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LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!
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I have been feeling pretty rubbish today, really just wanting to have a hug and a good cry. Back to my doctor on Wednesday though. I've gone from sleeping 3 hours a night to never wanting to waken.
I had one of those days yesterday. Ended up ringing someone and saying how I was feeling and could they spare an hour to get coffee. Hope you're feeling better today
I feel like my stomach is a washing machine, stupid tablets make me feel so sick, theres no feeling I hate more in the world! Constant nausea and now Im getting this 'zap' type thing, like my brain skips half a second like a video.
Ugh another few days of this!0 -
Ihatecuddles wrote: »I had one of those days yesterday. Ended up ringing someone and saying how I was feeling and could they spare an hour to get coffee. Hope you're feeling better today
I feel like my stomach is a washing machine, stupid tablets make me feel so sick, theres no feeling I hate more in the world! Constant nausea and now Im getting this 'zap' type thing, like my brain skips half a second like a video.
Ugh another few days of this!
Thanks. I was a good bit better today, think insomnia is just really starting to get to me. After one good sleep I'm back to square one (hence posting at 3:50am!). I will be getting my dose doubled tomorrow, dreading the side effects, but they do go away soon enough - just have to stick it out 0 -
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On Today FM they were talking about intrusive thoughts.
Surely though everyone gets these thoughts from time to time that put you down? Is that not completely normal?
They were also talking about self harming. When I was around 13 I used to cut my arms and lets a lot. I have scars because of it unfortunately but I generally used a stanley blade so they're not as bad as they could have been. It's so long ago that I don't really remember my mindset at the time, but I don't think it was depression or a feeling of sadness even. I think I enjoyed the feeling of being alive if that makes sense in a distorted way. I thought I'd even read something along these lines about self harming in the past but they were linking it directly to depression on the show.
I could be getting my wires totally crossed here because as I said, I can't really remember my thoughts from 14 years ago. When I try to remember myself at 13 I was a happy kid in my mind.
What really seems to be the point in my mind where something definitely changed was when I hit puberty, like a brick wall. I was very late, embarrassingly enough and I completely changed. That's something to this day I'm quite amazed that more people didn't notice the drastic change in my personality. I was probably a sort of semi shy kid but at the same time very out going, and hard to shut up with people I knew. I was generally only shy around new people and by the time I was 15 my confidence was off the chart. Then a few years later I hit puberty and became a shell. I became extremely quiet and only talked to a few people in my class.
I was always somewhat annoyed that my family never seemed to notice the change in me, or at least it was never mentioned.
Anyway it took me until I was about 22 to begin to start regaining my confidence and it's still today slowly building each day.
This week in particular I've felt more like my old self that I think I should be than I have in years.
I know confidence and depression are two different things but you need to feel good about yourself to feel good about yourself, in my experience.
For years I also experienced suicidal ideation. I wouldn't be able to sleep unless I was thinking about my death. I googled countless times ways I could kill myself and make it look like an accident.
Even driving on the motorway I'd begin to think to myself that I could crash into a pillar now and people would just think I'd had an unfortunate car crash.
I even had moments where I'd randomly unexplainably start crying. I had no idea what the cause would be but I would feel like ****e. I was on (and still am but a much less strength) medication that has some awful side effects including depression which I had no choice in taking realistically. I'm sure that came into play a bit too.
Over the years though I'm definitely getting to where I want to be. In fact I feel really close now. I always felt like I wasn't in control of my life for a long time and that was a huge factor too.
What's really helped is I have a great group of friends who look out for each other a lot. I've talked to a few people about this and it tends to be people who've gone through their own things that have been the best help.
I think hanging out with people who are "good for you" is particularly important. The first person I ever told I was feeling depressed to, is now looking at it one of the most selfish people I've ever met, for a whole range of reasons. But their response to me was, "what the hell do you have to be depressed about in fairness". I was unemployed at the time for a start.
I've written a little blog about my life there while giving about selfish people
But I don't know, someone might find that useful.
I wonder what part alcohol played in it for me as I know nowadays that can set me in to a bit of a spiral and when I first began to feel the onset of depression I was drinking at the weekends for the sake of drinking. Before that I still drank, but used to be actually looking forward to the event rather than the drinking.
