Bacon - is there anything it can't do?

Zaph · 25-07-2010 11:56pm #1

A couple of days ago I twisted my ankle quite badly and, after being on my feet at a social event for most of last night, I was in pretty severe pain this morning. Despite this, sustenance was required this morning so I went in search of bacon. As I sat and enjoyed my pork-derived comestibles I noticed something happening - the pain in my ankle was magically vanishing. I tentatively flexed the joint, but unlike the moments before I entered the establishment, there was no searing pain shooting down my foot. In fact, it was almost feeling better than it did before I twisted it. I got up and left the eatery with a renewed spring in my step and it has been pain-free ever since. This can only be down to one thing - The Power of Bacon.

Brothers, I urge you to share your bacon related miracles here so that those who do not believe shall too see the light.

UrbanSea · 26-07-2010 12:13am

I believe the immense fat content was cushioning your ankle,making it better. I don't even think a woman can do that.

trout · 26-07-2010 8:21am

Tom Dunne · 26-07-2010 10:30am

I was out for a few beers the other night, as one does.

It was quite warm and I was having trouble finding a taxi.

Then suddenly, our of the blue appears a flying carpet. And it was not just any flying carpet, it was a flying carpet made out of bacon (which in iself it quite unusual in these parts). So I hopped on the magic carpet and the driver, Honest Ahmed, told me to take a bite. And I did. And it was the nicest, crunchiest, tasties bacon I have ever had.

He then told me to stop biting him and to try the carpet, which I did.

After a short flight, I was home in my bed.

Was there any better way to end such a night?

(coincidentally enough, that was the same night we had a free bar. A perfect night by all accounts)

trout · 27-07-2010 9:14pm

As a percentage ... how much carpet could you eat, before the aerodynamic properties became less than adequate?

UrbanSea · 27-07-2010 10:59pm

trout wrote: »

As a percentage ... how much carpet could you eat, before the aerodynamic properties became less than adequate?

99%,if it was any other material,then about 10%. However,as you know,bacon is super,and is the best at...anything.

LostinBlanch · 27-07-2010 11:18pm

trout wrote: »

As a percentage ... how much carpet could you eat, before the aerodynamic properties became less than adequate?

Depends whether it's proper bacon or halal bacon.

Think European swallow or African swallow.

oblivious · 28-07-2010 8:44am

LostinBlanch wrote: »

halal bacon.

trout · 28-07-2010 5:44pm

Tom Dunne · 29-07-2010 7:42am

trout wrote: »

As a percentage ... how much carpet could you eat, before the aerodynamic properties became less than adequate?

You work it out thus:

% remaining >= ( [Qa/2] + 3.1415926*Bd)/Alt^2 + 1.2134551E10)

Where:

Qa = the Quantity of Alcohol (divided by 2, because you never actually realise how much you have had to drink when you are on a flying carpet made out of bacon)

Bd = Bacon depth (the thickness, in cm, of the bacon)

Alt = Just how high are you?

1.2134551E10 = The Tom Dunne Constant of Bacon

CiDeRmAn · 29-07-2010 10:20am

Bacon, I know it can upset people of certain religious types, could they, in fact, be allergic to the power of bacon?
Perhaps bacon is like kryptonite to them, kinda like anti-bacon.

To the rest of us, anti-bacon would be the likes of brussels sprouts, something that outside of Christmas brings untold misery and is the genesis of a thousand unhappy childhood stories.

29-07-2010 11:57am

Speaking of christmas, This year i`m going to pray really hard too god for him too make a new species of turkey.... a turkey made completely of bacon :cool:

Tom Dunne · 29-07-2010 2:45pm

Not to be confused with turkey bacon, that culinary abomination.

29-07-2010 5:09pm

Forgot too mention that the turkey made of bacon will be of the pig variety none of that turkey bacon imposter crap

CiDeRmAn · 29-07-2010 6:22pm

So, is Bernard Mathews, inventor of Turkey Bacon, some sort of anti-christ of bacon lovers everywhere?
And if so, who is the messiah?
The lads at Clonkilty who make the best pudding in the world!

Tom Dunne · 29-07-2010 6:52pm

CiDeRmAn wrote: »

So, is Bernard Mathews, inventor of Turkey Bacon, some sort of anti-christ of bacon lovers everywhere?

We shall hunt him down.....

CiDeRmAn wrote: »

And if so, who is the messiah?
The lads at Clonkilty who make the best pudding in the world!

Well, not so much the messiah, more the Son.

You see, it works like this:

There is the Holy Trinity of Bacon products.

The Father - Mr. Denny - for the rashers

The Son - The Good People of Clonakilty for the puddings

And the Holy Ghost - Superquinn - for the sausages, of course

star-pants · 30-07-2010 11:57pm

uch · 31-07-2010 2:23am

Tom Dunne wrote: »

You work it out thus:

% remaining >= ( [Qa/2] + 3.1415926*Bd)/Alt^2 + 1.2134551E10)

Where:

Qa = the Quantity of Alcohol (divided by 2, because you never actually realise how much you have had to drink when you are on a flying carpet made out of bacon)

Bd = Bacon depth (the thickness, in cm, of the bacon)

Alt = Just how high are you?

