and i called in again....i had decided to ask her her name this time but when i went in i frooze....then other people walked in so i couldnt and now i dont realy have any more excuses to go back in to that particular office

Profiler · 02-03-2008 1:25am

whoknows wrote: »

i know it osunds so easy and i tell myself exactly what you just said gordon but i just cant, it is fear of rejection but i have myself convinced that there no chance she'd like me

You are right it sounds easy but it is not, but what Gordon has said is great advice, you can get great confidence from just having the ability to chat to random strangers.

It is good practice to say for example to a really good looking girl you are stood beside at a red traffic light "Hi, sorry to disturb you but do you know where the nearest ATM is?"

Then the next day and another random stranger you move on to something like "Hey nice shoes! where did you get those, my girlfriend would LOVE those" (oh it is REALLY important to notice things like what clothes they wear, their hair, their ear rings, girls put so much more effort into these things they like it when a guy notices!)

One other thing I like to do is when you can smell some nice perfume and you can tell which girl is wearing it, then walk up to her and say "Wow, I really like your perfume, do you mind if I ask you what it is called?"

It is all about practice, practice, practice... if you can't talk to a random stranger who you have no intentions towards what chance will you have with a girl you really like?

Overheal · 02-03-2008 1:27am

whoknows wrote: »

thankfully the conversation hasnt been 1.60 please:p

she works in an office and after first time i talked to her she said "call back in sometime"so i did and said the same thing again and i called in again....i had decided to ask her her name this time but when i went in i frooze....then other people walked in so i couldnt and now i dont realy have any more excuses to go back in to that particular office

........the plot thickens.

Methinks theres policies against such happenings. This isn't the counsellor or something is it? I mean, if you're SU president is a foxy chic, then thats different.

Seriously, time to be specific: who is this object of your affections?

Closing the deal

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