A few years ago I had thought that I'd one day end up killing myself and that it was a matter of time. To know that I was actually thinking like this scares me a little now. Obviously there are days that I feel more like the bad days than I'd like but I think they are becoming less and less and I know that I'm very close to being as happy as I've ever been. 0 -
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TeddyTedson wrote: »On Today FM they were talking about intrusive thoughts.
Surely though everyone gets these thoughts from time to time that put you down? Is that not completely normal?
What really seems to be the point in my mind where something definitely changed was when I hit puberty, like a brick wall.
I was always somewhat annoyed that my family never seemed to notice the change in me, or at least it was never mentioned.
Even driving on the motorway I'd begin to think to myself that I could crash into a pillar now and people would just think I'd had an unfortunate car crash.
What's really helped is I have a great group of friends who look out for each other a lot. I've talked to a few people about this and it tends to be people who've gone through their own things that have been the best help.
I think hanging out with people who are "good for you" is particularly important. The first person I ever told I was feeling depressed to, is now looking at it one of the most selfish people I've ever met, for a whole range of reasons. But their response to me was, "what the hell do you have to be depressed about in fairness". I was unemployed at the time for a start.
I wonder what part alcohol played in it for me as I know nowadays that can set me in to a bit of a spiral and when I first began to feel the onset of depression I was drinking at the weekends for the sake of drinking. Before that I still drank, but used to be actually looking forward to the event rather than the drinking.
A few years ago I had thought that I'd one day end up killing myself and that it was a matter of time. To know that I was actually thinking like this scares me a little now. Obviously there are days that I feel more like the bad days than I'd like but I think they are becoming less and less and I know that I'm very close to being as happy as I've ever been.
Sorry for the ninja edit, I am useless with multi quote!
These bits I can all relate to . Looking back I was actually a kind of quiet person who was publically extravert, but personally very introvert. I liked spending time with myself (playing with my toys) but felt the pressure of conformism (at least that's what I call it) forced me to engage with others.. As soon as I hit my teens the pressure of life started to increase and I was introduced to alcohol which made me literally a party person that was in many cases the joker of the crowd.
I learned early on that if you are courting attention (by having fun and making fun of yourself) it actually took the focus off you. People seldom picked me out for attention because I was always giving the perception that I was looking for attention and as such people didn't give me more attention by slagging me etc. In reality I wasn't enjoying myself, putting myself under more pressure to "perform" at social events. I felt under pressure to be in good form and dreaded going out with friends. .
My friends have always supported me and while I have heard the old "sure what have you got to be depressed about", I don't think they are being rude, just at worst ignorant but more then likely just uninformed on my struggles.
With regards to my family, they never understood me and to a degree they still don't. I don't blame them because like I mentioned in the previous paragraph, its difficult enough for people to understand something in others that they cant relate to, but its even harder when they don't actually know what that person is going through. For a long time I have had a lot of anger towards my family, still do to a degree.
One thing I would have to say is that the more I resolve these feelings towards family, friends, social situations, childhood etc . . The feelings I have agonised over for so long, the easier it is to live my life. The easier it is to sleep (cant believe I'm in bed most nights at 11 and asleep by 12!). I used to dread going to bed because I knew I couldn't sleep and in many cases would spend hours with loads of annoying things racing through my mind. As such I got used to staying up late (watching tv and playing playstation) to wait until I was literally knackered before going up.
On in the last few months have I really hit the ground in my rehabilitation. But I would say there have been moments when I have had intrusive thoughts (heard some of that stuff on Today FM). I have been driving (on my own) at times and thought "I could just turn the wheel into that ditch/wall" and sometimes I have been at peace with the idea. . But a thought is a thought . . Its not important if its not followed by the action. Yes, its scary to even think such a thing but I try not to dwell on these things as much as I used to.
I read many posts here (cant thank them all!) that I totally relate to. At the risk of sounding a bit airy fairy , I believe we all have our own paths to follow. Many of us can eventually find the peace and serenity that we are desperate to feel/find. Some of us will have to work harder then others, but for me one of the most important things was my acceptance that I was unable to find answers myself, my commitment to investing time/money in a solution and in trusting different parties to guide me on a path I could not find myself.
