The "wrong hole" girl... and other rumours which turned out to be false

GirlInterrupted · 01-06-2008 4:38pm

JangoFett wrote: »

I was told once in a nightclub in Portlaoise, one I worked in, that a girl had to be escorted out by an ambulance because she was in the toilet with a bottle of beer and lets just say the bottle gut stuck and an ambulance had to be called

I had all manner of rumours spread about me, most of them was that I was gay, even though I had girlfriends. The one rumour everyone thought would "geh thah fuggen QUEER KILT" was that I was a gay drug dealer...idiots

Funny story about myself, was goin down on a ex of mine and I got a funny taste in my mouth, the taste of blood, I started freakin out that she was on her period and she didn't tell me...turns out it was a nose bleed, she laughed at me for about an hour!

Now, of ALL times to get a nosebleed, and I'm a big nerd as well...it was the most loser-esque thing to happen to me...my friends think its the funniest thing ever

You know you don't actually have to tell your friends everything, don't you??

Borneo Fnctn · 01-06-2008 4:43pm

There was a rumor going around my school about the janitor. Here's how the story went.

Mr Fulton was in the student's toilet when the principle came in to check the place out. The principle knocked on the door of the cubicle when he smelled the reefer. Fulto opened the door and was holding a spliff and a can of Royal Dutch. He dropped his beer and his joint and headbutted the principle. The principle went to call the guards.
[TRUE]In the meantime, Fulto walked straight into my classroom and without a word he unlugged the VCR and walked out with it. We never saw him again.[TRUE]

The bit about the beer/hash/headbutt is all untrue but we let our imaginations run wild. We just convinced ourselves it was true.

juuge · 01-06-2008 4:49pm

phantom_lord wrote: »

a boarding school i suspect.

Definitely the christian brothers !

kmart6 · 01-06-2008 4:57pm

BJC wrote: »

A mate of mine came home from a surfing trip across the west coast and told me a diddy he heard along the way....

So one of the nights he was out in the local and he started chatting to a bloke at the bar and the bloke told him of the last time he was in this town a few years ago that he scored a strip of acid with his mates. So he and his mates, off their heads on acid went for a wander around the small town and ended up in every establishment they could find...pubs...restaurants...clubs, the works. the next morning one of his mates runs into the bloke my mate was chatting to and says,
"F8ck! Did you remember all that sh*t we did last night!?" And the bloke says,
"Well, not really actually it's all a bit of a blur"
"Well do you remember the leprachaun?"
"Eeehh....Yeah..actually I do.."
"And we locked him under the stairs when we came home, remember!?"
"Yeah, yeah I do!"
So they slowly and cautiously approached the small triangular door with the little latch on it. The main fella reaches out and unhooks the latch...they opened the door...and there was a little kid with down syndrome sitting there!

Believed it until I heard it two weeks later froma different bloke.

And I think that's been posted here already!

JangoFett · 01-06-2008 5:41pm

GirlInterrupted wrote: »

You know you don't actually have to tell your friends everything, don't you??

OF COURSE I DO!!

Thats hilarious!!! How could I NOT tell them that story?!

shockwave · 01-06-2008 5:55pm

There was a rumour goin around our school years ago.

Apparently one of the lads called round to another lads house, knocked on the front door and got no answer.So he went round the back and just happened to look in the sittingroom window and saw yer man stark naked on the floor in front of the fire shining a flashlight on his bollox.

For the rest of the year every where he went people would shout "TAN YER BALLS!

Zzippy · 01-06-2008 6:30pm

The Al Lad wrote: »

I knew 2 girls who went on holidays in spain, when they came back to their apartment they had been broken into, but nothing taken

so anyway this was on the second day of holiday, so they continued on for the 2 weeks having a ball, and when they returned home they dropped their disposable camea's into the local shop to be developed,

when they collected the photo's the shop owner was in bits laughing and embarassingily handed them over, so the girls rush out of the shop and look at the pictures, which contains photo's of the two guys who broke into the apartment and had took pictures of themselves with the girls toothbrushes up there arses and rubbing them on their mickies and balls

Dirty...

Now when ever we see them around the estate we make the brushing your teeth sign at them...

Think I first heard this one about 15 years ago, and it was an English couple on holidays...

Cato · 01-06-2008 6:32pm

Kold wrote: »

There was one doing the rounds about a year ago in Cork. A few lads apparently got a few mushies and after eating 'em they didn't get much of a trip off 'em so went to bed. They got up to find that one of the lads had been tripping balls. He said that he'd had a crazy night and had found some goblin. Him and the goblin supposedly stayed up for ages dancing then he claimed that the goblin started getting aggresive so he'd locked him in the cupboard. Supposedly then they found a kid with down syndrome in the cupboard that he'd kidnapped from an all night Tesco.

