Ladies what would you think if

LegacyUser · 27-04-2008 2:32pm #1

If you met a guy for the first time and kind of liked him and you spent a whole night flirting and when eventually you scored and got to the bedroom he couldnt perform!!!

This unfortunately happened me recently, I admit there was a small bit of alcohol involved, well just a few bottles of beer, but this has been happening quite regularly now, Im sure its a psychological thing but Im just wondering what your opinion of the guy would be if that happened. It certainly changed the mood with the two of us that night. I reckon I had built her up to something just by having such a laugh,flirting properly, showing alot of confidencc etc but it all shattered when that happened.

I am now mortified I left the next day and we said bye and all that but there was definitely a difference. Im just wondering what women genuinely think when this happens especially with someone they dont really know and hence arent in love or really really attracted to him.

Miss Fluff · 27-04-2008 3:43pm

When you say you couldn't perform could you get an erection in the first place or what happened?

fatal · 27-04-2008 3:44pm

This has happened to two of my mates in the last week.Both don't know what to do

LegacyUser · 27-04-2008 3:49pm

it sounds like the drink to me...it happens to so many guys it's unbelievable...being drunk or having a hangover or feeling sick can cause this. From my point of view I'd stick with him if he was a really nice guy,made me laugh etc...if you really like a girl it can take time to forge a trusting relationship...relationships and trust lead to good times!!

LegacyUser · 27-04-2008 4:23pm

Miss Fluff wrote: »

When you say you couldn't perform could you get an erection in the first place or what happened?

sorry I should have been more specific, yea id trouble getting an erection, im not really wondering why or whats causing it because ive started reading alot more about it, and will probably see a GP, this is more to see what she might think of me,

ModeSkeletor · 27-04-2008 4:26pm

It's either 2 things:

1) You were nervous and had too much to drink

or

2) You weren't attracted to her

Carrigart Exile · 27-04-2008 5:59pm

Its happened once, you now have that niggling doubt that it will happen again. l

AARRRGH · 27-04-2008 7:38pm

bedcrisis wrote: »

im not really wondering why or whats causing it because ive started reading alot more about it, and will probably see a GP

Hang on.

Alcohol + nerves are a well known boner killer.

It has happened / will happen to every guy at some stage.

Don't worry about it unless it happens every single time for a prolonged period of time.

littlefriend · 27-04-2008 9:33pm

Unless she is very self assured she probably thinks you didn't find her attractive or else weren't turned on by her. She was probably embarrassed too.
Have you been in touch since?

Liam Byrne · 27-04-2008 11:45pm

If she writes you off after one occurrence like this then she ain't worth knowing.....

It happens everyone at some stage....drink/doubts/tiredness/stress

seahorse · 28-04-2008 12:22am

Liam Byrne wrote: »

If she writes you off after one occurrence like this then she ain't worth knowing.....

This is very true.

If it happened to me with a bloke first night I was with him I'd definitely see him again because at this point in my life if I wasnt "really really attracted to him" I wouldnt be in the bed in the first place.

Miss Fluff · 28-04-2008 2:15am

As another poster pointed out,if the girl is in bed with you in the first place then she clearly likes you.It has happened to a guy I was with before and most girls,if they are mature about it,would try not to think any less of you and realise that these things happen sometimes!You HAVE to make an effort with the girl though OP,you said there was weirdness in the morning so you should avoid that!

Fiona24 · 28-04-2008 9:09am

ive been with my boyfriend for the past 7 months, and he couldnt keep an erection. I found it really frustrating and felt like i couldnt turn him on but he reassured me it wasnt me. The point is I really really liked him maybe even love him so I put up with it and kept my patience now his problem is sorted coz he's relaxed. I think if you really like someone and they like you too its worth it. If that girl is still in contact with you you know for definite that she really likes you, sex definitly isnt the be all and end all.

LegacyUser · 28-04-2008 9:33am

Liam Byrne wrote: »

If she writes you off after one occurrence like this then she ain't worth knowing.....