I have a therapist whom I trust completely. I have a doctor who is well informed on my condition and whom I meet regularly. I am now able to communicate my feelings to my family and friends which means I don't feel invisible/alone. And I don't rely on medication to enhance my mood (I can , at times, find peace and joy on my own).
If I read the above paragraph two years ago I would of thought "lucky bastard" . . "Sure everything has fallen into place for him nicely" . . And other stuff that would take the focus off me . . The starting point for my rehabilitation was me looking at me (instead of the world - blaming job, money, friends, family etc) . . I realised that I was the biggest roadblock in my recovery.- My thinking, my understanding of how I was feeling, my ego (I can solve this myself - nobody understands me), my perception of the world around me (this world is horrible, people are mean/ignorant), my lack of trust (doctor suggests something I don't agree with - hes wrong, don't like a particular therapist/councillor therefore don't bother trying again), my unwillingness to change (perhaps getting more exercise will help, cut down on alcohol, eat healthier)
Its funny cause as I write this I imagine some people might think I always talk of me . . Me me me . . But I am trying to learn to speak on these sort of things , of my experience . . Rather then speak as if its just a point of view I have on a topic , like a debate, I am trying to speak on my experiences and how I feel I was able to feel better or overcome a problem. I used to be awfully absolute on topics/things that I didn't have a huge understanding. Like my mental health;)0 -
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Ihatecuddles wrote: »I had one of those days yesterday. Ended up ringing someone and saying how I was feeling and could they spare an hour to get coffee. Hope you're feeling better today
I feel like my stomach is a washing machine, stupid tablets make me feel so sick, theres no feeling I hate more in the world! Constant nausea and now Im getting this 'zap' type thing, like my brain skips half a second like a video.
Ugh another few days of this!
Cymbalta? Those side effects never fully went away while I was on it... especially after the year/year and half mark of being on it. (Although good med for anxiety)
And when I was coming off the med, took like 6 weeks of intense side effects/withdrawal! and that was tapering down over a few months.
Do you also get vertigo? that was almost worse than the brain zaps.
I'll try every other med before going back on that myself! S:0 -
Join Date:Posts: 29920
Can totally relate to that. Tried very hard for people to think highly of me by entertaining them and impressing them. Now I'm a lot more likely to listen and to allow them "breathe". Funny thing is, it seems like everyone is happier with things that wayCall Me Jimmy wrote: »Top post drumpot, and your emphasis on you being the roadblock is spot on. Some people might dismiss it because it sounds SO basic and simple an idea but it is the truth and as we all know the truth will set you free.
I was interested to read about your social development, quite similar to mine. I do have a question though, if you don't mind:
You were the self-professed 'attention-seeker' and 'joker', do you find that with recovery you are more 'meditative' (for want of a better word) in social situations?
I'm slightly struggling at the moment in the sense that the old me was the 'try-hard-get-people-laughing-as-much-as-possible' but I've been doing some inner engineering as sadhguru calls it and I sometimes notice I am a bit less lively in social situations. It's like I give people more of a chance to flourish themselves instead of me assuming 'here i better make things happen here'.
Can you relate to any of this? A transition when you become more peaceful? The biggest thing I identified with besides my looks was my 'being funny/exciting' but with more peacefulness i'm afraid I might lose that a bit?
Interested to hear more from you and I'm glad you are steadying the ship!
T.0 -
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looking_around wrote: »Cymbalta? Those side effects never fully went away while I was on it... especially after the year/year and half mark of being on it. (Although good med for anxiety)
And when I was coming off the med, took like 6 weeks of intense side effects/withdrawal! and that was tapering down over a few months.
Do you also get vertigo? that was almost worse than the brain zaps.
I'll try every other med before going back on that myself! S:
Yeah Cymbalta
God I really hope it goes away! I havent experienced any vertigo thankfully. The brain zaps are the worst side effect for me I think, I feel like people are looking at me when it happens and they can see my head twitch and think Im on some illegal drug! 0 -
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Was supposed to attend a family wedding last Saturday, had the suit cleaned and all, ready to be collected at the dry cleaners. I spent all weekend in bed, and I mean 48 continuous hours. Couldn't face people, I have a social phobia too which makes me highly uncomfortable around people. I felt like absolute death when I did rise on Monday morning for work. And i still haven't collected the suit from the dry cleaners! Not wanting to be awake seems to be top of my priority lately, even though I never sleep well and am constantly tired.