I wasn't convinced but it was weird that new people kept on saying it and swearing it was true.

haaha i heard that one to! but that was in galway!

Cato · 01-06-2008 6:38pm

joker77 wrote: »

First one - the old dog food one - a girl in our area got this spread about her - her family arrived home to see the dog licking her after she'd spread a can of dogfood 'down there'.

Second one - I remember working with a straight up guy years ago who said this happened to his mate. Complete urban myth if you ask me.
The guy meets this cracking looking girl in a club, they go back to hers, one thing leads to another etc. He's on top, working away, she's getting really into it and he can't believe his luck. She takes out some little beads, and starts playing with them in the general area down there, then proceeds to put one up his ar5e. He's thinking it's a tad weird, but still kind of a little shocked that he pulled such a good looking girl, so he keeps going. She keeps putting the beads up there, but says to him "Tell me when you're about to cum". So just before the moment arrives he shouts "I'm coming!!!". She then pulls out the beads, and he sh1ts himself all over the bed and her. Mortified, he goes running off to find a towel or something to clean up the dirty mess with. He arrives back in the room to find her rubbing it all over herself and getting off on it.

haha heard that one but it was actually toilet paper used!:D

das_uber_thingy · 01-06-2008 9:29pm

adam.number2 wrote: »

I wasnt.

There was a rumor in our school that particularly large gent, had ripped his hole when taking a dump and had to get stiches....

This actaully happened me...Anal Fissure...look it up!

thefinalstage · 01-06-2008 9:39pm

das_uber_thingy wrote: »

This actaully happened me...Anal Fissure...look it up!

Wow! This thread drew out a lurker and stole his posting virginity like Mrs. Robinson. An old one too.

Green Hornet · 01-06-2008 9:44pm

Sanjuro wrote: »

Heard a rumour about a guy (friend of a friend, etc... :rolleyes:) who was playing about in the muck with his girlfriend. She had neglected to have a dump and clean the pipes out before hand. He got a piece of undigested sweetcorn stuck up his urethra and when he went for a pee, his penis exploded.

:D:D

Cato · 01-06-2008 9:58pm

heard about a guy cheating on his wife was doing the business in the car with her and he couldent hold it in so he shat all over the car got it cleaned anyway, but one hot day the wife was driving the car and turned on the air circulator things and could figure out why there was a such a bad smell coming from them

Green Hornet · 01-06-2008 10:26pm

A friend of mine knew somebody who supplied his girlfriend with a pack of sweetcorn and a lunchbox.........you know where this is going......

Next day the guy would call back to the girlfriend and take the lunchbox and its contents (sh!t). The guy then proceeded to pick out the individual sweetcorn from the lunchbox and eat the sweetcorn one by one.

Yummy..........

He tried to convince me that was true. I dont believe it but there are a lot of strange people out there...........

eVeNtInE · 01-06-2008 10:37pm

This post has been deleted.

who's yer one? · 01-06-2008 10:41pm

i've read so many of these stories on snopes.com

good ol internet- s'like one big worldwide game of chinese whispers :pac:

Arty Darcie · 02-06-2008 1:24am

Heard this one too but it was peanut butter, it was about this guy wayne.Everyone called him doggy style for years after that

The Al Lad · 02-06-2008 1:32am

Another one,

My brothers mate crashed his moped into a lampost and completely shattered his leg and also one of his testicles into 8 pieces, poor guy got the name "8 Ball" since then

GerM · 02-06-2008 10:50am

Hmmm, a true one: one of my mates stayed at his new girlfriends for the first time. They had been out for a good while and were plastered. They fall asleep and he wakes up after about an hour not knowing what he's doing. He stands up, turns around and proceeds to piss all over the bed and her. She wakes up roaring. He collapses back onto the bed happy to have emptied the tank. They're engaged now. Deep down, I think she liked it.

Board-in-work · 02-06-2008 12:29pm

I remember hearing the story of the guy who was having a **** on his bed, wearing headphones - who finished up, opened his eyes to see a nice cup of tes on his bedside cabinet....never believed it...but was too scared to **** with headphones on after that.......

GerM · 02-06-2008 12:43pm

There was the guy in school who was caught riding the hoover with his mate. That one followed him around for a while then he left the school which just reinforced the rumour. Followed him around for quite a while and spread around the new school too I believe.