1.2134551E10 = The Tom Dunne Constant of Bacon

By my calculations, You Sir are absolutely correct, and might I add, this calculation would be in scientific terms be on a bar sorry Par with Alberts equasion of reletivity

CiDeRmAn · 31-07-2010 11:23am

You guys have been watching Numb3rs again, haven't you?

Is there an approved way, in some sort of official church of bacon dogma, to cook bacon or other salted pork products?

I work in a very large north co. dublin psychiatric hospital and the catering staff there sent around something I have never seen before, nor ever hope to see again (although the client menus repeat every fortnight, so in 13 days I'll be seeing it again!),
they sent around white pudding, no probs there, it looked chunkily sliced, so far so good, it was a nice dense pud, with oats and other nice morsels in there, all good.
But then, I realised,
They didn't fry it.
They didn't grill it.
They didn't even bake it.

No, what these geniuses did was steam it!

I sh1t you not!

So, in your estimation, what should be done with these people?

Tom Dunne · 31-07-2010 11:33am

CiDeRmAn wrote: »

No, what these geniuses did was steam it!

I sh1t you not!

So, in your estimation, what should be done with these people?

Holy, sweet mother of God.:eek:

How do you actually steam white pudding? Hold it over the kettle with a fork?

There is no hope for people like this, no hope.

I say you administer a beating with a large ring of pudding. Stand over them while they learn to cook it properly, then force them to eat at least three kilos of it. Making sure they cook some properly for you, of course.

That'll learn 'em.

CiDeRmAn · 31-07-2010 3:58pm

I'm afraid being in the caring profession, and working in the HSE, not mutually exclusive oddly, it may be frowned upon to be seen to be using potentially delicious cured and uncured pork products to beat someone with, not to mention being against the one and holy churches scripture surely? (don't call me shirley).

southsiderosie · 31-07-2010 4:06pm

CiDeRmAn wrote: »

So, is Bernard Mathews, inventor of Turkey Bacon, some sort of anti-christ of bacon lovers everywhere?
And if so, who is the messiah?
The lads at Clonkilty who make the best pudding in the world!

The dude that invented this.

CiDeRmAn · 02-08-2010 12:11pm

I think the cardio surgeons of the world have a fatwa on those people!

Why not just wrap it around a big stick of butter and ring Beaumont ahead of time?

southsiderosie · 02-08-2010 12:25pm

CiDeRmAn wrote: »

I think the cardio surgeons of the world have a fatwa on those people!

Why not just wrap it around a big stick of butter and ring Beaumont ahead of time?

Because butter doesn't taste as good as bacon.

cyberwolf77 · 03-08-2010 3:50am

Try it on a BLT.*

* I take no responsibility if you suddenly find yourself overwhelmed by sheer pleasure

CiDeRmAn · 04-08-2010 10:26am

I don't know, that bacon flavoured spread may be just that, only bacon flavoured.
Where's the actual bacon?
Has a pig suffered, even one, to create that spread?
Does it have a Linda McCartney sticker on it anywhere?

Just checked the Bacconaise website http://www.jdfoods.net/products/baconnaise.php and looking at the ingredients there isn't any bacon in it anywhere, it's even Kosher for gods sake!
They even have a "Lite" version, for the less manly out there!

The company also seem to make multiple versions of Bacon Salt and Salt and Vinegar Salt which is cool.

The Mmmvelopes are a bit weird, the glue on the flap is, you guessed it, bacon flavoured.

And don't even look at the Baconlube product, not sure any of us want to even look at that, so just say no fella's, JUST SAY NO!

trout · 18-08-2010 5:50pm

For military style emergencies ... or if you need the A-Team ... Tactical Bacon

oblivious · 19-08-2010 7:38am

trout wrote: »

For military style emergencies ... or if you need the A-Team ... Tactical Bacon

There is a video for it too! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eEA3tHoovlk&feature=player_embedded

Gyalist · 19-08-2010 9:35am

It came to my attention a few minutes ago that there is a website called Bacon Today which provides "Daily Updates on the World of Sweet, Sweet Bacon".

Yesterday's headline news was People in Canada Choose Bacon Over Sex.

19-08-2010 11:30am

CiDeRmAn wrote: »

You guys have been watching Numb3rs again, haven't you?

Is there an approved way, in some sort of official church of bacon dogma, to cook bacon or other salted pork products?

I work in a very large north co. dublin psychiatric hospital and the catering staff there sent around something I have never seen before, nor ever hope to see again (although the client menus repeat every fortnight, so in 13 days I'll be seeing it again!),
they sent around white pudding, no probs there, it looked chunkily sliced, so far so good, it was a nice dense pud, with oats and other nice morsels in there, all good.
But then, I realised,
They didn't fry it.
They didn't grill it.
They didn't even bake it.