My sister is at me to attend a counsellor, but it's money I don't really have to spare. Situation feels rather hopeless at the moment. Not expecting any help as such, I don't have anyclose friends, only acquaintances who I would socialise with at weekends.
But it's good to write it down and spit it out.
I think your sister is right you need to do something. I know money is an issue for most people right now, but it is worth investing in your mental health because the situation is not going to change by itself. You probably would have spent a few bob at the wedding, so why not use that money for a visit to the GP as a first step and depending on the outcome of that you can decide what to do next. Another option you have is Aware, they have group meetings in your area and they also do online CBT courses for depression and anxiety and its all free.
If you are a regular reader of this thread and the one in Long Term Illness you will know that it is possible to significantly change the quality of your life. If you aren't a regular then I suggest you spend some time reading through, there are some very inspiring stories. I would encourage you to take some action today, pick up the phone, read the websites, start researching your illness. Take small steps and don't expect too much too quickly but make a start you deserve to be happier. 0 -
Call Me Jimmy wrote: »Top post drumpot, and your emphasis on you being the roadblock is spot on. Some people might dismiss it because it sounds SO basic and simple an idea but it is the truth and as we all know the truth will set you free.
I was interested to read about your social development, quite similar to mine. I do have a question though, if you don't mind:
You were the self-professed 'attention-seeker' and 'joker', do you find that with recovery you are more 'meditative' (for want of a better word) in social situations?
I'm slightly struggling at the moment in the sense that the old me was the 'try-hard-get-people-laughing-as-much-as-possible' but I've been doing some inner engineering as sadhguru calls it and I sometimes notice I am a bit less lively in social situations. It's like I give people more of a chance to flourish themselves instead of me assuming 'here i better make things happen here'.
Can you relate to any of this? A transition when you become more peaceful? The biggest thing I identified with besides my looks was my 'being funny/exciting' but with more peacefulness i'm afraid I might lose that a bit?
Interested to hear more from you and I'm glad you are steadying the ship!
So you mean to say Im not the funniest person in the world ?????
I don't go out socialising nearly as much as I used to. . Having a family sort of put that on the back burner, but to be honest it actually helped protect me from myself. I used my children/wife as a reason not to go out. Otherwise I dreaded the thought of a night out with friends (who love me and have always given me emotional support). I put more pressure on myself to "perform" then anybody else. I remember after a joke or even after a night, I would critically go through my "jokes" or "performance" and think of how something else might of been funnier etc . .
In answer to your question (I am a terrible waffler, even in yes/no questions!), when I go out now I sort of experiment a bit. I was at 2 weddings in August and in both of them I had different experiences. In the wedding for one of my best friends I engaged more with individuals, but tried to stay out of the group stuff (you know where 4 or more people are having a laugh with each person trying to one-up the other). . I find speaking with one or maybe 2 friends at a time suits me because I don't feel like I am talking (performing) to an audience and I naturally take it easy.
I was wondering about the whole "will I not be funny anymore" and as such "people wouldn't want to be around me", which is a personal insecurity I have had to address. I see how this has corroded the Value I put on my happiness - in short I was putting the importance of making people around me comfortable/entertained above my own peace/happiness. Again, to answer your question, I find that I no longer dread going out. One of the important things was discussing this with friends who have been nothing short of legendry in their support. Even when I am out with them, I know, no matter how good or bad I am feeling, that they will understand if I am not up to going out (I never get badgered anymore to go out) or if I am leaving early or if I am not in a "playful" mood. It just makes going out with friends so much more enjoyable and I don't dread the call with a night out planned next week!
It was slightly different when I was at my wifes friends wedding because obviously my closest friends weren't there and as such I didn't have that comfort/protection. However I had a plan for the night and it was simply that I would leave by 9pm if I wasn't up for the night (discussed of course with my wife who is fully supportive). This took the pressure of thinking I would be up all night with people expecting me to be a laugh. I get on well with my wife's friends (they are very nice) and have the craic with their partners, but they would be expecting a "lively Drumpot", not the more reserved one I am today. I kept to myself that night, my wife was on one side of the table and my sister in law (who knows all about what I am trying to do) sat on the other side which meant I didn't have the pressure of trying to socialise/entertain somebody who would expect the old Drumpots jokes etc.
