Has a guy ever approached you on the street?

IvyTheTerrible · 31-07-2014 3:32pm

Deleted User wrote: »

No you can't which is why I made the point on the internet dating.

People are too hung up on Looks this was the pint I was trying to make. And also some lack social skills from over use of the internet to communicate.

I never judge a girl by her looks. Never did, looks aren't add important to me as a girls personality . If a man approached a woman on the street surely she would have the cop on not to judge by appearance?

But if you're interested in a relationship with someone, isn't sexual attraction important to you too? Which would imply that you have to find the person physically attractive to you, at least.

Daisy78 · 31-07-2014 6:46pm

If a man approached a woman on the street surely she would have the cop on not to judge by appearance?[/quote]

But why do men approach that girl in the first place? It isn't down to her sparkling personality which he spotted across the street or her wicked sense of humour or her intelligence or social skills. It's down to one thing. Its perfectly okay for a man to base his approach on a womans physical attractiveness but women are then expected to forgo physical/sexual attraction and focus only on a guys personality and to give the guy a chance. ..double standards alert.........

31-07-2014 6:52pm

IvyTheTerrible wrote: »

But if you're interested in a relationship with someone, isn't sexual attraction important to you too? Which would imply that you have to find the person physically attractive to you, at least.

Sure physical attraction is important but I bet a lot of people would be turned down based on looks alone before personality is even considered.

You could think the person with the looks is fantastic until you get to know them and the average looking not bad looking person could have the best personality.

Dolbert · 01-08-2014 12:30pm

Phwoaarrr, look at the personality on that

*dickie bow twirls*

ragnarl · 01-08-2014 8:30pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Sure physical attraction is important but I bet a lot of people would be turned down based on looks alone before personality is even considered.

You could think the person with the looks is fantastic until you get to know them and the average looking not bad looking person could have the best personality.

If a girl doesn't find a guy physically attractive, then his personality doesn't matter.

It's time for;
1. Guys to understand this.
2. Women to be more honest about this.

AND

If a girl DOES find a guy physically attractive, his personality may not matter still. Look at the "friends with benefits" threads where girls are openly saying that they don't necessarily like the guy or see a long term prospect, but will still F him regularly.

And by the way, I'm not castigating women for doing this, but some guys seem to get taken in by the "looks don't matter im all about personality" tripe that a lot of women tend to come out with.

Snake · 01-08-2014 10:17pm

ragnarl wrote: »

If a girl doesn't find a guy physically attractive, then his personality doesn't matter.

It's time for;
1. Guys to understand this.
2. Women to be more honest about this.

AND

If a girl DOES find a guy physically attractive, his personality may not matter still. Look at the "friends with benefits" threads where girls are openly saying that they don't necessarily like the guy or see a long term prospect, but will still F him regularly.

And by the way, I'm not castigating women for doing this, but some guys seem to get taken in by the "looks don't matter im all about personality" tripe that a lot of women tend to come out with.

This can **** right off.

OldMrBrennan83 · 01-08-2014 11:12pm

This post has been deleted.

DIRTY69 · 02-08-2014 12:56pm

You get approached by a polite “stranger” and he offered a genuine appreciation of you, a compliment about you. He didn’t always have the confidence to do that, but over time he learned to be less shy and more social. He’s more comfortable with himself, and has learned to be himself in most situations, including talking to women on the street or in a pub without needing alcohol instead of courage.

He might go out for an hour or two and have the craic with a buddy, do a few approaches which are appreciative (and respectful) of the people he meets. In many cases, he brightens up their day with a genuine compliment. He’s greeted by surprise mostly, but sometimes with admiration, because who else would have the balls to do that!? Not many, if any!

It takes integrity to take action on the things you want in the world, to live with no regrets!

The imaginary barrier that suggests we can’t talk to each other and enjoy the company of strangers instead of being afraid of them! ….that imaginary barrier is…. in fact… IMAGINARY! :-D ...and what kind of message is it to children if we suggest all strangers are bad?! All your new friends also started out as strangers once too!

I love going out to approach girls, its something funny which gives me something to do to loosen up outside of work, builds my social skills and forces me outside of my comfort zone: to overcome my own limiting beliefs and allows me be myself. I’ve yet to get a bad reaction from it.

We’re looking for relationships, not “results” — if your looking for scoreboards, better follow the premiership or something. Its about enjoying yourself, being expressive and having the craic …instead of a “creepy little outcome” like maybe 80% of guys.

…and about that “looks matter” debate: looks + personality = 50% + 50% …you need both for real chemistry.

ragnarl · 02-08-2014 1:52pm

DIRTY69 wrote: »

You get approached by a polite “stranger” and he offered a genuine appreciation of you, a compliment about you. He didn’t always have the confidence to do that, but over time he learned to be less shy and more social. He’s more comfortable with himself, and has learned to be himself in most situations, including talking to women on the street or in a pub without needing alcohol instead of courage.

He might go out for an hour or two and have the craic with a buddy, do a few approaches which are appreciative (and respectful) of the people he meets. In many cases, he brightens up their day with a genuine compliment. He’s greeted by surprise mostly, but sometimes with admiration, because who else would have the balls to do that!? Not many, if any!

It takes integrity to take action on the things you want in the world, to live with no regrets!

The imaginary barrier that suggests we can’t talk to each other and enjoy the company of strangers instead of being afraid of them! ….that imaginary barrier is…. in fact… IMAGINARY! :-D ...and what kind of message is it to children if we suggest all strangers are bad?! All your new friends also started out as strangers once too!

I love going out to approach girls, its something funny which gives me something to do to loosen up outside of work, builds my social skills and forces me outside of my comfort zone: to overcome my own limiting beliefs and allows me be myself. I’ve yet to get a bad reaction from it.

We’re looking for relationships, not “results” — if your looking for scoreboards, better follow the premiership or something. Its about enjoying yourself, being expressive and having the craic …instead of a “creepy little outcome” like maybe 80% of guys.

…and about that “looks matter” debate: looks + personality = 50% + 50% …you need both for real chemistry.

In this context, relationships are results, no?

Fair play to you for enjoying trawling the streets to give random women compliments but don't presume you are any better than "80% of guys" because of it.

Im sure you'll grow out of it in time. You don't want to be doing this as a 50 year old man surely? Im sure 20 year old women would really appreciate being stopped in the street by a 50 year old man and given a genuine compliment on how she looks. /sarcasm

As for looks/personality being 50/50, I'd still say that's wrong. The girl needs to be attracted to the guy physically in order for her to take him seriously as a sexual prospect and for personality to matter. Shes going to have to have sex with the guy afterall. If she's only half attracted, thats not enough. But at least you agree somewhat that looks matter. Some people actually think they don't matter at all.

Temporal Loop · 03-08-2014 5:21pm

ragnarl wrote: »

In this context, relationships are results, no?

Fair play to you for enjoying trawling the streets to give random women compliments but don't presume you are any better than "80% of guys" because of it.

Im sure you'll grow out of it in time. You don't want to be doing this as a 50 year old man surely? Im sure 20 year old women would really appreciate being stopped in the street by a 50 year old man and given a genuine compliment on how she looks. /sarcasm

As for looks/personality being 50/50, I'd still say that's wrong. The girl needs to be attracted to the guy physically in order for her to take him seriously as a sexual prospect and for personality to matter. Shes going to have to have sex with the guy afterall. If she's only half attracted, thats not enough. But at least you agree somewhat that looks matter. Some people actually think they don't matter at all.

I think many women are attracted to men who are quite ugly, look at Gordon Ramsay, he's ugly, but his personality attracts women. He's dominant, confident, has great social skills, this makes women want to fukc him.

dar100 · 03-08-2014 5:40pm

Is this fecking thread still going

beks101 · 03-08-2014 5:48pm

Temporal Loop wrote: »

I think many women are attracted to men who are quite ugly, look at Gordon Ramsay, he's ugly, but his personality attracts women. He's dominant, confident, has great social skills, this makes women want to fukc him.

Aha, they call that 'ugly sexy' :P

It's probably a combination of rugged, raw masculinity mixed with a certain cocky charm and charisma mixed with doesn't-give-a-fcuk confidence mixed with the fact that 'hot' is subjective and everyone will have a different opinion.

And a lot of men are way, way, wayyyyy off the mark when it comes to this stuff. If I left it up to my male mates they'd probably have me set up with some pretty-faced boyband-ish skinny-jeans-wearing One Direction type, whereas that would be twenty thousand miles away from what I would actually be attracted to - I'd more likely be eyeing up his older broader rough-around-the-edges cousin. I've had so many occasions where a male mate will say "oh you'll probably fall in love with X, all the women go mad for him" and I'd meet the guy and be like "really?" Usually far too pretty/preppy/clean-cut/'too good-looking' (not my bag usually) blah blah blah for my liking.

In fact probably top of the list of the few men that actually bowled me over on first meeting them such was the intense attraction I had for them is a guy who anyone, myself included, would probably look right over had I not been in the same room as him. Distinctly average looks-wise, granted a certain advantage in being tall and well-built, but not someone who would ever be thought of as a 'looker'. Dare I even say it, slightly odd looking. Charisma oozing out of his pores and a completely casual confidence in his manner of talking to people that made them feel like they were the only person on the planet - but even before he opened his mouth, I wanted to jump his bones.

I still talk to my friends about him to this day - I just walked into the apartment one night after work and immediately wanted this tall stranger standing in front of me for no apparent reason whatsoever - and they totally get it. "Yeah, he just has a quality" etc etc. Sex on legs as far as I was concerned. The male friend who introduced me to him..."really? L? I wouldn't have thought he was your type?"

iwantmydinner · 04-08-2014 7:14pm

ragnarl wrote: »

If a girl doesn't find a guy physically attractive, then his personality doesn't matter.

It's time for;
1. Guys to understand this.
2. Women to be more honest about this.

AND

If a girl DOES find a guy physically attractive, his personality may not matter still. Look at the "friends with benefits" threads where girls are openly saying that they don't necessarily like the guy or see a long term prospect, but will still F him regularly.

And by the way, I'm not castigating women for doing this, but some guys seem to get taken in by the "looks don't matter im all about personality" tripe that a lot of women tend to come out with.

Attractiveness and looks are not the same thing though.

As so, so many women on this thread have already explained, it's entirely commonplace to be wildly attracted to someone who is not what society considers to be handsome, even very soon after meeting them for the first time.

Your post is incredibly reductive.

riveratom · 04-08-2014 8:39pm

ragnarl wrote: »

If a girl doesn't find a guy physically attractive, then his personality doesn't matter.

It's time for;
1. Guys to understand this.
2. Women to be more honest about this.

BS. Silly because if you think about it even for a second, it couldn't be true. What you are suggesting is that every single girl out there is attracted to a guy solely on the basis of his looks. That could not be possible.

Just off the top of my head, way back I knew of a gorgeous girl who was going out with a guy who was way out of her league. She didn't fancy him at first, but his personality reeled her in.

There are plenty of guys out there with women who are out of their league. Funnily enough, it doesn't seem to work the other way around (or very rarely).

ragnarl wrote: »

AND

If a girl DOES find a guy physically attractive, his personality may not matter still. Look at the "friends with benefits" threads where girls are openly saying that they don't necessarily like the guy or see a long term prospect, but will still F him regularly.

And by the way, I'm not castigating women for doing this, but some guys seem to get taken in by the "looks don't matter im all about personality" tripe that a lot of women tend to come out with.

As mentioned, there are plenty of women out there with guys who aren't in their ballpark in the looks department (even if the difference isn't massive). However, it's rare that you see the opposite scenario. So I'm going to guess that more women prize personality over looks (even somewhat), than men do.

ragnarl · 04-08-2014 11:40pm

beks101 wrote: »

Aha, they call that 'ugly sexy' :P

It's probably a combination of rugged, raw masculinity mixed with a certain cocky charm and charisma mixed with doesn't-give-a-fcuk confidence mixed with the fact that 'hot' is subjective and everyone will have a different opinion.

And a lot of men are way, way, wayyyyy off the mark when it comes to this stuff. If I left it up to my male mates they'd probably have me set up with some pretty-faced boyband-ish skinny-jeans-wearing One Direction type, whereas that would be twenty thousand miles away from what I would actually be attracted to - I'd more likely be eyeing up his older broader rough-around-the-edges cousin. I've had so many occasions where a male mate will say "oh you'll probably fall in love with X, all the women go mad for him" and I'd meet the guy and be like "really?" Usually far too pretty/preppy/clean-cut/'too good-looking' (not my bag usually) blah blah blah for my liking.

In fact probably top of the list of the few men that actually bowled me over on first meeting them such was the intense attraction I had for them is a guy who anyone, myself included, would probably look right over had I not been in the same room as him. Distinctly average looks-wise, granted a certain advantage in being tall and well-built, but not someone who would ever be thought of as a 'looker'. Dare I even say it, slightly odd looking. Charisma oozing out of his pores and a completely casual confidence in his manner of talking to people that made them feel like they were the only person on the planet - but even before he opened his mouth, I wanted to jump his bones.

I still talk to my friends about him to this day - I just walked into the apartment one night after work and immediately wanted this tall stranger standing in front of me for no apparent reason whatsoever - and they totally get it. "Yeah, he just has a quality" etc etc. Sex on legs as far as I was concerned. The male friend who introduced me to him..."really? L? I wouldn't have thought he was your type?"

This guy had a certain look that was attractive and we can assume he was taller than you and at least average looking.

Lets recap what I'm actually saying here. I'm not talking about guys having to be male models to get girls. I'm saying girls HAVE to be attracted to a guys looks in order for his personality to matter, unless the girl is a golddigger. Would you have written a long monologue and have wanted to F that guy immediately if he looked like this

Lets say he had the same personality but looked like that, would you still want him? What about if he looked like this

Same personality, just a different look.

Now I don't know how you look yourself and to be honest the looks and age of the girl in question are important in assessing what kind of guys she herself will feel attracted to. Girls that are below average would have to be more realistic about what they could get. I'm not saying you yourself are below average, just that im keeping in mind the possibilities. If you would find these guys marriage material based on their great personalities then fair play to you.

ragnarl · 04-08-2014 11:45pm

riveratom wrote: »

BS. Silly because if you think about it even for a second, it couldn't be true. What you are suggesting is that every single girl out there is attracted to a guy solely on the basis of his looks. That could not be possible.

Just off the top of my head, way back I knew of a gorgeous girl who was going out with a guy who was way out of her league. She didn't fancy him at first, but his personality reeled her in.

There are plenty of guys out there with women who are out of their league. Funnily enough, it doesn't seem to work the other way around (or very rarely).

As mentioned, there are plenty of women out there with guys who aren't in their ballpark in the looks department (even if the difference isn't massive). However, it's rare that you see the opposite scenario. So I'm going to guess that more women prize personality over looks (even somewhat), than men do.

It's important to remember that I am not saying EVERY SINGLE GIRL is this or that. I'm simply generalizing. It would be retarded to tar every girl with the same brush.

There are many girls with guys that are better looking than them actually and vice versa. Not all girls and guys are looking for the same thing. This was obvious to me which is why I didnt point it out.

Again I'm not saying a guys personality isn't important but I am saying that a girl generally has to be physically attracted to a guy in order for his personality to matter. I can tell from your post that you are a guy by the way. I'm not trying to convince you of anything, you are entitled to your opinion on this as am I so lets leave it at that.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 04-08-2014 11:46pm

That second guy is cute.

ragnarl · 04-08-2014 11:49pm

iwantmydinner wrote: »

Attractiveness and looks are not the same thing though.

As so, so many women on this thread have already explained, it's entirely commonplace to be wildly attracted to someone who is not what society considers to be handsome, even very soon after meeting them for the first time.

Your post is incredibly reductive.

Is it commonplace to be attracted to guys that are smaller than the girl and very unattractive?

Can we agree at least that there must be some minimal looks threshold that the guy has to pass. Even if he's not what society deems attractive or handsome, the point im making is that the girl in particular finds him physically attractive.

Are you seriously saying that you would date a very extremely ugly and extremely overweight guy if he had a good personality?

ragnarl · 04-08-2014 11:51pm

Cody Delicious Numerous wrote: »

That second guy is cute.

What about the first one? Would you date him if he had a good personality?

The second guy is a virgin by the way.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 04-08-2014 11:56pm

First guy's too old for me, that video makes me feel sorry for the other guy, people are mean.

Ragnarl what's the point you're actually trying to make, beyond the self evident fact that you have to be physically attracted to somebody to find them attractive? Do you subscribe to the views in that "raw" video you posted earlier? How do you feel about the comments under it?

ragnarl · 05-08-2014 12:03am

Cody Delicious Numerous wrote: »

First guy's too old for me, that video makes me feel sorry for the other guy, people are mean.

Ragnarl what's the point you're actually trying to make, beyond the self evident fact that you have to be physically attracted to somebody to find them attractive? Do you subscribe to the views in that "raw" video you posted earlier? How do you feel about the comments under it?

Yeah I think that video is very accurate. I didn't read the comments. It cites a lot of science and real world opinions to back it up. I'm only saying that girls have to be physically attracted to guys in order for their personality to matter (generally). You have admitted you're not physically attracted to that first guy so his personality doesn't matter. The excuse was age but I'm sure I can find really ugly guys your own age that you wouldn't touch, regardless of their personalities. I don't see why it's hard for some women to admit this, although to be fair to women I do think these days the majority of women will admit that looks definitely matter to them.

Believe it or not, there are some guys and girls who genuinely believe that the majority of girls don't care what a guy looks like as long as his personality is good.

Tell that to the guy in the first picture.

I wonder how girls advocating that guys should approach them more would feel if he stopped them on the street and started chatting them up.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 05-08-2014 12:13am

There's women who would be attracted to him though, probably women nearer to his age than I am (he could be my dad). I don't think anybody's saying they'd jump into bed with the Elephant man if he made them laugh, people are saying that a) what women find to be physically attractive varies hugely, probably much more than what men find attractive and b) a personality IS more important than looks, as in I (and a lot of women) would be far more likely to overlook matters relating to looks than to personality when getting into a relationship with somebody.

Obviously there are shallow women who can't see past looks, or who will shag men they don't find attractive because of things like money or status. But that's nothing to do with the rest of us, it's not because they're women, it's because they're bad people. MOST women are not like that, but if you're seeing the world in those terms those are the women you're going to see everywhere. And if you're genuinely in agreement with that video and think it applies to the majority of women, then you are going to repulse decent women. It's a vicious circle.

ragnarl · 05-08-2014 12:19am

Cody Delicious Numerous wrote: »

There's women who would be attracted to him though, probably women nearer to his age than I am (he could be my dad). I don't think anybody's saying they'd jump into bed with the Elephant man if he made them laugh, people are saying that a) what women find to be physically attractive varies hugely, probably much more than what men find attractive and b) a personality IS more important than looks, as in I (and a lot of women) would be far more likely to overlook matters relating to looks than to personality when getting into a relationship with somebody.

Obviously there are shallow women who can't see past looks, or who will shag men they don't find attractive because of things like money or status. But that's nothing to do with the rest of us, it's not because they're women, it's because they're bad people. MOST women are not like that, but if you're seeing the world in those terms those are the women you're going to see everywhere. And if you're genuinely in agreement with that video and think it applies to the majority of women, then you are going to repulse decent women. It's a vicious circle.

Fair post. I agree that personality is more important than looks... once the girls "looks threshold" has been passed.

and lets say the guy in the first picture liked girls that are in their early 20s (believe it or not, guys in their 40s find girls your age quite attractive), hes got a snowballs chance in hell of pulling you or any of your friends your age, no matter how good his personality is, because he doesn't pass your "looks threshold".

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 05-08-2014 12:33am

ragnarl wrote: »

Fair post. I agree that personality is more important than looks... once the girls "looks threshold" has been passed.

and lets say the guy in the first picture liked girls that are in their early 20s (believe it or not, guys in their 40s find girls your age quite attractive), hes got a snowballs chance in hell of pulling you or any of your friends your age, no matter how good his personality is, because he doesn't pass your "looks threshold".

He likes them because of their personalities is it? Let's say a woman his own age, whose "looks threshold" he surpassed found him very attractive, she's equally screwed, isn't she? And if my auntie had a bollocks she'd be my uncle. This just goes round in circles, you're just suggesting different scenarios that can all be summed up by "People find people attractive, and attraction isn't always reciprocated".

beks101 · 05-08-2014 12:34am

Ragnarl, I'm not sure why you're insistent on being so black-and-white about this. We're not operating on a black-and-white canvass. There are so many things which influence attraction and determine whether or not someone is attracted to someone else, and that's true for both men and women.

That second guy could've been attractive until I watched the video. He's clearly a negative, bitter and self-obsessed individual with minus self esteem and mental/emotional issues. On that basis alone he wouldn't be on my radar. I'd probably avoid him in any room because being around him would make me feel uncomfortable, he's intense and a little weird, quite frankly. His face is the least of his problems to be quite honest.

I can't tell you the amount of exes I have that I wouldn't have looked at twice had I seen for example their profile on a dating site. On the basis of their pictures alone, it would've been, "nah". But I met them in the real world, they weren't one-dimensional to me and they had more in their armour than a few static selfies on a website, as did I. I'm not "below average looking" and I've been with a variety of men, from conventionally gorgeous-looking to average to wouldn't-pick-them-out-of-a-lineup on the basis of their looks alone. I just can't predict who I'm going to be attracted to next, there's no pattern, no physical "type" and I find the same is true both ways.

I've been asked out by some absolute ride-bags in my time; likewise I've been rejected by some guys that won't be winning male model of the year anytime soon. I dated a guy in Canada who was earth shatteringly beautiful to look at in every objective sense; a real head-turner, and he simply failed to capture my imagination at the time so wasn't long before I called it a day. That's the joy and delight and quite often the headfcuk of dating, you never know what you're going to get. You might be drawn in by something physical, only to learn they're not quite right for you; or you might be taken by surprise by who you end up fancying something stupid.

DIRTY69 · 05-08-2014 8:20am

This forum keeps turning into a heady debate on what women find attractive, in a desperate attempt to figure that out so that we ourselves can be attractive and chosen by women.

here are a few things women are attracted to

- men of high character
- people who give a lot of social value and good emotions
- people who can simply be themselves without having an agenda
- honesty
- integrity - taking action for what you want in life

Source: I'm going on dates with the kinds of girls that the guys here trying to figure out what girls are attracted to couldn't get... because they are in their heads trying to figure it out instead of simply asking them!

....and most girls don't even know logically what their attracted to ...because they are attracted to good emotions, they are emotional and intuitive thinkers, whereas men are logical and intellectual thinkers... which is a gross generalisation but works as a very general rule

iwantmydinner · 05-08-2014 9:13am

ragnarl wrote: »

Is it commonplace to be attracted to guys that are smaller than the girl and very unattractive?

Can we agree at least that there must be some minimal looks threshold that the guy has to pass. Even if he's not what society deems attractive or handsome, the point im making is that the girl in particular finds him physically attractive.

Are you seriously saying that you would date a very extremely ugly and extremely overweight guy if he had a good personality?

Where in my post did I say that? Also, I see plenty of "ugly" and overweight guys in relationships. I don't understand the point you are trying to make. What's this "looks threshold" you are on about? Is there some mathematical formula which determines the threshold? I said the key thing is attractiveness, which is in the eye of the beholder. It's not complicated.

ragnarl · 05-08-2014 10:42am

Cody Delicious Numerous wrote: »

He likes them because of their personalities is it? Let's say a woman his own age, whose "looks threshold" he surpassed found him very attractive, she's equally screwed, isn't she?

You will have to concede at least some ground to the point that you or your friends wouldn't touch that guy because you're not physically attracted to him, regardless of his personality. You've admitted this so my point has been made so I don't see what your argument is really. It seems to be "ok, you're right but he does the same thing", which i accept. So we agree then?

ragnarl · 05-08-2014 10:47am

beks101 wrote: »

Ragnarl, I'm not sure why you're insistent on being so black-and-white about this. We're not operating on a black-and-white canvass. There are so many things which influence attraction and determine whether or not someone is attracted to someone else, and that's true for both men and women.

That second guy could've been attractive until I watched the video. He's clearly a negative, bitter and self-obsessed individual with minus self esteem and mental/emotional issues. On that basis alone he wouldn't be on my radar. I'd probably avoid him in any room because being around him would make me feel uncomfortable, he's intense and a little weird, quite frankly. His face is the least of his problems to be quite honest.

I can't tell you the amount of exes I have that I wouldn't have looked at twice had I seen for example their profile on a dating site. On the basis of their pictures alone, it would've been, "nah". But I met them in the real world, they weren't one-dimensional to me and they had more in their armour than a few static selfies on a website, as did I. I'm not "below average looking" and I've been with a variety of men, from conventionally gorgeous-looking to average to wouldn't-pick-them-out-of-a-lineup on the basis of their looks alone. I just can't predict who I'm going to be attracted to next, there's no pattern, no physical "type" and I find the same is true both ways.

I've been asked out by some absolute ride-bags in my time; likewise I've been rejected by some guys that won't be winning male model of the year anytime soon. I dated a guy in Canada who was earth shatteringly beautiful to look at in every objective sense; a real head-turner, and he simply failed to capture my imagination at the time so wasn't long before I called it a day. That's the joy and delight and quite often the headfcuk of dating, you never know what you're going to get. You might be drawn in by something physical, only to learn they're not quite right for you; or you might be taken by surprise by who you end up fancying something stupid.

I'm being black and white because it is black and white im afraid.

Looks play a huge role in your dating life and options, for both men and women.

You didn't say the first guy could have been attactive. You wrote him off based on his looks (age/weight/facial features). What if I told you he was 5'3? You would never have given him a chance no matter what his personality is. Yet you cannot be honest about this to yourself. And yes men are the same but the difference is they are just honest about it.

Think about what you are saying. You are contradicting yourself unless you say that you can see yourself in a happy relationship with that first guy if he has a cool personality. We both know you wouldn't.

Yes, it's that black and white.

ragnarl · 05-08-2014 10:51am

iwantmydinner wrote: »

Where in my post did I say that? Also, I see plenty of "ugly" and overweight guys in relationships. I don't understand the point you are trying to make. What's this "looks threshold" you are on about? Is there some mathematical formula which determines the threshold? I said the key thing is attractiveness, which is in the eye of the beholder. It's not complicated.

Unfortunately its gotten to a stage where people are arguing that looks don't matter whatsoever.

The key thing is attractiveness, I agree. Some guys are not going to be attractive to women of a certain age range and type and have no chance.

ragnarl · 05-08-2014 10:53am

DIRTY69 wrote: »

This forum keeps turning into a heady debate on what women find attractive, in a desperate attempt to figure that out so that we ourselves can be attractive and chosen by women.

here are a few things women are attracted to

- men of high character
- people who give a lot of social value and good emotions
- people who can simply be themselves without having an agenda
- honesty
- integrity - taking action for what you want in life

Source: I'm going on dates with the kinds of girls that the guys here trying to figure out what girls are attracted to couldn't get... because they are in their heads trying to figure it out instead of simply asking them!

....and most girls don't even know logically what their attracted to ...because they are attracted to good emotions, they are emotional and intuitive thinkers, whereas men are logical and intellectual thinkers... which is a gross generalisation but works as a very general rule

Good post if you had prioritised looks above everything else. That stuff all matters as well.

Again I'm not talking about male model looks either.

Do you really think the elephant man could get into a relationship with some of the girls here if he was a great guy with a good personality? Come on mate.

iwantmydinner · 05-08-2014 10:55am

Once again, a ladies lounge thread taken over by a man who knows better than us how we think, feel and act. I can't tell you how grateful we all are for this insight.

kylith · 05-08-2014 11:02am

For me it wouldn't matter if someone it was someone I found drop-dead gorgeous or someone with a face like the back of a bus, I would not go out with someone who approached me on the street.
1) I don't like being put on the spot.
2) I have had negative experiences with blokes who I've turned down on the street following me around, which doesn't bode well for those particular men's mental health.

And what about the inherent Looks-ism, or whatever you'd call it, in asking out a woman on the street? Why has that particular woman been chosen to be approached? It can only be because the man finds her attractive as I very much doubt that he can tell from the way she carries her handbag that she has a love of French film and a wicked sense of humour, so it must necessarily be because he finds her attractive. If a man can make a snap decision to approach a woman because of her looks then I see nothing wrong with the woman making a similar snap decision based on the man's looks, as that is all that she knows about him. Or are these men giving out short resumés?

When getting chatted up in the 'normal' way looks are much less important. I have met men who are friends of friends who I would not usually have found attractive but who I have been mad about by the end of the night because they're fun, gregarious, and enjoyable to be around. 'Overweight with bad dress sense' can be easily overcome by 'nice eyes and makes me laugh'.

In summation - I don't think it's fair to complain about a woman not going out with someone who has approached her on the street because she doesn't find him physically attractive, because that is all he has given her to go on.

kylith · 05-08-2014 11:08am

ragnarl wrote: »

Do you really think the elephant man could get into a relationship with some of the girls here if he was a great guy with a good personality? Come on mate.

Yes. He could. There was a guy in college with me who had horrific burns* over his chest and head and he didn't seem to have a problem getting any girlfriends - because he was a great guy with a good personality.

*Not 'a bit of scarring' either, they were the type of burns that makes you wonder how he survived what happened to him.

4Dlolz · 06-08-2014 3:05am

kylith wrote: »

For me it wouldn't matter if someone it was someone I found drop-dead gorgeous or someone with a face like the back of a bus, I would not go out with someone who approached me on the street.
1) I don't like being put on the spot.
2) I have had negative experiences with blokes who I've turned down on the street following me around, which doesn't bode well for those particular men's mental health.

And what about the inherent Looks-ism, or whatever you'd call it, in asking out a woman on the street? Why has that particular woman been chosen to be approached? It can only be because the man finds her attractive as I very much doubt that he can tell from the way she carries her handbag that she has a love of French film and a wicked sense of humour, so it must necessarily be because he finds her attractive. If a man can make a snap decision to approach a woman because of her looks then I see nothing wrong with the woman making a similar snap decision based on the man's looks, as that is all that she knows about him. Or are these men giving out short resumés?

When getting chatted up in the 'normal' way looks are much less important. I have met men who are friends of friends who I would not usually have found attractive but who I have been mad about by the end of the night because they're fun, gregarious, and enjoyable to be around. 'Overweight with bad dress sense' can be easily overcome by 'nice eyes and makes me laugh'.

In summation - I don't think it's fair to complain about a woman not going out with someone who has approached her on the street because she doesn't find him physically attractive, because that is all he has given her to go on.

What a load of 'oul bollox....

Why do some women feel the need to act in this self-righteous "would someone please think of the children" sh!te we hear plastered around. Thank Christ this draconian attitude is dying out quick and fast. I can't wait for the inevitable day when women are fully sexually liberated and don't need to make excuses for the fact that they're human....

Listen here, sweetheart.....it's not complicated.

Just because a man finds a woman sexually attractive and wants to f*ck her brains out does not automatically mean he is Satan re-incarnated and it most certainly does NOT mean he doesn't give a damn about anything else about you. He is a human being! The fact that he thinks the way you only fold your socks on a Monday afternoon is cute, or the way you have you a passion for French film...that stuff comes later!

You, like every other living creature on planet Earth...are here to F...U....C...K, like it or not. There's nothing more to it. It really is as simple as that. You're an animal. There is nothing to be embarrassed about or all high and mighty about making it sooo bloody complicated. Sick of women feeling the need to make excuses for wanting to have S.E.X. The most natural thing in the world so why should guys be demonised for finding you sexually attractive?!

ragnarl · 06-08-2014 4:01am

kylith wrote: »

And what about the inherent Looks-ism, or whatever you'd call it, in asking out a woman on the street? Why has that particular woman been chosen to be approached? It can only be because the man finds her attractive as I very much doubt that he can tell from the way she carries her handbag that she has a love of French film and a wicked sense of humour, so it must necessarily be because he finds her attractive. If a man can make a snap decision to approach a woman because of her looks then I see nothing wrong with the woman making a similar snap decision based on the man's looks, as that is all that she knows about him. Or are these men giving out short resumés?

This has been covered numerous times in the thread. Yes men judge women on looks. This has never been denied and never will be. This is unrelated to the question at hand, which is about women are their preferences.

kylith wrote: »

When getting chatted up in the 'normal' way looks are much less important.

electro bitch would disagree with this and has said she wouldn't touch this guy regardless of his personality.

electro bitch is actually kind of cute and attractive so I will take her opinion. She has flat out said she would not touch this guy above or others like him.

I have no doubt that a guy as ugly as this can get a girl but the girl he can get is not going to be on electro bitches level, she will typically be old and not attractive herself. burns victims can also get girls that aren't attractive. the electro bitch lookers do not date these guys or the elephant man. Simple as that. Ergo, looks are crucial in order for your personality to be given a chance. If your looks repulse the girl, she will not overlook them for a stellar personality. SOME women will, but they will not be very attractive women. The really attractive women that do overlook this are really great girls and diamonds in the rough because they genuinely see through the elephant mans looks for his personality. Lots of women would love to think they are like this but in reality they are not.

This is my belief. The really hot girls who would go out with an elephant man are extremely rare.

kylith wrote: »

I have met men who are friends of friends who I would not usually have found attractive but who I have been mad about by the end of the night because they're fun, gregarious, and enjoyable to be around. 'Overweight with bad dress sense' can be easily overcome by 'nice eyes and makes me laugh'.

If a guy totally repulses you with his looks and you overlook that and still go out with him then I really do salute you but im afraid that is quite rare indeed and you are probably not being fully truthful to yourself in any case but if you are, I applaud you.

kylith wrote: »

In summation - I don't think it's fair to complain about a woman not going out with someone who has approached her on the street because she doesn't find him physically attractive, because that is all he has given her to go on.

I think the only guys who were castigating women for doing that were a bit naive.

ragnarl · 06-08-2014 4:13am

kylith wrote: »

Yes. He could. There was a guy in college with me who had horrific burns* over his chest and head and he didn't seem to have a problem getting any girlfriends - because he was a great guy with a good personality.

*Not 'a bit of scarring' either, they were the type of burns that makes you wonder how he survived what happened to him.

For every guy with horrific burns that make him repulsive looking who gets a girlfriend, there are probably 1000 other guys like him that can't get a girlfriend.

For every elephant man that gets a girlfriend, there are probably a thousand other elephant men that can't get a girlfriend.

and so on.

An exception proves a rule. And it is an exception because you don't see it very often. Unfortunately i have a couple of friends with severe facial burns who are very nice guys but have done through hell with women, basically unable to attract the women they want. These guy are great guys with great personalities. And I think it's tragic that someone like you would probably tell these guys to work on their personalities more, as if something is wrong with them. There is absolutely nothing wrong with their personalities, it's just their face that repulses women and they have written him off as a sexual option.

I must say that I have absolutely no problem with women having preferences for guys they find attractive and preferring to date those guys. It's completely natural and driven by evolution. I'd say doing the opposite is actually a bit weird. I just wish girls would be more honest about it, rather than saying laughable things like they would date guys with massive facial burns who look like this.

Its quite ridiculous really.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 06-08-2014 4:19am

First of all, without having ever laid eyes on you and regardless of what you look like, the fact that you find me "kind of cute and attractive" makes me feel icky because of the type of stuff you've been coming out with here. Second of all you're conveniently ignoring the fact that I said the second guy you posted was cute. There's probably many girls "on my level" (there aren't enough rolleyes in the world to convey my feelings about that but have five :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:) that would find that guy attractive, I wouldn't fúck a guy old enough to be my father, plenty girls find that a big turn on.

And I did NOT say "I wouldn't touch that guy regardless of his personality". If you gave me a photo-album of everyone I'm ever going to find attractive or fall in love with over the course of my life, there'd probably be loads of photos that would have me going "what?". Even looking back on people I've really fancied in the past, a lot of the time I can't imagine what had me so hot and bothered. You just cannot predict it.

DO NOT PUT MORE WORDS IN MY MOUTH.

You seem to have the whole thing figured out and to know what women really mean better than we do, I honestly don't know why you're bothering asking our opinions if you're just going to keep repeating the opinion you came here with again and again.

ivytwine · 06-08-2014 4:46am

I'd rather date a guy with facial scars who was a decent person than someone who insisted he knew what women wanted, all women, regardless of what actual real live women tell him.

06-08-2014 8:28am

Ragnarl permabanned

4Dlolz threadbanned

DIRTY69 · 06-08-2014 9:20am

DIRTY69 wrote: »

This forum keeps turning into a heady debate on what women find attractive, in a desperate attempt to figure that out so that we ourselves can be attractive and chosen by women.

here are a few things women are attracted to

- men of high character
- people who give a lot of social value and good emotions
- people who can simply be themselves without having an agenda
- honesty
- integrity - taking action for what you want in life

Source: I'm going on dates with the kinds of girls that the guys here trying to figure out what girls are attracted to couldn't get... because they are in their heads trying to figure it out instead of simply asking them!

....and most girls don't even know logically what their attracted to ...because they are attracted to good emotions, they are emotional and intuitive thinkers, whereas men are logical and intellectual thinkers... which is a gross generalisation but works as a very general rule

This thread was originally about approaching girls on the street and social perception of it... not an excuse for needy and/or desperate men to chastise women for judging men on looks similarly as we judge women.

We all judge on looks, we also judge on personality. Realise that fact, a very human fact and please get over it. Both the world, and your dating life will thank you for it!!

DeltaWhite · 06-08-2014 9:29am

Not necessarily on the street but, I was in work one day and a guy came in to deliver something, he was hanging over the counter flirting even though I had a face like a brick wall (NOT interested). Asked for my number and I declined. Happened to have his name on the delivery docket so I (was on facebook at the time) checked for him on facebook and BAM - there he was, wife and 3 kids. Absolute CREEP.

Another dude came into my job to ask for directions and I just gave the directions as normal. Hour later a huge bouquet of flowers arrive in, with my name on it. In shock because at the time I didnt have a BF so I couldnt understand where they came from, so I read the card and it was from yer man who was looking for directions, he left his number on the card. All the girls in the office were egging me on to text him to say thanks. Biggest mistake ever. He was a right nutjob. I thanked him but said look I'm very flattered but not interested in dating/seeing anyone at the min. Let him down gently but still being gracious for the gift.

He would not leave me alone after that. Vouchers arrived in the job for a full spa day in a hotel 2 TICKETS - me and him??? NOPE. Cards, teddys, chocs, so many missed calls he left me and texts that were real pushy etc.. it got way too much and I really really was not interested. I felt like a bitch but I didnt want any of this attention and certainly didnt ask for it either. So again, I had to send him a text and let him down a bit more firmly this time! Still feel mean about it and that was 7 years ago

chellyry · 06-08-2014 10:04am

Are some of you guys seriously posting pictures of real people on this basically showing them to be the ugliest people you could find in a google search. I would prefer to go out with them than someone that posts pictures of a random person calling them ugly. How will they feel if they ever come across this thread?! Why not post a pic of yourselves and we'll judge your looks to see if they're as bad as your attitude?

Looks do attract yes. But personality alters what you find attractive too. Guys that I initially found good looking but turned out to be dicks, I found not to be that good looking anymore. And similarly, guys I was just friends with and didn't consider good looking in the slightest became more and more atrractive to me as I got to know them better. And this in turn becomes sexual attraction.

kylith · 06-08-2014 11:03am

chellyry wrote: »

Are some of you guys seriously posting pictures of real people on this basically showing them to be the ugliest people you could find in a google search. I would prefer to go out with them than someone that posts pictures of a random person calling them ugly. How will they feel if they ever come across this thread?! Why not post a pic of yourselves and we'll judge your looks to see if they're as bad as your attitude?

Looks do attract yes. But personality alters what you find attractive too. Guys that I initially found good looking but turned out to be dicks, I found not to be that good looking anymore. And similarly, guys I was just friends with and didn't consider good looking in the slightest became more and more atrractive to me as I got to know them better. And this in turn becomes sexual attraction.

No, that was one person, who has now been banned, who was posting pictures of people he reckoned women would reject out of hand for being 'repulsive'.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 06-08-2014 6:35pm

That second picture was actually lifted from somebody's youtube/google+ account, I won't put the name in case the poor man googles himself and this thread comes up but it's a guy who's a) Canadian and b) from what I could see seems very nice so I think it's safe to say it wasn't ragnarl. Horrible thing to do.

DIRTY69 · 07-08-2014 1:48pm

chellyry wrote: »

Why not post a pic of yourselves and we'll judge your looks to see if they're as bad as your attitude?

Looks do attract yes. But personality alters what you find attractive too.

Your sharp as a tack, I love it!!

HAHAHA

Guys get into a debate and chastise women because their terrifically insecure...

Ironically being terrifically insecure is likely more unattractive than being conventionally "ugly" ..whatever that means exactly!!

And guys go all macho mysogenist and boss everyone around as if they have any power, when they don't even have power over themselves! Not to mention judging women who have a good time with B words, S words and C words.

How are you going to expect women to be attracted to you when you can't even accept yourself enough to be yourself.... thats the "creepy" guy... in a nutshell!!

Zambia · 07-08-2014 5:07pm

DeltaWhite wrote: »

Not necessarily on the street but, I was in work one day and a guy came in to deliver something, he was hanging over the counter flirting even though I had a face like a brick wall (NOT interested). Asked for my number and I declined. Happened to have his name on the delivery docket so I (was on facebook at the time) checked for him on facebook and BAM - there he was, wife and 3 kids. Absolute CREEP.

Another dude came into my job to ask for directions and I just gave the directions as normal. Hour later a huge bouquet of flowers arrive in, with my name on it. In shock because at the time I didnt have a BF so I couldnt understand where they came from, so I read the card and it was from yer man who was looking for directions, he left his number on the card. All the girls in the office were egging me on to text him to say thanks. Biggest mistake ever. He was a right nutjob. I thanked him but said look I'm very flattered but not interested in dating/seeing anyone at the min. Let him down gently but still being gracious for the gift.

He would not leave me alone after that. Vouchers arrived in the job for a full spa day in a hotel 2 TICKETS - me and him??? NOPE. Cards, teddys, chocs, so many missed calls he left me and texts that were real pushy etc.. it got way too much and I really really was not interested. I felt like a bitch but I didnt want any of this attention and certainly didnt ask for it either. So again, I had to send him a text and let him down a bit more firmly this time! Still feel mean about it and that was 7 years ago

I love this thread for stories like these.

Stalking : When two people go for a romantic walk and only one of them knows about it.

07-08-2014 8:02pm

dar100 wrote: »

Is this fecking thread still going

Good heavens, it actually is !

I remember working for a short time, where Boards.ie is hosted .

Sometimes I was tempted to pull the plug ! haha

Ah no, but it would have been nice to have been aboe to delete some useless threads that go on and on and on.

dellboy2 · 29-09-2014 12:48pm

Just as a matter of interest a lot of replies seem to be about if a guy/girl is hot and this would be acceptable to stop and chat or listen to him/her, how about if a guy just selected a girls name on here for instance and just wanted to chat, is that any different apart from the very obvious, but still in all its just a chat and maybe their personalities might be very similar and they may become friends and who knows what else would happen? because on here looks wont play any part in a conversation and you may get to know somebody and there interests. Just saying.

Esel · 29-09-2014 8:34pm

dellboy2 wrote: »

... how about if a guy just selected a girls name on here for instance and just wanted to chat,...

Pretty sure that is against the rules and could get you banned.

Has a guy ever approached you on the street?

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