No, what these geniuses did was steam it!

I sh1t you not!

So, in your estimation, what should be done with these people?

OFF WITH THERE HEADS!! :cool:

trout · 24-08-2010 5:29pm

cyberwolf77 · 31-08-2010 1:12am

get drunk on BACON!

Swampy · 31-08-2010 10:15am

Oh yesss

BACON CHEESE DOUGHNUT BURGER

CiDeRmAn · 13-09-2010 6:17pm

For you Bacon devotees, a possible uniform for the next Beers, an antidote to the typical Hen and Stag party apparel!
http://6dollarshirts.com/product.php?productid=11330&cat=0&page=1

trout · 13-09-2010 9:02pm

CiDeRmAn wrote: »

For you Bacon devotees, a possible uniform for the next Beers, an antidote to the typical Hen and Stag party apparel!
http://6dollarshirts.com/product.php?productid=11330&cat=0&page=1

That's not a bad idea

madbev90210 · 16-09-2010 8:52pm

Bacon cannot pass the lips of a vegetarian :eek:

oblivious · 16-09-2010 9:08pm

madbev90210 wrote: »

Bacon cannot pass the lips of a vegetarian :eek:

it can it just plays havoc with their colon

CiDeRmAn · 19-09-2010 2:47pm

anyone check out Brandon Routh as the Vegan in Scott Pilgrim!
Very very funny, arrogant feckers!

Sam Vimes · 07-10-2010 11:56pm

NSFW http://www.inquisitr.com/23500/the-bacon-bra/

star-pants · 14-10-2010 12:08am

AWard · 12-11-2010 1:48pm

My love for bacon has been tested over the years....a can attacked me from a high shelf once and left blood. I used a lot of questionably sourced words and my young child was apparently within earshot of the incident and laughed uproariously. Me? Not so much.

Otherwise, bacon is a good thing. The scientific basis is that the pig has been genetically modified in order to produce meat that can safely contain an unreasonable amount of salt and curatives as well as support a high fat content. It's a heart attack on the hoof...

trout · 13-11-2010 1:04pm

You were attacked by a can

DominoDub · 13-11-2010 1:13pm

http://www.geekologie.com/2009/03/bacon_and_cheese_stuffed_pizza.php

pizza%20burger%201.jpg

:eek:

trout · 13-11-2010 1:16pm

DominoDub wrote: »

http://www.geekologie.com/2009/03/bacon_and_cheese_stuffed_pizza.php

:eek:

Noice ... I wonder if that could be covered in batter and then deep fried :pac:

cyberwolf77 · 13-11-2010 1:51pm

trout wrote: »

Noice ... I wonder if that could be covered in batter and then deep fried :pac:

I would be willing to attempt it.

AWard · 14-11-2010 3:48am

trout wrote: »

You were attacked by a can

OK, there's this bacon from a European country that I forgot the name of that comes in a can. You have to rinse it off and then fry it as it is packed in grease/fat... aka: "the fifth food group". It is a 1lb can and from a height of about 2.5 meters....it's painful.

I seem to be attacked by supposedly inanimate objects...that sounds much more exciting than "I jumped up to swipe at the can to get it down and it certainly came down in an unexpected way at a surprising velocity with a disappointing stopping point"....see what I mean?

trout · 24-07-2011 10:41am

Possibly the finest website I have seen all weekend. A site devoted to Bacon.

I mean ... a video titled the Flaming Bacon Lance of Death :pac:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w9dskxN10N0

And the iPhone case, made from Bacon

And the Bacon wallet ... I want one

Morag · 26-07-2011 10:56pm

http://www.theparliament.com/press-review-article/newsarticle/eu-to-introduce-tastier-bacon-rules/

The Telegraph reports that meat producers could be forced to cut the amount of water they add to bacon products.

Under new EU rules that could be introduced within four years, bacon rashers containing more that five per cent of water would have to be renamed as "bacon with added water".

Currently producers are allowed to sell bacon with up to 10 per cent water, before they need to declare the product as having added water.

The Daily Mail reports that supermarkets and producers warned that any new labelling plans and changes to water content would confuse customers and dramatically alter the price and taste of bacon.

A spokesman from the British Retail Consortium is quoted as saying that water is added to attain the correct "succulence, taste and texture".

However, real food campaigner Keith Dalmey told the paper that his campaign group, Sustain, defended the move by EU policymakers saying, "Most consumers would be shocked at how much water is added."

"It's tempting for the food industry to do it because it is free and because they sell meat by weight. It is important that consumers know how much water is added so they can judge value for money."

The_M · 18-08-2011 7:11pm

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/bacon_love

DeVore · 19-08-2011 3:52pm

I've eaten bacon icecream.

It was gooood.

DeV.

Zaph · 19-08-2011 10:12pm

I saw a guy making that on tv last week. It looked amazing.

Bacon - is there anything it can't do?

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