Large engines in hearses...

I love the gurgling sound of a V8 ticking over, a funeral home in Ennis had an early 90ies Buick hearse up until quiet recently.

A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something.
The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove
up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.
For few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said,

"Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me." The
passenger, who was also frightened, apologised and said he didn't realise that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which the driver replied,

"I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a
cab. I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years


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A Hearse containing a male body was being driven through a town to a cemetery .The hight street ended with a sharp corner ,leading down to a steep hill.Part way up , a dog ran acros the road ,the driver braked and the rear door of the hearse flew open .The coffin slid on to the road ,down the hill ,across the pavement ,through the open door of a chemists shop and stopped at the counter .The lid came off and the body sat up .The chemist said : ' can i help you ? ' The man replied: ' do you have anything to stop me coffin ? '


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A women was leaving a cafe with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.

A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind her, a short distance back, were about 100 women walking single file.

The women couldn't stand her curiosity. She respectfully approached the women walking the dog and said, “I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time for you, but I’ve never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?

“My husband’s.”
“What happened to him?”
The women replied, “My dog attacked and killed him.”
She inquired further, “Well, who is in the second hearse?”
The women answered “My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her.”
A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two woman.
“Can I borrow this dog?”
“Get in line.”


I'll get me coat! :eek: