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She cheated... now she does everything I say.

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    #32
    LaVidaLoca
    Closed Accounts Posts: 277 ✭✭LaVidaLoca


    sounds like a pretty classic archetype.

    "I wouldn't wanna belong to any club that would have a guy like me for a member." as Groucho Marx said it.

    You automatically think that a girl who treats you bad and makes life difficult for you, must be more worth having than one that treats you nice and is good to you.

    There are many males and females who think this way and if they dont grow out of it, always end up in horrible relationships.


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    #33
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    So she has been incredibly submissive in her relationship with you for the last two years and it's now that you have an issue with it ?

    What did you do until you got bored of it ?
    Sex is actually crap because no matter what i ask her to do she does it and obviously she doesnt enjoy everything and i've had enough.

    Sounds like me you exploited the situation to see how much you could get away with and now you are bored and have lost any respect for her what so ever.

    Why did you keep having sex with her and demanding that she do things which she seemed clearly not to be enjoying ?

    Talk about selfish.

    Look she has gotten herslef into that midset when around you and it's a pattern and it can be hard to break.

    Now it could be that you are going out with someone who enjoys that type of dymnaic in a relationship and you have been duped or fell into a Dominant/submissive relationship
    but it sounds like you really don't care for her or cherish her any more despite her extesnsive efforts to please you.

    So a) you break up with her and go away and have a really good think about how you have disrespected her and how much of a part in her debasement you have played a part of.

    b) try and find away to change things by takeing responsiblity in your part in the dynamic.

    Why don't you pamper her ? why don't you place yourself at her beck and call mindlessly submissive her her whims and her needs and so that she can see what it is like.


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    #34
    King of Kings
    Registered Users Posts: 1,695 ✭✭✭King of Kings


    jamegg wrote: »
    If i was her i'd ram the steak down your throat. The cheek of you to be treating a woman like this. Do her a favour and end it, because the way you come across in your post she doesn't deserve someone like you, even if she stupidly/mistakenly kiss a guy.

    Josef Fritzel:rolleyes:

    if you did that i'd vomit it back up all over you and then remind you that I wanted chicken.
    Josef Fritzel isn't funny - and Fritzel the OP ain't


    OP
    i had a friend whose gf was like that - although she didn't cheat on him , it was a gradual change in her when they moved in together- in the end he ended it cos of her submissive behaviour.

    I feel she put up with your boorish behaviour post cheating , cos you were angry, and just to used to behaving like that so now it's second nature. How is she among friends?
    I think the heart to heart is a good idea - remind her why you love her (or loved her) and make it clear the submissive behaviour is ruining your relationship.
    If the heart to heart doesn't work I'd say you should end it - as obviously you're not happy and that's the main thing in a relationship
    Thaedydal wrote: »

    Sounds like me you exploited the situation to see how much you could get away with and now you are bored and have lost any respect for her what so ever.

    Why did you keep having sex with her and demanding that she do things which she seemed clearly not to be enjoying ?

    Talk about selfish.

    To be fair to the OP , many situations in a relationship can be gradual and you mighn't realise it until it's gone on a long time. Also at the beginning of this behaviour he may have liked it as a subconscious way "to reel in that cheating " gf.
    It may have seemed logical in his anger that she try to appease him.

    Thaedydal wrote: »
    Why don't you pamper her ? why don't you place yourself at her beck and call mindlessly submissive her her whims and her needs and so that she can see what it is like.
    quality idea. simple and brilliant - best idea today!


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    #35
    Chinafoot
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,894 ✭✭✭Chinafoot


    slavemaster wrote: »
    So its been at least 20 months since I last did something with the chicken/steak but she is still like this.

    Right so you havent done the chicken/steak thing but you did say
    slavemaster wrote:
    Sex is actually crap because no matter what i ask her to do she does it and obviously she doesnt enjoy everything

    Has this still been happening over the last 20 months? Have you been asking her to do things that you know she doesn't enjoy? If so, why? My parter would never ask me to do something I wasn't comfortable with and if I was doing something to try and please him but it was obvious I wasn't enjoying it, we'd stop.

    To be completely honest with you...it was a kiss. One kiss that she told you about straight away and, from what you say, something she regretted massively. You have admitted to being a cúnt to her for a few months so it's no wonder she's terrified of losing you and so desperate to please you. Months? Over a kiss?! If you felt that strongly about it you should have left her. I'm not trying to condone what she did and I don't know the circumstances but I have to be honest and say that people make mistakes and it sounds like the punishment really didn't fit the crime in this case.

    Unless you can both get passed this your relationship won't get any better. She obviously still feels awful about what happened but you need to ask yourself, honestly, if you're doing anything to make her still feel like that.

    I agree with Thaed, you should spoil her and do what she wants for a change, but not to show her how frustrated you've become. Instead, try to show her how much you love and her and want to be with her. Prove to her that you're over the past and want your relationship to move on.


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    #36
    truecrippler
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,243 ✭✭✭truecrippler


    Or maybe she's still seeing someone else and being extra nice to you so you won't expect anything. A cover up if you will.
    But if not, a girl that does all those things... wow!!! Nice catch.


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    #37
    4Xcut
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,248 ✭✭✭4Xcut


    Just leave. there's no point staying in a relationship where the power balance is off, whether its in your favour or going against you.


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    #38
    Teddi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 463 ✭✭Teddi


    I usually dont have bad things to say about OP's but mate you need to cop on..


    If you are aware that she does everything for you, try implimenting more options for her, and TRY and persaude her to do what she wants to from time to time...

    "actually I wanted chicken"...you serious?...id have chucked that in your face literally if I had cooked you that....

    you sound like a husband in southern america in the 60's...thats how your coming off.

    I know that alot of this is her doing, but step up and be a man and stop taking advantage of this situation, you need to sit her down an explain it was 2 years ago, and not to be at your beck and call constantly.

    The only reason why this is starting to piss you off, is that it sounds that you havent done anything about it, found a nice comfortable position to be in and has now turned into routine.

    nip it in the bud now before it costs you your relationship.


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    #39
    Abi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,058 ✭✭✭✭Abi


    OP, what exactly did you say / act like when she told you?
    What way have you been with her since?

    It seems to me that it is you that is making her suffer. And what is worse is, you've bascially come on here to gloat about it.

    What sort of advice did you expect from this thread? If you were really unable to handle her being so submissive, you would have lost a lot of respect for her, and left her a long time ago.

    You secretly enjoy the control tbh, or you are a troll.

    I just hope its the latter.


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    #40
    who_ru
    Registered Users Posts: 2,033 ✭✭✭who_ru


    she'd be better off without you - do her a favour and end it and let her move on.


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    #41
    Dr_Teeth
    Registered Users Posts: 2,010 ✭✭✭Dr_Teeth


    slavemaster wrote: »

    I'll give you some examples. If were out and she's having a great night. If i say were going home she'll just come with me, no arguments or can we stay for a few mins she just comes home with me.

    If she cooks steak for dinner and when she's putting the plate in front of me I say "I actually wanted chicken" she'll actually go and cook it for me. If we had a booked a holiday and the day before i decided i wasnt going, she wouldnt say a word.

    If i say were going to X place on sat night she'll come even though her friends might want her to go out.

    I think she was so afraid of losing me she's turned into a walkover. Now while i was very angry after she cheated this has been going on for a year still while i've been trying to get her back to "normal" .

    Sex is actually crap because no matter what i ask her to do she does it and obviously she doesnt enjoy everything and i've had enough.

    I'm really confused here.. are you saying you take advantage of her by making her do things you know she'd rather not do, but are also complaining that she does them??

    Why don't you just, not ask her to do those things? If you want her to be more confident/willful/self-respecting then why don't you treat her as if she was like that. Seems like a pretty simple solution to me:

    * If you're in a club and you want to leave and you know she doesn't, you say "This is great, we'll stay as long as you like".

    * If she cooks you a steak and you want chicken, you "Great steak, thanks luv" and eat it. Then you cook chicken for the pair of you the next night.

    * If you know she and her friends are going out, leave them to it. Tell her you'll go out with your mates and see her tomorrow.

    * In bed, ask her what she would like.

    ..and so on. If you treat her with consideration she'll soon realise she's worth consideration and the relationship will be more equal. That's what I reckon anyway.


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    #42
    kittensoft1984
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,124 ✭✭✭kittensoft1984


    who_ru wrote: »
    she'd be better off without you - do her a favour and end it and let her move on.

    +1

    OP, you seriously need to do cop on here.

    Your runing the girl and its her i feel sorry for.

    Please just end it - yes it may be a case that she is hurt etc for a while but in the long run it will be better for her.

    Please just do it


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    #43
    Overheal
    Registered Users Posts: 81,883 ✭✭✭✭Overheal


    slavemaster wrote: »
    Sorry I havent had a chance to reply til now. we have been together 2 years since this happened. And as some of you have correctly figured out I was a bit of a c*nt to her for a couple of months. As I was pretty hurt that she was with someone else. But I copped on a realised we'd never have a relationship if i didnt let go of the anger.

    So its been at least 20 months since I last did something with the chicken/steak but she is still like this. She doesnt make any decisions for herself she wants/expects me to tell her what were doing.

    Every now and again she does say she's sorry for what she did and thanks for not dumping her. But tbh I'm pretty sick of the way she is.

    Thanks for the advice, I think a serious heart to heart is in order.

    Well ok lets get back to the sex part of this: I mean for all we know it could still be a problem because of that. If you are dominating her there, you are going to dominate her everywhere.

    If she can't figure out what she wants assume she doesnt want anything instead of forcing something on her. Wait for her to decide - and dont pressure her to make up her mind either. Put her needs first for a start.

    I'm guessing it started out in those 4 months as you getting payback sex/favors out of it and you have just become spoiled on that. Work your way out of it. Fast.

    Again, have the heart to heart - and really think about your actions over the last 2 years and if you feel you need to apologize for any of it, do. And don't rush over that either. No quick yeah sorry's. We're talking about a 2 year apology here.

    And don't overlook that the relationship may have to end. My only concern is that when she's left alone will she remember how to stand up for herself or will she just fall back in with someone who gets off on being a control freak - and they will hurt her properly.


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