What I find is that going out is a completely different experience for me now. I actually have way more meaningful, engaging conversations with people. I am finding people way more interesting and making connections with people whom I might not of done so had I continued to "play to the audience".
You said that you are struggling with the old you, well I don't feel like I am struggling with the old me at all . . If I get a jolt of excitement and revert back to the old me for awhile, I feel great, I don't mind it. It is a part of me, the problem was I was being that person when I felt down and it felt like a mask I was wearing to take the focus of how I really felt. Now if I get a blast of adrenaline and start having a laugh I go with it.
For me, I didn't hate who I was when I was making people laugh, I didn't like the fact that people couldn't see that underneath my clown clothes I was so unhappy and so alone. Now I don't feel this way , when I have the craic I am just having the craic.
In terms of allowing others to flourish, its funny you say that as at one of the weddings I was at I sort of monitored this very thing. I was at a table where there was only seven of us. There were times when I was brought into discussions/debates (usually the time I took over the "party"), but I said my piece and sat back and let others get involved. Like guerrilla warfare, I get in and get for a quick laugh out far more quickly.
I am really enjoying the process of finding a balance , its not always perfect and I don't always feel happy, but I keep regular communication (how I feel) with my wife, friends, doctor and therapist which helps get me back on track.
In terms of my peacefulness, I can definitely say I get far more moments of peace/serenity then I ever thought possible. This is not to say that I don't have days where I am going mental with worry, with things going around and around my head . . Its just it used to be incessant . .
Again, I must point out to people who are right in the thick of a tough time, I would honestly of not thought that any sort of peace was possible before I started looking at myself. I really and truly just thought that I was F**ked, that it was just in my nature to be depressed for life and nobody would ever understand or be able to help me. Right now . . Right this minute, I have to go and change the stinkiest nappy in the world . . It really is wrank . . But I can smile and think how lucky I am to have children, instead of thinking that the crap in the nappy is a metaphorical reflection of how my life has been . .
I can now appreciate the simpler things in life and that is priceless . .0 -
Ihatecuddles wrote: »Yeah Cymbalta God I really hope it goes away! I havent experienced any vertigo thankfully. The brain zaps are the worst side effect for me I think, I feel like people are looking at me when it happens and they can see my head twitch and think Im on some illegal drug!
I hated the brain zaps, but actually got used to them . . They used to freak me out completely . . Not sure if it was the Cymbalta but I used to get vertigo and nauseous . .0 -
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Its rarely if ever a straight flight upwards! There are going to be dips and troughs but the thing to remember is that the AVERAGE is going northPixie-Fairy wrote: »I've been doing well the past few months. Went back to my counsellor twice. I've been feeling good but the past few weeks it's been creeping back up and I've been feeling really down.
Just waiting for my counsellor to call me back with an appointment time.. I had the same thing. Did great for a long while then hit a weird, completely unexplainable rough patch for a weekend and thought "oh, all the progress is gone, I'm back to this sh*t" but thats not true! The depression doesnt WANT you to be happy and content. It wants your to go back to being miserable.
Did you ever have to work with someone who you knew didnt want to take the route everyone agreed you should go.... the very first time there is a problem they are all "ahh, this isnt going to work, lets give up". Depression is like that. It doesnt want you to struggle to become content and happy because then you'll be free of it. Its like an abusive spouse 0 -
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Ihatecuddles wrote: »Yeah Cymbalta God I really hope it goes away! I havent experienced any vertigo thankfully. The brain zaps are the worst side effect for me I think, I feel like people are looking at me when it happens and they can see my head twitch and think Im on some illegal drug!
The brain zaps are one of the oddest side effects I've ever felt.
Truly feels like your head "shakes" or something. Like in the movies, when they distort the image and double it. Feels like the head is actually doing that or something.
heh,
one of the worst things I found with cymbalta, is that, you had to take the med same time every day or side effects would hit pretty hard. (but this was at the higher dose )
Good luck to you with it though (>^.^)>
__
and apart from the side effects, its pretty darn decent for depression and anxiety.0 -
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Words could never do justice to how bad I feel - how bad I am. Continuing on when the only thing that would really satisfy me is the end. It's not even that big a deal, I'm too weary of life even to be dramatic about it ending. It's like a hundred heartbreaks rolled into one. Never have I known such pain. And what can I do? Wherever I go I'm there, like a rash. Disgusting and pathetic.
