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What is important for you in a relationship

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Comments

  • #52
    The Corinthian
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    Handsome Bob wrote: »
    I was close to someone who I could only describe as being borderline even if she was never technically diagnosed. It's not fun, and I'm still feeling the effects to this day.
    No it's not and it can not only cause your own life incredible damage, but even destroy the lives of people around you and such people often are able to mask it (along with our tendency to turn a blind eye) during the 'honeymoon period' of a relationship, making is even more dangerous.

    However, as I said, this is something that is increasingly found in both genders.


  • #53
    snafuk35
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 833 ✭✭✭snafuk35


    Why would anyone want to be in a 'real-hate-shun-ship'?


  • #54
    The Corinthian
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    snafuk35 wrote: »
    Why would anyone want to be in a 'real-hate-shun-ship'?
    Some people would be miserable if they weren't unhappy and actively seek abusing relationships.

    Others don't realize until it's too late; they're living together, or an unplanned pregnancy takes place or whatever. It's easy not to see the wood for the trees at the start of a relationship, partially because everyone tries to hide their flaws but also because we can be blind to the flaws of others at the start.

    Eventually you may realize you're in a 'real-hate-shun-ship' but by then extracting yourself can become very difficult.


  • #55
    grames_bond
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,820 ✭✭✭grames_bond


    I'll just leave this here!!

    36566_393764920664336_160089637365200_1113663_245321186_n.jpg

    :)


  • #56
    mood
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,264 ✭✭✭mood


    swiftmcJ wrote: »
    I'm interested in getting opinions on something.

    1st, what is it you look for in a woman (or man), for a relationship.

    2nd, if you're in a relationship, does your partner match up to the ideas you had before the relationship?

    Me, I'm 25 and have not ever had a gf. Ya its a strange one. but I don't think I'm a quasimodo. Maybe I'm too picky - I want a girl who shares my interests, my music, my sense of humour, my love of travel, etc. I get bored with real girly girls, like my friends gfs, I dont see what they can talk about all the time when theyre alone.

    But my mates have said that they felt the same as me before meeting their gfs. They think that theyre not compromising now, but of course they are?

    Maybe what I'm looking for is a buddy, but in hot female format. Does such a thing even exist! Maybe I don't no what Im looking for, til I'll find it?

    Curious to know others experiences, whether yer opinions maybe changed ovr the yrs, and so on.

    It sound like you are looking for a girl with the personality, interest, mind etc of a guy. IMO this doesn't exist or if it does it will be near impossible to find.


  • #57
    Leilani Yellow Gauche
    Posts: 0 CMod ✭✭✭✭ Leilani Yellow Gauche


    a girl who shares my interests, my music, my sense of humour, my love of travel
    You think that sounds like "the mind of a guy" and "is impossible to find"? I don't.


  • #58
    jaffacakesyum
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,207 ✭✭✭jaffacakesyum


    God yeah, us women never have things like interest in music or travel or humour. We're all too busy getting our hair and nails and tan done :rolleyes:


  • #59
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Given the girls I am going out with I met _through_ pre gig meetups for the music I like and got talking to them on the subject of things like walking in the wicklow way which they were also into it seems I found some that are into the same - how did the OP put it - "my interests, my music, my sense of humour, my love of travel, etc.". Also whilst engaged in such music - hobbies - walks and travel I also meet many other people of that type male and female.

    Perhaps the OPs problem is not that such girls do not exist but his current method of meeting girls is one that turns up the wrong type. Certainly declaring such girls do not exist - or are even rare - appears somewhat baseless to me.

    My advice to the OP would simply be to become more and more involved in the things that interest him - especially social outlets for such things - and finding girls into the same things will sort itself out in time.


  • #60
    mood
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,264 ✭✭✭mood


    Deleted User wrote: »
    Given the girls I am going out with I met _through_ pre gig meetups for the music I like and got talking to them on the subject of things like walking in the wicklow way which they were also into it seems I found some that are into the same - how did the OP put it - "my interests, my music, my sense of humour, my love of travel, etc.". Also whilst engaged in such music - hobbies - walks and travel I also meet many other people of that type male and female.

    Perhaps the OPs problem is not that such girls do not exist but his current method of meeting girls is one that turns up the wrong type. Certainly declaring such girls do not exist - or are even rare - appears somewhat baseless to me.

    My advice to the OP would simply be to become more and more involved in the things that interest him - especially social outlets for such things - and finding girls into the same things will sort itself out in time.
    bluewolf wrote: »
    You think that sounds like "the mind of a guy" and "is impossible to find"? I don't.

    Sorry but I read your post quickly and assumed you meant into football etc. As the above poster has said spending time pursuing you interest may lead to meeting someone. Join some clubs etc.


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  • #61
    Handsome Bob
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,905 ✭✭✭✭Handsome Bob


    RopeDrink wrote: »
    Ultimately, and in as casual a manner as possible, I wager I'll probably be alone for a very long time to be honest... But having said that, if I really wanted to change that I suppose I could with some effort... But yeah, guess thats one of those little mental instabilities.

    If that's the case, and as you said, I think that would be down to people with a lack of patience or who misunderstand you. You don't sound mentally unstable. Perhaps complicated, but I can relate to that. ;)

    When I think of someone who is mentally unstable in a relationship, I think of someone who is cold. Someone who will cut off their nose to spite their face, just so they don't have to face up to their problems and guilt. One person I was once involved with cut me off completely even though she was the one who wronged me. She said that she did this because she couldn't stand the guilt of what she had done, so she pretended that I didn't exist.

    Fast forward a year and I extended an olive branch, things were fine...until I said some things I could have worded better with a few on me. All of a sudden I was the biggest bastard alive, evil personified, deleted from FB. The reality was that while I did something that was wrong, it paled in comparison to what she did to me.

    But it goes back to the point I made originally, I don't think she could get over what originally happened, so once she got a chance, she ran with it and demonised me in order to ease her own pain.

    That's what I mean when I say mental instability.


  • #62
    mood
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,264 ✭✭✭mood


    RopeDrink I didn't mean any disrespect but as I explained I already have someone in my life who is very dependent on me with mental health issues. You have no idea how hard that is. Our 'relationship' is 90% about this person. No matter what I am going through I only get 5 minutes to talk about it before they take over talking about things I have heard a thousand times and that are not present issues and to be quite honest are blown out of porpotion. Talking obviously doesn't help them. They won't take / stick to professional help. I would have bailed by now like all their other friends except I would be afraid of what might happen if I do. How could I possibly want that in a romantic relationship???

    You should be trying to get professional help if you already are not. Mental health issues do not always have to be long term and the only way out if professional help.


  • #63
    branbee
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 179 ✭✭branbee


    Someone who is honest. Not just in a no lying to me kind of way, but every way, no game playing, no cold shoulder if they're annoyed, no pretending, just pure upfront honesty- its so much easier that way. I really don't understand why people find it so hard to do.


  • #64
    Smeggy
    Registered Users Posts: 329 ✭✭Smeggy


    Above all else I would have to say genuine kindness.
    A similar sense of humour to mine is also important to me.


  • #65
    TomKat
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 128 ✭✭TomKat


    Honesty, caring, loyalty and a telepathic understanding / cop on.


  • #66
    The Corinthian
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    TomKat wrote: »
    Honesty, caring, loyalty and a telepathic understanding / cop on.
    Telepathic? How about shape-changing too? The ability to morph into Angelina Jolie or Eva Green would certainly be on my wish list if we're including fantasy here.


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  • #67
    TomKat
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 128 ✭✭TomKat


    The Corinthian wrote: »
    Telepathic? How about shape-changing too? The ability to morph into Angelina Jolie or Eva Green would certainly be on my wish list if we're including fantasy here.

    Really appreciate the unnecessary, condescending post.


  • #68
    Halo Kitty
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 525 ✭✭✭Halo Kitty


    Some one who is honest, respectful, and not hiding behind a pint glass...I don't what a bar stool romance


  • #69
    Nothingbetter2d
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,037 ✭✭✭Nothingbetter2d


    1. trust - if i dont trust a woman there is no relationship

    2. Confidence but not arrogance - i like a woman that knows her own mind but is not arrogant or obsessive about it.

    3. Great sense of humour - i like being a cheeky playful git all the time ;)

    4. Takes care of herself - i like a girl that makes an effort to look good... and doesn't do it by painting herself orange at every opportunity.


  • #70
    Smile it confuses people
    Registered Users Posts: 38 ✭Smile it confuses people


    Tbh I used to think looks and all that jazz but then 2 years ago it all changed I was really picky and got bored with boys just sick of them then one night I met this guy out that I knew from around - he was quite large and shy and completely different then anything I would have gone for but that night was amazing I laughed so much an was simply drawn to him, he had a gf at the time (I didn't know) but he was the same simply drawn so he left his gf and moved home and when we were together time went so fast!! I never got bored of talking to him and found that I was so attracted to him nothing else mattered... We had a lot of sh1t thrown at us and came through it easily but recently he had to move to oz for work and I couldn't go so we split but I know that's not it for me and him If anything I feel stronger about him!

    So as an answer there is no specific thing just go with it, follow ur heart and when you find them you will know!


  • #71
    Pawwed Rig
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Home & Garden Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators Posts: 22,407 CMod ✭✭✭✭Pawwed Rig


    Halo Kitty wrote: »
    Some one who is honest, respectful, and not hiding behind a pint glass...I don't what a bar stool romance

    Have to agree with that. The whole getting smashed on the weekend was a big turn off for me. Also anyone who considers shopping as a pastime:D


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  • #72
    Jason Fly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 150 ✭✭Jason Fly


    Nothingbetter2d wrote: »
    1. trust - if i dont trust a woman there is no relationship

    2. Confidence but not arrogance - i like a woman that knows her own mind but is not arrogant or obsessive about it.

    3. Great sense of humour - i like being a cheeky playful git all the time ;)

    4. Takes care of herself - i like a girl that makes an effort to look good... and doesn't do it by painting herself orange at every opportunity.

    Although I agree with this, I should add another thing that is quite important for me. Sex. I can't live without it.


  • #73
    manjosh
    Registered Users Posts: 57 ✭✭manjosh


    The most important thing to me in a relationship is respect. I majorly look for little thing, like not replying to you text while she might have read it and still online, texting with someone else. I do not want to know if its her mom. A "brb" goes a long way to tell me you at least respect me enough to not want to keep me waiting.


  • #74
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,170 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Manjosh, for god's sake please can we have no more multiple instances of resurrecting long dead threads. Closed.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



This discussion has been closed.
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