Then a mate went back to a girls place and was getting a bj the next morning. She had brought a cup of tea up to the room and placed it on the windowsill next to the bed. When he was at Sydney Parade he looked about for somewhere to deposit his man juice. Seeing the cup he grabbed it and held up to his dong. Not realising the cup was a) full or b) hot he accidentally dipped his tip into the cup burning himself. Such was his surprise that he dropped the cup all over the poor girl giving her quite the surprise and roasting. Suffice to say that he got out of there quick enough. Not an urban myth but always gave me a laugh.

eldeabroad · 02-06-2008 1:01pm

funny one from the town where Im living, about a girl who was regularly getting "it" from their dog... until one day he got stuck snd they had to call an ambulance.. dunno if its true or not but gave me quite a giggle when I heard it

celticwe · 02-06-2008 2:30pm

Board-in-work wrote: »

I remember hearing the story of the guy who was having a **** on his bed, wearing headphones - who finished up, opened his eyes to see a nice cup of tes on his bedside cabinet....never believed it...but was too scared to **** with headphones on after that.......

Complete copy of a ricky gervais stand up piece

AckwelFoley · 02-06-2008 2:34pm

we knew a guy in school that was caught getting a blow job off a suck calf....

suck suck suck suck...

c - 13 · 02-06-2008 2:35pm

snyper wrote: »

we knew a guy in school that was caught getting a blow job off a suck calf....

suck suck suck suck...

You too ? Small world

Kold · 02-06-2008 2:58pm

celticwe wrote: »

Complete copy of a ricky gervais stand up piece

It was in FHM's true stories years before Ricky was on the 11 o'clock show.

Cato · 02-06-2008 3:26pm

guy was lying in his bed with a girl he had just met that night it was early hours of the mourning and he was still asleep but the little man was up right and early, woman wide awake spots this and decides she is gonna give him a nice wake up surprise, she then jumps on top of him to over jealousy and ends up tearing his foreskin, had to go to the hospital then after that!:D

heard that from a friend about a friend of a freind so not sure if its true, it does give me nightmares though and try to sleep on my side from now on after hearing that!

AckwelFoley · 02-06-2008 3:30pm

Cato wrote: »

guy was lying in his bed with a girl he had just met that night it was early hours of the mourning and he was still asleep but the little man was up right and early, woman wide awake spots this and decides she is gonna give him a nice wake up surprise, she then jumps on top of him to over jealousy and ends up tearing his foreskin, had to go to the hospital then after that!:D

heard that from a friend about a friend of a freind so not sure if its true, it does give me nightmares though and try to sleep on my side from now on after hearing that!

Ithink you mean "zealously"

Cato · 02-06-2008 3:36pm

cool a human spell checker!

Caoimhín · 02-06-2008 3:53pm

snyper wrote: »

we knew a guy in school that was caught getting a blow job off a suck calf....

suck suck suck suck...

Jayeus, cows have teeth don't they, i wouldn't risk that. Unless i pulled its teeth out first. I know there was a farmer in Monaghan who was caught by the vet having a lash at a cow. The cow was being milked and himself stood up on a bucket and proceeded to bang away.
This is TRUE, it was in the paper when he was prosecuted.

or

It could have been a wet dream, i donno, im a bit drunk.

AckwelFoley · 02-06-2008 4:03pm

caoibhin wrote: »

Jayeus, cows have teeth don't they, i wouldn't risk that. Unless i pulled its teeth out first. I know there was a farmer in Monaghan who was caught by the vet having a lash at a cow. The cow was being milked and himself stood up on a bucket and proceeded to bang away.
This is TRUE, it was in the paper when he was prosecuted.

or

It could have been a wet dream, i donno, im a bit drunk.

Cattle only have teeth on the bottom jaw at the front. Young calves are more gummy than that again..

Hmmm..

Caoimhín · 02-06-2008 4:06pm

snyper wrote: »

Cattle only have teeth on the bottom jaw at the front. Young calves are more gummy than that again..

Hmmm..

Do you have a farm in Monaghan Snyper?

sunnyse · 02-06-2008 4:08pm

I heard one from my brother when he lived in London during the late 80s. A mate of his picked up an Australian barmaid, brought her back to his place. He had only just started kissing her when she said "I'm on the rag at the moment but I wouldn't mind one up the ****ter"
Needless to say he gave her one;)

sunnyse · 02-06-2008 4:10pm

caoibhin wrote: »

im a bit drunk.