I don't like moaning about it, I hate to write it as much as anyone would hate to read it but I'm at a loss. Absolute nightmare. I felt like throwing up when I thought about some things I hadn't allowed myself to think about. And nowhere really to go, no-one really to seek comfort in because I can't go near anyone. I wish I could scream but I can't, can't even cry. Please if there is any governing force I would like it to be over as soon as possible. If there's any mercy I can't be allowed take more of this.
Knowing that I'll never be connected with another person ever... I just want to be loved but I seem to be too old now for anything like that. More days of the prison sentence still to be served... I can't even trick myself anymore it's all ****ing real! 0 -
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Call Me Jimmy wrote: »Words could never do justice to how bad I feel - how bad I am. Continuing on when the only thing that would really satisfy me is the end. It's not even that big a deal, I'm too weary of life even to be dramatic about it ending. It's like a hundred heartbreaks rolled into one. Never have I known such pain. And what can I do? Wherever I go I'm there, like a rash. Disgusting and pathetic.
I don't like moaning about it, I hate to write it as much as anyone would hate to read it but I'm at a loss. Absolute nightmare. I felt like throwing up when I thought about some things I hadn't allowed myself to think about. And nowhere really to go, no-one really to seek comfort in because I can't go near anyone. I wish I could scream but I can't, can't even cry. Please if there is any governing force I would like it to be over as soon as possible. If there's any mercy I can't be allowed take more of this.
Knowing that I'll never be connected with another person ever... I just want to be loved but I seem to be too old now for anything like that. More days of the prison sentence still to be served... I can't even trick myself anymore it's all ****ing real!
CMJ,
Come on Jimmy, you are simply in a low at the moment. The word hope is not included in your text. You are not a quitter and I feel your pain .
By the way no one is too old to love or be loved!
Soldier take a rest , get your energy back and ready yourself . Comrade Jimmy ,I hope to have you back soon fighting alongside in the frontline in this War on Depression .
Meanwhile take it easy and and be kind to yourself:)0 -
Call Me Jimmy wrote: »Words could never do justice to how bad I feel - how bad I am. Continuing on when the only thing that would really satisfy me is the end. It's not even that big a deal, I'm too weary of life even to be dramatic about it ending. It's like a hundred heartbreaks rolled into one. Never have I known such pain. And what can I do? Wherever I go I'm there, like a rash. Disgusting and pathetic.
I don't like moaning about it, I hate to write it as much as anyone would hate to read it but I'm at a loss. Absolute nightmare. I felt like throwing up when I thought about some things I hadn't allowed myself to think about. And nowhere really to go, no-one really to seek comfort in because I can't go near anyone. I wish I could scream but I can't, can't even cry. Please if there is any governing force I would like it to be over as soon as possible. If there's any mercy I can't be allowed take more of this.
Knowing that I'll never be connected with another person ever... I just want to be loved but I seem to be too old now for anything like that. More days of the prison sentence still to be served... I can't even trick myself anymore it's all ****ing real!
Oh sweetheart, so sad that you are feeling this way today, but you are right to post it, you have been so positive lately and it's natural to have bad days.
You have been doing a lot of great work on yourself, but it's a lot for one person to cope with. Now might be a good time to look for some extra help. I totally get that you are finding it hard to get out and connect with others, but lots of therapists work over Skype these days and Aware do an online programme that might be useful. Jimmy, I would really encourage you to explore another way to complement the work you are already doing.
One other thing, a good cry would probably do you a world of good. You often mention your mam, if she is around why not just go to her now and tell her you need a hug. I'm sure she will be happy to oblige.