It happens everyone at some stage....drink/doubts/tiredness/stress

this happened to me and i have to say it's left me in bits, it's coming up on a year now and i haven't had any since.

drink/nerves and cramp tent space really affected me. she shrugged me off then about 3 weeks later with no reasoning, not to mention it was my first time as well.

Kelly O'Malley · 28-04-2008 5:23pm

If the lady is anything like me she'd be more worried that it was her fault that she wasn't attractive enough.
Such insecurities we all have...

StormWarrior · 28-04-2008 5:46pm

Well, I'm female and this has happened when I have been with blokes. It's not impressive at all but it happens. If it's a one off cos the bloke had had a few, then it's tolerable but if it became a habit tbh I wouldn't be interested. Also if it happened due to drink and he continued to drink on nights when we should be getting together, I would say goodbye.

It did happen to me once when I didn't really know him and wasn't that attracted to him. I told all my friends and we laughed at his ineptitude. Sorry.

JimmyCrackCorn! · 28-04-2008 6:14pm

Happens me all the time misses thinks its funny. Im often quoted as "Honey are you in the mood". Followed by a cuddle up and "night night" .

i loose all interest when booze gets involved (three - four pints). Mind you iv never checked to see is it standing.

Works fine at any other time(just to clear that up)

stovelid · 28-04-2008 10:06pm

StormWarrior wrote: »

It did happen to me once when I didn't really know him and wasn't that attracted to him. I told all my friends and we laughed at his ineptitude. Sorry.

How helpful for the OP.

bedcrisis wrote: »

This unfortunately happened me recently, I admit there was a small bit of alcohol involved, well just a few bottles of beer, but this has been happening quite regularly now, I

Define a 'few bottles'.

Sounds like nerves and alcohol, honestly. Stressing out about it probably has a 'snowball' effect.

It happens to most guys (if they're honest) at one stage or another.

Liam Byrne · 28-04-2008 10:09pm

stovelid wrote: »

How helpful for the OP.

+1

And the poster themselves......I wonder did their girly snigger compensate for the fact that she might have written off a half-decent relationship, and now she'll never know.....

Of course, like I said above, if someone's the type to snigger about this, then maybe the guy in question is WAY better off....

seahorse · 28-04-2008 11:03pm

StormWarrior wrote: »

It did happen to me once when I didn't really know him and wasn't that attracted to him. I told all my friends and we laughed at his ineptitude. Sorry.

If I overheard a group of women laughing about this the only thing I'd find amusing would be their lack of life experience.

AlexBM · 29-04-2008 4:09am

It wouldn't bother me too much, personally. I certainly wouldn't have a laugh about it, tbh. I'd put it down to the drink, rather than myself, and try again another time. It wouldn't put me off him.

Carrigart Exile · 29-04-2008 6:47am

StormWarrior wrote: »

Well, I'm female and this has happened when I have been with blokes. It's not impressive at all but it happens. If it's a one off cos the bloke had had a few, then it's tolerable but if it became a habit tbh I wouldn't be interested. Also if it happened due to drink and he continued to drink on nights when we should be getting together, I would say goodbye.

It did happen to me once when I didn't really know him and wasn't that attracted to him. I told all my friends and we laughed at his ineptitude. Sorry.

You are a credit to female kind.

Liam Byrne · 29-04-2008 10:23am

Actually, I just re-read this.....

StormWarrior wrote: »

It did happen to me once when I didn't really know him and wasn't that attracted to him. I told all my friends and we laughed at his ineptitude. Sorry.

If you weren't "that attracted to him", is there any chance the same applied to him - that he wasn't "that attracted to you" ? If so, it's not a case of "his ineptitude", more a case that neither of ye really turned each other on....

Of course, blaming him and "his ineptitude", and having a laugh about it with "all your friends" just means that you're dismissing any chance that he didn't find you attractive enough......handy, that.....:p

arybvtcw0eolkf · 29-04-2008 10:55am

StormWarrior wrote: »

It did happen to me once when I didn't really know him and wasn't that attracted to him. I told all my friends and we laughed at his ineptitude. Sorry.