It's only 3.53 you lucky sod:D

AckwelFoley · 02-06-2008 4:12pm

sunnyse wrote: »

I heard one from my brother when he lived in London during the late 80s. A mate of his picked up an Australian barmaid, brought her back to his place. He had only just started kissing her when she said "I'm on the rag at the moment but I wouldn't mind one up the ****ter"
Needless to say he gave her one;)

Brown boreen FTL

Caoimhín · 02-06-2008 4:15pm

sunnyse wrote: »

I heard one from my brother when he lived in London during the late 80s. A mate of his picked up an Australian barmaid, brought her back to his place. He had only just started kissing her when she said "I'm on the rag at the moment but I wouldn't mind one up the ****ter"
Needless to say he gave her one;)

He ignored the easy pink for the slightly more difficult brown.

As the snooker man would say.

AckwelFoley · 02-06-2008 4:25pm

caoibhin wrote: »

He ignored the easy pink for the slightly more difficult brown.

As the snooker man would say.

... and you need to re chaulk yer cue after the brown

Adam · 02-06-2008 4:44pm

snyper wrote: »

... and you need to re chaulk yer cue after the brown

Polishing your balls is also advisable!

thefinalstage · 02-06-2008 6:22pm

eldeabroad wrote: »

funny one from the town where Im living, about a girl who was regularly getting "it" from their dog... until one day he got stuck snd they had to call an ambulance.. dunno if its true or not but gave me quite a giggle when I heard it

Thats quite possible true depending on the size of the dog.

Lazare · 02-06-2008 6:32pm

Gillo wrote: »

There was a guy who was in the year behind me at school who appearently only had one ball.

Did he check the lost and round?

zuchum · 02-06-2008 7:15pm

Cato wrote: »

cool a human spell checker!

As far as I know,this story is true. But it may
have been exaggerated. My mates on a night out with his work people,in some ****ty club when one of his mates starts copping off with thisbird. After a while they go outside to a lane and he starts riding her with no johnny on. Then when he's about to come he goes,k,sh*t,i'm gonna come,but she holds him close and whispers in his ear "No,I want a baby..."

So he headbutts her,and legs it.

Cato · 02-06-2008 7:17pm

zuchum wrote: »

So he headbutts her,and legs it.

lol mental image!!!

smellslikeshoes · 02-06-2008 7:20pm

Board-in-work wrote: »

I remember hearing the story of the guy who was having a **** on his bed, wearing headphones - who finished up, opened his eyes to see a nice cup of tes on his bedside cabinet....never believed it...but was too scared to **** with headphones on after that.......

That was actually a story told on a Graham Norton show a few years back. The mother of the lad was the one telling the story. Must have been 3 or 4 years back at this stage quite surprised I remember it.

tribulus · 02-06-2008 7:38pm

smellslikeshoes wrote: »

That was actually a story told on a Graham Norton show a few years back. The mother of the lad was the one telling the story. Must have been 3 or 4 years back at this stage quite surprised I remember it.

That was also the one where the guy talked about his **** station, very funny episode.

lost marbles · 02-06-2008 7:40pm

caoibhin wrote: »

Jayeus, cows have teeth don't they, i wouldn't risk that. Unless i pulled its teeth out first. I know there was a farmer in Monaghan who was caught by the vet having a lash at a cow. The cow was being milked and himself stood up on a bucket and proceeded to bang away.
This is TRUE, it was in the paper when he was prosecuted.

or

It could have been a wet dream, i donno, im a bit drunk.

i heard the same one about a farmer and a pig he was doing the pig but it was,nt the vet that caught him

the pig squeeled on him

kmart6 · 02-06-2008 8:20pm

Ba-dum-dum-tish!:rolleyes:

Doctor DooM · 02-06-2008 8:39pm

onesocks wrote: »

How about the one where a woman from Cork/Kilkenny/Galway had a pet python and let it sleep with her in the bed, over time it started to sleep lying in a straight line beside her, and a vet told her it was sizing her up to eat so she had to get rid of it.

Anyone?

Heard this at least three times now from different people. That snake gets around

AckwelFoley · 02-06-2008 8:44pm

SDooM wrote: »

Heard this at least three times now from different people. That snake gets around

my snake does the very same thing with women

Cato · 02-06-2008 9:10pm

tribulus wrote: »

That was also the one where the guy talked about his **** station, very funny episode.

snyper wrote: »

my snake does the very same thing with women

best thread ever!

kwestfan08 · 02-06-2008 9:24pm

zuchum wrote: »

As far as I know,this story is true. But it may
have been exaggerated. My mates on a night out with his work people,in some ****ty club when one of his mates starts copping off with thisbird. After a while they go outside to a lane and he starts riding her with no johnny on. Then when he's about to come he goes,k,sh*t,i'm gonna come,but she holds him close and whispers in his ear "No,I want a baby..."

So he headbutts her,and legs it.

LOL!!!. The funniest one I've read on here:D. BTW the funniest thread ever.

The "wrong hole" girl... and other rumours which turned out to be false

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