Sending you a big healing hug. xxx0 -
So stressed out and down at the moment...working and doing a course with a heavy workload which I'm really struggling with. Tried to talk to one of my tutors and pretty much got the 'what do you have to be depressed about?' attitude - ended up going away feeling even worse. I'm really on the edge at the moment and she made me feel like I was just a moan. Really, really struggling with money (to afford the course), can't put the heating on, eating only veggie food, might well be made redundant in the next month or two due to cuts, heath is really poor...I feel like people look at me and think everything is going great for me and I'm just a negative moany hole when really it's not going well at all. Other people on the course are crying all the time and getting loads of support...because I don't cry and freak out all the time, I'm expected to get through it on my own. Not sure I even can tbh. 0
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Luciano Raspy Checkbook wrote: »So stressed out and down at the moment...working and doing a course with a heavy workload which I'm really struggling with. Tried to talk to one of my tutors and pretty much got the 'what do you have to be depressed about?' attitude - ended up going away feeling even worse. I'm really on the edge at the moment and she made me feel like I was just a moan. Really, really struggling with money (to afford the course), can't put the heating on, eating only veggie food, might well be made redundant in the next month or two due to cuts, heath is really poor...I feel like people look at me and think everything is going great for me and I'm just a negative moany hole when really it's not going well at all. Other people on the course are crying all the time and getting loads of support...because I don't cry and freak out all the time, I'm expected to get through it on my own. Not sure I even can tbh.
You are the most important person in your world.
Take a little time out, be good to yourself, make a nice cuppa, take some deep breaths. Try and get out in the fresh air, Autumn is a wonderful Season, the various colours can help lift the mood.
Sure the course is important, but more important than any course is your mental and physical health. Try and live in The Now, try not to worry too much about the future.
You have no control over whether or not you may be made redundant . Sometimes we all worry about things which never happen. Even if you are made redundant, the most important thing is you and your health
Please take very great care of yourself, because you are worth it!:)0 -
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Join Date:Posts: 29920
You thanked a post of mine only a few days ago about this sort of "dip". You've been on an upward trajectory for the last while, this is going to feel like a nose dive but its just a bit of stomach-churning turbulence. Your honesty and struggle inspire a lot of people on this thread, myself included. We're here for you now in return!Call Me Jimmy wrote: »Words could never do justice to how bad I feel - how bad I am. Continuing on when the only thing that would really satisfy me is the end. It's not even that big a deal, I'm too weary of life even to be dramatic about it ending. It's like a hundred heartbreaks rolled into one. Never have I known such pain. And what can I do? Wherever I go I'm there, like a rash. Disgusting and pathetic.
I don't like moaning about it, I hate to write it as much as anyone would hate to read it but I'm at a loss. Absolute nightmare. I felt like throwing up when I thought about some things I hadn't allowed myself to think about. And nowhere really to go, no-one really to seek comfort in because I can't go near anyone. I wish I could scream but I can't, can't even cry. Please if there is any governing force I would like it to be over as soon as possible. If there's any mercy I can't be allowed take more of this.
Knowing that I'll never be connected with another person ever... I just want to be loved but I seem to be too old now for anything like that. More days of the prison sentence still to be served... I can't even trick myself anymore it's all ****ing real! 0 -
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delthedriver wrote: »What is causing the sore jaw? Bruxism, or grinding teeth can be relieved by using a sports gum shield.:)
Yeah, I'm clenching a little but when I yawn its even worse, my jaw gets really tight.
After not sleeping well for months, I went to bed last night and slept for 14 hours
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looking_around wrote: »There are MANY types of therapy. I suggest you look into CBT.
I had wondered about that actually. Another thing holding me back is the cost- being broke just adds to me being anxious all the time. It's a vicious bloody circle. 0 -
Yeah, I'm clenching a little but when I yawn its even worse, my jaw gets really tight.
After not sleeping well for months, I went to bed last night and slept for 14 hours
Sports gum shield should ease the problem, cost €10 approx. Should ease the tightness in the jaw and avoid doing any damage to your teeth:)0 -
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Lollipops23 wrote: »I had wondered about that actually. Another thing holding me back is the cost- being broke just adds to me being anxious all the time. It's a vicious bloody circle.
Talk to your doc, and get signed up for either the local free HSE service (6-12 month waiting list though)
Or the other services that are a "pay what you can afford". Normally about 4-6 months waiting list for these. Though quicker if they feel you really need/will take proper advantage of it.
Mental health money/services is one of the few things, the government hasn't cut back on. And are actually improving in many areas. Local has gotten the new "pay what yo can group", and family town have gotten 2 psychologists! (where as previous it was one would come to town once a week >.<' )0
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