At least your honest about it, but sometimes its better to keep your own council around here as although you find it funny its not very helpful in a forum designed to help people with 'personal issues'!.

OP, I'm another bloke adding his voice to the thread - it happens to us all.

I find sometimes that intercourse is rushed and I'm not fully aroused, could this have been the case?.. I and most of the lads who've spoken honestly about this find that lots more fore play and oral should have you a woodie you could beat a donkey out of a swamp with.

I've just finished reading Ron Jeremy's autobiography and he maintains the same thing - ie lots more foreplay and oral before intercourse for quailty erections.

Btw, after the first time it happened with me I was terrified it would happen again, got myself some Vitamin V

just incase but never got to use 'em as with time things settled back into their old ways.

LaVidaLoca · 29-04-2008 11:13am

and it's rarely to do with not being horny or finding a chick attractive.

Its just a consequence of the fact that in the past 30 or so years we've made good progress in educating men about how women's bodies work, but not in educating women about how men's work.

Sometimes, prefectly normal healthy guys just cant rise to the occassion on occassion.

Overheal · 29-04-2008 1:55pm

dublindude wrote: »

Hang on.

Alcohol + nerves are a well known boner killer.

It has happened / will happen to every guy at some stage.

Don't worry about it unless it happens every single time for a prolonged period of time.

And thats why Nerds Dont Drink

have you tried anything sober OP?

Dragan · 29-04-2008 2:52pm

StormWarrior wrote: »

It did happen to me once when I didn't really know him and wasn't that attracted to him. I told all my friends and we laughed at his ineptitude. Sorry.

:rolleyes:

The funny thing is that you could have been the reason for it!

OP, **** happens. It's about that simple.

The only way to go is just ignore, chill out and do something else. Don't try and force the issue. It's happened to me twice in my life, in the same week with the same girl simply because i was incredibly tired at the time working two jobs and doing college at nights. Solution was to sit back and chill, have a chat and a kiss and then get down to business about 20 mins later.

If you dwell on it it's gonna haunt you mate.

LegacyUser · 29-04-2008 3:12pm

I wouldn't worry about it OP, it happened to my bf first time we were together - after a drinking session - and it didn't put me off him at all, we're together 4 + years now and no probelms. As others have said if the two of you did get on well and if she's not the shallow type then she won't let it bother her or put her off getting to know you further - assuming that's what you want.

Oh and do try not to stress too much about it as it will only make it worse. BF was worried about it happening again the next time we met - for various reasons there was a few weeks in between when we didn't see each other - and I know it did bother him in case there was a repeat but we talked about it and said it wouldn't be the end of the world if it didn't happen for us. It was fine in the end though, just don't put yourself under too much pressure.

LaVidaLoca · 29-04-2008 3:24pm

"force the issue"

And the award for best unintentional Double Entendre goes to....

galah · 29-04-2008 3:40pm

also, make sure that even if you can't perform, she gets what she wants (pleasure, if I need to spell it out) ..

Don't assume that just because you can't get it up that it means the end of 'playtime' for the night! And who knows, maybe that'll get you back in the mood...

LegacyUser · 29-04-2008 3:51pm

cheers for all the replies, good to see alot of positive responses, seems very common, I definetely think its a mix of nerves and alcohol. I had figured in my head that the alcohol might cancel out the nerves but now im thinking otherwise. Its good to see that its not a huge issue in the womans head.

I was beginning to think that girl I met completely changed her view on me because of something like that but hopefully not. It was just weird the next morning because I was beating myself up about it in my head and every expression she made etc I was picking up on and probably being too paranoid.

I am considering as one poster said "vitamin V" just a quick temporary thing, I know I cant go relying on it but I have heard of GPs perscribing it even if its not a direct physical problem knowing that it will build the confidence again.
thanks again

Ladies what would you think if

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